Blias people on Asian-American relationship

[ptcrusier333rph]

I 39 year old gone back to school for my fine art degree, my univerisity has a campus in China so we get exchange students here in USA. Today I had to dress down 2 male student and a female student for their remarks about a Chinese man dating a american woman. I gave them a good 5 min chew out with the help of a Professor that happen to walk pass us as I was giving them the 3rd degree. After that happen the professor had all three of them write a 3 page report on racism on mix couples, to be turn in to him by end of next week or get reported to the Dean. After they left the Proffessor thank me for setting them straight. I say it was more likely they remember it more after they get done writing the paper.

I have notice that Asia men that date American women get more response than a american man dating a asian woman. I like to say sometime I get a little embassass about our american people views.

[tonyontherock]

Asian men do get more comments whether dating or not dating, with or not with a white woman. More than Asian females. I have had situations where kids would yell out " Hey, Mr. Wan, got any chicken wings?" or older adults say "We see so many of you in out neighborhood". I even had people making calls leaving messages on my machine when I first moved in. It is mostly teenagers.

Japanese are perceived better at least around New York area. I got a friend whoese child looked Eureasian when she was little, people would say to her "Is her dad Japanese?" I mean, why Japanese?

[MarkLuvsShuPing]

I hate to say it, but most of the people I told about getting married to a Chinese woman began telling me about the stereotypes. Usually they cited examples of Japanese culture and lumped all Asian people into one group.

 

I have been guilty myself of such ignorance and I literally mean ignorance. It comes from a lack of knowledge about that part of the world. We've also had a few wars in Asia, so much of the negative stereotypes come from our need to denegrate the enemy.

 

Doesn't make it right, it's just how it is. Hopefully we can change it.

[awch]

hmm... I've never encountered negative stereotypes about Xiaoming from Americans.. only Chinese B) hee hee.

 

But then again, we're in China, so not as much opportunity... When Xiaoming gets down about all the stares and comments we get I always tell him that won't happen in the US... but maybe it will. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

[Cerberus]

Mark,

 

It would indeed be a fantastic change, worty of desire, and yearning for. Unfortunately, the situation is not likely to change in the next hundred or so years. Or at least until several generations have passed on.

 

Perhaps, I have taken an extremely pessimistic and jaded view of life and people in general from all cultures. However, I will venture into "uncharted" waters and hope that I don’t get ripped up too badly.

 

From my travels in the orient, there were many times when I returned to the US for work or travel, I was intermixed and met many numerous different cultures, ethnic and racial groups. It never ceased to amaze me the amount of US citizens who used “the 12 inch American ruler” to ascertain in their own minds what level of US social strata a person belonged to, who they dated, married, etc, etc, etc. Different genders, sexual orientations, cultures racial groups were all looked down upon, teased, and generally ridiculed. All because, they didn’t measure up to the established US ruler.

 

I also had the same opportunity to see this same US cultural ideal 12 inch standard was brought to foreign lands. The culture there was then ridiculed many times because something in this or that particular countrie's culture, environment never matched to the 12 inch standard. I’m sure that every CFLr on this board has at least once, and more probably seen or heard, disparaging remarks made numerous times by people that we knew or have met. I believe that I can repeat a comment that I made to Amberzhu (CFLr) once; “Alice loves me and I happen to be an American. I love Alice, and she just happens to be Chinese.”

 

However, I’m sure that these same comments are made by numerous Chinese counterparts in China about some of the women CFLrs who are either fiancées or wives. They don’t measure up to the 12 inch ruler in China. Or Japan. Or Russia. Or Korea. Or Vietnam, etc, etc.

 

As for myself I learned one very, very important fact when I studied in Korea. It came from the book of “The Great Learning” thoughts of K'ung-fu-tzu (Confucius)…

 

“What a man dislikes in his superiors, let him not display in the treatment of his inferiors; what he dislikes in inferiors, let him not display in the service of his superiors; what he hates in those who are before him, let not therewith precede those who are behind him; what he hates in those who are behind him , let him not therewith follow those who are before him; what he hates to receive on the right, let him not bestow on the left; what he hates to receive on the left, let him not bestow on the right: —this is what is called “The principle with which, as with a measuring square, to regulate one’s conduct.”

 

If more people could learn from the past, all the problems Mark spoke of would disappear very quickly. Not only in the US, but in all countries, nationalities, cultures, races, etc. Unfortunately, how intelligent is man really, and will he ever learn. I sincerely doubt it in the near future.

 

Amberzhu,

 

The comments will come. I have been married twice with a Korean women. Two of my friends that I know, prevously were students in Hanyang University, in Seoul. They were American students who were women and married Korean men. All of us returned ti the US. I was stationed at Fort Hood, Texas. At a particulary large cocktail party all of us attended, several comments were made, why they had married, "Didn't they know that most Korean men were Adulturers!?!, etc, etc. I'm sure you get my drift. Both women didn't care, and merely stated that speaker's scorn, merely showed the commenters ignorance, and made them love their husbands even more. I'm sure that you feel the same way about the man in your life. Water on a duck's back, simply rolls off. I should add, one is approaching her 17th anniversary and the other had her 16th anniversary Nov 2004. They are still very much in love, married, and perhaps a bit older and wiser. Not unlike a old bottle of wine!

[sylinchinastill]

Actually I have had really good feedback from people- especially after they meet my husband. I actually think that in a way it is better- because maybe people think, "I don't want to seem like I'm judging this person because he is Chinese..." and then they actually try harder to like him and get to know him than they would if he was American. Maybe that is just me- he also has a really great personality and talks like crazy so that might be part of it as well. I have shocked some people who are acquaintances- like in law school and stuff- but they are more concerned about my last name than the fact that he is Chinese- and I guess I am fortunate that most of my friends and acquaintances are very young, and perhaps, therefore open-minded.

[maiyademama]

I live in pretty liberal town, so I can't say that what we experience is the *norm* but most people are very friendly to Kai. He is always amazed by how people want to just stop and talk to him when he is out jogging or walking the dog...sadly, he usually feels bad because he doesn't understand most of what people say but when he reads the disappointment on their faces from not being able to communicate, it makes him want to study English harder. Overall, he has encountered nothing but positive attitudes.

[warpedbored]

I have only one instance where I thought where anything negative was shown to me personally. We went to a store once where Bing bought some Chinese vegetables and the clerk didn't know what they were and asked me what she does with them. I replied that I wasn't sure how she prepared them all since she's the one that cooks them. She sarcastically said then "I bet she cooks you breakfast lunch and dinner too huh?" I was annoyed but let it slide. It is the same old ignorant stereotype where some people believe that Asian women are obedient little slaves that live to serve their men. One other time Bing told me that when she stopped in a neighborhood gift store on the way home from school. The woman was really rude to her and didn't like that she had her school book backpack on. She insinuated that she thought Bing was going to try and steal from her. This time I was extremely offended and was going to go down there and raise hell but Bing said she didn't want me too. She would just never go back to that store. Other than these two instances people here in Portland just don't pay us much attention. It is a fairly liberal city and we are not all that unusual here.

[ptcrusier333rph]

I'm from the midwest, southern part of missouri, minorities are starting to come into the area. most people here have a if they don't bother me I not bother them. but you get a mix couple in the neighborhood it like they been insulted. My mother is one of those types, she not please about me marrying Thoa, a Viet namese woman but as I told my mother, I'm the one who going to live with Thoa. but knowing Thoa I figure my mother be more open after seeing how much we love each other. and grand childern always soften mothers. at 75 years of age changes tend to be slower. have to say thou my mother have been asking if Thoa doing ok, and she ask me if she anywhere near where SAR is (hanoi just found more cases of SAR) so my mother is warming up. I think part of it is her doctor is Chinese so there still hope. well heading to bed spend 6 hours doing homework

[MoonCarolCafe]

I have never noticed any particular bias stateside. For the newer members present, I am a "Son of Ham" and so perhaps our pairing is seen as a statistical oddity instead of me having yellow fever. My Taiwanese/HK friends don't seem to have an opinion either way on the matter.