chengdu4me

I know this much. Teachers in China are underpaid and overwhelmed. The average work day for a teachers is 13 hours. When my son started this school year, we had a talk. I told him that he must get good grades and that if he was having any trouble that he should come to me and I would get him the help he needs. He said he would do that. He said he understood completely. He didn't do that. I don't care about their culture of never asking for help or asking questions. He failed to do what he promised to do. It is as simple as that. Now, he gets my help. He gets it in the form of tutors and myself, every evening for three hours. Every Saturday for four hours and then he will study and do practice exams the rest of the day. Students at my school in Xinjin go to classes from 8 am until 9 pm. He is about to find out what that is like. If he can't bring his grades up by the end of this semester (Spring Break), I will enroll him at my school in Xinjin and he can join the ranks of the 13 hour a day/6 day a week students. The bottom line is that I and he will do whatever it takes, regardless of the pain, suffering, and cost to ensure he gets a good education. What he does with that education is up to him, but he will have it as a foundation for his future...or he will die trying.... A few of you know me. I am an education fanatic. I have four Masters Degrees and I spend 29 years at university study. I doubt anyone could ever lecture me on the importance of a good education. Failure is not an option! Death before D's!!!

That is an interesting take on it, but nope. I asked around. Only the parents are allowed on school grounds anywhere in China. "Foreign Parents by Marriage" (Foreign Step-parents) not included in this rule. As the thread continued, Stone, the focus has changed from the schools attitude towards foreigners to one of my sons performance at school. That is now the bigger issue.

Thank you all for your input. Being the "Dad" of a teenager is a new experience for me. My sole concern is not for myself or his teachers. My sole concern is for his future. I do know that I have to put together a "team" to ensure his success. That must include his mother, myself, my son, and his teachers. Everyone must do their job for this to have a positive outcome. But, the big job is his. He must take his education seriously and soak up what myself , his teachers, his tutors try to teach him. And, he must ask questions, throw up a flag...something!... if he doesn't understand. His mother cannot help him much other than to talk to him. She only has a 9th grade education herself. Teaching him English, Science, Algebra are beyond her educational capabilities. I can work with him on his English. I will hire tutors to help him with his Science and Algebra. These subjects are going to require discussions in the mother tongue, so I am useless in that area. We have five universities/colleges in our neighborhood. I ought to be able to find plenty of help. I'll go to see my friend at the University today. He is the Dean of one of the schools there. He can point me in the right direction to find tutors. Giving him Sunday off is a conscious decision. In my work at the middle school in Xinjin, I see these same grade kids not getting enough exercise. They are unruly and way over-amped in class. I firmly believe that the cause of this is not enough exercise. Chinese children, as a group don't get nearly enough exercise. I want to give him one day a week to go out and burn off his week. Putting him in "prison" will not accomplish anything. Kids can't see beyond their next meal, so if he think his life is completely over, he will give up. Depression and apathy will not solve this problem. He will need a balance of many things. Exercise is one of them. He has lost his allowance..no need for money..he ain't going anywhere to spend it. He has lost his computer games...time to play? ...time to study! He has lost his nightly outing with his friends...I ask him if his friends would pay his bills when he is an adult...he agreed that while friends are important, education is more important. Now, boys and girls...I am not stupid! I know that he thinks this will blow over and that he thinks that as long as he tells me what I want to hear that everything will calm down and life will go back to what he wants it to be. But...it won't. It will take him awhile to realize this and to really understand his options. The truth is this..his options are get a good education and succeed in life or become a street sweeper. His options are accomplish what I set out for him to accomplish or suffer. I am not a Chinese parent. I will treat him exactly the way my father treated me and my brother and sister. All money stops the day his education stops. As long as he is in school, he is welcome to live with us and I will fully support him and the cost of his schooling. When he gets money from me, he better be saving some of it. I have told him this. If he didn't take that message to heart, that is his problem. I will hire tutors for him for the remainder of this term. If his grades don't improve, then it will be obvious that he just doesn't care enough to bother. If that is the case, I stop the tutoring and let him fail on his own. No sense in throwing money at a problem if it can't solve it. If his grades do improve, then we will continue the tutors and give back "some", but not all of the privileges.

Perhaps the Chinese aren't so dumb. If I had been allowed on the school grounds, when I found out his grades for this half-term, I would have killed him. We have some work to do, hire tutors, more studying...lots more studying! Chinese Language = B Math (Algebra)= F English = D Science (Physics)= D His evening basketball games are over. Computer games are over. Playing with his friends on any day except one day a week is over. He can have Sundays off, but the other six days a week, his nose will be glued to a book, he will have Math and Science tutors and I will be hammering him on English the five evenings a week I am home. I cannot allow my son to continue the spiral of poverty that has gripped his family for generations. Time for tough love!

School property is very tightly controlled. For my wife to go to our sons school, she must have his school registration papers with her to prove she is a parent of a child that attends that school. But, I would think that showing our marriage books would prove we are married and that I am his Dad. Nope! Not a chance! If I was Chinese man married to my wife, I could go. Only because I am a foreigner am I not allowed. This is unacceptable!

No...no complaining..I'll let my money do the talking. I will discuss with my wife and son about taking him out of public school and enrolling him in a private school. This is MY son! I WILL be involved in his education! I WILL have access to his teachers!

My son just finished his mid-term exams a couple weeks ago. My wife is at the school now for a conference with his head teacher. Every parent gets this conference with the head teacher. Well, almost every parent. If you are a laowei, you are not welcome to attend. I'm supposed to be his Dad. I support him, I pay for his education. But, I am not welcome at his school. My wife told me that if I went, the security guards would not let me in. Chinese parents only!

This happened a long time ago, but I was in the AF for fours years active and two years inactive reserves. I spent a total of 165 days on actual active duty...as in working everyday on the AF base. The rest of the time, I spent in college full-time or in AF Tech Schools. Yup, AF is the way to go if you want a better education and very little threat of actual combat.

Congrats Rachel! This is what we all hope and plan for! Welcome Home, Will!

This is a subject I didn't discuss with my wife. I just did what I thought was appropriate. Basically, I took my expected life span, subtracted my current age and then divided by two...then calculated what she would need to live comfortably each year and then added 6% to each year for inflation. The math was this... expected life span 95 years. Current age 55 Subtraction = 40 years Divide by 2 (just in case I die early(this is the part they don't want to talk about)) Total = 20 years Ok...she needs enough money to last twenty years, but she is 10 years younger than me, so make that 30 years. 5,000 RMB per month = 60,000 RMB for the first year 60,000 + 6%, then compound each year for thirty years It came out to 5,025,000 RMB(rounding), which is 750,000 USD. So, that's what I bought. I paid for the entire policy up front..all 30 years of premiums, recalculated for the discount for paying all at once (It is a lot cheaper this way, if you have the cash!) I did this before I left America. Most people won't need that much insurance because they have other assets. Here in China..cash works best. When we got married I gave her the packet with the policy, agents name, my attorneys name, my estate attorneys name, and instructions how to file the claim. She looked at it,said...ting bu dong! and put it away...as her English improves, I'll explain it again. This is one of those issues that you "just take care of"...a discussion is not needed and usually isn't appreciated. Also, get an estate attorney and create a living trust for both of you when she arrives. Putting everything in writing once prevents too many uncomfortable conversations later. But the biggest benefit is that all she has to do is call your estate attorney and he will take care of everything that is needed when the time comes.

Raising hell won't do any good...in fact, it may harm your case. They make the rules, they choose whether to follow them or not..we don't have that choice..follow them or lose out. Just get prepared and do what is necessary.

I asked my wife about crime in China. Her answer was very simple... "Why? Nobody has anything more than you. Most people are poor. What are you going to take from a poor person that you don't already have? Are you going to steal their misery?" The long answer is the government and the laws and the punishment. Her answer makes much more sense to me.

I decided I needed to be more independent. Having to have my wife "take" me everywhere was getting a bit much. I'm 56...I ought to be able to go out by myself... Soooo...I bought a electronic Mommy...and phone, and computer, and everything else except a toaster. I went looking for a cell phone that had GPS, a translator, a phone, internet, etc. Can't say I batted 1,000. The true sentence translator is not available for cell phones yet. But, I got everything else! Introducing the Nokia N97mini. The hottest phone in China! There were many phones that would do what I wanted that were much cheaper...why didn't I buy one? Because what they do, they only do in Chinese...does me no good! or they do some apps in Chinese and some apps in English...still does me no good. The only phones I could find after searching and checking out phones for 15 hours over two days that would do what I want, in the language I needed it done in is iPhone and the N97. That is it. Nothing else. Many choices available in the US, but none here...seems like most people in China speak and read Chinese, so that is the market...oh well. But, even though I am still trying to figure this contraption out, it is pretty cool. The English owners manual is 168 pages...I will be reading this for a long time... I'll let ya know if I find the launch codes...

China is still taking temps at airports using thermal cameras as you pass through certain checkpoints. But...they have decided that trying to strictly control incoming passengers was taking away from the internal fight to stem the tide of flu recipients. Now, they focus more on education, temp taking at large gatherings (schools, sporting events, etc.). If you get caught by the camera at the airport with a high temp, you can bet that you will be quarantined. This is usually now done by having you check into a certain hotel or by making sure that you know to stay at home, making sure your host knows that you may be sick and to be watchful of your temp. I can imagine that if you blew the meter off the camera with a very high temp you would be invited to spend some time in one of their fine isolation wards at the city hospital. Flu vaccines are supposed to be available beginning in January. Priorities are as follows...Medical workers, People with respiratory dangers, students, teachers. No need to worry about the common everyday run-of-the-mill population. They will run out of vaccine long before they get far enough down the list to vaccinate all the teachers. I have a good President at the school I work at. He has pulled one of the many strings he has to get me a vaccine on January 4, 2010 at 2:00pm. I fall into two categories...respiratory dangers and teacher..this moves me up the list.

Question #1. How sharp is that cleaver? Question #2. Do you get angry often? Question #3. How fast can you run? Question #4. Will you sell me that cleaver, dear?

Yes, practice moving your head up and down..no need to practice side to side...you'll never use those muscles again...that hole in your face just below your nose...close it. Gifts for her...anything and everything to do with finances...credit cards, checkbook, savings passbook, stock account numbers...

Leaving NVC and arriving at GUZ is not an overnight thing. First, just because you have a GUZ number does not mean that your package has gone anywhere. It is sitting in a box that is waiting to be filled with other packages. When the box is full, it will get shipped. Then it will sit in HK awaiting "customs" clearance. Then it will travel to GUZ and sit there until some needs the first package in the box. Then the box will get opened. Have you forgotten that you are dealing with the government? Instead of wasting your time on the phone for at least a few weeks....how's that paperwork coming along? Did you discover the reason for the Cheetos yet? Have you checked, double checked, triple checked the paperwork? Do you have your picture albums all put together with the "27 8-by-10 color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence..." ( See Alice's Restaurant) Breathe, Robert....breathe...

With a school student population of 2,400, we had 48 kids missing in action on Friday. One of my classes, I had 8 out of 40 out sick. My son was sick last week with a cold and fever. I couldn't accept the fever as being part of a cold, so we took him to the doctor. It was just a cold. Don't know where the fever came from but he is feeling better now. He was never really "sick", just congestion, cough, sore throat, sniffles...and a fever? We have to take his temperature every morning and track on a form the school sent home. According to the instructions, this is a permanent policy. No off-season...take his temp everyday, regardless of the time of year.

Yuck!

This isn't the answer that some people like to hear...but, once she is in the U.S.on the B-1, run quickly to the nearest Immigration attorney and file her papers to let her stay. This can be done and it is not that expensive. I know people that have done it for about $3,500. Once she is on US soil, regardless of how she got there, it is difficult to make her leave. Yes, USCIS doesn't like this, but they won't deport her and they will give her her GC card if your attorney gets the paperwork correct. Given the cost of airfare back and forth, the visa fees for filing from a foreign country, this is the most economical and the fastest way to get her stateside and keep here there with you. Yes, there may be some difficulties. Yes, it is possible they will turn her down. But the upside is that she gets to stay in the US if she appeals the ruling for as long as it takes to go through the appeals process. In the end, she will never have to leave the US and she will get her GC. But the best part is that you two won't have to be apart while you are going through the process.

The simple answer is to make an appointment with the Admissions/Foreign Admission office of the college that you choose. They will be happy to point you in the right direction, tell you everything you need and how to get it. They will tell you the evaluation service they prefer, give you instructions on how to get the transcripts from a foreign country, etc.

Pure Logic... You go to interview and she gets PINK...you are both happy and can celebrate! You go to interview and she gets blue...you are there to see exactly what the problem is and get it corrected ASAP and you get to be supportive in person. You do not go to the interview and she gets PINK...you don't get to celebrate together You do not go to the interview and she gets blue...all you have are words to help her and support her. You have to wait until she can fax/email the blue skip to see what the problem is. She is stressed. You are stressed. OK...this is easy to figure out... The answer is...Go to the interview! Go anytime else you can but be there for the interview!

If your work takes you overseas, your wife and children can go with you. It will most likely extent the time frame needed in the US to get the 10yr GC and/or citizenship time in country requirements. Certain forms are required to be filed before they leave US soil. Not sure what they are, but I know someone here knows and will chime in.

Very few foreigners understand the rules of the road in China. They work on an entirely different premise than we do. The main rule is "First is right." If you are in the space first, you have the legal right of way. It doesn't matter that the car that you just pulled in front of was going much faster and didn't have enough room to stop before hitting you. If you do the hitting, you are at fault. Period. Pretty much every thing here is a "failure to yield" issue. It is your responsibility to not hit anything. It is not anyone's responsibility to not get hit. If your front bumper puts a mark on any part of the other car, then you hit them. You are at fault. I am in the middle of studying for my driver's test. Anyone that wants to see the test, PM me and I'll email it to you. There is no manual. They give you the test. They give you the answers.

My wife comes from a poor inner city environment. Two miles from city center in Chengdu. Concrete seven story walkup. No electricity, no natural gas, no water, no plumbing. Not because they can't afford it..they can't, but because it is not there. The homes are nothing more than concrete caves. All cooking is done outside. Have to gather wood from broken shipping pallets behind stores every meal. In earlier years, food came from restaurant leftovers that were thrown out. Yes, my wife's family grew up eating out of garbage cans. There is no way to cool or heat the home. The facility to take a shower is about a 1/2 km from the house and that is the only source of water. So, to cook, you haul the water. This is how she lived for 45 years. Her mother, father, her and her four sisters in this two room home the size of a one car garage. Her Dad worked everyday as a steel worker, but to support a family of six was impossible on his pay. Dad is gone now, and Mom lives better because of his pension and help from us kids, but she is still in the concrete cave..won't leave..it has been her home for 50 years...