china dave

[Eric&Yuhui]

The very best from us as well, Dave.

[warpedbored]

I am sorry to hear of your break up Dave. Intercultural relationships are not easy. My ex-wife is Japanese so I know first hand how difficult it can be. Sometimes you just look at things so differently you can't agree. I wish you both all the happiness you deserve. I'm sure you are hurting right now but you know it will heal in time.

Carl

[Dave G.]

My turn.....

 

Dave,

 

JM and I are also very sorry that things didn't work. I can only imagine the hurt and disappointment you're both feeling. All that time, all that effort, and all the dashed dreams. We all on Candle know the titillation of anticipation. Some know the thrill of having completed the journey (I await that day). I can't imagine seeing it all slip away.

 

In your very honest assessment of the relationship, you openly talked about mistakes that we should avoid. But, Dave....you forgot to mention one thing you did absolutely right. You waited. You let the relationship go it's natural course and did everything to get it to grow. All that without making the disastrous decision to marry. Have you thought how important that is?

 

My thoughts turn to the rather long and thorough discussion thread about poorlady. I'm sure you followed it. In the end, she did the right thing. She returned to China. She recognized all the complications had she stayed. In a way, albeit painful, when Sarah gets on that airplane, you'll be free to move on in your life.

 

As Frank said, your story is a little scary. It's a risk we all take in any relationship. Yet, the course we've taken with our Asian loved ones are so wonderful but contain many potential pitfalls.

 

I hope you will follow your heart AND your head. I'm sure you will. Let this chapter be finished being written the way it's meant to be and turn the page. Who knows what the next chapter will contain.........

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/_950/creator.gif

 

Good luck!

[piepie]

Dave,

 

Are you the couple join the CT party I organized?

 

I am sorry to hear what happened on you and Sarah.

 

I am thinking if we talk with Sarah is a good idea? Maybe we can help the relationship or at least dig out what wrong really is?

 

If any help you need from me, I am here with you.

 

Cheer up, it is not the end of the world!

 

PiePie

[Guest enight]

... we are in FL now, and heard this post when this morning we were talking on the phone with another member here.

 

sorry to hear it..

 

...and, I think, how long before engagment maybe not the real matter...

 

most of couples here or most of couples who went through fiance visa process wouldn't have much time to know each other before apply for the visa...

 

...Alan and I only met once in person before applying for visa, we separated for one year till the visa was done then he went to China and picked me up.

 

but our life together is full of happiness and confidence, because we both appreciate each other and trying to make the partner happy.

 

so, one side, I am sorry for Dave and Sarah's ending, on the other side, I wish Dave, Sarah, and all the people have a happy life, and... treasure the partner in life, more toleronate (sorry for spelling), more compromise, more understanding, less selfish... I say what I am thinking, hope anyone who reads it wouldn't take it as offense.

[Stats]

What sad day! I surfed to Candle filled with joy because I received NOA 2. I am saddened to see this post.

 

You are in my prayers. Best of luck in the future.

[chinadave2001]

Dave,

 

Yes, that is sad news.  I read your post carefully, word for word, and sense decisions have already been made.  Yet with two weeks remaining is there possibly a chance, a glimmer of hope, that you and Sarah may still be able to work things out?  Without changing either one of you, or the expectation of changing the other, is there any opportunity for the two of you to do things to change the relationship itself?  I know it's often much easier for someone on the outside looking in but maybe, just maybe ...

 

Bob

Thanks Bob and Tony.

No, I don't think she's coming back.

I think that not knowing what the final outcome would be was too fustrating for her.

We ahd lots of issues - and out of respect for Sarah , I will not discuss them in detail. I will say that while they were serious, they were not insumountable. Or at least I thought so. I just wish we hadn't waited so long to go to counseling.

May I ask Dave,

 

Have you already had the feeling now that you two would not be a good couple?!

At this point, yes. Thre is too much water under the bridge, as we say.

[chinadave2001]

Dave, it's so sad to hear your story.  Perhaps there's still a little chance you guys can work this out.  Think about all those lonely nights you two had spent away from each others.  Do you know where she's staying in Houston?  Do you still love her?  How do you feel if she's really gone back to China?  Please do whatever you can to try to save this relationship.  Keep in mind that there's nothing you two can't fixed.  Give her a call if you can and at least give it a last try before she's really gone.  Good luck

I do not know where she is exactly. I do not believe that she is in Houston as she told me. She did call to say that she was alright - but did not want to talk any further. I suspect she is either going home or going undergound. I doubt that I will hear from her any time soon.

[chinadave2001]

Dave,

 

Are you the couple join the CT party I organized?

 

I am sorry to hear what happened on you and Sarah.

 

I am thinking if we talk with Sarah is a good idea? Maybe we can help the relationship or at least dig out what wrong really is?

 

If any help you need from me, I am here with you.

 

Cheer up, it is not the end of the world!

 

PiePie

PiePie, yes, we are that couple. Thank you for your offer to help, but I don't think I'll hear from her again.

Thanks,

David

[chinadave2001]

most of couples here or most of couples who went through fiance visa process wouldn't have much time to know each other before apply for the visa...

 

...Alan and I only met once in person before applying for visa, we separated for one year till the visa was done then he went to China and picked me up.

 

but our life together is full of happiness and confidence, because we both appreciate each other and trying to make the partner happy.

 

so, one side, I am sorry for Dave and Sarah's ending, on the other side, I wish Dave, Sarah, and all the people have a happy life, and... treasure the partner in life,  more toleronate (sorry for spelling), more compromise, more understanding, less selfish... I say what I am thinking, hope anyone who reads it wouldn't take it as offense.

Hi Enight -

I guess I am trying to suggest to folks that one should do as much as possible to really know your significant other before getting engaged. Of course that's not always possible- and sometimes we just get lucky. I do believe in love at first sight, even after this experience.

Of course patience, comnpromise, less selfishness, and understanding are needed in any realtionship.....

thanks for your kind words.

David

[chinadave2001]

ok, last post for now. Writing and thinking about this is kind of therapeutic, you know?

1. Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. Much appreciated.

2. I am pretty sure she is gone and not coming back.

3. I am ok, just depressed. There's a great line in the Clint Eastwood movie where he says, "you know when you kill a man you not only kill him but everything he will ever be." I think the things that sadden me are the unfullfilled dreams. The things that would have happened had we been able to work it out.

4. I am pretty sure that she made the right choice. I just wish that we'd given it every possible chance.

 

I went to see a movie this afternoon, a chick flick called "Under the Tuscan Sun." It's about a woman who has a bad divorce and then goes to Italy where she reinvents herself and creates a new life. Needless to say, it was an uplifting movie about starting over.....

 

Thanks again everyone.....

David

[Stats]

I do not know where she is exactly. I do not believe that she is in Houston as she told me. She did call to say that she was alright - but did not want to talk any further. I suspect she is either going home or going undergound. I doubt that I will hear from her any time soon.

(My hometown) Houston has the 2nd largest Chinese population after LA. So it might be possble. Hang in there mate.

[Dave G.]

Dave...

 

Tell me....what is she thinking? The old song, "Do I stay or do I go?" Will she do the right thing and leave? Or, will she crap on our laws??? If she'll leave, then she has honor. If she violates the rules of the visa, then I have no respect for her.

 

Sorry.....just curious.

[Eric&Yuhui]

Dave...

 

Tell me....what is she thinking?  The old song, "Do I stay or do I go?"  Will she do the right thing and leave?  Or, will she crap on our laws???  If she'll leave, then she has honor.  If she violates the rules of the visa, then I have no respect for her.

 

Sorry.....just curious.

Take it easy Dave..

It's a bit too early to speculate or second-guess.

[lori&dave]

Hi Dave,

 

I'm shocked to know abt the splitting of u and Sarah. Since we had the similar timeline of visa application and my husband shares the same of urs, we feel like we are already frs with u.

 

Falling love might be easy while living with each other is not easy at all. It's very sensible that u leave each other a turn-around way to save this love. U know what, when I was hesitating abt going to be join a Stardford nite school program becoze I didn;t think I was good enough, my husband told me "Just try ur best."

 

Try ur best and then no matter what the result is, it wouldn't be a regret in the rest of ur life.

 

God bless all the lovers!