Minister

My sweetie looked into this when she came over here. I remember her telling me that the ticket included an overnight stay and that she would maybe get to see Seoul for free. Yes, she's that cheap. But I love her! Anyway, her parents and I managed to convince her that she would be locked in an airport hotel room all night after a meal in the cafeteria. My logic (expressed more elegantly than this, of course) was that, if they let Chinese people leave the airport on those overnight stays, then anyone with $1200 for a plane ticket could effectively emigrate to South Korea. Anyway, I told her to just spend the extra $100 for the direct flight. Finally, she agreed. @_@ B)

I think what the Chinese government means to say is: Training for Olympic positions actually begins as an egg in the mother's ovary, some three to five years before birth. It is rudimentary stretching for the first six months but it is still training. Based on this girls have been Olympians for at least sixteen years. So, you see, it's no trouble. And, when it all comes down to it, what are we gonna do? Go to war with China over a few little girls doing somersaults?

Motivational secrets from China's World Champion Gymnastics Coach: http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/8822/olympicly6.jpg (Sorry... Couldn't resist) -_^

Meh... It's like I always tell my wife when she gets all angry about the negative image of China in the media; When you start playing with the heavyweights, people stop pulling their punches. You should take each insult as a form of praise. In the past, people may have said, "China is a polluted sh!thole but what do you expect from those poor oppressed people?" Now, people are saying, "China is a modern superpower. It's one of the strongest nations in history. Why is it still so dirty?" You have to read the complement in the criticism. Even when they complain about China, people are still showing their respect for it as a powerful, modern nation. I mean, Wow! The Olympics are going so well, seven days into the event, the only thing they've found to complain about is a two minute song in the the opening ceremony? Honestly, I have to say, as a citizen of the other superpower, I'm honestly a little embarrassed by the way that China is nearly-flawlessly pulling this off. (And that's even with my slightly increased level of "inside knowledge" about what an inconvenience the Olympics have been to the average man on the street over there). And that's the truth. And here's a tip, guys... No matter how angry she gets about China in the media, it is never advisable to say, "Yeah. If it's so freaking great there, why do people work so hard to get out?" That's a LONG TERM ticket to the doghouse.

Typical Chinese response, "Roses? Don't waste money. Chinese don't care about this holiday." (But I secretly know that she will be telling her parents about it tomorrow. -_^)

The dress code for my wife's home town is a dirty "wife-beater" shirt, cut-off shorts and flip flops. (Just kidding :^P) (Or am I?) I arrived for my first visit with a suitcase full of suits thinking that "European" rules applied in China. But they don't.

My wife has read this thread and now says, "Colda Colda" whenever she goes inside a store or restaurant.

Must have been from my wife. On a more serious note... What? She wants to move out? Are you sure it's for the cats? If there is a deeper problem here that she has, then that's something that you really need to talk about with her. Maybe there's something else that she wants to discuss. But... I also got rid of my cat before my wife came to the states. First of all, Chinese (North Chinese), don't like cats. They are traditionally associated with evil spirits, death, unfaithfulness and bad luck. Also, they are considered dirty and a waste of money. Having a cat may be a big issue to her. If she is really ready to leave you over the cat, well, I think that you'll have to make your own decision. Speaking as a cat-giver-upper, I know it's a hard one. But, my advice is; She may not understand the American fascination with pets. She may just be thinking, "Why does he want to endanger me and my daughter with this dirty animal?" If you step up to the plate and lose the cats, she'll see how you're really dedicated to her and it will mean a lot. Also... (In my opinion only)... Come on, man. That's your wife and daughter. Get rid of the cats.

A lot of Chinese girls are taught to have some separate money these days. They never know if they're going to be left high and dry by their spouse. Money is a BIG thing in marriage over there and even a small dispute over money can put people on their guard for a long long time. These days, mothers advise their children to do anything they can to control the finances and to keep some money separate (even hidden). It may not be a big deal. Has your girl been divorced? Depending on how it went, this may be a little baggage that you are experiencing. Anyway, I may be wrong, but I wouldn't freak out at this point.

My wife is actually considering working (initially) at an Asian restaurant. She has several business degrees, but she would like to take a little time to practice her English with other Americans in an environment where she is not expected to speak native English. How about that?

My wife spent 10 years in Japan so she isn't like this. Everything in China isn't best. Everything in Japan is best. Everything in China is second best. Then Korea. Then Italy (Japanese people think Italian food is good because it's noodles). Then France (but she's never actually had French food. After she tastes it and realizes that it's a lot of cheese and cream sauce, I think she'll change her mind). But American food is better than a Brazilian meat buffet.

I second SmilingAsia's opinion. I have a friend with a Japanese wife who actually returns to Japan for two months of every year to "recharge her batteries". (He sometimes refers to it as "sending her back to the factory for service"). Most Chinese also tend to take family visit vacations that seem crazy long to Americans. My wife's folks lived in our house for more than a month before our wedding. Incidentally, Ben Franklin was right. Fish and house guests stink after three days. -_^ (Just kidding! I already miss them... And her father's cooking!) Anyway, it is also important to note that, in China, it is not uncommon for couples to live apart for months at a time for working reasons. A split is not always a bad thing like it would be in an American marriage. I won't be able to go to China for next year's Spring Festival, but we might send my wife if she isn't working yet. I would expect her to be gone for at least a month just to, "Get her money's worth for the plane tickets!" In conclusion, you know where they're going and how to get in touch with them. So I would say, "There's no reason for you to worry until there's a reason for you to worry."

Oh, holy crap, they called your house in the States? I thought you were hanging out at Yang's hotel or something... The consulate called us the night of our interview while we were still in the building. We didn't get any calls in the States... That would creep me out a little. I mean; How old is your son? Is he old enough not to be fooled by someone pretending to be the Consulate? My gosh, I know that the odds of it being anything bad are a million to one, but please be careful! There are all kinds of nutjobs out there today!

This actually happened to us, too. They called to see if my Sweetie had had any troubles getting her fingerprints. At the time, I was a little nervous because there were those urban legends going around about a security guard in the building who would call up to find out where the girls were staying and then drop by later (or some such nonsense). I remember thinking that I was being foolish, though, and that it was probably just a normal call for follow up. Is a follow up call usual? Have other people received the call? It seems very clever, but if this was really a check up and it really affected the receipt of visas, I think we would have heard more about it. Anyway, just wondering.

Oh! That's a great! If she doesn't get indigestion from eating meat in steak form, my guess is that she will be ready to rock and roll when she gets to the USA and starts enjoying our food! One of my wife's chief complaints is that the large, basically "unprepared" meat that we eat is difficult for her to digest. As she puts it, "Asian food is very soft. It doesn't make the stomach work so hard. Even the meat we eat is carefully prepared to be small and tender. And we always use soup to improve digestion." My counter argument that, "Meat puts hair on your chest," has not been well received, despite the fact that my chest provides a squirrel's nest of evidence to support the statement. If your girl has a stomach that can handle it, she will probably be rather adventurous with American food. And boy, an Oklahoma steak is sure a fine welcome to American cooking... mmm... steak... And it's so true about the Chinese meat. My in-laws' comments about American meat (translated from the Chinese): Mom: Look at this ham! There's no water in this ham! It doesn't shrink, no matter how long it's outside the package! Dad: Inside an American sausage, you see meat, juice, and spices! Inside a Chinese sausage, you see potato powder...

The silkworm cocoons were the only things that I didn't eat in China. The conversation went like this. Me: Oh. No, thank you. Sweetie: They're delicious! Me: Maybe so. And maybe plumber's putty is also delicious. But I'll never know. Sweetie: But it's got a lot of protein! Me: You didn't fall for that so what makes you think I will? Next trip, she's promised to take me to a special restaurant where they only serve fish heads. "Look! He's smilin' at ya! He's happy to see ya!"

Oh, the rice gruel. The first time I hit on that, all I could think to say was, "You call this "Slop"? This isn't slop. Real slop has chunks of things in it. You must have made pasty gruel by mistake!" She didn't understand what I said exactly, but she figured out that the rice gruel wasn't a hit. For a while, she thought I didn't like rice at all, but I've shown her that I don't really mind the white stuff. I even caught her interest by adding a little Indian curry powder and chili powder to the rice one night. She tried it and loved it so much that she makes it too sometimes. Speaking on the matter, I was once in the office when we were deciding what to do for lunch. One person suggested hitting the local Chinese buffet for something quick and cheap. A coworker of ours who fancied himself as cosmopolitan despite having never even made it to Mexico piped up and said, "I don't want to go there. That's too American-ized. That's not real Chinese food." I responded, "Real Chinese food is rice gruel, pickled radishes, and chicken's feet. You wanna eat that stuff, Tough Guy? No? How about some steamed cabbage with silkworm cocoons? Will that do it for ya?" He acquiesced to the buffet.

Good morning, Everyone! Thanks for so many good ideas! And it's great to see that so many people have done a lot of the same things that I have! Dave-> It's true, I do eat less now-_^ Jim -> I got her hooked on salads too. Fortunately for me, salads are popular(ish) in Japan, so this one wasn't so bad Tsap -> Yeah, I've got no real complaints. It is a lucky time for me. Darnell -> It's also true that I have already adapted to black vinegar and I am a certified expert in chop sticks (her parents are impressed) Dennis -> This is very good advice. I'll start by finally telling her that I freaking hate cucumber (but I'll choose a softer way to say it! -_^) Dylan -> I've planted eggplant, peppers, and tomatoes this year (We live in a condo so there's limited garden space in our courtyard). We also planted petunias, but that part wasn't my idea (they sure are pretty, though). If I can ever sell this place, I hope to get a bit more yard somewhere. Corbin -> I'm from Farmington Hills and I still live here (though I travel for business several days per week). As soon as the house sells, my company wants to move me to Cincinnati. But the way things are going, that could take years... (Thank goodness! I'd miss my home). Last weekend, I took my Sweetie to Eastern Market. That was quite a hit and the savings on fresh food were more than worth the cost of the gas! Howell is only about 20 minutes away and has a beautiful downtown area. When your lady arrives, we should hook up! I ground through the K1/AOS process rather laboriously. If I can be of help, let me know! http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/8917/1005348gx4.jpg

One person I knew from China once told me (after several beers), that she and her husband were so ignorant when they first got married that it took three times for them to figure out what they were supposed to do. I didn't believe it at the time, but my wife and other Chinese friends have since told me that, until very recently, there was NO sex education in China other than the most perfunctory explanation of menstrual hygiene. And yet, there are 1.4 billion Chinese people, so they must be figuring it out somehow... Honestly, nothing would surprise me (statistically, that is) about sex in the Middle Kingdom.

Actually, there are two types commonly in use... This type, which has a water vent on the top (and may also come with a steamer unit): http://www.filgifts.com/images/product/small/IRC14S-Rice-Cooker.jpg and this type, which does not: http://www.global-b2b-network.com/direct/dbimage/50152477/Rice_Cooker.jpg The second type is the "safe" type that is cool to the touch. The cheaper type (like I have) lets you see inside but vents water vapor out of the top and gets a little dirtier. Both of these types go for $20-$45. There is also the Japanese type... http://www.2sale.us/ProdImages/NSZAC18-1.jpg This one has all kinds of crazy settings and is a combination rice cooker, soup maker, crock pot, and pressure cooker. These retail at about $150. You can buy them mostly at Asian stores. I hope that helps clear things up!

Hello, Team! Here's a conundrum that I know everyone has talked about before. I know that if I ask directly about it, the Greek chorus will respond with, "Give her time," and, "You'll get used to it eventually." But I'm hoping to hear more about some people's individual experience with this situation and how you approached it at the time. Please note, this is an ongoing disagreement between us. It is not a deal breaker or a major issue, but it is something to talk about that I think a lot of people have been through. Food is, not a big problem, but a nagging one. One of us (I won't mention who), maintains that American food is garbage, that the other one doesn't know anything about healthy eating, and that friends, neighbors, and relatives who have complemented that person's cooking in the past were simply being kind. The other person (who shall also remain nameless), provides the counterpoint that the above mentioned culinary expert only knows how to make about five dishes (not counting instant noodles), has spent their life basically living on Asian cafeteria food and thus doesn't know any better, and finally, has moved to a foreign country for an indefinite period of time and had, therefore, better grow accustomed to the local fare for those times when Mabo Dofu, Nabeyaki Udon, and Bi Bim Bap are not readily available. The current situation is as follows: She cooks Monday through Friday. I have told her that I would like to cook, but she says, "You're working right now and I'm not. I don't have anything else to do right now and I don't want to wait until you get home at 6:30 for you to start cooking. We won't eat dinner until at least 7:30 and then it's too late." I have to be satisfied by cleaning up (which I do with a smile because, no matter what, I do appreciate the fact that someone is cooking for me). And it's noodles noodles noodles and pork. So, theoretically, on Saturday and Sunday, I get to cook. Well, the usual situation is that we go out to eat at least one of those days for lunch and she is then "too full to eat dinner" (but not too full to stuff down a huge bowl of fruit before bed). Finally, I end up cooking about once a week. That's one Western meal per week... (I miss meat). An American diet, particularly a city diet, is pretty diverse. While growing up, we had American about four nights a week and the rest of the week was peppered with Italian, French, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Middle Eastern, Greek, Mexican... You name it, we ate it. Growing up in The D (that's Detroit to everyone else), I had quite a bit of cultural exposure as the Automotive Industry attracted people (and authentic ethnic food) from all over the world. I guess the end result is, I get quickly bored by eating the same things day after day... The other side of this coin is someone who lived in China and Japan for 30 years. Most Chinese people like Chinese food. Period. And Japanese people are even worse. Most Japanese will eat terrible Japanese food before eating at a five-star Western restaurant. The result is someone who's so accustomed to a certain diet that she actually claims to get sick when she eats something unusual. So, I want to eat something different about every two days. She can stand to eat something different about once a month. The resulting argument usually goes like this: A: Please let me cook tomorrow. B: No. I don't want to give you trouble. A: It's no trouble. I like to cook. B: You'll cook too late. A: I'll get everything ready tonight and we'll heat it up. B: That's too much trouble. A: Not for me. B: (flustered) What do you want to make? A: (Dish name) B: (nervous) You don't know how to make it. A: Yes I do. I made it for you two months ago. You said you liked it. You ate three helpings. And then we escalate through all of the normal Chinese girl defense mechanisms ("I don't want to bother you", "It's not good for you", "You don't love me", "Ok. Whatever. Fine. I don't care.") But despite all of this, I still persist in arguing month after month because I feel that: 1. I don't want to eat Chinese food every day of my life for the next 40 years and I don't think that feeling that way is unreasonable. 2. I think that a little "tough love" is in order as she will be better off increasing her tolerance for Western food. So, have you experienced this? What was it like? What was the outcome? Please let me know how you handled it. I know that a lot of people will want to say, "Just give her time." Ok, I will. Then what? Thanking you in advance!

Hello everyone! I wanted to share the news with all of you about my wife's recent change in status. I also wanted to report about the one challenge that we had in the immigration paperwork in hopes that others will be able to overcome it if/when they encounter it. I know that I haven't been posting here very often, but I have continued to be a regular reader and I thank everyone for sharing their stories and troubles. These discussions offer me a lot of insight into the heart and mind of a Chinese girl and help me to be a better husband. They also let me see that other people are encountering the same bumps that we are and it helps to remind me that neither she nor I are crazy, just different. Ok, well... I still think she's crazy, but not as crazy as I would have thought otherwise... (-_^) (I'm sure she thinks the same thing about me!) Anyway, our Green Card arrived without any request for an interview. It seems we may escape that challenge until the "removal of conditional status" green card change. I think this is fine because that gives us another two years to fret about possible interview questions... What if he asks me about your favorite way to eat asparagus? What should I say??? Anyway, about our challenging "RFE" from the USCIS; We received a letter saying that several documents were missing from my wife's medical packet. I must provide them by 7-6-08 or someone was going to be on a slow boat back to Shenyang. I assumed that these were documents that should have been in the big brown sealed envelope that my wife gave to the immigration officer upon arrival. I figured that, if she didn't have them in that package, then someone must have forgotten to include them in China and that, as this was a sealed envelope that we couldn't touch, this couldn't be considered my wife's mistake or held against her. I also remembered in the I-485 instruction package that women arriving on a K1 visa do not need to send a medical packet. They just need to send a copy of their vaccination form. I called the USCIS to ask about this. They were kind and helpful and told me, "No problem. Just write us a letter explaining this and send us what you can. The important thing is that you respond in a timely manner. This is what keeps your case open." I sent a letter explaining the situation. They sent a letter back saying that I now had until June 26 to provide the information or that slow boat was going to leave for China with one extra passenger. At this point, I figured that there was nothing to do but get another medical exam and a new set of medical forms. The doctor was kind, but we did have one issue. My wife tested positive for TB exposure. Note: She does not have tuberculosis, but she has been exposed to it somewhere in China and has antibodies for it in her blood. The doctor needed to confirm the test result with an X-Ray which caused a little delay in our paperwork. We offered to show him her X-Ray from her first exam in China, but he wanted to take his own. After checking this and fully confirming her TB-Negative status, the doctor provided us with a full medical packet. We shipped it off to the USCIS by certified mail. For some reason, it didn't arrive in three days like they thought it would at the Post Office. It arrived two weeks later and we almost missed the submission date! But luck was on our side and the documents arrived two days before the deadline. On July 2, I checked the USCIS website on a whim and saw that she was approved! We received the card yesterday. As always, thank you, everyone, for your good advice and for sharing your good and bad times. Wish us luck for the next steps. We wish all of you luck as well. http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8783/dsc02670yt2.jpg

On the topic, I have a lot of interesting Chinglish and Jinglish (Japanese English or Engrish as it is sometimes called). I sometimes will deliberately use my poor Asian language skills to joke with her. When I refered to her as a "wimp" one time (a running joke that we have because she can't open the Kimchi jar), she told me... "You shouldn't say wimp! You should say 'Onna rashii" (feminine)!" I replied, "It's true. You are 'Onara rashii'." (like a fart).

Well, thanks everyone for your input and ideas. I think I can get the gist of things and I will not worry so much about it. It is true that I don't expect my wife to become friends with anyone just because their Chinese. I think this would be compararble to someone saying to me, "You're from Detroit, huh? Do you know Frank?" But then, I did harbor the idea that people who shared the experience of life in China, Japan, and the United States might find something to talk about with her and that maybe a friendship would form and provide a support to her that I can't. But I seem to be having more luck just introducing her to my couple-friends. And that may be good enough. I do agree with everyone that a nonworking girl (no job yet) may not have much to talk about with new people. But honestly, I find that most Chinese and Japanese people have no end of fun talking together about how America is too dark, the food is too sweet, the place is too country, everything is too boring, the water is too cold, the meat is too salty, the cars are too big... (-_^) In any case, I will take the advice of people here and not worry about it. I will just do my best to introduce us to all kinds of friends and not worry about finding a Chinese support group. BUT... If there are any metro Detroiters out there interested in Sunday morning dim sum.... -_^

My wife is from the town of Shenyang.