Guest R2D2 Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 You are a brilliant and sensible young man and you have your whole life ahead of you. You have done the right thing and it could have been much worse. You are not the only one this has happened to and you will not be the last, if that is any consolation. Smarts is no buffer to a good con. Just remember that without pressure, that coal never would have become a diamond. Link to comment
Tine & Ella Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 PJ,I am so sorry to hear this news. Just like everyone else has said, it is better that you find out now than later. You have always been so supportive to all of us during these hard times, please let me know if you need to talk anytime day or night. Tine & EllaIndianapolis & Shanghai Link to comment
fw1010 Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 PJ, I respect the way the handle this situation. If I were you I would kick the little wench into the street, see how she really likes "America" when she is alone and on her own..... Letting her back that easily is just going to cause more heartaches for others like you in the future. Link to comment
carhil24 Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 PJ,I read this thread earlier today, and just now have had the time to respond to it. I too wish to express my sincere sympathies. I'm sure this has been a nightmare for you, and I think all of us can feel your pain and discouragement. But hang in there, because out there somewhere is another woman for you, one who will care for you and treat you with dignity and respect, and you will find her one day, and you will undoubtledly live happily ever after, and this incident will soon become a distant memory. I would also like to take a moment to give everybody another perspective on this situation, so none of us will forget that this process is a two-way street. When I first read this thread, I immediately called my fiancee and told her about it. And after talking about it for awhile, she told me about a newspaper story she had read recently concerning an American man who had brought over a Chinese woman ostensibly to marry, but instead traded (sold?) her to another man for cash and drugs. The second man treated her with no respect, using and abusing her, even beating her, until finally she had to leave him. She now has three children, no husband, little English skills, no meaningful job, and no way to return to China. I would just like to take the time, especially on behalf of the ladies on board, to remind everyone that this process takes a lot of faith and trust on both ends, and that none of us should be judging the other based on the inexcusable actions of a few. For every story I have heard of a woman from Russia or China coming to America under false pretenses and sometimes destroying a man's life, I have also heard an opposite story of an American man bringing a woman from either of those countries to America, and then proceeding to treat her like trash. Please, ladies, believe me when I tell you that only a small minority of us would act in that manner, and that instead, in most cases you will have a husband who will cherish and care for you for the rest of your lives. And guys, please remember that in most cases you will be marrying a woman who wishes to love you and make you happy for the rest of your life. And for every one sad story which ends like PJ's, remember there are thousands of successful American-Chinese marriages and couples who would not trade their love for all of the money in the world. Again PJ, hang in there, there is always something good to come out of something bad. And there is a reason for this, and maybe soon you will meet the woman who will make you happy for the rest of your life. It's unfortunate that this had to happen to someone like you, and it also hinders the cause of all of us as well, as this is exactly why GZ/DOS/CA are examining these visa applications so closely. Please accept my heartfelt condolences, and I wish you all the best.Carl Link to comment
PJ Posted February 21, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 I am sending a letter to Ms. Harty, cc-ing the GZIV, and many others concerning the issue. I am providing full information about her, as I posted here, and I will provide any cooperation or assistance that may be requested of me. It's people like this that CAUSE the process to take so long. If you ever do wonder why it is taking such a long while, why you haven't seen your loved ones for over a year or two, please ask my fiancee why she would like to use and dupe people and take up valuable time of not only myself, but also others like you. Yes, I am very negative and do apologize for it sincerely to all of you. I have always tried to stay positive through the delays, as long as a candle's flame burned as a sign of hope, but at this point, for me that has been extinguished and all that remains is a cold void. Link to comment
carhil24 Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 Also, one additional thought for those of you who are wondering how she was able to come over her with regards to the Non-marriage certificate. Remember, that certificate is good for a year, and PJ said that she had just recently married (2-3 months ago) this guy. So she could have easily gotten a non-marriage certificate earlier, and still have married this guy after the fact without informing the authorities. Or, maybe they are not legally married, who knows? It doesn't matter much, she came over here on false pretenses regardless, and I think you did the right thing by sending her back as fast as possible. If you would have turned her in, INS probably would have put her up in a 5-star hotel, and she would be there living off our tax money for a year or so until they processed the paperwork to deport her! Link to comment
Ying&Vin Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 P.J.I am so shocked with what happened to you! Be strong, actually, you are strong than we can imagine! Remember, we, CFL is always with you! I am shame of those few HUMAN BEING who did terrible thing to nice people. Link to comment
Guest R2D2 Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 My friend, that is what you feel now and I feel the same for you. Time will heal and you will be a better person because of this bad experience. It could have been much worse. Yes, report the incident to the authorities and you should have done that locally in Tampa at once so that she will not disembark, say in LA. Take care and God Bless. Link to comment
Guest davidwu_66 Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 PJ,Talk to her and find out the trueth before you take any actions.Make sure she REALLY did all of this. Link to comment
rfsun Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 P.J., I just read this thread and am shocked and sorry for you. How dare she take advantage of you like that. She knew from the start that you were faithful to her and the commitment was for marriage. You did right by being swift about it. What was she thinking you were doing, working so hard. You have found what a great Man you are. All the work, organizing and advocating is you! No one can take that from you. You are hurt now because you are able to love. Again, that is who you are and you can do that again when you are ready. I don't blame you for being mad and bitter now or posting things about her. As a CFL member you have my blessing to do so. I have seen you though, and know that you are a great person, deserving of more. You have done a great thing here on CFL and many people have benefited from it. Take care, Randall Link to comment
JonInDenver Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 "... a newspaper story she had read recently concerning an American man who had brought over a Chinese woman ostensibly to marry, but instead traded (sold?) her to another man for cash and drugs. The second man treated her with no respect, using and abusing her, even beating her, until finally she had to leave him. She now has three children, no husband, little English skills, no meaningful job, and no way to return to China." i've actually heard worse stories via US media... like the guy who brought over four different filipino wives, and as he grew tired of them - fed them to his pigs. but i've found the ones in chinese media are more likey part of the propaganda machine. one story told of an educated chinese man, his educated wife, and young daughter who came to denver on promises of sponsorship from a big corporation and a great job. but after a couple of weeks the big corporation abandon them, the bank took back their home, and now they are living in the street begging for change and selling produce. i looked in to this personally, only to find that big corporation did not have any offices or plants in this state. we all know that it takes several months to foreclose and evict someone from their home, and the only people begging in denver are professional beggers or folks with substance-abuse problems. no way a family would be allowed to sell produce or beg in this city (really). i think the chinese media tried to liken them to the poor villagers who go into the big cities of china. Link to comment
JoeLiyan Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 PJ, my prayers for your quick closure to this fiasco - though I did not see/read the post on 001, I already know too much about what apparently happened here. She is the lowest form of human being, in many ways for using your love for her own motives - as dastardly as they are. Please know I feel for you AND your family, and what they are going through also. Link to comment
PJ Posted February 21, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 Thanks for the kind words and encouragement, everyone. Wow, I know it can happen, but I never expected it to happen to me. I have been up 36 hours straight and I am still numb. No desire to sleep. P.J. Link to comment
Guest waterandfish Posted February 21, 2003 Report Share Posted February 21, 2003 as a chinese girl, i am very angry to hear that she cheated a kind person's heart nd she is still going to cheat another one! i can't understand how her reall husband can still love her even that he knows she is staying with another man! i wish more complete system or methods can help us open our eyes. she is on chinese-american's blacklist! p.j., pls try to go out fm this matter sooner. my GG nd i will pray fr u to find ur real mr. right. :) u deserve it. waterandfish Link to comment
Guest Miaomiao Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 Still so sorry for you, PJ. You know what? God knows she's absolutely not the one and HE has a much better one for you. So stay well. You'll see. Link to comment
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