robhon

Our little Sonny is now almost a month old. He's already changed quite a bit. During his week in the hospital he did little more than sleep, eat, poo, pee and cry. Sometimes it even seemed as though he could do all five simultaneously, although I neglected to document this. Nowadays he spends a lot of time just looking around at the new world around him. We'll lay him on our bed and just watch him as he's beginning to get a sense of his body. It's an odd scene. This one little baby laying in the middle of this big bed with 6 or 7 people all staring at him babbling in three, no four, different languages. (English, Cantonese, Mandarin and Sichuan dialect.) This kid's gonna be either smart as a whip or perpetually confused. I wrote before that Youyue had nixed the no-diaper scene while we were in the hospital. Well, within the day after arriving back at her parents' house in Hechuan the baby's great-grandmother over-ruled her decision. She said, "The baby's bottom is too red, it must be the diapers. You must stop using them." No one bothered to mention that his little butt wasn't any redder than the rest of him. I thought if there was any redness it was more likely due to the big yellow rasp of a wash cloth they use to bathe him. But when in Rome... A couple of weeks ago Sonny started breaking out with some pimples on his face. I found out that these are "immature oil glands" and they usually just go away in a couple of weeks. Here, in China, it's a call for Chinese medicine. Two weeks later, now the pimples are going away and I know there are two versions of why. Mine and everyone else's. From all I can tell the Chinese medicine does little more than turn his poo brown. It's my private little joke when ever I see the baby bottle of medicine coming. I tell him, "Okay, Sonny, it's time to paint your poo brown!" It doesn't bother me that they give him this stuff. I figure there are 1.3 billion other babies out there who survived their poo paintings. I'm sure Sonny will too. Slowly I'm getting used to holding Sonny without a diaper on. I'm not that excited about it. It just seems like a big hassle to this westerner. I'm telling you I have now seen poo and pee in contexts that I'd never expected. I've seen the baby's great-grandmother holding a huge pile of golden poo in the palm of her hand after an unexpected launch. They say she won at Mah Jong for a full week afterwards. I've seen two aunts with brown poo streaming down their pants and all over the baby. I, personally, almost got a shot of pee in the face and would have had I not been as quick. Youyue now affectionately calls this her "louh gung drinking orange juice." There is a little plastic bucket where he's "supposed" to be doing his little works but there seems to be little cooperation on his part. Maybe he's a rebel like his daddy. I'd say less than 10% ever makes in into the bucket but when it does there are cheers from around the room. There seems to be this issue particular to little boys, too. They hold him by his legs over the bucket making suggestions that he should go. But, if he pees and the bucket is close, it's all on the floor in front of the bucket. If he poos and the bucket is arranged for a pee, he hits the floor behind the bucket. I think he instinctively knows this and plays it up for all it's worth. I think this whole no-diapers thing works within a specific circumstance. First, you have to have a house with all marble floors because he just pees everywhere like a little puppy yet to be house broken. Funny, the family even refer to him as "shou gau gau", little puppy. Back home with wood floors and an oriental rug that I love, it's a problem. Second, you have to have a large number of people caring for the baby because every time he goes you have to change his clothes, your clothes and whatever rags you were using to try to contain the mess, which is rarely ever contained. When the are 5+ caretakers, no big deal. Again, back home with just Youyue, my mother and me around, I think we'll be a Pampers family. So far Youyue seems fine with this concept. It's been great to watch the streams of friends of the family come through to see the baby. They come by and each will place a little folded 100RMB note in his little hand and laugh and laugh and laugh. Everyone is just sooooo happy to see this little baby. The joy is incredibly infectious. Watching Sonny's great-grandmother bathe him is one of the more outrageous events to witness. She fills a bucket, similar to the one used for poo sessions, with warm water and that big yellow rasp of a wash cloth. Then she sits on a tiny stool next to the bucket. She strips him down bare, then she gets him in this headlock worthy of Jesse "the body" Ventura and proceeds to wail on him with that yellow rasp as if she's going for the heavy-weight title. Meanwhile he's screaming bloody murder the whole time as she's cooing to him saying everything is good. Secretly I'm hoping, later in life, when some pretty girl coos in his ear that he doesn't react similarly. His great-grandmother is seen to be ultimate authority in all matters pertaining to this little boy. I'm told this is because she had nine babies, of which, and I quote, "seven survived." Now, in my western statistics-minded way, I'm seriously hoping that my child has a better than 78% chance of surviving his great-grandmother's care before I get him into the US. I comfort myself by saying that it was a very very different world 50 years ago in China. If anything she'd end up smothering him with love. Family members, even now four weeks after the birth, are playing little tricks on each other to get time holding little Sonny. Just yesterday Sonny's great-grandmother got me. I was holding him and he was all comfy and happy. She walks up to me and puts her hands out saying, "It's time to eat dinner, let me hold the baby." I hand him over and go to the table. Well, turns out dinner is a LONG way off, like, an hour later we ate. She's a tricky one! I also watched the other day when Youyue's mother went over to the crib and wakes him up just so she'd have reason to hold him. And the aunt's all listen for his first tiny peep signaling he'll be getting up soon. Then they are at his crib in a flash ready to take him away. I'm pretty much staying confined to the house with my wife while she endures this post-birth lock up. We eat at home every morning, noon and night. The other night I had a great experience with Youyue's father. With lunch and dinner we usually drink Chinese beer and do all that regular toasting. This one evening he poured a bowl of hard liquor but it didn't seem to be that same clear stuff that I've has so many times before. This stuff is dark and very tasty. We toast our way through dinner with those flat-bottom spoons filled each time. When we finish the bowl he asks if I want more. Over protests from all the women I say, Of course. He then goes into the back and brings out this huge old-fashioned green glass lab jar with a glass lid. It's filled to the top with blackberries and liquor. It turns out it IS that same Chinese hard liquor but he's been stewing it in these blackberries for two years. He was obviously quite proud of it. As the Youyue counts down the days until she can take a shower again more and more family members are arriving in anticipation of the coming banquet. It's going to be a house packed full of people. My mother has even decided to fly in for the week. About the first time Youyue is taking her first shower in 40 days our little baby is going to be having his head shaved for the banquet. I've not read up on all the traditions of this event but, not unlike our wedding, I'm sure it will be an experience of a lifetime. BTW, we're still getting regular phone calls from that local government person who'd suggested the baby would have to be aborted if we couldn't prove this was my only child. Each of these phone calls now is met with a response, "I don't know where they are." or "I think she moved to Shenzhen to have the baby." or "They left the country already." I'm hoping nothing will blow up if they find the baby actually is here. Youyue's mother and father, as far as I can tell, seem to have the situation under control.

If AOF were doing something "of substance" then, yes, react with all vigor. But for christ sake folks, this is an online forum! The only thing he's accomplishing is what you let him accomplish. Reacting in the childish manner that I've seen so many people here do is FAR worse. I literally feel like I'm watching a bunch of little kids arguing over who poked who first. If he were a kid poking other kids in the eye with a stick, I'd punish him. But it's just not the case. He's absolutely harmless. If there is one thing that we all hold dear in this country is for people to state their opinions no matter how unpopular.

Thank you, Jiefly. Another reasonable person. If you don't like what he says, don't respond. If he has something valuable to contribute. Let him. Just stop the acrid remarks! ..jeez.

You know, when I was a little kid and me and my brother would get into fights my father would always say, "It takes two to tango." Everytime people here respond with negative comments to AOF you are equally as guilty of causing an offense against all of us here at Candle. My dad would also say, "Just cut it out!!"

Why is it everyone gets so suckered into responding to this guy every time? I usually find everyone's responses far more offensive than his original comments.

Oh! You must have been eating in a fancy place if you got a little plate to spit things into. In Chongqing eating with my wife's family, even though I've long grow accustom to their ways, I still have a hard time also displaying the same manners. I think sometimes they think I'm being a little strange when I pile my sunflower seed shells into a pile on the table rather than all over the floor. I gotta agree this is a great topic. I've got a thing to add to that... This is something I've been noticing for a while. What is it with the toilet tissue there that won't tear on the perforations. It must be some kind of magic Chinese trick. No matter how hard I try I (and everyone else I see) has to RRRRIP the tissue in half between the perfs. This physics from another planet, I tell you.

My mother, who desperately wants her daughter-in-law and new grandson in the US, called the NVC again today. Here's what she said: ---snip---- I called NVC again just to check about the date. She was a little snippy but confirmed that indeed the material was sent on the 5th and that it takes 15 BUSINESS days or 3 weeks to get to GZ. So that is Friday or Monday. Let's hope that's the case. ---snip--- I think the mailroom theory is the best. I'm sure our case is there in GZ sitting in a box waiting for someone who doesn't want to deal with it. I wish I could just walk in and over to that box and point to our case and say, "YOU SEE, IT'S THIS ONE!!!"

We got verbal confirmation from the NVC that our case was forwarded to GZ on Sept 5th but just today I got an email response from GZ that they don't have it and it's probably at the NVC. (Boy, talk about finger pointing...) We also know a DHL shipment went out from the NVC to GZ on Sept 8, and has been delivered. We're hoping our case is in that batch but don't know for sure. Anyone have any ideas about how to locate where our case might really be?

I don't evenfind I have to use any adapter anywhere except in HK. In China all the wall outlets are those funky multi purpose things that try to fit every conceivable plug. In fact, I'm using one right now in Chongqing!

Would "the bane of our immigration experiences" be a better definition?

Thanks everyone! Baby Sonny and mother Youyue are both doing very well. We've now left the hospital and are back at Youyue's parent's house in Hechuan. The baby is just a joy! He's such a good baby too. Youyue can now do late night feedings with the baby hardly making a peep. And handle the other end of things. I change the diaper while he's all engaged in nipple work. Youyue just has one major discomfort, other than the expected pains from her C-section. The Chinese tradition is that the mother doesn't bathe for 40 days. It's making her very uncomfortable with herself, but she does what her family tells her. Personally, I hardly notice it. I just get so beside myself with joy whenever I see her or the baby. If pleasure could ever be so intense as to kill you, this is what it would feel like.

My mother called the NVC early Friday morning and they told her our case was forwarded to GZ on Sept 5th. Yay!! One more step along the road home.

Again, I would say even though it feels unfair, the two situations are not the same. It's apples and oranges. Amnesty for illegals is less of a real immigration issue and more an issue of economics. All of our situations are far more straight-forward immigration issues.

I definitely agree with Dave. It's politics, though. And I don't think it's isolated to CA either. Politicians are enacting laws in manners that fit their constituencies and keep them in office (not to mention keeping their best contributors happy). Lawmakers, as far as I've ever seen, have rarely been interested in creating laws that are fair in all scenarios. Hell, you'd never get re-elected doing that.

You know, I think it's a mistake to compare any of our situations here on this site with those of illegals from Mexico. We may be governed by the same malfunctioning government body but there are worlds of difference. Our country needs those people! Like it or not they serve a vital role in our economy. We can't afford to stop them coming in. We can't afford to send them home. These are the people who do the work "we" don't want to do. Who's the last person whom you went to school with or who has been a long personal friend who actually makes up rooms in a hotel or actually picks fruit and vegetables for a living. Those jobs aren't going to get automated very soon, and our beds still have to be made and food has to get to our tables. I would add that the illegal immigrant situation is a function of a very wealthy nation sharing a border with a vastly poorer nation. Think supply and demand. We have jobs that need to be done. They have workers who want those jobs. The more money spent stemming the flow of illegals only serves to tip the scales of economics in the opposite direction. It's a lose-lose proposition. I believe this is exactly why you see politicians pushing for amnesty for illegals.

Oh! That's right, Tine and Ella. And I had just read that too. Just to clarify something I said earlier.... I said I wouldn't trade a minute of this for all the money in the world. I would just add a caveat that, given we knew we were having the baby in China, I wouldn't trade it for all the money. In general the hospital has been very good. Lots of attentive nurses and very clean relative to other hospitals I've seen here. But, I would MUCH rather have had our child in the US. Relative to American hospitals, well, I'd say this place would be closed down in a NY minute if it were in the US. I hope everyone else here gets there loved one here before the birth. It will certain be less "adventuresome" but far safer and cleaner.

Oh, and BTW, in that picture he's only about a two hours old. It's amazing how much nicer they look if they don't have to pass through that ol' birth canal. And, thank you everyone for all your nice responses. Patience, Dave, you're next! Get a little extra sleep while you can, like I did. I know it's going to a hard commodity to come by in the coming months.

It was really interesting, on one of my trips over here to China I was an American woman holding a tiny baby so I had to go talk with her. Her baby looked very Chinese and she said her husband was Chinese. Then she said, "But the other one looks more American." And she pointed over to the baby's twin sister laying on the seat next to her. Oh my god, they were both sooooo cute. My update... The women of the family are starting to really see me as an "adequate" father. Although, I think I'm probably stepping on some of their toes by taking some of their work away (changing diapers, feeding, etc.) but, it is my child and I know they'll all survive my Western way. Youyue is still recouperating and hasn't had much of a chance to spend quality time with the baby. The doctors keep her on an IV and won't let her feed until after that's finished. The hospital has been very good. They only deliver babies here. And, unlike the US, mother and child stay at the hospital (family and all) for at least a week to 10 days after the birth. It's been such an amazing experience. Not just the experience of becoming a father but becoming a father while in China, facing all the cultural and family issues along the way. I wouldn't trade one moment of it for all the money in the world.

Born: 9/3/2003 10:28am Chongqing, China English Name: Sonny ("We had a little son, thought we'd call him Sonny" - Paul Simon) 3320g. (7lbs 5oz) Chinese name: pending consultation with fortune teller Mother and baby are doing very well. Since he was breach they wouldn't even consider doing anything but a C-section here in China. We got to choose the birthday ourselves. We chose ASAP. He's a little trooper. Has hardly cried at all. He has a very Caucasian complexion but has his mother's Asian facial features too. The doctor's first words were, "Oh! This one is very white." I've been battling Youyue's mother, two aunts and a grandmother for a little time with my baby. Slowly they are coming around to realize I am not a gorrilla. I wish I could post a picture here but I don't now how. I'll post one online soon.

My lawyer told me long ago that a tourist visa is out of the question if you have any intent to immigrate. They ask you that question directly when applying for a tourist visa. You'd have to lie and say no to be eligible, which in turn would jeapordize your immigration status. In other words, not a good idea at all. (According to my lawyer.)

Bobmal, You must be a doctor or a dentist. The last person to say that to me was holding a rather large syringe.

There's one gift that I know they all love over there. Fa kei saam. It's American ginsing. It's really prized over there. There's lots of it here in the SF area. Too bad I'm at the airport right now getting ready to go over. Otherwise I'd get some for you.

The both of you act like little children who can't manage to behave around each other. And, no, I don't care who started it.

Yeah, I think my uncle in the X-Files division was able to pull a few strings.

Got a phone call today from someone at the FBI asking if I've heard anything regarding our case yet. I said, "No, I've heard absolutely nothing." She told me our case was cleared with the FBI on August 21st and was forwarded to the DOS. She then gave me the DOS phone number where I can follow up. I called the number but the office was closed for the day. I'm not 100% sure but I believe this means our security check has been completed. Does anyone know if you can pull up the status of your case on their website?