BIG problems with Little Chinese Wife

[N&J]

If there is a HSBC ATM or an ATM that will take HSBC, you can open an account in the US and use the ATM there. (I once used I think China Bank ATM to make withdrawal)

 

Once you activate it, let them know it will be okay that your fiancee will be making withdrawals and that you understand that you are solely responsible for any lost or theft.

 

Send or leave her the card. Transfer funds can be done over the internet from a different account to your HSBC account. Transfer the $200 or whatever you are sending, takes about three days to complete, no transaction cost, only slight difference in exchange rate when she make the withdrawal.

 

The daily limit to withdraw is $1000 or about 7200 rmb.

 

As a side benefit, any funds in the account is paid 3.5% interest but going down.

 

 

Good luck

[ameriken]

We also have used WU with good success and found it to be very secure, and more cost efficient than some other options.

 

I do recommend you go to an agent rather than WU's online service. We were paying as much as $30 per transaction online but only $15 at the agent. Many major grocery chains can do WU...you just go to their customer service desk. I.e., in Colorado, both Safeway and King Soopers do WU.

[jemmyell]

We also have used WU with good success and found it to be very secure, and more cost efficient than some other options.

 

I do recommend you go to an agent rather than WU's online service. We were paying as much as $30 per transaction online but only $15 at the agent. Many major grocery chains can do WU...you just go to their customer service desk. I.e., in Colorado, both Safeway and King Soopers do WU.

 

Yes, Western Union is very good and secure. She can get the money almost immediately. China Post is a secure location. BE SURE to write her name correctly, I have had one disconnect with my wife's sister. They do know the difference between first and last name, so when you do the WU just tell them the name as First, last even though in China they alwasy do Last, first.

 

Ken is right about doing WU at an agent. They will NOT take anything but cash at an agent. It was one of the thrills of my process to take $5000 CASH to a grocery store so my wife could buy plane tickets and settle expenses to come here!

 

-James

[A Mafan]

Okay, I was way wrong about Western Union.

Ignore me.

[tsap seui]

Okay, I was way wrong about Western Union.

Ignore me.

 

No need to ignore ya buddy...they's jest many ways to skin an ol' polecat.

 

You shoulda seen the grocery store lady, workin' my W/U transaction, swoon when I plunked down $7,500 before one of my trips. Funny stuff.

 

tsap seui

[DMikeS4321]

Kaifeng, Henan province.

 

I can ask her if HSBC there.

 

Western Union is flawless. We've used it both ways, from me to her and from her to me. No problems and it's inexpensive.

 

She doesn't need a bank; the money can be picked up through China Post (their post office), mo men tai. Only qualifier is, make sure you put her name in the right order or she won't be able to pick it up. W.U. used to have forms that were unclear as to first name and last name. They've changed that now, at least in my area. Haven't had a problem since.

 

Good to hear about the "thaw". I hope everything works out for both of you!

 

Best Regards

 

P.S. You can track Western Union online if you like to know when the money is actually picked up.

[cocomonica_37]

after reading the top message,i really feel "unfair".other chinese girls expected money from their husband /boy friend,but why when i met american man,he "borrow" money from me without return!and i covered all cost in china?i am not fool,but just think money is less improtant then emotion.i need change my mind also.at least study to know who has real heart.

sorry,my bad words

[Jay & Ping]

after reading the top message,i really feel "unfair".other chinese girls expected money from their husband /boy friend,but why when i met american man,he "borrow" money from me without return!and i covered all cost in china?i am not fool,but just think money is less improtant then emotion.i need change my mind also.at least study to know who has real heart.

sorry,my bad words

Money is less important than emotion, Yes. Good men always offer to pay. Good women help them pay the smallest amount.

You are a good woman. The real heart will last forever.

Thank you for your good words. We like to hear from Chinese women. The men here like to learn how to understand the real heart of the women they love. Thank you for sharing.

[Dennis143]

after reading the top message,i really feel "unfair".other chinese girls expected money from their husband /boy friend,but why when i met american man,he "borrow" money from me without return!and i covered all cost in china?i am not fool,but just think money is less improtant then emotion.i need change my mind also.at least study to know who has real heart.

sorry,my bad words

Thank you, Coco.

 

It is important to have a post as yours in a thread like this. Your experience gives balance and shows how some people like to play with others emotions and then use them for their own gain.

 

So sorry that you had to meet an American man who was not good. I hope that you have not given up your dreams and that you are more cautious in the future.

[ameriken]

after reading the top message,i really feel "unfair".other chinese girls expected money from their husband /boy friend,but why when i met american man,he "borrow" money from me without return!and i covered all cost in china?i am not fool,but just think money is less improtant then emotion.i need change my mind also.at least study to know who has real heart.

sorry,my bad words

There is definitely a % of men who are not sincere. As you said, money should be less important than love. If one feels something to the contrary, especially early in a relationship, then keep a wary eye open.

 

When I first went to China to meet Jie, she wanted to pay for everything and I had to 'fight' her to let me pay. Before I could exchange money, she paid for the taxi to the hotel. The next morning she brought breakfast and a few bottles of water for me. She paid for the bus and taxi to the bank.

 

Later in the trip, I offered to take her family to dinner (about 13 people). She said they would expect me to pay since I was the new fiance. I told her not to worry about that. But she was afraid that I might feel bad that her family would want me to cover the whole bill. She got paid the first of every month, and so she scheduled the dinner for that day. She went to the ATM and withdrew her entire paycheck and gave it to me. I took it knowing I'd give it back later. After dinner, I covered the bill, gave it all back to her plus more to make up for everything else.

 

The point is, she gave me everything she had. She put me above herself and family. This is the relationship I always sought...one where we helped and shared with each other equally. Regardless of how rich or poor a person is, each one should freely sacrifice and give to the other, and never look to 'take' from one another.

Edited February 9, 2008 by ameriken (see edit history)

[cocomonica_37]

thank you for above posts to encourage me a lot.i noticed that most members here are american man ,disscussed about their storis with chinese women,maybe some of you met "bad women",but one thing is same:all your guys like chinese women,so can meet here.

my sotries,even now ,i don't know what is going on .

due to my job(i working in intrnation-trade company,hae deal with usa and european countries),i have more connection with western people,i feel western people are very gentaleman,and wide-heart which i really appreciated much.so i wanna....

anyway,i met a amrecian man,first time,he came here,i covered all the expense in china,hotel,food,travelling to beijing...(coz two reasons:1.he told me his store biz is very slow,short of cash,2.i think he spend ticket fee to come here,and i have the ability to afford this),also i thought money,is earned by person.

and second time he came here,also same reason,i coverd everything,but he said he need go to seoul to visit his friends dicussing about new biz,want to borrow about $4500 from me,be honestly i not like this,but he,a big man,already opened his mouth,i no like hurt him also,so i think just like gambling(he promised pay back end of Jan,2008),and he is first man i met online,really heavy shocking if he cheated me,i 'd rather just believe most humen being inthe world is good.but until now,no payback,he said he would come china to see me end of last month,but on the last day,he left message to me,something happen with his son,so delayed ,until when?God know.

but i am ok ,i am stronger enough.storm ,come,i not scared.

all of you,if have some confused about chinese women thinking or others things,can ask me,i will try my best to explain in a fair,middle point.

thanks drew send me message,but ihave no any evidence about borrow money,so can do nothing about this matter.

one caution to all you,one chinese idiom"men dang hu dui",mean for couple,both family must match each other,when i was 20's,i thought it is compeltely wrong concept,but now i agreed it at least 80%.

when you met you g/f in china,you need see her family,if her family is kind,wealthy,she can havewell-education,she is not only starring at your wallet(in most case,it is correct,but not all).

i read another post here about his first visiting to china,but struggled with woman's son using knife,if i were he,after first breakfast costing rmb900,i flight back right away...

ok,thank again for all you reading my post

good lucky for all of us.

[Joanne]

Welcome Coco. I agree with you! I am also a Chinese woman.

[SheLikesME?]

I want to say WELCOME coco but I see you have been a member since about when I joined in 2005, so welcome 2 years later, OK?

 

Sorry for your misfortune. I am sure everyone here hates these types of men and feel as I do the embarressment from them. The first thing that comes to mind is what Larry H did to the boy with the knife. Well glad you are here and please post as often as you can.

[ameriken]

thank you for above posts to encourage me a lot.i noticed that most members here are american man ,disscussed about their storis with chinese women,maybe some of you met "bad women",but one thing is same:all your guys like chinese women,so can meet here.

my sotries,even now ,i don't know what is going on .

due to my job(i working in intrnation-trade company,hae deal with usa and european countries),i have more connection with western people,i feel western people are very gentaleman,and wide-heart which i really appreciated much.so i wanna....

anyway,i met a amrecian man,first time,he came here,i covered all the expense in china,hotel,food,travelling to beijing...(coz two reasons:1.he told me his store biz is very slow,short of cash,2.i think he spend ticket fee to come here,and i have the ability to afford this),also i thought money,is earned by person.

and second time he came here,also same reason,i coverd everything,but he said he need go to seoul to visit his friends dicussing about new biz,want to borrow about $4500 from me,be honestly i not like this,but he,a big man,already opened his mouth,i no like hurt him also,so i think just like gambling(he promised pay back end of Jan,2008),and he is first man i met online,really heavy shocking if he cheated me,i 'd rather just believe most humen being inthe world is good.but until now,no payback,he said he would come china to see me end of last month,but on the last day,he left message to me,something happen with his son,so delayed ,until when?God know.

but i am ok ,i am stronger enough.storm ,come,i not scared.

all of you,if have some confused about chinese women thinking or others things,can ask me,i will try my best to explain in a fair,middle point.

thanks drew send me message,but ihave no any evidence about borrow money,so can do nothing about this matter.

one caution to all you,one chinese idiom"men dang hu dui",mean for couple,both family must match each other,when i was 20's,i thought it is compeltely wrong concept,but now i agreed it at least 80%.

when you met you g/f in china,you need see her family,if her family is kind,wealthy,she can havewell-education,she is not only starring at your wallet(in most case,it is correct,but not all).

i read another post here about his first visiting to china,but struggled with woman's son using knife,if i were he,after first breakfast costing rmb900,i flight back right away...

ok,thank again for all you reading my post

good lucky for all of us.

Coco, before I went online to find someone, I did a little research about dating someone from another country. There was a site that talked about meeting Asian women. It was very positive and said that American-Asian relationships can be wonderful. But the site also gave a warning to the American man: if he was asked to send money, especially early in the relationship........the advice was: don't. It warned there are scams, or women who are more interested in money than a relationship. It gave examples of woman saying: 'My mother is very sick and need 10,000 RMB for the hospital, otherwise she might die, can you send it to me?" This is before they really even knew each other or before they even met. It also said that a sincere Asian woman probably would never ask for money.

 

In my opinion, money issues are for later when love and the relationship are well established and you both know each other very, very well. So I guess the advice would be true for you too: you should never have to support a mans trip to China or give him that kind of money. If you meet a guy who cannot pay for his own trip, or worse......he needs to borrow money, then run! A sincere American will pay for himself...and he will want to take care of you too. It's ok if you want to spend money on him or buy him something, or take him somewhere, that is different. In fact, a good man will appreciate that you want to do things for him and take care of him. But he will want to take care of you too, and should not be asking you to pay his way or give him money.

 

So keep looking.....there's a lot of good men out there, and you'll find one. Good luck!

[tsap seui]

Coco, great to see you post here.

 

There is always two sides to any story and it's great to see a Chinese woman to share her expericences and insight to us. We could all learn from you.

 

Good luck with your future and may it be a happy one.

 

tsap seui