WESTERN BOYS

[whutthapho]

oh i dont mean that just , beating is no good. just westen soft give little ones to much choices, parents must be boss.

 

Most children, especially pre-teens will often test boundaries. Since you are "second Mom", they are getting to know you and your limits. Just remember, and remind them, if/when necessary, that you are the adult (not big sister). Sometimes children believe they are "in charge"...until they actually need your help.

 

good luck.

[Guest WenDylan]

I know that you meant "Western Boys" but every time I see post title, I think of the Hotel Chain "Westin Inns"

I guess my brain's wired similar to Randy's and Yimi's. I can't get that stupid song out of my head every time I look at this thread.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAHfoIfo_7A

B)

[Guest WenDylan]

I know that you meant "Western Boys" but every time I see post title, I think of the Hotel Chain "Westin Inns"

I guess my brain's wired similar to Randy's and Yimi's. I can't get that stupid song out of my head every time I look at this thread.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAHfoIfo_7A

QUIT BRINGING THIS SONG UP.

 

Now its stuck in me head.

 

GET IT OUT!

[Mike62356]

I used to get the razor strap when I was young, believe me when I say we did not mess up to often, now I slaped my sons bum when he is bad with my hand, he once told me he was calling 911, so I told him if he did he may as well ask for an ambulance to, needless to say he didn't make that call and has not made that comment again.

Now when he talks to his new Mama he is always " yes ma'm and no ma'm " and very respectful of his elders.

[Randy W]

Parents are responsible for their children - the only question is whether they're willing to accept that responsility. Parents create little emperors/empresses - this is independent of any laws, whether eastern or western.

 

It makes no difference - these parents do their damage.

[shaffej7070]

Parents are responsible for their children - the only question is whether they're willing to accept that responsility. Parents create little emperors/empresses - this is independent of any laws, whether eastern or western.

 

It makes no difference - these parents do their damage.

 

Yes, I know a little emperor I grew up with here in the states; he's 36, lives at home, no job, spends most of his time at Barnes and Nobles, and yes, his mother still gives him an allowance.

[Yuanyang]

Western parents to soft on children I think.

 

Jin

There was (and still is!) a hedge row in the back of the house I grew up in and everytime we screwed up we had to go fetch a 'switch' to be used on us. I was certain those bushes would wither away and die being pruned by the 5 of us. Did it work? Not really, I just didn't care if I got a whipping.

[IllinoisDave]

There was (and still is!) a hedge row in the back of the house I grew up in and everytime we screwed up we had to go fetch a 'switch' to be used on us.

Ours was a Weeping Willow tree next to the house. For the more minor offenses we got to keep the leaves on.

[JingJoseph]

no.. no if soft children they no have self control or respect for olders, this will cause problems when they are older.

 

I am 2nd mother so cannont intervene much in this, but i say westen man and parents are to soft.

 

Chinese children much more discilpine

 

I agree..Every where I've been in China, around our home,

at the 7-11, Pak-in-shop, bus stop, just walking down the

street meeting kids just out of school, at the malls, even

at McDonalds I was amazed how polite and respectfull

children and teenagers were.

 

Sure some are cant say theres not. It is different here.

Children not much but teenagers you see any where you

go here makes you wonder whats thier problem. Many

have no morals, no respect for anything it seems.

Not even thierself. Understand the (2nd mother) thing

to.

 

Its just my HO but many times she walks a fine line.

Many times have seen the parent take the side of the

child even though they know better.

Makes it even harder on her if she is from another

country. Seen it to many times to say it's not.

Just my HO but agree with you 100%.

 

My wifes role in my teenage sons life has not been

(2nd mom). She is mom and he has learned from

her, listens to her and takes what she tells him

to heart. Shes from China but her Chinglish is better

than my English or his. I do not get in the way.

 

 

She says if you dont say it up front soon it will

stick out behind. Agree with you 100%.

Edited September 26, 2008 by JingJoseph (see edit history)

[Guest jin979]

no.. no if soft children they no have self control or respect for olders, this will cause problems when they are older.

 

I am 2nd mother so cannont intervene much in this, but i say westen man and parents are to soft.

 

Chinese children much more discilpine

 

I agree..Every where I've been in China, around our home,

at the 7-11, Pak-in-shop, bus stop, just walking down the

street meeting kids just out of school, at the malls, even

at McDonalds I was amazed how polite and respectfull

children and teenagers were.

 

Sure some are cant say theres not. It is different here.

Children not much but teenagers you see any where you

go here makes you wonder whats thier problem. Many

have no morals, no respect for anything it seems.

Not even thierself. Understand the (2nd mother) thing

to.

 

Its just my HO but many times she walks a fine line.

Many times have seen the parent take the side of the

child even though they know better.

Makes it even harder on her if she is from another

country. Seen it to many times to say it's not.

Just my HO but agree with you 100%.

 

My wifes role in my teenage sons life has not been

(2nd mom). She is mom and he has learned from

her, listens to her and takes what she tells him

to heart. Shes from China but her Chinglish is better

than my English or his. I do not get in the way.

 

 

She says if you dont say it up front soon it will

 

 

 

 

stick out behind. Agree with you 100%.

 

 

 

 

let her post in the new chinese forum, yes ?

 

 

lets us hear what all your wives/fiances have to say

Edited September 27, 2008 by jin979 (see edit history)

[carl.hops]

oh i dont mean that just , beating is no good. just westen soft give little ones to much choices, parents must be boss.

 

I live with my sister and my five nephews, and I have to say that my sister has a hard time disciplining them all. My brother in law works night and day, I only see him on Sundays and I wouldn't / couldn't be the punisher. This has led to them acting in such a way that tonight the littlest boy pinched his grandmother and yelled at her, one of them has ADHD and has given a lot of bad examples to the others, but I think they are all good kids. Its a lack of dad being there to keep them straight, we cant all be rich and afford to have the time to be with our loved ones as much as we need and would like. China will change, its already started.

[Joanne]

I firmly believe that parents, including step-parents, must establish clearly understood boundaries of acceptable behavior for children and young adults still living under your roof. The parents must agree on what will be established and not show any disagreement between themselves in front of the younger ones.

 

If the boundaries are violated then there are logical consequences to be incurred. These logical consequences must be related to the behavior that doesn't conform to the boundary. A simple example might be that if grades suffer, study time becomes mandatory.

 

The young person should also have the right to ask the parents to re-evaluate the boundary as they become older or circumstances change. The parents should consider the request privately and not debate in from of the requester.

 

With this scheme in place you never punish anyone, although they may incur logical consequences to undesirable behavior and there are no surprises.

 

Works for us ...

Nice,well-reasoned post as usual Jim.

 

Yes.

 

Young children are smarter than you think. They will adjust to your rules even if they are different from their mother's.

 

The kids also know who likes them and they listen and even cling to the person who likes them. They usually want to please that person. However, you do need to establish a firm boundary (to things matter to you most), and make your rule clear.

[Joanne]

I thinks Rob should be the one who decipline while Jin support and be the playmate.

[SheLikesME?]

So this visit I let my wife do it all. I didn't interfere with her way of dealing with daughter. She asked me to do this. There was a lot more peace in the home this time. She is taking charge the right way for the most part and Lil One committed to be better to begin with, last week.

[natrigon]

Many of the posts seem to think that spanking = good children. I have a different experience. I have never been beaten or spanked. I have never been to jail, I am respectful of others and have my own business.

 

I have two sons one older and one younger, neither has ever been beaten or spanked or even threatened to be spanked. Don't get me wrong, I am the boss, they do what I say and they are not the prince or boss of my house.

 

But for the topic of this thread in my experiece there are many grown children that are babies here in the USA. Spoiled little brats that are created "usually" from lazy brained parents. In my experience in China there are serious issues with the children there too but just not in a spoiled baby way. Discipline can be a powerful tool but taken too far it can make shell shocked kids. Either way I manage without the spanking or physical threats and all is well... very well.