Jump to content

To Stats: follup on your post PJ thread

AZwolfman

Recommended Posts

AZwolfman

AZwolfman

Posted
Posted
. . . , I got nervous about my finacee. I decided to check the website where we met and look for her profile. In early December, we decided that we would both hide our profiles after a few months of emails. I did check to see that hers was hidden. I verified this before I went to visit her in  Shenzhen on January 22.

 

Her profile is now active and she has logged on twice in 2 days. The problem: I have talked to her on the phone a few times at her parent’s home. She is at her parent’s home in Guizhou province since 02/12/03 and has no access to a computer. Seems a bit strange that she (or someone else) logged on her her profile on 02/19/03 and 02/21/03. The website shows the last login date on the profile. Supposedly she is in Guizhou getting a passport and other documents

 

I am not a happy camper and I have sent an email asking for an explanation. I don’t think this is a Russian style scam for money, as she has refused my offers to help her with translation costs. What worries me is that there is a possibility that they will do anything for a Green Card and after 2 years, bye-bye.

 

Stats,

I considered PM'ing this, but since you already posted the topic, and because there may be others in similar situation who are afraid to come forward, I will be one of the first to admit what probably crossed the minds of many of us. Specifically that P.J.'s experience made me nervous too. Possibly this is because I have been victim of cheating before by American women. Maybe it's because this could have happened to any one of us, because I'm sure PJ loved his fiancée just as much as you or I love ours.

 

Being 7,000 miles from your love for such a long period of time is bound to test even the strongest love. My solution has been for me to go over in my mind, the memories of things that we have done and said together. Remember the things that convinced me in the first place that she is the perfect one for me. As I replay these memories in my mind, I am convinced that our love is strong, and she is for real.

 

Stats, my advice to you is to talk to your sweetie without accusing her. But first search within yourself, discuss with yourself, and be sure of what you want to say. The same things that made you sure of your fiancée's love when you began this long process should still be valid. If you were not sure at that time, you should never have begun the process. The things you find yourself doing now (such as checking up on the website profile) are things you should (and did) do long ago before you began this petition process.

 

Have you considered the possibility that after hearing what Ring did to PJ, maybe she got scared and logged on to the website twice in 3 days just to check to see if YOUR profile was still active? The fact that either of you did this tells me that the 2 of you NEED TO TALK.

 

 

I would think that after learning of PJ's terrible experience that your sweetie would volunteer her reassurance to you without being asked to do so. But remember that there are cultural and language differences, and therefore this needed action may not be so obvious to her. Also be keenly aware of cultural and language differences when you speak to her about this. She may have difficulty expressing her exact feeling and thought in our language so that you understand what she means.

 

In one particular relationship which I had long ago, I found myself driving to places and checking up on my girlfriend. I suddenly realized that it did not really matter whether or not I found out from my spying if she was cheating on me or not. What really mattered was the fact that I felt it necessary to check up on her. I realized that signified a problem in the relationship - either with me or within myself - there was no trust. I hope this has been helpful.

 

One last note: To my dear fiancée, just in case she reads this post. I love you very much and do not doubt your love for a minute. You are my soulmate. But I did feel P.J.'s pain, because I have also been cheated in the distant past. I think I really know how he feels.

Link to comment
Mick

Mick

Posted
Posted

This is sage advice AZ and well-said. I suspect this entire episode has given many people cause for concern. I guess I am fortunate in that I have been living with my beloved for five years now, in her home country no less. After the first year of our relationship, I wanted to apply for a visa and return home to the States. I thought she would be thrilled at the prospect. She said she preferred to remain in China due to some family issues and did not want to go to America. She also didn't want to part from me. It was quite a dilemma for a while because I wanted to go back home. In the end, I chose to stay here with her. After three years, she had her affairs in order and we finally decided to apply for the visa. Now, we both want to go and, due to this mess we all find ourselves in, we can't. Ironic isn't it?

 

These five years together have been filled with ups and downs, happiness and sadness, agreement and disagreement. In short, they have been normal. I consider myself fortunate for having found Li and would make the same decision all over again. These years together, even this visa mess, has only served to deepen and strengthen our love for one another. I count myself blessed.

 

Thanks again AZ!

Link to comment
skibum

skibum

Posted
Posted

How many of you are in the habit of logging out of Yahoo? I will bet, not many. Most of us just close the window. When you are working on a public computer, I imagine it is not too hard for someone to get on and use your profile. I have had a couple of instantses lately since she has been using a public computer instead of her own that I have seen her ID being used. Be careful not to jump to conclusions on this.

One time I even entered in the middle of someone else's conversations on Msg.

Link to comment
Joseph-1

Joseph-1

Posted
Posted
. . . , I got nervous about my finacee. I decided to check the website where we met and look for her profile. In early December, we decided that we would both hide our profiles after a few months of emails. I did check to see that hers was hidden. I verified this before I went to visit her in  Shenzhen on January 22.

 

Her profile is now active and she has logged on twice in 2 days. The problem: I have talked to her on the phone a few times at her parent’s home. She is at her parent’s home in Guizhou province since 02/12/03 and has no access to a computer. Seems a bit strange that she (or someone else) logged on her her profile on 02/19/03 and 02/21/03. The website shows the last login date on the profile. Supposedly she is in Guizhou getting a passport and other documents

 

I am not a happy camper and I have sent an email asking for an explanation. I don’t think this is a Russian style scam for money, as she has refused my offers to help her with translation costs. What worries me is that there is a possibility that they will do anything for a Green Card and after 2 years, bye-bye.

 

Stats,

I considered PM'ing this, but since you already posted the topic, and because there may be others in similar situation who are afraid to come forward, I will be one of the first to admit what probably crossed the minds of many of us. Specifically that P.J.'s experience made me nervous too. Possibly this is because I have been victim of cheating before by American women. Maybe it's because this could have happened to any one of us, because I'm sure PJ loved his fiancée just as much as you or I love ours.

 

Being 7,000 miles from your love for such a long period of time is bound to test even the strongest love. My solution has been for me to go over in my mind, the memories of things that we have done and said together. Remember the things that convinced me in the first place that she is the perfect one for me. As I replay these memories in my mind, I am convinced that our love is strong, and she is for real.

 

Stats, my advice to you is to talk to your sweetie without accusing her. But first search within yourself, discuss with yourself, and be sure of what you want to say. The same things that made you sure of your fiancée's love when you began this long process should still be valid. If you were not sure at that time, you should never have begun the process. The things you find yourself doing now (such as checking up on the website profile) are things you should (and did) do long ago before you began this petition process.

 

Have you considered the possibility that after hearing what Ring did to PJ, maybe she got scared and logged on to the website twice in 3 days just to check to see if YOUR profile was still active? The fact that either of you did this tells me that the 2 of you NEED TO TALK.

 

 

I would think that after learning of PJ's terrible experience that your sweetie would volunteer her reassurance to you without being asked to do so. But remember that there are cultural and language differences, and therefore this needed action may not be so obvious to her. Also be keenly aware of cultural and language differences when you speak to her about this. She may have difficulty expressing her exact feeling and thought in our language so that you understand what she means.

 

In one particular relationship which I had long ago, I found myself driving to places and checking up on my girlfriend. I suddenly realized that it did not really matter whether or not I found out from my spying if she was cheating on me or not. What really mattered was the fact that I felt it necessary to check up on her. I realized that signified a problem in the relationship - either with me or within myself - there was no trust. I hope this has been helpful.

 

One last note: To my dear fiancée, just in case she reads this post. I love you very much and do not doubt your love for a minute. You are my soulmate. But I did feel P.J.'s pain, because I have also been cheated in the distant past. I think I really know how he feels.

I met mine on Asiafriend finder,and I have noted that she has logged in to her profile 2 times in 8 months. Its not evidence in itself but I follow the practice Trust,But Cut The Cards. I have been saving any and all critical data to be used in case somthing goes sideways. I Love My Girl. I met her family and I was very well treated. I have been burned before,and that is still in my awareness. Life is fragile,and we risk much for love.

 

We deserve to be given as good as we gave.

Link to comment
PJ

PJ

Posted
Posted

*sigh* please, everyone, by sharing my story, it was never my intention to cause people to be suspicious or nervous.

 

Regardless of where he/she is from, what country, which race, any relationship is about trust, and about taking chances.

 

I am hurt now, and plan to focus solely on my career (incidentally, I was promoted not long ago, so now am fortunate to have the opportunity to set the direction and vision for a project for the first time in my life). I will be honest with myself, although I do okay with my work, spending the last year focused on her, the immigration process, and learning Cantonese, I know I have not been living up to my full potential.

 

However, I was once told "love as if you have never been hurt". I know that one day when I do meet the right person, be it here, there, or anywhere, I will take the leap of faith as if I had never crashed. I will not be preparing a parachute, padded landing, or any backup plan. I will close my eyes ... jump ... and I know I will be able to fly.

Link to comment
SBS

SBS

Posted
Posted
*sigh* please, everyone, by sharing my story, it was never my intention to cause people to be suspicious or nervous. 

 

Regardless of where he/she is from, what country, which race, any relationship is about trust, and about taking chances.

 

I am hurt now, and plan to focus solely on my career (incidentally, I was promoted not long ago, so now am fortunate to have the opportunity to set the direction and vision for a project for the first time in my life).  I will be honest with myself, although I do okay with my work, spending the last year focused on her, the immigration process, and learning Cantonese, I know I have not been living up to my full potential.

 

However, I was once told "love as if you have never been hurt".  I know that one day when I do meet the right person, be it here, there, or anywhere, I will take the leap of faith as if I had never crashed.  I will not be preparing a parachute, padded landing, or any backup plan.  I will close my eyes ... jump ... and I know I will be able to fly.

You will P.J. :angry:

Link to comment
AZwolfman

AZwolfman

Posted
  • Author
Posted

PJ,

 

You did not cause anyone to be anything ("suspicious or nervous"). Maybe you made some of us more aware of life's possibilities. I mean, I bet our love story with our Chinese fiancée has been a fairy tale for many of us. If anyone had any doubts or questions about their relationships, your experience if anything merely made them confront themselves (and possibly their mates) now instead of later. And I think that is a good thing. Real love will always survive these inner confrontations and grow stronger.

 

You have to accept the fact that we all look up to you as the founding father of this forum. This forum has become in itself, a media event. If you want proof, just look at the number of non-members viewing this forum at any given moment. We know that the DOS, CA, and others monitor this forum. Now, as the founding father of this forum, a profound event that affects you is likely to have an affect on the rest of us.

 

The reason I made this a new topic (instead of just replying on your original thread) is that I thought that maybe soon you would like to bury this incident. I've been cheated before, and it hurts. But once you have vented and received the support of your friends, you might want to begin to forget what happened so you can move forward. We are here if you want to PM, but you might not want to have to read and be reminded about her every time you open the forum to read posts. You're the boss, man, but I would consider closing the topics about her very soon.

 

Hang in there buddy. There is much better in store for you in the near future. You can consider that a psychic prediction. :angry:

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...