Very important - I need advice ! ! !

[hongrose1230]

ttlee_99 is right, I am Chinese girl, so I know that tricks happend to many girls here in China, I think she is not looking for the serious relationships or the commitment, just looking for the advantage for her self, you never know maybe you are not the one whom she does to , maybe you are number ??? for her, or?? you had some suspicious for her using the webcam, maybe that one was from someone else, but maybe she bought here in China, however , in China the good webcam is not so dear, good on will cost you 15-20 USAD.

[hypoclear]

I have to think there is more going on here.

 

We have seen the .. can not communicate isue with Carl and Bing... and as Bing does speak english and is improving.. Carl pretty much got it from the horses mouth.. doesn't have to be him speaking Chinese etc..

 

As for the getting divorced and than marrying soon after..

 

Bea was divorced or took the ride to her home town.. with! her husband as it is done just the week or so before I returned on Nov 2nd. They had to wait 30 days and than return.. we all took the bus ride out there.. they signed some papers and it was done. A week or so later on the 12th of Dec Be and I were married. Thhe time between was taken up with medicals at an appointed hospital in her hometown area.. and two trips to the marriage office. Once to apply and the second for our "Two cups of tea!! and the books." wedding oh yeah and some pics the woman took of us.

 

But in our case I stayed on here in China etc etc. So my point is maybe the quick marriage isn't the issue and as others have said.. some times if not most people just seperate... without getting a formal divorce.

 

But certainly a blue slip is in order and .. well what ever evidence you can provide is best... My feeling from what I saw and Bea explained is that the verbal interview carrys not so much weight in that the documents ARE gone over carefully and the questions are just a comfirmation of info they all ready know.

 

Personally I'd take it one step at a time.. ask very specific questions, and be prepared to come to China at some point.. I believe you have 1 year to respond to a blue slip. hmmm but in this case they are threatening to send your case back over seas.. maybe packing a bag is a better choice..

 

Best of luck and ask!!! as politely and forcefully as you can.. you do need to have very clear reasons for this.

 

Mark and Bea

[bald guy]

SKD,

 

I find it really hard to give people advice. I even read your post a few times wondering if I should add my 2 cents or not. Maybe, advice, in this instance is the wrong word, personal perspective is better.

 

If this was happening to me I would back off (run away) ASAP. I got a very wrong impression of this situation when I first read your post. I, now, listen to that small quiet voice inside, i believe we all have, and I have been much better off because of it.

 

I sounds to me like you already have the answer. Trust that small quiet voice. There are so many good, kind women. Why settle for something that puts your stomach in knots.

 

Sorry to sound like a pessimist. I have chosen the wrong girl a few too many times. This time though, from the bottom of my heart, I feel I have made the right decision.

 

Good luck with whichever decision you make.

 

Tom

[Carey]

SKD,

 

I don't comment much on this site and use it to keep abreast of things going on. But I will comment on this subject of yours by making comparisons to what I have gone through.

 

I met Yueying about 21 months ago, and my first impressions was pleasant of her. The photos I saw of her were glamour at first, but then she sent me photos of her and her family by regular mail. This was a cost to her and she never asked for monies. More photos would come over the next several months, but none were professional. She showed herself in her neighborhood and out and about in Nanning. She had even sent a few small gifts to me, again, at her cost. When I sent pictures to her via email, she seen my cellular phone and asked for the number. The next thing I knew she had called me so she could hear my voice and tell me hello. During all this time her emails of a couple times a week had grown to be every day. She had shown to me that she was very dedicated to having a relationship. Over this time before I went to Nanning, she had told me a lot about her, some of it painful I am sure. She showed her intentions and after a long time of writing and talking on the phone, I had started to call her a couple times a week, I could feel that this relationship was something that I desired to have. All before deciding to go see her. Once I arrived in Nanning, I was treated very well by her. We didn't spend much time alone and I didn't mind. I met her family after 4 days being there and it was a very nice dinner. Her concerns were that I was wanting to things for her family and she didn't want me to do that. Up until that time we had only hugged and held hands. After meeting her family the physical affection grew, but slowly. She was very attentive of my feelings and I truely had never been treated so nice in my life. And to clarify "attentive of my feelings" didn't mean sex. I was made welcome by her entire family and friends and wished that my time there was longer. Before I left I asked her to marry me and she was shaking and crying when I slipped the ring on her finger. That is when I really didn't want to leave. It was like breaking her heart to have to leave a in just a couple days. In those last couple days we were very busy with getting paperwork from INS over the internet and obtaining the documents needed. BOTTOM LINE, everything felt right, it felt very right. We still write emails daily, and her friend now has a webcam and every couple of weeks we get to see each other, but again she has to go to her friend's place to do this. (I have been there and can see it in the webcam easily to verify she is there) We talk more on the phone and she calls me at a cost to her, even though I have offered to send money, she tells me not to, but to save it for us for my return and then of course the costs for her to come to America and getting things arranged here. But I still try and call her more then she does me. I feel that if you have your reservations, then move on. If you don't see the serenity in her actions, then you never will, in my opinion. You will do what you will do, but like you said, maybe you will be able to make your mind up with input from others. Take heed, if you doubt things now, that should be your answer as to whether you should move forward with your situation. Take care and best of wishes to you.

 

Carey

[C4Racer]

This whole thing concern me greatly. I have met and dated women from Ukraine, Belarus and China. First, never send anyone money you have not met personally. I have met scammers in Ukraine who could charm the secret code out of Bill Gates. They know just the right thing to say to keep you on the hook. After all that is all they do all day long.

Scammers usually have the same MO. Tell you how bad they have it and gladly accept your money. The last lady I met in Ukraine had me convinced she would be waiting for me until I returned. I met this one personally!! Every time we talked she wanted one thing money. Guess what happen when the money dissappeared, so did she.

My Chinese fiancee balks anytime I offer money. "No, No, No, I do not wish to be a burden on you." She takes a little now, but this is after having an engagement party with her family and friends. She is only months from coming to America. She is always concerned at how much the phone costs, but loves it when I assure her she is worth it. She waits for my phone call every day.

How much have you sent? Chinese can live comfortably for much less than 100 dollars a month.

Curious question, who initiated the contact a match.com? The reason I ask is match.com requires a membership fee to initiate contact usually paid by credit card. Credit cards are not common in China. I had a very hard time using mine anywhere but the hotel and banks. If she initiated the contact I would serious suspect this lady.

If you have any doubts, there are many Chinese ladies with good hearts looking for American men. These lasies do not want your money, just your heart, I would seriously thing about moving on.

My two cents for what it's worth

Michael

[warpedbored]

Sounds like you need to take some time to find out her motives for sure. When I first met my wife like you I was a little cynical. I had only been single for 9 months and was just feeling good enough to try another relationship. We met in March and I was going to go to China the following October. October came and money was tight. I was also having cold feet. I never felt like i was being used and I had yet to send her money but I am a natural cynic and just wanted to be sure. I decided to postpone the trip and now I am glad I did because it gave me the time to make sure. At first she was disappointed but once I explained she was understanding. By the time I finally went I had known her a full year. Much longer than any scammer would have waited without getting any money. She turned out to be everything I had hoped for and more. By the time her interview came I had known her over 2 years. Now we are very happily married and couldn't ask for a better wife. I love her dearly.

 

As for the sex thing if it were an American girl I wouldn't think anything of it but I think Hong Rose has the right notion. This is very out of character for Chinese women. I have been married for 3 months now and my wife still won't undress in front of me. My understanding is Chinese women by and large are very modest.

[frankmeiling]

Maybe you would like to try http://www.asianeuro.com. Well, bad and good people exist in every country. All the best to you and hope you find the woman of your dreams.

 

P/S By the way, I am Chinese Malaysian

[hypoclear]

OOOOPS!

 

this is pretty embarrassing, kind of like walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe.... good thing that doesn't happen in china..

 

I meant to post my ramblings oh this thread..

 

Need some help....

One of our friends....

 

Mark and Bea

 

But regarding THIS thread. I was thinking about it as I was downtown shopping. The men and woman here are pretty friendly. They work side by side and the women can hold there own on any given day.

 

You will see woman walking hand in hand or with their arms around each others as you will the men. It means nothing other than good close friendship. On the other hand what I can gather when it comes to dating they are very innocent and awkward about this.

 

This isn't to say the older ones don't have experience they do. Fast girls.. sure you can find them, any bar of barbershop. If you are here will they pay attention to you... sure coz you are different and they may even flirt and than giggle and laugh. There seems to be less friction between the sexes and more plain friendship.

 

If you want to flirt with them they will respond see about.. giggle and laugh. Have I heard of a woman like the one you know in your situation.. no but than again I haven't spoken to many about this. I have met one woman who was very modern by USA standards but this was with people over here. She simply was living with one guy and dating others. She was pretty but seemed to have the personality of a whistling tea kettle...always looking for attention.

 

I do think it you had the time or were of a mind to come here you might meet up with a wonderful woman. This is a big city and people work late here as well. They only have time for their workmates and unfortunately there isn't time or places to meet other singles and there are alot of single women here in Shenzhen.

 

Mark and Bea

[frank1538]

Ding! Ding! Ding! I think I hear bells going off.

 

Only you can decide how sincere the woman is, and I know how difficult it is to gauge this long distance, but trust is key here. I sense that you do not fully trust her as of this point. A trip to China may give you a better sense, but, after only one trip, you are likely to be more bewildered than educated. You will need to meet her in person in any event if you want to go for a K-1 visa.

 

I don't like putting people to the test, but an on-line inquiry under another name might not be a bad idea Has she de-activated her profile yet? If not, you've got to wonder. Also, you might tell her that it will be at least a year before she could ever get a visa and see what her reaction is.

 

If you are like most of us, we may be rich by Chinese standards, but not so by American standards. What do you think would be her reaction if you told her that you are considering moving to China rather than having her come to the US? My wife would have preferred to stay in China.

 

Carl (warpbored) will tell you, and I will confirm that on-line chatting with a webcam is a very good way to bridge the gaps in a long distance relationship. If she doesn't have a computer, maybe a friend does or maybe an internet cafe would work.

 

Many people will tell you that some Chinese women view marriage a bit differently than we do in the West. Marriage may be viewed as a partnership that is mutually beneficial to both partners. Love will come later. With her saying "I love you" so soon makes me think that either she is trying to break this stereotype (unlikely) or is trying to say things that she thinks you want to hear.

 

Just remember that you are not her meal ticket out of China.

[Dean Hall]

Whoa Mark!

 

For a minute I thought I was in a parallel universe.

 

As to this thread -

 

My wife was even reluctant to hold hands in public in China.

 

Last week, we ate at a restaurant who would not take my type of credit card. My wife whipped out $40 in cash.

Where did you get that, I ask. Oh - thats the money you give me 3 years ago.

 

Now thats a traditional Chinese.

 

Do you hear warning bells?

 

Dean

[tonyontherock]

My rule of thumb:

1) sex on the first night

2) never give a woman money (accepting money is another matter).

[hypoclear]

Whoa Mark!

 

For a minute I thought I was in a parallel universe.

 

As to this thread -

 

My wife was even reluctant to hold hands in public in China.

 

Last week, we ate at a restaurant who would not take my type of credit card.  My wife whipped out $40 in cash.

Where did you get that, I ask.  Oh - thats the money you give me 3 years ago.

 

Now thats a traditional Chinese.

 

Do you hear warning bells?

 

Dean

heheh you Dean???

 

Heck I wrote the stuff and I still can' figure where or who or what the hell I was posting too..

 

yup time to get out more often! Stop talking to the cat.. besides all he wants to do is argue or talk about fish anyways..

 

The $40.00 yes!!! see she saved it for a rainy day and well that day was it..heheh But on the other hand.. I'll bet if she sees something of value, she will haggle but in the end pay the price. I think it is not about cheap as I tease Bea some times.. but spending wisely.

 

Hey Dean.. ask her how much interest she's made on all the money you have given her... I think I see a nice weekend vacation in the cards for you two..

 

Mark and Bea

[yave20b]

I agree with all the skeptics. This girl sounds a little suspicious to me. I also agree with several others the best way to handle this situation now is to create another user name, another identity, and try to communicate with this girl to see if the same thing happens.

 

I had a similar situation with a girl I met in China previously on a Web site. We "fell in love" quickly and I went to China. We had a great time together. Asked her to marry me, she excitedly accepted, and I went back to the US to start work on I-129F. But there were some signs I started getting later that maybe she was not really that serious about love as much as she was about getting out of China.

 

So I created another user ID for the Web site where I first met her, complete with a nice photo of someone else. And I contacted her. And guess what, she loved the new and improved me much more than the real me. And to add insult to injury, when the new me asked her if she had met anyone yet, she said "No". Imagine my surprise to hear this while I was busy working on her I-129F and calling her on the telephone weekly hearing her say things to me like "I love you" and "I miss you so much".

 

I would get to the bottom of this girl's motives pronto. Create another identity and contact her. If she starts doing the same thing to the new you then you got a real con artist on your hands. If not then you'll feel better and will not have so many doubts in your mind. You might feel a little guilty as I did at being so deceitful yourself for pulling this little trick...but then you are talking about serious matters here with great risk to your heart and finances involved.

[Davter]

She has already INITIATED removing her cloths while chatting. I had hinted at nothing! Was very quick to say "I Love You" and "I want to marry you". I am not a good looking guy nor do I have very much money. She descibes her financial situation as bad and quickly accepted my offer to send her money. The biggest thing was that she went all out to make her "presentation"... She only has proffessional photos to send, and would send more sexy ones each time.

It doesn't sound good, be careful!!

Try to tell her that you couldn't get her in United States, because you can't afford it, but you could move to over there and find a job, live a simple life, then see what she would think, it could be a test, I'm not sure if it gonna work.

[PJ]

I've been following this thread with a lot of interest. The one piece of advice I can give is to trust your heart and instincts.

 

I'm glad I trusted my instincts back in February 2002 (for those of you who were a part of Candle then) and sent a certain unfaithful girl packing, otherwise I would have ended up in a very bad situation.

 

P.J.