Not sure how I feel.

[RobertH]

hello all Im having a bit of a well..... I dont know how to explane it.

 

Hui was supose to start English School full time on 09/07 and now she dose not want to go. She dose not want to go live at the School. She worrys about her cat and who will take care of it.

 

I am very disapointed she dose not want to go I was so proud to be sending her to school and I really felt it would help herin the interview and in life in the USA.

 

What should I do? I feel let down. She wants to find a private teacher and try it that way. I left her 6000 Yen to pay for the school it is a 4 month full time school. I dont care about the money I care about the change in plans.

 

Any advise?

 

I have told her how I feel she dose not seem to understand how it upsets me. Am I over reacting?

 

 

Robert

[Batmaniac]

I wouldn't want to leave my comfort zone (or cat if I had one) and go live somewhere for school either. She's not a college aged student anymore. 38 right? That's my age.

 

My wife had to live in dorm rooms from middle school through college. There were as many as 10 girls in a room at once. Beds stacked 3 high. No privacy. Is this the same sort of deal? What does that 6000 RMB get you? Can't be fancy digs. If it's anything like the dorms my wife lived in while at school, you don't want Hui there. Trust me.

 

She quit her job right? Can she get it back and do the private teacher thing?

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

RobertH. Based on some of your past posts you have some doubts in her as well as yourself. It sounds like if you are two are to be its up to you. Any relationship requires each other scrathing each others back. It sounds like it is all about her special needs and wants. What about yours?

[RobertH]

I wouldn't want to leave my comfort zone (or cat if I had one) and go live somewhere for school either. She's not a college aged student anymore. 38 right? That's my age.

 

My wife had to live in dorm rooms from middle school through college. There were as many as 10 girls in a room at once. Beds stacked 3 high. No privacy. Is this the same sort of deal? What does that 6000 RMB get you? Can't be fancy digs. If it's anything like the dorms my wife lived in while at school, you don't want Hui there. Trust me.

 

She quit her job right? Can she get it back and do the private teacher thing?

yes she quit her job. and yes I think there will be many girls to a room. Or she is looking to rent a room near the school.

 

She is 38 yes. I can see her not wanting to live at the dorm. I just want her to do well in the interview.

 

I think I just over think things sometimes.

 

As far as getting her job back No she dose not know who will want to hire a worker who will leave in only 6-8 months.

 

Robert

[warpedbored]

I don't see any red flags here. I think you just need to relax a little let go of some control issues. The best analogy to Chinese women I have ever heard is "steel rods swathed in flowers". These women are tough, independent and used to taking care of themselves.

[hakkamike]

hello all Im having a bit of a well..... I dont know how to explane it.

 

Hui was supose to start English School full time on 09/07 and now she dose not want to go. She dose not want to go live at the School. She worrys about her cat and who will take care of it.

 

I am very disapointed she dose not want to go I was so proud to be sending her to school and I really felt it would help herin the interview and in life in the USA.

 

What should I do? I feel let down. She wants to find a private teacher and try it that way. I left her 6000 Yen to pay for the school it is a 4 month full time school. I dont care about the money I care about the change in plans.

 

Any advise?

 

I have told her how I feel she dose not seem to understand how it upsets me. Am I over reacting?

 

 

Robert

Small Potato's dude, if your upset about this, just wait, maybe you need to stock up on Tums, lol

[Feathers268]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Jen didn't learn English in China, hell, it's hard enough trying to get her into school here, she just doesn't like to learn it. Once she is here, it will be easier when she starts to see the need for English.

As for the inerview? She will do fine. Jen did the interview in Chinese as have many people here without any problem.

[david_dawei]

I wouldn't want to leave my comfort zone (or cat if I had one) and go live somewhere for school either. She's not a college aged student anymore. 38 right? That's my age.

 

My wife had to live in dorm rooms from middle school through college. There were as many as 10 girls in a room at once. Beds stacked 3 high. No privacy. Is this the same sort of deal? What does that 6000 RMB get you? Can't be fancy digs. If it's anything like the dorms my wife lived in while at school, you don't want Hui there. Trust me.

 

She quit her job right? Can she get it back and do the private teacher thing?

yes she quit her job. and yes I think there will be many girls to a room. Or she is looking to rent a room near the school.

 

She is 38 yes. I can see her not wanting to live at the dorm. I just want her to do well in the interview.

 

I think I just over think things sometimes.

 

As far as getting her job back No she dose not know who will want to hire a worker who will leave in only 6-8 months.

 

Robert

why did she quit in the first place?

 

was probably not the best idea since keeping busy is probably the best medicine for being apart... but if she decided to look for another job, she would probably never tell an employer she is leaving in future.. even if it was a few days away

 

How is her english now? If you guys talk in english now, then just continue to do so and let her get a private teacher. But if her english is not that good at all, then I would not put pressure on her to 'learn english' for an interview; she needs confidence in comprehension and answering in front of the man who stands between her and a 5 minute visa interview

[chengdu4me]

I don't what city she is in, but I would bet there are at least 100 private schools where she can learn English with classes for the total non-English speaker all the way up to advanced Business English. Her time apart from you is tough enough without having to give up her comfort zone and move to a school. Since she has no job, then she should be pretty flexible as far as class schedules go.

 

Being close to family and friends is probably pretty important to her right now. She knows she will be leaving them all pretty soon. Try not to get upset that she wants this time and that she doesn't want to live in some stinking dorm room.

 

Private school lessons a few days/evenings a week to gain a simple understanding of English and your support will go a lot farther than an interview in perfect English with an unhappy woman...

Edited September 2, 2009 by chengdu4me (see edit history)

[george lee]

i'm sure she can find many adult english schools in a big city. my wife went to an adult english school for 1 year while waiting for the visa process. she attended school monday to friday, 9am to 11:30pm, break for lunch and continues from 2pm to 5pm. the teachers are chinese and 2 days per week, a non-chinese teacher would teach the class. my wife had a teacher from england and i do detect a hint of england accent when she speaks english to me.

 

the inteview was in 100% chinese in GZ, so no fear my brother.

 

she is taking ESL classes now in nyc, hopefully moving forward to community college then to a 4 year college.

[Batmaniac]

Taking English from non-native speakers could get her into some bad habits and bad pronunciations. Who does this school employ?

 

My wife had English classes from high school on. She majored in Business English in college. I think she may have had 2 teachers during that time who were native speakers. Her spoken English is great (some bad pronunciation) and she gets complimented often, but the writing and reading are not as strong. She is currently in two advanced level ESOL classes at community college. It's tough for her but it's what she placed into. Her literature book looks like it's out of 11th grade high school. Lots of Edgar Allen Poe and Eudora Welty. It took me back.

 

So I'd go with a tutor, native if possible. Get the basics in. Don't worry about everything. When she arrives you are going to be defining and explaining many words you never even thought you would. If you want her to succeed with English, you'll need to get her into ESOL classes in the US from native speakers.

 

And hopefully you live in district of a community college and you don't have to plunk down $1000 for 6 credit hours.

[Mike and Yan]

...~...

Hui was supose to start English School full time on 09/07 and now she dose not want to go. She dose not want to go live at the School. She worrys about her cat and who will take care of it.

 

I am very disapointed she dose not want to go I was so proud to be sending her to school and I really felt it would help herin the interview and in life in the USA.

...~...

Any advise?

 

Robert

 

Focus on the interview. In my case, sending her to school meant little. My wife went to the interview, some English but required Chinese interview. Therefore: they know communication must be investigated. This is at the heart of a bonafide relationship.

Gratned this was a CR1 interview.

 

My opinion is consider: How can YOU improve the language gap? What documents can you provide to show YOUR commitment to communicate? At the interview, according to my wife, my efforts paid off more than my sending her to school.

[chilton747]

Are you two communicating now? How are you doing it? THIS is what has to be proven at the interview. The notion that the interviewee has to speak English is pure hogwash!!!

 

With that said, why is it that so many USCs put the sole burden on their Chinese partners to learn English? Why can't you learn to speak Chinese? I know she is coming here and will eventually need to learn to speak English but you could jumpstart her willingness to learn by your commitment to learn Chinese. Not to mention the MAJOR brownie points you will get from her and her family.

[Guest jin979]

how do you comminicate now ?

[Randy W]

I think it's most important that she be relaxed and not be under pressure for the interview.

 

Let her do it her way.