david_dawei

The city can thank the fallen Bo Xi Lai...

If one has been to Florida... they are usually taken aback by all the lovely lakes... yet, they are not all formed so innocently: "In 1981 in Winter Park near Orlando, a sinkhole was measured as 320 feet wide and 90 feet deep, swallowing a two-story house, part of a Porsche dealership, and an Olympic-size swimming pool. The site is now an artificial lake in the city."

It is a site functionality question, and one which other members might run into. So this seems appropriate to draw everyone's attention to a potential issue. I don't see any "Like" against the post mentioned so not sure how it can be traced to whether it exists in the system or not. You could also check other recent posts you made to see if a "Like" shows up. It may be that something got crossed from one post to another(?). For now, an admin can try to see if there are any traces left to posting a "Like".

Actually David.. I think what you say is true, but I met my wife while TRYING to learn Mandarin. In the end, I am like Mick, I have only learned what I pick up along the way. BUT the original plan, before romance entered the picture, was for her to teach me Mandarin. While she didn't "come to USA with goal to teach me Mandarin", we did meet "with the goal of her to teach me Mandarin". It is nice to hear yours and Mick's stories... and others... It is the belittling BS I can do without. Thanks for sharing.

I do too. The culture and historic reference in China is amazingly tight for such a society. I'm not sure it can be compared to any other. I see Sa Jiao as in treating and taking care of each other as kids around here. While I have seen it in other countries, in the USA particularly, it is hip deep in China. Mothers often care for their kids and husbands nearly the same way, it is funny. Husbands are reeled in by wives to reciprocate. Kids practice this early. Hilarious. If I didn't know it is an important game then I might be offended but we really just do it and laugh about it... "SA JIAO" we say to each other, giggling knowingly! IMO, one of the most important traits a USC can have is to observe what is going on... be a realist, even when one realizes it is a bit of a game from our perspective but it is rather serious business deep inside. I do think there are serious psychological issues at stake with it but this is how they keep it in check... and if the surface level is smiling and joking then maybe it will filter down into their soul...

The reality is that no chinese lady comes to the US with the goal to to teach some USC chinese... like that is their ticket into the US. Do you realize how many years it would take to become fluent in chinese by a wife? Let's stop the games. Jokes are jokes, but let's not be down right stupid in playing to the crowd here for votes. And his name is Fu Lai... Let's not put every possible dig into a poster.

It's a good point Larry. In many ways, the Chinese are not much different from the people of other countries. They come in all shapes and sizes. Some with stripes or spots, others with bells and whistles. In my opinion, trying to associate a Chinese observed behavior with an ancient scroll, is like saying modern American music comes from the Mayflower. I think it depends on how any culture teaches and enforces their history. Take the famous Three Character Classic written in the 12th century (ok.. not so ancient a scroll). http://www.yellowbridge.com/onlinelit/sanzijing.php Some students are taught to memorize the entire 1200 characters as a part of school. This is just one of hundreds of writings to shape how they might think today. Pound enough of it in a youth's brain as they grow up and you get a very good 'follower of history'... I am not sure this is such a good thing on some level, but maybe not so bad on another. One hallmark of chinese history, and not necessarily a strength, is to look to the past history to know how to be today. I think it has a bit of a crutch mentality to it... but I at least observe this is occurring.

Very insightful. if one studies the very long history of... children not knowing their fathers; favoring boys in birth; harems; And these existed prior to their writing on anything other than animal bones about 4,000 years ago... History can reveal a lot of present traits like mistresses.. but I won't get into it further than that. The flip side of Sa Jiao (treat me and take care of me like a child) is the lady treating the man like he is a child... which is probably a more common practice today.

You raise some interesting points about knowing a language as that does not mean one knows the culture. I've known guys fluent in chinese but they don't get the cultural issues. So the same will be with a woman who may know english. But in either case, when one is flexible and open then they may be a pleasant surprise. I've lost count of my trips after 13... Some with you. The great thing is that we don't agree on everything but we do respect each others experience and opinions. Your time/life/work in China is a very positive contribute to CFL.

For a guy who has no experience with the issue, you have a lot to say and judge about it. I am not sure your point but it is an unfortunate manifesto of looking down on others who have not your blissful experience.

There is certainly entertainment value in some of my posts... and that is intended... but a person is not the sum of what they communicate. One has to get much deeper to know the person. So I don't judge books by their cover as many actually look very appealing but the read is not worth it. The simple fact is... that is exactly how they will talk in their own culture and in most cases others understand who is meant... Context is everything. So the inability to communicate (on the receiving end) is with the American. And the feeling that we need to change their communication is sometimes a reflection of our inability to change ourselves. I do wonder how much pressure the USC puts on the chinese to change when the change needs to be with ourselves... I agree that Chinese communicate in this manner with each other, but stop a little short of your suggestion that the full change needs to be within ourselves. Yes, communication is difficult even in english. I didn't say "full change". I only mentioned that when we put pressure on another, how often is it the case that we ourselves might need to change... so out of 100 pressures we put forth, how many should the USC own up to. It is an introspective and rhetorical question and no magic number exists... It is a contemplative inquiry. And I don't disagree with the points you share... but ultimately one cannot force another to change. At some point one is left with accepting what they can or eventually bailing out with the understanding they should not of gotten involved... which is a hard lesson learned. But this is not meant to be so negative as life's journey has lessons at every turn.

That article was obviously written by a lady and for good reason... It is spot-on as to describing it and the underlying principles behind its use... Yes, it is an intentional use. A deeper question may be: Why do women feel the need to use it? Even this does not really answer it except if one reads between the lines that they are in a perpetual need of the other's conveying security... so the question is: Why do they always feel the need to act like a child to extract an expression of a strong male presences????? It becomes obvious at some point... I hope.

There is certainly entertainment value in some of my posts... and that is intended... but a person is not the sum of what they communicate. One has to get much deeper to know the person. So I don't judge books by their cover as many actually look very appealing but the read is not worth it. The simple fact is... that is exactly how they will talk in their own culture and in most cases others understand who is meant... Context is everything. So the inability to communicate (on the receiving end) is with the American. And the feeling that we need to change their communication is sometimes a reflection of our inability to change ourselves. I do wonder how much pressure the USC puts on the chinese to change when the change needs to be with ourselves...

Yes... the irony in language euphemisms is interesting.

A lot of truth in where your going with that... first writing was on animal bones. then progressed to bamboo and silk. Oral traditions are brief so memorization is ensured. Their history of character brevity in writing has also produced incredible vague meanings. In this way, each person can walk away with their own interpretation. Then one cannot shoot the messenger.

My wife claims to be direct but most of it is in her thinking and not so much in her communication, but it is getting better. We often talk about it. But here are my two favorite examples in talking with chinese: 1. DIRECTIONS Question to Chinese: Where is the XZY Answer from Chinese: Points hand in a direction that appears to be the event horizon. I love those whom you ask while they are walking and they don't stop walking but simply point... and if the direction is the opposite way of their walking they must point their hand over their head towards the rear... but their hand is pointing to either the big dipper or the little dipper. 2. PHONE CALLS: Me: Who called? Wife: A friend Me: Does your friend have a name Wife: Yes ... {pause} ... Me: What is her name Wife: Xiao Mei Mei ... ... {longer pause... taking a few breaths as I know this drill} ... ... Me: Which Xiao Mei Mei. You have about 300 of them. Wife: The one who is dating Xiao Di Di {No Pause... I'm trying to pick up the pace} Me: Which Xiao Di Di Wife: The one who is dating Xiao Mei Mei ... ... {longer pause... trying to decide whether to give up or convert this dialog to a broadway play} ... ... Me: Is this a friend or is she related to you?Wife: Xiao Mei Mei.{new approach}Me: Oh yea... Xiao Mei Mei... when did we last see her?Wife: she came yesterday to eat with us.Me: You mean your cousin?Wife: Yes.

I do believe those are two exceptions (goverment/military) but generally claiming it was for your career and she had to follow you doesn't help her keep it. What I think I would do is get the 2 year re-entry... then in that time, towards the end, I would visit the consulate and tell them it doesn't look like you have the time to re-entry and what can you guys do? I am not sure I would simply show up at the airport 3-5 years later and simply give it a shot. At least if you surrender it at some point, your probably ease the chance to get the B-2. Good luck.

Let us know how that answer to the consulate would play out... If I can come up with it, it's not such a generalization on some level... Just saying... you need to be prepared for any questions... and gazes...

I've got a question which I know may irk some... but consider another angle: Why didn't you marry already? If we're going to talk about 'normal'... it's not normal for a chinese girl her age to live with a foreign guy for 18 months and then watch him take off around the worlds... to wait till he gets to the US to file a K1. I think proving your first 18 months together is less an issue. You have pictures and you can submit a letter from both of you attesting to it.

thanks. I had thought it was the DS-230 which might be the only thing to trigger a SSN...

A friend came on a B2 and was married to an american for a few years already... but they filed the I-130 and got the 10 year GC. Does anyone know if the SSN is sent automatically in such cases or they need to go apply? (No 2 yr GC was ever issued; the 10 yr is the first issued card).

Did you get a notice of receipt? If yes, I would read it carefully. I think ours clearly stated that as long as there is no response (or until there is a response), then our requested date is deemed acceptable. And you should be able to contact USCIS as well.

This is one of the few times which I would say you need political help, not just legal help. You need to figure that part out.

This was clearly a truth or dare situation and you dared with the truth and it was not enough. What you may have to come to accept is that no amount of evidence that your not a threat is not what they want nor care about... there is probably some law which they simply can fall back on and de-obligate themselves from any decision. This is the unfortunate cold, hard, fact of US law... it is void of common sense and individual evaluation and consideration... but it had a good intention at some point which most cannot figure out who it might of helped. In the end... and this is my opinion... you need to stop thinking about the US and immigration as that detracts from the more important issue: You and your wife. Your life together. If you can't simply look at that and smile and be together in any place in the world.... then maybe it is time to give it up and come home. Otherwise, you will find that smile and inner acceptance... then you will find your destiny. If your only destiny is the US then that is simply not reality. I am would say that about us all, not just any one person.

This is simply a similar issue to the other thread Randy posted.. about the media having to grow up in these modern times. Times are changing. And it is compounded by the 30+ years of the one child policy. Children grow up and want something more than what their local village/town/city offers. Times are changing. As china gets even more and more global, and the central government is very aggressive to have overseen the security of being the global production and manufacturer of so many goods.... people follow suit. They want global exposure to some degree. More internet. etc. Times are changing. The interesting thing to me is simply: How will china (both the government and the people) respond over the coming years. IMO, they hold it together better than most countries as that has always been the model. And a large part of the model is not just social ethics but social stigmas... Having the right heart to care for your elderly parents can be as powerful as the guilt to do so. IMO, the country is more homogeneous in such things and will get through it.