Marrage money?

[Tony_onrock]

jiangxi is a bit ...

my last gf was from Jiangxi and she always wants money from me...

[Guest apophis]

I married in a small city about 1-1/2 hrs from GUZ. We paid about 22,000+RMB for approximately 30 tables (10 person per table) for our banquet. I chose a restuarant that isn't the best in town, but probably the second or third best. This is for the banquet ONLY and excludes everything else such as alchohol etc. This is around 700RMB per table for a 12 course meal including a whole BBQ pig per table! You can get some pretty cheap ones for about 200RMB - 300RMB per table on average for a small city. In Villages, it is only about 100+RMB for 12 courses in a cheap restuarant. So it depends on where you are, but average from what I know is about 200-300RMB per table unless you're in expensive cities like Shenzhen, Shanghai, etc.. Average is good enough. I only reason I paid that much for the banquet is because that is also the home city of my family. I have lots of relatives there, even though I don't know them. My parents want to look good if not great in front of all our relatives. BTW, you only need to paid a small down payment for the banquet, then paid the rest after the party!

 

My parents paid the dowry for me at $2009USD. They insisted on paying it as if its in their custom or something, but of course I didn't refuse their offer .I have asked around about what the average price a foreigner gives as dowry in that city. I specificly asked about U.S. spouses. I was given numbers in the range of 5000RMB to about 10,000RMB. So I think we way overpaid for that city!

 

My spouse nor in-laws have ever asked once for money. Everything has always been slowly initiated on my own. We weren't going to have a wedding, but I did it as a respect to her family. This brings up a case with my friend who completed a K-1. The Fiance's parents demanded a large dowry after K-1 was approved. The parents actually personally demanded the price. So my friend refused and the fiance did not come to the States. The fiance refuse to come until my friend pays the dowry ... smells fishy... Just my two cents...

[Bessie]

Hi Ben,

 

I used to live in Northen-China. As far as I know, I'd like to give you some information as per your question here.

 

In China, giving money or possessions to the parents of brides as "bride price" varies from areas as well as time. It used widely to be a custom in the old time of China, but not current time.

 

In Northen-China, grooms need not give anything to brides' parents as "bride price". If grooms are very rich and willing to give something on their own intiative, sometimes it will be accepted and finally the money will be given to brides as dowry, but sometimes it will be refused as some brides' parents feel it sort of insulting.

 

Both grooms side and brides side will hold wedding banquets separately. Brides side pay their own banquests. They serve their close relatives and friends on the banquests. And currently it is customary for these attendants to offer a mount of money to the hosts, varying from RMB100 to RMB1000. Normally the hosts will receive lots of money from their guests, sometimes it is even double times to the barget, but at least it will balance the barget.

Edited January 23, 2006 by Bessie (see edit history)

[pkfops]

I paid my mother in law $999 and my sisters in law half that.

 

Don't worry about the $$$$, you will have a great time.

[msmckee]

You are correct that a wedding dinner can cost as little as $300 for 55 people. For $3000 you should be getting the Shangri-La.

185139[/snapback]

Shangri-La Beihai wanted 10,000 RMB for a reception of about 25 people and it had a fixed time span. You have to leave at 5:00! We had the reception for 80+ at LP's house for the same amount and the neighbors and relatives got to party into the night I also presented father with a 10,000 RMB gift and he reciprocated with gold rings for the both of us. Also add in cigarettes and sweets and fireworks, etc., and I easily spent close to $3000. Oh, and the party guests did make monetary gifts (all duly recorded in a little red book). Mom and Dad kept that and it was alright with me. In the end everyone was happy, and that was what was important. I will admit to experiencing some anxiety over the money at first, but WTH, my first wife cost me substantially more

[Mylife]

Dannie is absolutely correct.

 

There are HUGE cultural differences regarding the issue of dowry between the north and the south (particularly Guangdong province). The dowry is used to pay for the wedding and 95% of the time, the money will be RETURNED with the bride/fiancee for her to take back to her new "family."

 

Also it is important to note how elaborate the wedding party will be. I spent over $12,000 on my engagement ceremony in Beijing. Granted this was at the Pennisula Hotel, Included 2 lion dances, 20 dancers/band for parade, photographer, videographer, make-up artists, hair stylists, and sumptious food that included abalone and shark fin. But hey, its what my gal wanted, and I didn't want her parents to lose "face."

 

The "gifts" from the local wedding guests didn't come close to how much I paid, and I insisted that my fiancee's family keep the wedding gifts. Oh, and I also paid for an engagement ring for my fiancee in the 5 figure mark.

 

I did this because I respected the wishes of my new family. It is also a showing of trust. Remember guys, that in many cases, the only son/daughter is going so far away to marry someone. They are giving up their life etc. In a way maybe its a test, to see how you will "treat their daughter in the future." IE are you generous, will you take care of her.

 

But my showing of faith, inspires the same faith toward me. As an engagement present, my father-in-law gave me a deed to our new "winter home" in Zhuhai. The deed was in both my name and my wife's name. Talk about shocked! Ok, I spent a little money on my wife, thats my job. In return, I received a free standing villa on the beach worth over $150,000. My future in laws are not poor. They just want the best for their daughter as do I.

 

Remember, in many cases, this all boils down to trust.

[Yuanyang]

I married into a northern Chinese family of professionals and I married a divorced woman with a child, so perhaps those factors make my experieces different.

 

We did not have a wedding ceremony, just the civil registration.

 

We always have more than one family feasts whenever I'm there. Money has never come up unless I'm trying to pay for something. Then the answer is always "You don't pay for anything when you come to China." Nevertheless, I always leave money with my wife that more than covers the hotel, family meals, etc... because that's what I want to do.

[Joanne]

I did this because I respected the wishes of my new family.  It is also a showing of trust.  Remember guys, that in many cases, the only son/daughter is going so far away to marry someone.  They are giving up their life etc.  In a way maybe its a test, to see how you will "treat their daughter in the future."  IE are you generous, will you take care of her.

 

But my showing of faith, inspires the same faith toward me.  As an engagement present, my father-in-law gave me a deed to our new "winter home" in Zhuhai.  The deed was in both my name and my wife's name.  Talk about shocked!  Ok, I spent a little money on my wife, thats my job.  In return, I received a free standing villa on the beach worth over $150,000.  My future in laws are not poor.  They just want the best for their daughter as do I.

 

Remember, in many cases, this all boils down to trust.

185373[/snapback]

I basically agrees with Mylife.

[mercator]

I paid my mother in law 6633RMB (about $830). Some relatives refused to come to the banquet, because I was unworthy and insulted her.

 

Like I said before about 1250RMB for the banquest (for about 40) in a smaller town in GD at a 5 star hotel, probably about 1000RMB in red envelopes for those 40 people, and maybe 3000RMB for her ring and 1100 RMB for mine. With hotels trains, buses, food, and taxis, my 11 day trip was about $3700 with airfare. The trip was very busy, travelling between towns for paperwork, with only a little touring. It really was like 'daily life' in China. Dealing with the government and its 'issues,' casual dining, home cooking, lots of time with family, mosquitoes, the pig house next door, and no A/C. A couple days in hotels, but the rest in the family home.

 

My next trip in March, I will spend probably about $3000 because it's her birthday and she wants to go to Beijing for a few days as a honeymoon/vacation. The rest of the time, I kind of hope we just spend time together relaxing and maybe seeing family a bit, though the third trip will be the main one for family, since she'll be coming home with me

[Thomas Promise]

There was a Poll started by Dennis 143 on September 24/05 and its topic was about the cost to bring your SO here to the USA. 32 members voted and the average mean is around $13,000. I am figuring over $11,000 to bring my SO here after all is said and done with. It is not cheap but anything worth doing is not cheap. I hope this will help you.

 

 

around $5000 [ 5 ] [15.63%]

about $10000 [ 11 ] [34.38%]

close to $15000 [ 8 ] [25.00%]

more than $15000 (after all my trips to China) [ 8 ] [25.00%

 

Good Luck

[jbray]

Like the others said, find out where the money is going... Here was the financial breakdown of our wedding... The dinner was about $700 (it was a simple meal of hot-pot for 85 people). Then about $80 for decorations and candy. $300 for pictures and dress (but that can easily be as much as $1000). Her dress was about $40. My suit was $30. And I had to pay her mother 1100 RMB. So, total that was around $1300. We tried to do it as cheap as possible.

 

So, depending on what they are spending the money on, $3000 isn't too much (in my opinion).

[skibum]

Another good reason for getting married here.

[Guest pushbrk]

Like the others said, find out where the money is going... Here was the financial breakdown of our wedding... The dinner was about $700 (it was a simple meal of hot-pot for 85 people). Then about $80 for decorations and candy. $300 for pictures and dress (but that can easily be as much as $1000). Her dress was about $40. My suit was $30. And I had to pay her mother 1100 RMB. So, total that was around $1300. We tried to do it as cheap as possible.

 

So, depending on what they are spending the money on, $3000 isn't too much (in my opinion).

185464[/snapback]

I would want to know what the money was being spent to accomplish or provide and be involved in establishing the budget. To expect otherwise is quite presumptuous of the other party.

 

That said, I would simply propose that we discuss the plans and finances together before finalizing the decision about the wedding plans.

[jamin55]

Ben...saw something like this question on another site not to long ago.  I beleive that the above advice you are receiving makes a lot of sense.  If I remember correctly, the guy from the other site was involved with his SO for about nine months.  Unfortunately, the guy was advised to jump ship ASAP.  They thought the guy was getting had.  Anyway, my feeling is that you should get and idea of what your SO has in mine for make this a wonderful day for the two of you.  I would expect that it would be the same if you were engaged to someone here in the USA.  Questions like where are we going to get married, how many people to invite, are we having a reception, where are we going to have the reception, What will the menu consists of, (my personal favorite as a chef...haha), open bar - close bar, music/dancing, (although I do no think that this is customary in Chinese weddings as it is here in the USA).  Then, put a budjet to it and see if it makes sense and if it can be afforded.  Bottom line.....no pun intended......just talk it over.

185071[/snapback]

Thank you for your input and the post.

[jamin55]

3K sounds like alot of money in China. However as we know weddings can go as high as you wish or can afford. Many Chinese still practice the "Bride Price" which means you actually pay to marry her. It is a dowry in reverse sort of. Also many Chinese believe that all Americans are drowning in wealth (I wish it where true). I would present my SO a budget for the wedding and all the necessary costs you and her must face bringing her to America and what you can afford or be willing to spend and pay as you go only and have her and family agree to it. No lump sum payment. If she and her Family insists on a lump sum payment IMHO this is a HUGE RED FLAG!!!

Good Luck

185178[/snapback]

A "huge red flag" as in being swindled?

 

Thank you for your post