Is she a prostitue??

[johns]

I too am looking foward to heading back to the US to live. Here in the south I find the endless amount of "hellos" tiring. Sometimes I am not even refered to as a person just a "hello". When I do my bikerides in the countryside farmers will be way accross the field and they must make it known to say "hello".

 

Another one that bugs me is the english expressions blurted out at random when a lao wei (me) is present.

 

Staring is problem I am encounter also but i am used to it now. Not so bad because I live in a tourist town.

 

I too can speak decent guo yu which is the saving grace when I see the looks on their faces when I reply.

 

But, after a good day of teaching my kids at school and to come home to be with my fiance its worth it to be here.

 

"Cao de ma de" is really rude but effective.

 

john (shui niu)

[sylinchinastill]

I've noticed that also. Sometimes when I am around someone in the store or something in China they will speak a bit of english- I don't think it's on purpose- I think they see me and are reminded that they can speak a few english words or something. I have noticed that a lot.

[animatormark]

My fiance gets a lot of trouble from the people around her, especially chinese women. She is in Guangzhou, many people yell out "You cheap girl!" "You call girl!" "You lose Chinese face!" It's very hard not to want to say something or do something back in response but, it truly is not worth it. My fiance holds a master's degree and is very, VERY conservative. Why should I give them an once of my care, she doesn't listen to them. Thank God no man has tried to put his hands on her, that would be the only time I would respond. If should is being harrassed or threatened in anyway, then of course I would act. But just ignorant words, spoken out of jealousy isn't worth our time.

[Jason+Joanna]

I guess I should could myself lucky. People have been nothing but nice to us both. I also enjoy chatting with people there, although many do not have good English skills. I do get stares often, but I don't care. I am very easy going, so almost nothing really bothers me.

[owhite47]

Hey,

I visited china in july last year, the southern part, shenzhen city, but eveyone was just so nice to me in everyway. Actually I felt very welcome there, some young chinese , I assume 8-13 years old even ask for my autograph,,,,I thought this was very odd.

Everyone I met treated me so nice they were plesant and curtious. I have heard that northern china views biracial marriages differently than those of southern families.

Anyway that is a terrible thing to call someone,,either they are just jealous of you and your SO or they have been brought up by closed minded families...........sorry for your expericnce......Oscar

[Jeikun]

On my recent visit to China, more than one person asked if I was Russian.. But also when Jun and I were getting out of a cab, someone was pointing to her and said (in Chinese) "look a Japanese"... she was NOT amused.

[maiyademama]

like water off a ducks back...just shake it off. I never let the hellos and laowais get to me. Some of my American friends have lived in China for years and they still cringe and carry on everytime they hear "hullo" or "ni hui yong kuaizi ma?" (can you use chopsticks?) I just don't see the point in reacting and thinking of ways to insult these folks. My friends would come up with pretty imaginitave responses (in chinese), however, like: "why do you wish to infuriate the white ghost with this incessant chatter?" or "I eat chinese people, so watch yourself!" One boy actually got so scared that he peed his pants !

[Guest DragonFlower]

I believe my wife is typically Chinese,in being very uncomfortable about attracting attention.I have explained to her many times,that as a couple,we will not be unusual in the states.Besides, quite a bit of the attention is being directed at the old hippy,them never having seen one before.In fact,in her hometown,I have the dubious honor of being(probably)the only American to come there.

One day we decided to walk down to the school,to walk our son home.

I believe we started a riot,children are very inquisitive,by the time we left we had aproximately 200 kids following.I felt like the Pied Piper.Needless to say,we did not repeat that adventure.

In the countyside I nearly caused several motorcycle wrecks.People would wiz by,and then do the doubletake,not watching wear they were driving.

It was very funny,I would say to my wife"ta mai piao,you be rich woman".

On the whole,it did not seem very bad,but my Chinese is rudimentary and I have not lived there on a permanent basis.But ,still it is an issue for my low profile wife.

 

long

[awch]

My friends would come up with pretty imaginitave responses (in chinese), however, like: "why do you wish to infuriate the white ghost with this incessant chatter?" or "I eat chinese people, so watch yourself!" One boy actually got so scared that he peed his pants !

This is really great. I spend about all my time on the bus thinking of imaginative things to say to people if only my Chinese were better. My favorite one would be:

Chinese person: Look, there's a foreigner.

Me: (turn around) really? where?

 

I never actually say anything though. I just give people dirty looks in an effort to convey my disgust with them, unfortunatly I don't think they get it. Or if I'm with Xiao Ming I stand behind him so they can't see me, or turn my back to them. If they are staring that usually makes them feel embaressed. Sometimes body language is the best language.

 

I was thinking, until I actually lived in China, "hello's" and everything didn't bother me. It's only after I lived here and realized some Chinese people equivocate me with an alien that I started to get so annoyed. I mean, can't they realize I'm just a person like them?

[oregonknl]

When I and my ex adopted Jet, she was two, and in Nanjing China, and in 1997 there was still no official news that westerners were adopting Han ------ so it was generally a shock to the people on the street to see Jet with us....

 

Because the provincal paper work takes several days to process, we (our adoption group) had the opportunity to sight-see at various popular locations in Nanjing --- which is loaded with history --- and one afternoon we found our way to the mausoleum of Son Yat-sen ---which is located on a steep hillside, and a great hike up hundreds of steps.... we were on the climb up and little Jet, still unsure what the Hell was going on in her life --- jerked away from the caregivers that were all she knew to date, in the orphanage, was gamely hiking up these steps with a couple of fair skinned idiots who couldn't even speak --- (at least not anything she could understand) --- but were supposted to be her "parents"....

 

.... And then several Han men (4 or 5), obviously, intellectuals of some some sort (working class Han would never do this) --- came up to us and got down in little Jet's face and asked her in Mandarin: "Where is your mother??" --------- they thought we must be stealing Jet !

 

Jet, who for the last several days was overwhelmed, now was at a TOTAL loss !!!! --- her care givers had told her WE were her parents.... now these voices of authority in her own language were asking her --- where is your mother????? I pushed past them and picked her up just as she began to cry, and fortunately, the rest of our adoption group was catching up to us on the stairs --- so the Han men could see we were part of a group, and then backed off.... but poor Jet.....

 

Do I blame those Han men? ..... not at all...... Han DEFINES China... they had a genuine, compassionate concern for one of their own.... A concern that would never happen in the US, because we don't define ourselves as a "People"

[lele]

Hi everyone:

This is an issue that deals with when you are with your beloved in China. When you are walking down the street together, do you hear other people call your woman a prostitue? Or, if you are a woman, do people call you a prostitue??

 

This happens many times to me and my fiance. Many Russian people live in my city, so people often assume I'm a Russian prostitue.

 

A lot of Chinese people can't conceive of a meaningful relationship between a foreigner and a Chinese, they just automatically assume the relationship is an attempt on the Chinese man or woman to get something: a passport, money or just status.

 

Does this happen to you, and how do you deal with it?

Amber,

 

Your story as I have learned from reading your posts and talking with you is very touching. However, here you raise an excellent point that we have not yet talked about before, so I feel that I should share some experiences!

 

In China I have had one occasion when we were traveling in Nanning in GuangXi and were looking for a hotel. At the first one we went to, they said that we could not have a room together. They then said that I could not even stay. I protested in Chinese and then they said that I could stay, but that we still could not have a room together. We walked out, even as the lady was trying to bargain us down. The second hotel gave us a similar line, unless we could prove we were married. We told them that we were (although we are not) and they wanted proof. We could not "offer then any proof" and instead went on to the next hotel. Here, they asked us the same question. Again we told them that we were and I offered to carry her up the stairs while asking the person at the desk if we could leave our bags under her supervision while we checked out the room. She accepted that we *had* to be married and let us sleep for the night. *whew* -- as it was already 11pm at this point.

 

When I was in Gansu province (small town, so I will not name it) two people on the street commented to us that they thought I had a high quality prostitute with me. This naturally enraged both of us greatly. However, we kept on walking. Suddenly, two woman leaped out of a bar and tried to grab at me. My darling was yelling at them and they told her that they would do me for less money. I told them to get off of me and to go away before I screamed for help, and she yelled at them one of the worst possible insults available (I will not repeat it here). At this point, since they would not let me go, I decided to use my free arm to pat each of them on the head. Knowing how culturally sensitive Chinese people are to that, they both let go in shock. We then ran and when we were far enough away to be safe, my darling cried. I hugged her and we walked slowly back to our hotel. Only about 30 meters more up the road we stopped again and I held her for at least 5 minutes while we talked about what just happened, one monk from the local temple who saw what had happened invited us into his little home. We accepted, but before this he insisted that we eat dinner together in the town. Naturally, since we were with him, not only did we get amazing food, but it was all free. For she and for I this was a huge moment and taking the time to discuss it thoroughly enabled us to grow closer to each other and to form the idea that each of us should learn from the stronger aspects that our cultures have provided us to help fill in the weaker aspects of the other culture.

 

In many places people tried to rip us off, thinking that she was a translator, or that I was an idiot. However, when I would either start to talk in Chinese, or when she would make it obvious that we were together for real, they would back down in the other cases. Sometimes we got charged higher prices, but this was almost always avoidable to the greatest extent possible.

 

Now, she carried our photo together glued to her cell phone and most of the problems melt away in her home town. In the bar last night she was approached by a sleazy foreigner. She excused herself and was joined in the bathroom by an Italian female who was in a large tour group with this guy. Wow, she was shocked that my darling could communicate in English with her well. They talked about this and she promised to take care of him for her. It was wonderful. After learning of our story, they talked about wedding traditions in both countries and about other aspects of life. My darling walked out feeling much stronger and confident in her ability to work with people from different cultures.

 

After one experience of my out-eating some people over a lajio-filled xuejouyu soup group dinner, the respect of her peers and even random people were won over. Now, all of her friends act openly to protect her and her family will stand up for me even if they think that someone is just looking to take a little extra cash from me! It feels wonderful to know that so many people can learn to be so open and caring.

 

From my experience, the people in China are *MUCH* more open minded than in other places in Asia (with the possible exceptions being Vietnam and Thailand), and although things have been rough from time to time, the absolute racism that I noticed was far and away less than in the US.

 

I do wish that we did not have to ever have to go out of the way to defend ourselves, but it seems that most people in China will listen and can even change their approach, and this is a very positive sign! And for those who can not, well, they exist everywhere and in every guise. However once people can see the actions for what they are, I think that the Chinese have been extremely accepting.

 

These times where people acted out of prejudice have temporarily saddened me, but in the end, the personal growth and ability for us to grow through the situations I feel outweighted the negatives and helped each to year for making the world a better place through peace and education and love.

[lele]

You must be in Harbin, i am currently living in Xi'an with my wife, but in the last year we have also lived in Beijing and Shenzhen. I usually have one of three reaction when people are rude in China, first i just ignore them. Which happens the most often, second i will use some of my Chinese on them, something on the order of Ni ma biadza, cao ni ma, or someinthg of a similar order. Third if they are being to pushy i will just push past them. Usually it is not worth the effort to start an arguement, and the only people that the first words should be used on are peasants. However if the people look to be of a higher calss you can say Gei gongwen du lian.

Ross

Or, if they really insult you, you can use the line that my darling taught me: but you must be very careful, or else it could start a serious physical fist fight! "ni namalage bea" It is really gutter language, but gets the point across for them to shut the **** up!

 

I do agree that when I am too tired or it is a situation which is dangerous (such as one time on a hard seat train), the best thing to do is to just move quietly to another train car and not to escalate the situation. One amazing thing that I have helped her to realize is that face is not so important all of the time, and she has helped me to realize that it is quite important some of the time!

 

BTW: your words are nice!

[lele]

yeah Davter... I agree with you... better don't talk back to them... and if they are people always around you ...

 

better to put dog popo in their computer box... when it's heated, it smells great !

For most of the time, I like the idea of just letting it go. Espcially if it is not safe at the present time.

 

And for some occasions, you can do something to get back at them later, as you jest at here.

 

However, I usually feel that it is best to talk with them immediately then and there, if it can be done in a way which allows all to save face and to learn something new, or to do through ones actions!

 

However, as my experiences have shown, there are some places and times that you need to say something...and having people around who can help is always a bonus. I found that others were willing to help me more when I was willing to help them too.

 

maybe I have just been lucky though?!?!?

[lele]

I think it differs with the town. In Shanghai and Shenzhen I was uncomfortable with the stares but in Xi'an it was kind of fun because people talk to you as well. We also got our picture in the paper in Xi'an because they thought it was so different to see a white girl with a Chinese guy I guess. Then, after the photo- when we were traveling around Xi'an people would come up to us and say, "didn't I see you in the newspaper?" Also in Xi'an we went to the countryside and people were so cool there- I wanted to see how people lived and we saw where people lived in caves and stuff like that. We also went to this cool Chinese old house where a number of families lived and asked if we could come in and they were funny, they said, "Oh- yes- the old foreign friend should see our house," and took us through.

I also felt frustrated in Shanghai because I speak decent Mandarin- but everyone on the street spoke Shanghainese- so it was hard to practice daily- the same in Shenzhen- everyone spoke Cantonese- If I ever lived there again I would want to live in Beijing but my husband doesn't like Beijing for some reason- maybe somewhere else up north- but the cold weather would be terrible!

This is a wonderful point that you make!

 

After arriving in the Ming City of PingYao, the sanluochi driver asked us for only the 2 yuan that we agreed from the railroad station the 6km into the city. It was 11pm or 12midnight and we needed to find a place to stay. However after going to a few places, we noticed that he followed us and that the price would always go up 200% as soon as they saw him with us.

 

We knew what was going on and we evaded him. He cursed at us and said that how could I be wealthy enough to be with a beautiful lady and not enough to pad his pocket. He never found us and went away after 10 minutes. We then returned to the one next to where we hid and the proprioter invited us to eat the next day for lunch. After learning how dear we were to each other and that we were truly in love, and after listening to our stories, he apologized for the rude person by offering to take us to a secret place where he grew up as a kid.

 

My precious loves archaeology and is passionate about making it a profession. You can imagine our wonderful turn of fate when this man, as a result of opening up to us as a result of the ignorant comment the night before, showed us his old home and surrounding homes, filled with so many Han dynasty and Song dynasty pieces that we could not even see them all. At the end of the day we met new people in the town who were all really open, tasted some local food, and saw some beautiful old song era stone work in a well preserved state. It was so beautiful!!

 

In the US I have never had such a wonderful ending to such a frustrating situation! :-)

[lele]

Some of my friends do say that - "what are you looking at?" Sometimes people are embarrassed, sometimes don't care. I often stare back, and if they said "Waiguoren" may say "Zhongguoren!".

 

I was at a hotel in Chengdu earlier in the year and this little boy was playing on the rocks over some water. I told him to be careful in Chinese. He stared at me: "Are you Chinese?", obviously couldn't immediately grasp that someone not Chinese could still speak Chinese. I said I was and carried on. Next day, he called after me "Zhongguoren!", getting into the game. I asked if he was American and he said he was. Later I heard him tell his family I was American. Really cute kid, and smart too.

This is a good story!

 

One time when I was traveling, I had a kid, maybe 14-15 ask me "ni shi waiguoren ma?" and I really believe that the person had never seen a foreigner before.

 

I responded "wo renwei wo bushi waiguoren danshi ni shi waiguoren"

 

The kid got it and a huge smile came across the kid's face.

 

It was great!

 

And about the kids, that is how I got my name LeLe. On a train, I was entertaining a group of 5-6 little kids and they started calling me LeLe. I guess that is has since stuck!