Very important - I need advice ! ! !

[Guest skduvall]

Hi Folks,

I am new to the forum. I was advised to come here for help with my concerns. Please - anybody who has first hand knowledge of the behavior of the Chinese women who seek American husbands. I will describe the behavior of the woman I have been communicating with and hope anybody can either discount or agree with my feelings of concern.

 

I found her on Match.com. I will cut right to the chase: I have been talking with her for several months. The relationship has gotten very serious and we are talking of marriage. Some things she has done has made me wonder if she is sincere about marrying me... Or trying to con me. I am one who generally is doubtful if somethng seems to good to be true.

 

She seems to move very fast in comparison to American women. She has already INITIATED removing her cloths while chatting. I had hinted at nothing! Was very quick to say "I Love You" and "I want to marry you". I am not a good looking guy nor do I have very much money. She descibes her financial situation as bad and quickly accepted my offer to send her money. The biggest thing was that she went all out to make her "presentation"... She only has proffessional photos to send, and would send more sexy ones each time. It seems to me she has done everything possible to attract an American man and only speaks positive about our relationship. No matter what I say bad about myself - she is just fine with it! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

I do not understand the Chinese women but I have heard they will do anything to get an American husband to get to the USA. I just have some doubts... I hope somebody can help me with these feelings I have.

 

Please comment if you have ANY opinion to my situation.

 

Many Thanks,

skd

[tywy_99]

I suggest flying to China and see her and spend some time with her before making any rash decisions. By seeing her in person will give you another perspective on the relationship, and by that you will be able to make a more sound decision.

Enjoy China and I hope all works out.

[Guest fairysherry]

Agree!

Fly to China and meet her in person.

[sylinchinastill]

I disagree- I think she is definitely up to something- Chinese girls are generally slower- if she just disrobed for no reason- that is strange- and if she has professional pictures done that is another sign- if I wanted to meet a guy- I wouldn't only try online- I would try more than one way. I would go out, etc. so I wouldn't have professional pictures done- it's a waste of money- unless you are trying to sell yourself- and it's like an investment- she spent a certain amount on the pics and then says her financial position is bad- of course it is- she just shelled out tons for pictures. I think for her it was like buying merchandise- she put a little bit of money out there to earn larger returns- I think when the time comes to go to China- it should be with someone you are sure about- it's too much money to go if you have any reservations.

[LENJIA]

I only have a few things to say, the first is be carefull, the second thing is, if you have any doubt in youre mind about anything, think twice about it before you get to involved in it. Sex, removing clothes, talking dirty on a phone to each other doesnt make a realtionship happen. You really and honestley have to love each other for this to work. It isnt something that happens overnite either, it took us about 13-14 months for everything to be finished and for Jennifer to come here. You need to ask youreself this question, How does she know that she loves you , she has never seen you has she? I am sorry, but there is no way that she could honestly know if she wants to marry you or not this soon. I had an idea that I wanted to marry Jennifer before I went there, but we never talked about it at all until I asked her to marry me. I had been there for 8 days and I knew that she was very serious about how she felt about me.

 

If you are having doubts, check youre doubts before you make up youre mind to keep this going on, but if I was you I would stop this conversation with her right now. Sorry if that isnt what you wanted to hear, but it is just the way that I feel about it. Whatever you decide, good luck to you and I hope that everything works out for you.

[garagegodness]

The easiest thing you can do is to creat another username and contact her using a different name. You will be able to make your judgements by how she responds to another YOU. You will be able to tell if she just feels for you for for all the american men.

 

Take it slow. Oh, does she know this website too?

[Guest skduvall]

She does know this website but does not know the username I use. So anything we say she will not know it is about her. Unless it "appears"to her to sound a lot like her....Oh.....Oh well. Thanks for the advice on contacting her anomously...very good idea.

skd

[hongrose1230]

well,she can took her clothes very quickly in front of you, how do you know only in front of you, not to another man??? she can do that so quickly, maybe she can do that too to so many another men, so sorry to tell you that, when I chattd with my husband before marriage, we never had talking sexy things, or take the clothes off, never , never, even after we married when we talked on line!

 

that is so strange for the Chinese girls, unless she is very professional for chating sex on line for making money! that happend to most of the Philipine women, or Thailand women, first time, I heard of this happend to Chinese girls. I am Chinese lady , so I know what is the girls minds, so be carefull, otherwise, you can come to China to spend some time with her, with her friends, or family, to find it out! good luck

[konajim]

The woman I am going to marry I met while I was in China. I first went there to meet in person, a Chinese lady that I met on the internet. Even after spending 10 days with her she still had me convinced that she loved me and wanted to marry .She was very beautiful and I was totally enthralled with her. After I came back she started asking for money. either she was sick and could not work or her parents who lived far away had health problems, and she wanted to see them before they might die. It was always something. When I was there the first nine days never went past holding hands, she claimed to be a modern Chinese woman with old style thinking and upbringing. And then the last day she was willing to have sex, she was the one who brought it up it made me suspicious and uncomfortable because we had talked and I was willing to wait for the marriage. So it never happened and I am glad for that. After time the Emails got less and less from her side. Then I got an Email saying the diamond fell out of the engagement ring I gave her. A half carat diamond with a very strong 6 prong platnium mount. More suspicions from my side. I called another woman I met in China that I trusted and she did not want to talk with me it took much pleading and several calls to find out that I was being decieved. To put many people in a catagory and say Chinese women on the internet are this way or that way would be wrong, the same thing can happen in any crountry, people are people good and bad no matter where you are from. In my experience Chinese women are generally shy and would not easily disrobe and talk about it with out other motives than Love. I was in China 3 times for a month or more with my Now fiancee and we did not even Kiss until the 3rd time I was there. I have to say I truly believe she is the best thing that ever happened to me in My whole life of 54 years, and I Love and respect her more than anyone on this Earth, I also believe she feels the same about me. Sometimes what we see and hear and read can be cloudy so we have to be careful and try and look into our own hearts and the heart of the one we Love. And ask some of the important Questions. Is this the person I want to spend my life with, or is it only the person I want to have sex with. I think I we look hard and deep we will get the answer. OH! Yes those other times in China I wanted to Kiss Her so bad I shudder when I think about it. But now I am so happy That it did not happen ,If It would of been so easy for me to kiss her, what about the next guy. Mei is truly the type of woman I always wanted to share my life with She just happens to be Chinese. Which makes life a little more exciting. Well The best Of Luck To You and everyone on this site I hope you all may have what Mei and I have together. It takes understanding patience Comunication and more understanding. And if Your Lucky YOU just might meet that Right Person for You.

Jim

[oregonknl]

SKD ~!

 

Air fare is very inexpensive right now ..... but let me give you some advice: SAVE YOUR MONEY ~! Don't go to China at this time.....

 

While I think hongRose has a good Chinese woman's perspective about the taking the clothes off thing ...... (and hey! I'm a Red Blooded American Male !!) Not prepared to argue that on moral terms (as long as you are single...)

 

BUT~! I got set up by a much more sophisticated Chinese woman than the one you are dealing with .... and over a much longer period of time... When I went to Beijing, the rules changed --- and she expected me to follow them...

 

There is enough here that I would advise you to keep it casual for several months, and see if she stays around. But also, if I were you, and thought that a Chinese woman was what you really wanted, I would join AsiaFriendFinder.com (or a similar site) Dating on the internet is a very tricky and fragile thing --- people can be completely different from their profile, or even as they project themselves.... as I found out ----

 

BUT I set up so much suspision after my sour experience in Beijing ---- I almost missed the opportunity of my life --- to meet my Fei on AFF...

 

--Kim

[who]

I have my doubts for a while but I think i,m over all that I think about her all the time and hope to be together soon

My wife when we first met would not take any money for a computer till we were a couple,but than she took a thousand dollars but she has never asked for anything,after we were married she did ask one time that i support her to go on a 30 day holiday to her dads,and this was fine with me,after all we have been together for over 2 years

I talked to many women fron asia and i found that the ones that had a good family and have been to school were the most sincere and they seem to be the ones that wanted a true relationship

[oregonknl]

Yeah, Don, but Xiahong doesn't NEED glamor shots --- she's a very attractive woman..

 

And don't get me wrong, I am not opposed to Anyone putting their best foot forward in photos --- but as Don implies, there is also a time for snapshots with family, for instance..

[Guest skduvall]

Further - She has always portrayed herself to be "traditional Chinese woman". I am very confused right now... What if - What if she is indeed sincere and is a bit laxed in the sex department? what if she is indeed telling he the whole truth? I am very confused right now... I could be throwing away something very good. I know none of you have the answer but if there are enough opinions one way or the other - I might see differently. I trust you all and respect and appreciate your coments. Keep'em coming.

 

Oh, I also - I sent her the webcam (she is suposedly using) BUT when she comes online I see a different brand logo come up on the screen!!! This really concerns me!!!

 

Thanks,

skd

[beijingjenny]

If you have so many doubts - ease your mind by backing off for a while. There is NO rush here, and if she makes you feel so, that is just more a sign that you should back off. If she understand and is still there after some time, then maybe she is sincere. And do check out some other sites and meet some other girls in the meantime.

 

I know Chinese girls (I am an American woman, but I've had plenty of female students/colleagues/friends here in China) and know they like romance and even glamour shots and Truueee Loooove, but I agree, sex is not usually their instigation (if they even know much about it), unless they work for the local barber shop ...

 

Frankly, I wish my husband were as eager - it's me doing to persuading to get him to the US

[tonado]

This lady seems to have a motive. Be careful.