chengdu4me

Only half jokingly I say to you...Make yourself like the GM of the 70's..."Like a rock!"...however, do not ever allow yourself to become the current GM...stuck in a rut and in need of being bailed out. Being flexible is important. Being stable is important. Think of your marriage like the different divisions of a business. YOU are the sales division. It is your responsibility to bring in the cash to help the business keep running. SHE is the Accounting and Finance department. It is her job to make sure that every dime is accounted for and spent wisely, that there is sufficient cash reserves for any contingency and to let the sales department (YOU) know what your sales output needs to be to support the company. Whenever your brain wants to let the words out.."I can't", it is time to go to the design department (YOU, again) and come up with a plan so that becomes "I will", or "I did". By the way, the design department is overseen by Accounting and Finance so this is the time to meet with the head of that department and listen to ideas and suggestions on how to best redesign your sales projections. Have all the dreams you want, as long as the first three dreams are "family stability", "family health", and "family happiness". After those are taken care of 110%, then you can go on to dream #4, whatever that is. She will probably want to help with all those dreams, so English classes and drivers license are the first majority steps to helping her get settled and comfortable. After that, just love her and support her needs.

Sorry, but I see red flags here. Perhaps it is my own past experiences that make me see them when none exist. Perhaps it is my past experiences that allow me to see them...I can't say for sure. But, I do know one thing. Anyone that DEMANDS anything from me gets ignored.

I would be surprised...no...make that shocked! if she is not prepared to pay her own rent if need be. "Need" being, if you don't/can't/won't. Hopefully she is saving money and by getting you to sent her money, she is saving even more. Then there is the other side of the coin...I have gotten to know a few Chinese women that will spend every dime they can get their hands on and then borrow from everyone they know so they can spend more. This is an issue you need to find out about before you get much farther. As far as how to do that, I can't tell you...I'm just not that smart. Even hinting at the suggestion that she might be using you for money will get into a hornet's nest that you may not want to get near. But, I will say this. Any woman that does not have a sizable savings built up after ten years on the same job is worth taking a closer look at. This just isn't normal Chinese thinking. Prepare for the future, whatever the future may bring is the norm. Anything other than that is suspect.

Dan, this probably won't be what you want to hear, but... How's her English? If not good enough to understand job training and instructions, then she needs to get into school to learn English before she tries to find a job. Other than that, her options are very limited. In the meantime, you might need to come up with the money for Mom's medical treatments. Difficult to do when you are recovering from a heart attack and not working. Let her help you get healthy and get back to work so you can take care of the financial needs and that will take some pressure off of her. She isn't going to just drop into American and go to work. It doesn't work that way. Too many people out of work right now for her to battle an uphill climb due to language issues. Solve that issue first and then she will be more confident to join the work force. Remain patient and supportive, no matter what comes. Coming from a teaching career into the U.S. where she is menial labor isn't easy for her. But with some language training and some acclimation of her surroundings, she will begin to see her opportunities.

Take it slow, Robert. Complete ONE form, check it, double check it. Then put it away! Then wait until the next day. Do the next form the same way, and so on and so on. Don't work on this stuff when you are tired or have other issues on your mind. Rushing will only create mistakes. Being slow and thorough will take less time than correcting errors or omissions. You don't need a lawyer. As many have said, they are just another obstacle that you have to deal with. You can do this. You have the collective help of this group of hotpot(pun intended) immigration experts. Nothing about your case will require anything more than attention to detail and common sense. Now sleep for a few days and get back in your own time zone.

My wife is Han. I am told that I am now American Chinese. However, before this came about, I was Irish, Welsh, English, German, Scottish mix. 150 years ago, if you gave this particular mix a boat, they became Americans...

They keep manufacturing going by lowering wages. The wages for most factory workers have been cut by 35 - 50% over the past year and half. A factory worker in Chengdu that works 14 hours a day, 6 days a week will earn an average of 800 - 1000 Yuan/month. A year and a half ago, it was 1600 - 2000 a month.

I am assuming that she has a Chinese passport with her K-1 visa in it. And she has her new passport with no visas in it. She will need both. The visa in her old passport is still valid. She will need the new passport to show that she has the 6 month validity. Just keep them both together.

Have you had a family meeting on the subject of monthly expenses? This is a good way to illustrate your point to him without directly illustrating your point to him. By discussing all the cost of running a home, cars, insurance, foreseen and unforeseen expenses, he will get an idea of exactly what financial aid you are providing him. Lay out the house payment/rent, utilities, car payments, insurance, groceries, etc. Somewhere in there, slip in a comment about what amount is each persons responsibility. Perhaps he will change his tune when he discovers that it would cost him X thousands of dollars of his own money to live in this manner. Perhaps he can do basic math and he will quickly figure out that it is not a good idea to piss off the money tree. People that work at McD's as their primary source of support do not have a decent home and a Trans Am to drive. He grew up in a different environment and culture, but he is an adult now, by Chinese and American standards..perhaps it is time he learned what an adult is responsible for. My 14 year old understands that the pampering days are over and that there are costs to his independence. His work day is at school and if he doesn't get the good grades I expect, ALL his privileges are gone until the next reporting period. He appealed to his mother and his grandmother on the "fairness" of this attitude of mine...they both said..."He is your father..it is best that you obey him. He knows the value of his education and he wants the same for you." This is earth. Money talks, BS walks...I have the money, he has the BS...seems like we live on the same planet...

I don't know about Guangzhou, but there is a NorthFace store here in Chengdu. It is the real product. I have been buying NorthFace garments for years. I know the real thing when I see/feel/inspect it. But, they are expensive...even with the exchange rate, more expensive than the U.S. stores

Now that airlines offer a direct flight from Shanghai to Mexico City, I think that there will a lot more of this.

Surely you jest, Jin! The culture of equal respect for women does not exist in China. If it did, why do so many of you want out??? Women are paid less for the same job, work more hours, are treated like slaves and housekeepers by their husbands, are beaten for being disobedient....yup...sure sounds like equal respect to me!!! Just cause Mao the Murderer said it, doesn't make it true or accepted.

Whether you should even bother depends on a few things. Are you wanting to get married again in China? Are you wanting to file for a visa for someone that you want to bring to the US? Did you file for a visa for her (your future ex)as her husband? If not, why bother? Unless you have the notarial certificate from China authenticating your marriage, then as far as any government (local, state, fed) is concerned, it never happened. If you do have it, burn it. There ya go... She certainly can't come here and try to exercise any rights as your spouse. Any paperwork she could send to an attorney here would have to be authenticated. That can't happen without her or the notary here on US soil. We all know that won't happen. She isn't going to be able to get a tourist visa to come to a local courthouse and there is no way to successfully subpoena her. In this case, what happened in China, stays in China. If she wants a divorce, let her file for it. Otherwise, claim yourself as free and single.

Our family of three lives pretty well on less than 500 USD a month...

I had a encounter with a man when I was in the Air Force over thirty years ago. We were in a small country in SE Asia. We were both trying to not get blown to bits. He was clearly a descendant of African people, and I, a descendant of Anglo's. He was doing everything he could to protect his fellow soldiers, if they were of the same ancestry. Those that were not, were systematically pushed out of the cover we were under as others were moved in. I wasn't about to be pushed out and as he spouted some racially explicit comment to/at me, I took out my knife and sliced the hell out of his hand. Then I did the same to mine and I grabbed his hand and held on tight. After a bit, I let go and I asked him..which is your blood and which is mine? Some of his buddies laughed at him...he got pissed..he also stabbed me as payback...but he found a new respect for me and we all fought on the same side the rest of the night...and we ALL went back to base in the morning under our own power! Those of you who don't know this...I will enlighten you..we are all of one set of parents...Adam and Eve...color of skin, physical features, skeletal structure...all are the results of thousands and thousands of years of environmental influence and diet...we all have the same number of bones, one heart, one liver, two kidneys, red blood, and fragile egos...

It is an interesting contrast. FineArt speaks of the virtues and the blessings in sharing with the family and being able to help. The writer of the article in the OP speaks of the hardships and frustration and fear of exactly the same thing. Wanting to help family is an admirable quality. Too often, and sometimes unknown to the generous child/helper, there are others in the family that feel it is OK to take advantage of that generosity. Take the writers situation...giving and not knowing how such generosity will affect their future because they do not know if they will be repaided. Now the writer is in fear of their own future security. FineArt does not mentions siblings. Do you have brothers and /or sisters? Does this generosity extend to them as it does to your parents? It is a stark contrast between American and Chinese culture that this extension of generosity does not apply in such pronounced terms. In America, parents want their children to be successful and happy, and in many cases, that means that they forget the burdens of their family and go out and seek their own fortune. The children that are able sometimes help out their parents, but many do not.

The wrung-out mop...that now applies to you. This is a situation that if you are getting the straight story is intolerable. Feeling helpless is the worst feeling, especially when it come to kids welfare. I have it pretty easy when it comes to her side of the family. They ask for nothing. My wife, along with the other four daughters all give their Mom 100 Yuan each every month. That pays her rent and utilities. Moms pension is pretty good and provides her with all the income she needs and with our combined help, she saves some every month. "Mom" is the Sam Walton of Chengdu. She has money socked away, but you'd never know it. She lives in welfare housing with no electricity or running water and she is quite content. She is a devote Buddhist and sees no reason to have anything you don't absolutely need. We have tried to get her to move into a decent home, but she will not hear of it. She is two blocks from the Buddhist temple and that is where she spends her days. As I said, I have it pretty easy. All the daughters husbands work and then can support their families in at least a decent lifestyle. No one has asked anything of me since I arrived. Maybe that will change, maybe not...I'm not stingy, but I am not giving anyone our safety net. I have a bottom line for savings that I will not go below no matter what the circumstance. That money is for emergencies that involve my son, my wife, and me. I kinda of made it very clear to my wife that when I came here that my priority would be her and our son. Everybody else gets in line and if/when I can afford to help, I'll let them know. Apparently she passed the word along to the family because no one has come by to hit up the rich American.

This is the part of culture and tradition that can leave you feeling like a wrung-out mop. I feel for her. She is caught between a rock and a hard place. There really isn't any way out of these situations without burning a bridge...

Two words? That's all I get? OK here goes... Holy S---! S--'- Gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your presence and support (sober) at her interview will be a great! You done good!

WOW! Congrats! A long road with a happy ever after!!!!

Well there you have it, they need to be Citizens or LPR of US, Can, Mex. So nope, you cannot claim. Actually, he fails two tests. The citizenship test and the Total Support test. He must have provide at least 50.001% of their support for the entire tax year. They only stayed with him for 7 months. The other thing is that to claim them, they would need to have an ITN or a SS#. I was a nice thought , though....

From the IRS website: To be claimed as a qualifying relative, the person must meet all of the following criteria: Not a qualifying child - The dependent cannot be a qualifying child of another taxpayer. Gross Income ¨C The dependent earns less than the personal exemption amount during the year. For 2008, this means the dependent earns less than $3,500. Total Support ¨C You provide more than half of the dependent's total support during the year. Relationship ¨C You are related to the dependent in certain ways. Joint Return ¨C If the dependent is married, the dependent cannot file a joint return with his or her spouse. Citizenship ¨C The dependent must be a citizen or resident alien of the United States, Canada, or Mexico.

Need more info...Where are you going? How long will you be there? Both of her parents still alive? Brothers? Sisters? Kids? Ages? As far as paperwork goes, I would suggest that you leave all your receipts with her, airline ticket stubs, boarding passes. But make copies of them all for your own record keeping. Also, take a camera and a SD card with at least 2 Gig of memory. Make sure your camera is set to date/time stamp the pictures. Download all the pictures on to her computer before you leave. But do not delete them from your camera. Bring them home and save them on your own computer, as well. As far as stuff goes for your needs, take enough clothes for three days. She will make sure you have clean clothes one way or the other. Don't lug a bunch of crap you won't need. Save the space in your bag for gifts. I don;t know what size shirt you wear, but you will have problems finding anything over a size 52 if you want to buy clothes there. Shoes go up to size 11. No such thing as a boat with laces. Find out what things her parents, relatives like that are American and take some of those for them.

Under "Category" it should say "L". That would be a tourist visa. Under "Entries" if it says "M", that is multiple entries. Under "Duration of Stay", there will be a 30, 60, or 90. That is how long you can stay after you receive the entry stamp at Chinese customs. Also, note that the expiration date is a little different. It says "Must Enter By". that means that if you get an entry stamp in China on or before that date, you can now stay up to the limit of days in the "Duration of Stay"