Cleanin' Out My Closet

[PJ]

This letter was sent to my ex-fiancee and many members our respective families.

 

===========================

 

Ring,

 

There are no words that can begin to express how disappointed I am ... how disappointed we all are in your decision to take a gift of trust and opportunity and to destroy it in such a manner.

 

Before my grandmother passed away, she found out that I was trying to help you and your mother come to the U.S. I knew that she was very happy and proud of me, since she liked you and your family. Because of that, she wanted to come to Tampa to spend time with my family and me. Unfortunately, her health would not let her visit us again before she passed away. At her memorial service in December 2001, I stood beside my beloved Grandma and made her the promise that I would help you and your family. That is why, in January 2002, I flew to Beijing to meet and spend time with you.

 

I know if Grandma could see what you have done today, what pain you have brought to us, Grandma would be very disappointed in you also.

 

Your selfishness and lies have brought a great amount of trouble and loss of face to the whole family. You are a disgrace. I hope you can understand that, but when you left, you did not seem to show any remorse or feel badly. There is no use in this world for someone like you.

 

More than anything I wanted you to be happy here. I bought hundreds of dollars of Cantonese study tapes. Every day, I spent many hours studying Cantonese and watching Hong Kong movies just so we could communicate. My sister moved into a different bedroom so you could have a room close to mine. My mother spent many days cleaning your room, getting everything ready, so it would be perfect for you.

 

I had so much hope for us. I had hoped that you would be happy here, and I could show you the lovely beaches of Florida. I had hoped that we could go with my friend and his wife to Disney World. I had hoped I could teach you how to drive, and you could have my blue convertible once you were comfortable driving since you liked it. I had hoped we could work together so you could learn English quickly and find a good job and be able to send money home to your family. I had hoped we would grow to understand each other.

 

But you were too busy emailing, ICQ, and talking on the phone with your husband, as you call him, to even want to talk to me or my family.

 

At first, I was very angry when that email was forwarded to me, the talk between you and your husband. I felt like I was being taunted me since I cannot read Chinese. But now I can see it was a very big favor. Now I can see what type of person you really are.

 

I noticed that you rarely wore my mother's engagement ring while you were here. You would take it off and hide it away any chance you had. I now understand why you did not want to wear my mother's ring.

 

It was the original engagement ring that my father presented to my mother over 30 years ago. They have been happily married since, and raised me, my sisters, and took care of Grandma. It has been a family full of love. My parents even trusted you, bringing you into our house as family. I gave it to you as a symbol of trust. And you betrayed that trust, promising to bring your husband here, sending him this promise while typing on my computer and living in the room that my family worked so hard to prepare for you.

 

Even someone as selfish and uncaring as you must have felt a small bit of guilt. That is why I believe you tried so hard not to wear the ring, so you would not have to wear the guilt with you.

 

This will be my final letter to you. I am very hurt right now, I will admit it. But my wounds will heal, over time. On the other hand, I do promise you that you will always remember the opportunity you were given, the one you chose to throw away. You may not have to worry about the guilt of wearing my mother's engagement ring anymore. However, you have hurt people who only wanted to love and trust you. For that, you will have hard and unlucky years ... like your name, you will wear a Ring of guilt and sorrow for the rest of your life.

 

-P.J.

[Guest R2D2]

Well said. Now please close the door and take care of yourself, my friend.

[vince]

hope someone may find the following helpful.

 

http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/eBlast...dows/index.html

[SBS]

P.J.

i really can;t hold my tears when i read this letter. i just feel your pain so much in my heart. God will damit her in rest of her life. i do believe that she will realize one day how guilt she shoud be. god i even dont know what word i can say about it. this is the hardest moment P.J.

when i read your letter. it reminds my husband a lot. how much he wants me happy here and howmuch he is trying for me. i do appreciate everything so much and just wish i can try my best to make him happy too.

P.J. i know it will take such a long time to heal this broken heart but this horrible nightmare is over! we should thank god it wont last anylong and hurt you and your family any more.

My husband and I will keep you in touch wherever we are!

i have to say it again. Please Please take care of your body and get some rest!!we just worry about your body so much

 

you made this big family here on candle and you will always get support and love here

God Bless you !

[Calvin]

P.J,

 

Try as you might I know it will be hard for you to rest. Some of us here have been through a similar situation, more or less. I had. I encourage you to talk and share with us if you feel like to. It's a good way to relieve your pain and suffering. Time will heal your wound and make you a stronger person. Remember the old Chinese saying: "Crises are dangerous opportunies."

 

Take good care of yourself. We are here for you.

[tybeaux]

Phatkat,

 

Can you shed some light on this one for other members?

 

I just hate to feel that blind love was at fault? You have got to think when you start a relationship with a person with whom you have major language/cultural differences, that love can always find common ground?

 

Any hints of issues or deceit?

 

I read so many stories on this site, especially those with fiancees from South China, that explode with stories of quick total love. How can you be when your are so different and so far away from each other?

 

It's so common to hear on this site of a Chinese woman telling her US man that she loves him after only a very short time.

 

Did Ring speak any English? What are your age differences? Does she have degree from a university? What was her job in China?

 

The lonely hearts club doesn't need another victim.

[SBS]

Phatkat,

 

Can you shed some light on this one for other members? 

 

I just hate to feel that blind love was at fault?  You have got to think when you start a relationship with a person with whom you have major language/cultural differences, that love can always find common ground?

 

Any hints of issues or deceit? 

 

I read so many stories on this site, especially those with fiancees from South China, that explode with stories of quick total love.  How can you be when your are so different and so far away from each other?

 

It's so common to hear on this site of a Chinese woman telling her US man that she loves him after only a very short time. 

 

Did Ring speak any English?  What are your age differences?  Does she have degree from a university?  What was her job in China?

 

The lonely hearts club doesn't need another victim.

Sorry tybeaux,

when you trust someone inlove so much. it is really hard to stay awake like you thought. I just fall in love with my husband on the internet without asking these much questions like you said. i just knew he is the boy who will stay with me in rest of my life. well we got lucky that we are the one who match each other. but how you can really judge a person if she/he act so nice but it was fake.

You should not say these to a person who has a pure heart like P.J.

[Guest huyaa]

I do agree with SBS!

[Myles]

Aloha from Hawaii,

I agree with SBS. There is no contract in life that insures all relationships will be good.

Any marriage is a leap of faith. To marry your own kind is not an assurance of a safe

marriage. I did all of the right things. I lived with her parents for two weeks, met her

married siblings and nephews. However, I met all of these people after we were married.

Also the selection was not one sided. I was asked 101 questions by a chief of police.

A family representitive from her mother's side. I passed the test.

Myles aka Annakuen'GG

[Lurker]

P.J.

 

It is so clear from your writings here, your openness, your stong sense of what makes a family work and a relationship succeed--as well as the safe atmosphere you have helped create at Candle--that some day you will make some lucky woman very happy, and that she will be deserving of that love and respond in kind.

 

I only know you from text; but in reading of your ordeal, I've felt a palpable sense of loss. As you have written, the pain will pass in time. Please take care of yourself--from Northern California, we wish you well.

[fw1010]

PJ, A great note to close out this nightmare! Please try to stay positive and know that you should be proud of yourself for many reasons.....

 

1. You are a Man of your word, you have kept your promise to your Grandma.

2. Your misfortune is a wake up call for others who could be in similar situation

3. You will come out this experience stronger and wiser.

4. You have two wonderful parents and family members that will be there for you

5. You have got rid of the evil Ring and gained the respect, friendship and support of many people like us

 

I have seen a quote from a CFL member post, "The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials". This quote really applies to you well, your "Heart" is battered and torn through this ordeal, but it shine brilliantly in the END.

 

Take care,

 

Frank

[Mick]

Always here for you PJ, all of us. Keep faith that the One True Light will guide you, even when you can't see where you are headed or understand why. As so many have said, you are a great man with a pure heart. That's what really counts.

[PJ]

All,

 

In order to make better sense of the story ...

 

I am Chinese, my mother is from China, my father is from Jamaica (little island south of Florida).

 

Ring and her family are family friends of ours. My mother's family was very fortunate and blessed in being able to come to America and was able to do well.

 

There was a difficult time her family in China, work was hard to find so my grandmother invited them to work and care for property we own in China. My grandmother would always visit them when she traveled to Guangzhou. This is why our family considers them to be our own, and that makes this all the more painful.

 

Because she is supposed to be from a good family background, I had hoped that I could trust her. Sure, I had believed she would be a loving and trustworthy person, but also I was relying upon the tradition of a good family background and loving parents. Many members and elders of our families were involved and gave their blessing to the relationship.

 

In response to a question, no she never had an opportunity to go to college. She speaks and can read and write a very little bit of English.

 

As far as our age difference, we are not too far apart. She is 23, and I am 24 and 3 months (25 as far as I am concerned, wish the car insurance co would just call that 25 years old and cut me some slack).

 

Incidentally, I learned (she confessed to my father when he was taking her to the airport), that she met and hooked up with zhenlun mo *AFTER* I had petitioned for her to come to the U.S. (petition submitted Feb 2002). Apparently she has only known him for 3-6 months, she couldn't even remember.

 

My family said that many guys will try to get girls who are going to America to fall in love with them. Then they hope they can convince the girl to divorce her husband in America and help them come in the future. My mother said that some of them even wait around the U.S. Consulate in hopes of meeting and wooing a girl who is going to America.

 

After my family read the letters they are convinced that this is what happened. My mom said "many guys will say that they love a girl and tell her ANYTHING so they can get her to secretly stay in touch with them and later bring them to the U.S. and divorce their husband."

 

I am not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but I make a living and I had cut my personal spending to almost nothing this past year so I could save up money so she could attend the local university, since she mentioned interest in going to college at one point. *sigh* I had always told Ring that whatever she chose to do, whether it be tend to the house and build a family, or work outside and build a career, that I would support her both emotionally and financially. In some ways, I fault myself ... maybe she was not used to this kind of freedom. Perhaps I was too kind and she mistaked that for weakness figuring "hmm this guy is okay with everything he must be okay with me having a man back home in China."

 

P.J.

[luckxinxin]

PJGG:good luck with you

[Eric&Yuhui]

PJ like R@ said... now close the door and take care of yourself.

 

 

On a final observation though, when you wrote:

"My family said that many guys will try to get girls who are going to America to fall in love with them. Then they hope they can convince the girl to divorce her husband in America and help them come in the future"

 

That is the only thing that made some kind of sick logic sense to me, considering the scenario.

 

Take care PJ