Wedding Banquet Traditions

[Kwyjibo]

My girlfriend has told me of some wedding traditions that her family have. I have heard of some of them, but there are some I¡¯ve never heard of before.

 

* The female¡¯s family keeps the red envelopes given by the female¡¯s relatives and friends at the wedding banquet.

* When a guest gives a red envelope, the hosts gives the guest a red envelope in return. The return red envelope is paid for by the male.

 

Has anyone heard of these traditions before?

 

My girlfriend¡¯s family are middle class and from Guangzhou.

 

Thanks.

[whome?]

My girlfriend has told me of some wedding traditions that her family have. I have heard of some of them, but there are some I¡¯ve never heard of before.

 

* The female¡¯s family keeps the red envelopes given by the female¡¯s relatives and friends at the wedding banquet.

* When a guest gives a red envelope, the hosts gives the guest a red envelope in return. The return red envelope is paid for by the male.

 

Has anyone heard of these traditions before?

 

My girlfriend¡¯s family are middle class and from Guangzhou.

 

Thanks.

Yes.

[b.c]

My girlfriend has told me of some wedding traditions that her family have. I have heard of some of them, but there are some I¡¯ve never heard of before.

 

* The female¡¯s family keeps the red envelopes given by the female¡¯s relatives and friends at the wedding banquet.

* When a guest gives a red envelope, the hosts gives the guest a red envelope in return. The return red envelope is paid for by the male.

 

Has anyone heard of these traditions before?

 

My girlfriend¡¯s family are middle class and from Guangzhou.

 

Thanks.

 

China is very diverse and customs can vary considerably from area to area. As to your first question, yes, this is common in a lot of areas in China for the wife's family to keep the red envelopes. Not all areas are like this but some are, including my Wife's hometown. The rationale being that this is the way for her parents to recoup all of their red envelope payments paid out to the weddings of family and friends.

 

As to the other question, I have never heard of such a thing. I would be suspicious and a little concerned about this. I just asked my wife about this and she said she has never heard of such a thing. My wife thinks she might be referring to giving a small gift in red envelope to those who help with the wedding reception.

 

FYI, there are many threads here that discuss many details of weddings and banquets in China that would probably be helpful to you.

[whome?]

My girlfriend has told me of some wedding traditions that her family have. I have heard of some of them, but there are some I¡¯ve never heard of before.

 

* The female¡¯s family keeps the red envelopes given by the female¡¯s relatives and friends at the wedding banquet.

* When a guest gives a red envelope, the hosts gives the guest a red envelope in return. The return red envelope is paid for by the male.

 

Has anyone heard of these traditions before?

 

My girlfriend¡¯s family are middle class and from Guangzhou.

 

Thanks.

 

China is very diverse and customs can vary considerably from area to area. As to your first question, yes, this is common in a lot of areas in China for the wife's family to keep the red envelopes. Not all areas are like this but some are, including my Wife's hometown. The rationale being that this is the way for her parents to recoup all of their red envelope payments paid out to the weddings of family and friends.

 

As to the other question, I have never heard of such a thing. I would be suspicious and a little concerned about this. I just asked my wife about this and she said she has never heard of such a thing. My wife thinks she might be referring to giving a small gift in red envelope to those who help with the wedding reception.

 

FYI, there are many threads here that discuss many details of weddings and banquets in China that would probably be helpful to you.

For number 2 I was assuming he meant the small red bag that contains a small memory of the wedding (small gift and paper with date and names of the couple). However even if this is not the case why should he be suspicious and concerned?

 

I see so many complain about the governemnt treating us a guilty first and having to prove we are innocent in order to get a visa but yet we are very easy to always assume our chinese partner is guilty of something if they tells us a tradition that we dont like, know of, or (heaven forbid) costs some money.

[HongKong2LA]

Yes, I have heard of this before. Like bcco said, it is very common for the bride to keep the envelopes. After our reception, my wife handed them to me and I handed them right back to her. After all, in terms of exchange, what is given is small in comparision with what I am receiving, a beautiful loving wife and the money can serve a much greater good for our China family than it can to us here.

 

I agree with bcco about this also, mainly a small token of thanks and appreciation, just a fraction of what is received. Really it amounts to a symbol of gratitude for those that are close and help with love and support.

 

A really nice concept in my opinion.

[Batmaniac]

As far as the Bride and Groom giving out red envelopes - we gave the kids under 18 red envelopes with 10 rmb in them each when they walked through the meet and greet line.

[Kwyjibo]

My girlfriend has told me of some wedding traditions that her family have. I have heard of some of them, but there are some I¡¯ve never heard of before.

 

* The female¡¯s family keeps the red envelopes given by the female¡¯s relatives and friends at the wedding banquet.

* When a guest gives a red envelope, the hosts gives the guest a red envelope in return. The return red envelope is paid for by the male.

 

Has anyone heard of these traditions before?

 

My girlfriend¡¯s family are middle class and from Guangzhou.

 

Thanks.

 

China is very diverse and customs can vary considerably from area to area. As to your first question, yes, this is common in a lot of areas in China for the wife's family to keep the red envelopes. Not all areas are like this but some are, including my Wife's hometown. The rationale being that this is the way for her parents to recoup all of their red envelope payments paid out to the weddings of family and friends.

 

As to the other question, I have never heard of such a thing. I would be suspicious and a little concerned about this. I just asked my wife about this and she said she has never heard of such a thing. My wife thinks she might be referring to giving a small gift in red envelope to those who help with the wedding reception.

 

FYI, there are many threads here that discuss many details of weddings and banquets in China that would probably be helpful to you.

 

The red envelopes don't go to the bride, they go to her family ie grandfather, grandmother, father, and mother. The tradition where my parents come from are all the red envelopes go to who pays for the banquet, to offset the costs.

 

The return red envelopes are for every guest who gives the bride and groom a red envelope. Gifts for the guests are a different matter. She mentioned CNY $50 in each return red envelope.

 

I've read most of the topics on weddings and banquets on CFL, but I wasn't able to find any mention of these 2 traditions.

 

Thanks, for the replies.

[Kyle]

Yes, my inlaws kept the money given by Chinese relatives. For the American's that attended, we kept the money. One of the reasons why my in-laws invited so many Chinese guests is because in the past they attended their relative's wedding, and gave money to them. Think of it as a "I did it for you, now you need to do it for me" mentality.

 

What you posted is a relatively common custom

Edited November 4, 2009 by Kyle (see edit history)

[b.c]

Yes, my inlaws kept the money given by Chinese relatives. For the American's that attended, we kept the money. One of the reasons why my in-laws invited so many Chinese guests is because in the past they attended their relative's wedding, and gave money to them. Think of it as a "I did it for you, now you need to do it for me" mentality.

 

What you posted is a relatively common custom

 

Its common for the groom to give 50rmb red envelope to every guest that brings red envelope to the wedding? Thats news to me.

[Kwyjibo]

Yes, my inlaws kept the money given by Chinese relatives. For the American's that attended, we kept the money. One of the reasons why my in-laws invited so many Chinese guests is because in the past they attended their relative's wedding, and gave money to them. Think of it as a "I did it for you, now you need to do it for me" mentality.

 

What you posted is a relatively common custom

 

Oh great, I hear she has a lot of relatives and friends. Looks like I'll have to break open the piggy bank to pay for the banquet. Luckily the exchange rate has recently improved in my favour.

[Scott@Hong]

Wife is a professional wedding planner, she has not heard of the Male giving money to guests, but giving a gift to all guests is extremely common. In our case our invitations where small red gift boxes with candy, and other items.

Money given to us went to us, her family wouldnt hear of it them taking anything since I paid for everything.

 

On side note, if you are in Chongqing and watch CQTV, a 15 second spot from our ceremony is running about 20 times a day as part of a promotion having to do with expats in China. I am the idiot looking guy with his thumb pointing up.

[jingjingm]

Yes, my inlaws kept the money given by Chinese relatives. For the American's that attended, we kept the money. One of the reasons why my in-laws invited so many Chinese guests is because in the past they attended their relative's wedding, and gave money to them. Think of it as a "I did it for you, now you need to do it for me" mentality.

 

What you posted is a relatively common custom

 

 

What my husband said is true. but for the second question , we both have never heard of it.

If you are doing "modern-traditional" Chinese way, then you will have to "knock the door of the bride", and her friends will ask you a lot of silly questions. you need to pay them off by sliding the small red envelope under the door. (usually only 20 or 30 kuai in each envelope). I don't know if this is what you are talking about.

 

In China, the traditions are different in different places, hope this can help you some.

[Kwyjibo]

Yes, my inlaws kept the money given by Chinese relatives. For the American's that attended, we kept the money. One of the reasons why my in-laws invited so many Chinese guests is because in the past they attended their relative's wedding, and gave money to them. Think of it as a "I did it for you, now you need to do it for me" mentality.

 

What you posted is a relatively common custom

 

 

What my husband said is true. but for the second question , we both have never heard of it.

If you are doing "modern-traditional" Chinese way, then you will have to "knock the door of the bride", and her friends will ask you a lot of silly questions. you need to pay them off by sliding the small red envelope under the door. (usually only 20 or 30 kuai in each envelope). I don't know if this is what you are talking about.

 

In China, the traditions are different in different places, hope this can help you some.

 

Door knocking is a different matter. She mentioned it was going to cost in the thousands of RMBs. But we're skipping that one.

 

Thanks.

[Spekkio99]

I've only heard of the 1st one too.

If you have a very organized helper who signs every guest in, it's best to write down on each red envelope the name of the person who it came from. This way, you/your wife will have a good idea of how much "debt" you have to repay to each guest. Whoever invited this guest, whether it be you or your wife, should keep the red envelope as it is a debt that need to be repayed. Repayment of these debts isn't always monetary, it could be favors in the future or other intangibles. You get the idea...

[george lee]

RA,

 

question 1 - all money received goes to the bride's family.

 

question 2 - we had to return a red envelope to the guest when we received a red envelope. the return red envelope was only 2 rmb. we had over 200 guests at our banquet.

 

her family is from toishan and traditions are very common in her town.

 

the knock the bride's door was 999.99rmd.

 

i hope this helps you out. good luck.