robhon

This is somewhat related to the previous topic I started regarding money... but it's also a little different. Recently we had a little over-seas crisis going related to Youyue's younger brother. He's 23yo, in a military school in Beijing and has a job working in the military hospital (repairing physical thearapy equipment?). Well, news came over that he had an opportunity to get a government job. He just needed to give this person who was getting him the position 20,000RMB. They were claiming this was an incredible opportunity for him but they were having trouble coming up with the money. Personally, I found the whole notion of buying a job offensive. I know it's how things quite often work there but I also think it's one of China's biggest problems. Does anyone here know anything more about this topic? Just trying to get a little perspective here.

Thanks se_lang! Great to hear you two are together now!! It's such a relief, isn't it. I think our situation regarding $$ is really complicated. It's a combination of her family being so large (lots of lending and borrowing amongst them), her family having no real sense of money in America, YY's father being a developer (and all that associated with property speculation in China), and, as well, me not being entirely comfortable because I don't have a full sense of all their finacial situations. Funny story (kind'uv). At one point YY's father needed some financial help for his business and they were asking if I could loan them money. I said, "Sure, we can look at that." I asked to see finacial information regarding the properties he was developing. I wanted to see basic income and balance sheets. I suggested that we could either look at making a loan or we could possibly buy a stake in one of his ventures. I told them I wouldn't even consider it without fully understanding what we were getting into. Well, the whole issue got dropped after that. Several times they asked for the loan and each time I'd ask for paperwork. After a while they just quit asking. The hard part of this is I don't think they understand. In China, I think if you're family, you probably just automatically make loans like this no questions asked. I'd even imagine the banks are not even asking for so much (it's amazing what deals can be made over a few dozen "gambei's"). This really is tough stuff. But I also know we'll get through it all. Love conquers all, you know!

Adding to this issue for us is the fact that Youyue has a VERY large family. Between her mother and father there are 12 aunts and uncles. All with children of their own. Youyue always incredibly beholden to all her family for taking such good care of her as a child. And, on top of everything, her father is a developer and has two buildings he's self-financing and building. They run into all kinds of banking and payroll problems. One other factor in this is, her family is definitely... how to say... non-urban. They fair from Hechuan, about an hour outside of Chongqing. So, I think they aren't quite as part of the "new economy" as others who come from the economic development zones. I've seen many of my Chinese employees work so hard and send a large portion of their earnings back home. I'm sure it's not the rule but in more traditional families I think it very much is expected. Though Youyue and I have had numerous heavy discussions about this whole topic it's not something that worries me in terms of our relationship. We both see it as just one of those big issues that families sometimes have to work through.

Unbridled joy?

I'd suggest you do whatever it takes to stay within the guidelines for financial support. It ain't that hard. And having your father on the forms doesn't hurt. I don't think the look at how FAR above the guidelines you fall. If you're over, you're good.

Has anyone here on Candle been able to come to a comfortable resolution on this topic? Since finally getting Youyue here, with one baby, another one on the way and starting a new business I've taken a very hard line on giving money (for the time being). This topic comes up with freakish regularity and is always followed with long discussions about how money works in America. I'm definitely NOT opposed to sending money. I understand the cultural implications for the Chinese. But what I don't think I've been able to explain well enough is how, yes we ARE Americans but we are NOT all super wealthy like on TV. I try to explain cash flow, mortgage, credit cards, income, equity, yaddi-yaddi-ya... but it doesn't matter. We could be standing on the edge of bankrupcy (which we're not!) and still Youyue would have this inescapable desire to send thousands of $$ back to her family on an ongoing basis. And, to fuel the fire, she gets regular nightmare stories from her mother about how much money they desperately need. Poor Youyue is often in tears over it. And I still have to continually tell her that, no we can't send another $2500 to your mother. I am literally having a hard time getting her to understand how important it is to 1) Pay the mortgage and other living expenses, 2) put $ away for the kids' college, 3) put $ away for retirement, and THEN, and only then, send money back to China. I know she can't help it but sending money back, by cultural default, automatically jumps to the top of her list. One other note, I think Chinese/American couples are caught in the middle somehow. Our kids are certainly not going to be giving me money when I get old. I don't expect it. I won't accept it. So I have to take care of our kids and take care of us when we get older. But the family in China hasn't been working on that scenario. They've all been banking on their kids doing well so that they will be supported in old age. So, there I have to add more to the list of people I've become responsible for. This is a bit of airing dirty laundry but I know I'm not alone in this situation. Anyone been able to wrestle this issue into a comfortable balance?

Yeah, it's been a while since I checked in. Life is more hectic than I thought imaginable. Five weeks ago Youyue and Sonny took off back to visit Chongqing, giving me the time to focus on work, work work. I leave this evening to go spend a week with the whole family there before returning on Tuesday. Updates: Youyue is preggy with #2. Due April 10, 2005. Afterward we'll post a compare/constrast of having a baby in China vs in America. Should be action packed reading. Sonny is walking now. He's a real lady killer! He sees young women, gives a little look, and they are totally in his spell. Latest pics: http://homepage.mac.com/robhon/PhotoAlbum25.html And more: http://homepage.mac.com/robhon/PhotoAlbum26.html YY's finger print appt and her EAD paperwork arrived the very same day she was headed out to China. (Thank you Murphy, and your stupid law too.) We were able to resched the fingerprint appt. The EAD MUST be picked up the Friday after she returns or all is for naught. My younger brother (23 yo) got a position teaching English in Shenzhen this year. He's there now and having a blast. I'll be meeting him in about 24 hrs and taking him up to visit with the family in CQ. Here are his pics: http://homepage.mac.com/micahbruce/PhotoAlbum4.html All-in-all, this side of the waiting (AOS, EAD, blah blah blah) is soooooo much easier just because we're together. My heart goes out to all of you who are still in the NOA1 NOA2 P3 P4 nightmare. I remember people telling me when I was freaking out last year: It REALLY does eventually end. I know it doesn't help that much to hear it but, for what it's worth, it's true.

Here are some of the latest photos of Youyue, Sonny and me. http://homepage.mac.com/robhon/PhotoAlbum23.html And our latest news is that Youyue is pregnant with #2 now!! Just found out Monday! YAY!

If you get that far with your honey in your arms just declare that you hope to never visit the consulate in GZ ever again!

And when are we to expect a little Du(de)? Really big congrats! Sorry to have missed you in GZ.

Gotta agree with Dave here. If someone's playing these kind of games with money then she's probably better off without him. I hate to say GZ was doing anyone a favor but they may just have done her a favor. Just too bad she had to wait all the way until the interview to be denied.

There are also visa offices in HK and Kowloon. I wonder if those also are shut down. I know before you could get 24 hour service from those places.

I wish I could find the phone number for that little visa office at LoWu to get the facts straight from the horse's mouth... Did they just put that guy out of business, or what?

I have read every response here in your rapidly expanding thread, but in reference to getting a visa fast, just do it at the border in SZ at LoWu station. Fly in to HK, take the trains to LoWu, there is a little booth in the station that does visas in about 3 hours. It's kind of boring wait but it's great in a pinch. If you need further details about how to get there and where it is just email me. BTW, I was really bummed to hear of this situation. My heart goes out to the both of you.

Youyue uses an old Handspring Visor I had laying around with the Oxford English&Chinese dictionary loaded on it. Allows C-E and E-C translations. Also allows Chinese character entry method. Available at: www.pleco.com I also have the same loaded on my Treo phone. We've been using this for a long time and it's been great. If you already have a Palm device it's a cheap option at $49.