Drew

Kaifeng, Henan province. I can ask her if HSBC there.

I asked my wife if she knows Western Union. She said NO. Is this at any bank? I have never used them before, but someone told me about them. Any more info appreciated. Thanks!

At this time, all I can say is we had almost a 3 hour conversation on MSN last night and she was not making accusations and playing childish antics like other times. Her stepsister came to the internet pub and they looked at the emails I sent with photos. I could see clearly she was freezing in the place and the fact she sat there for 3 hours in such coldness on a cold chair talking with me in a much different manner says alot. I sent her enough money to cover the tickets that she will buy for my March trip and the additional money I promised her for January and February. Effectively cleaned out my account today per the budget.... all gone until next March renewal. Waht can people suggest for the most efficient way to get her the funds? I sent an ATM card... that didn't work. I'm getting her a Visa check card to use like I have myself used many times. But ... perhaps there is a more efficient, less fee involved way? Today, the bank cost me $50 for wiring the funds AND told me the exchange rate was only 6.41:1??? What's up with that??? I smell them taking more money yet on the front end. Any info appreciated. Cathy definitely helped me get her back on the right side of the tracks with her thinking and behavior. Now.... she wants to know if anyone would be interested in her stepsister..................................................... uuummmmm............ any suggestions on how to handle that??????

YES. THANK YOU CATHY. Ladies and Gentleman... everything she wrote is dead on. I also read to my mother what she wrote and she was very impressed. I am talking with my wife now and everything seems back on track again.. THANK YOU CATHY!!!!!

Actually... both of them are are only 3 months apart, same year born... pig. Took me 2-1/2 years first time around for last one to bring as fiance under K-1 Started age 21. She is now 25. Wasn't with her for 1 year solid....only telephone because I burned up all my available vacation time to go over there to resolve things and see her in 2005 and 2006. This time I did things different thinking K-3 and being my wife would mean more to the woman. My ex-fiance stated we weren't married.... this time I am.... I guess I was expecting a different outcome based on personal attitude and respect from her based on culture. Now... my wife refuses to believe or accept my offer of $200 a month. I justify this based on several reasons. Costs of living for her are FAR less than myself... we all know that. Also, she has absolutely NO financial responsibility with home or living expenses of operating and maintaining a home or going to work. She doesn't work at this time by her own choice. I additionally don't want to encourage any reasons for her to stay in china. If I give her $500 like she requested.... why leave??..... So much free on her hands with no job.. too much probability for something else to go wrong.... I already found out she was getting $72 a month at her last job. I almost tripled this with my offer of helping her to send $200 and could feasibly see going to $250 each month. I'm not claiming her on taxes, so I don't get the cut to work with. Aside of this, I calculated visa expenditures ($200 budget each month), trips every 6 months to visit ($425 budget each month) + $200 each month support equate to around $825 per month budget financing required to support the relationship!!! That's probably on the LOW side I am guessing and probably be the same when she got here?? I haven't been married before... but I think I am realistic. With current expenditures figured out for support sent to her and limiting myself to ONLY work and home... absolutely nothing else, go nowhere, etc.... I maximize my ability pay off debts AND react to situations with visa requirements or herself as they arise and can prepare for her to come (medical, car purchase, who knows what else) and have a fair shot at anticipating worse case scenarios for visa issues. Last but not least... NOT spoiling her and putting her in a comfort zone that she would not want to leave. Like I said, too much cash and too much free time equal nothing but trouble. Known fact worldwide. If anything, here mother, who told me on the translator I need teach her how to use money..... should be supporting me in my efforts!!!! I am waiting to see what happens for now. Someone from this forum has been helping me and i must say.... my wife can learn alot from her!!! THANK YOU!!!!! Thank you everyone for your comments and insight. I'm not riding out of town on my one horse saddle at full speed yet. I am trying my best to see if this can't be resolved. I hope with the help I am receiving that the wild lady's mind can be tame and more realistic. I have stopped my attempts of communication until SHE contacts me. Perhaps this will never happen......... except to sign documents..... something I told her I would not do. Not interested in getting married again.

I just sent her my final text message. I leave EVERYTHING to YOU. I will do NOTHING more and say nothing until you tell me what?? Can only say I Love You!! I will write her a letter as my father suggested and list the things I have done to date. Perhaps my text message sucks... but with little words to work with, the numerous other text messages sent to date.... I think this is enough. I have made not threats. Just told her I will not bother her anymore. Just need to work on my letter now, have it translated, and send to her via mail. Perhaps my friend will talk with her and perhaps she will not answer?? Do not know...... I agree though.... I will not be a banker... it is what it is... I have done my part... provided her with what is sufficient... and if it's not god enough, what more can I do?? Thank you for the all the feedback.

Actually.... to answer the question about sticking by my side no matter what happens..... she is not meeting that requirement by any means. She is using silence like a weapon to get something from me that she will find will never exceed what I have now provided her. If this is what I would have to deal with on a daily basis.... give me a heated argument ANY DAY!! I FAR prefer conflict because at least conflict gets resolved. No conflict ... i.e. No words.... go nowhere... It's called COLD WAR and is known to go on for years and years without resolve. So.... I am going to give this a last shot regardless and see if she comes to her senses. What I REALLY REALLY WISH is that someone could talk with her MOTHER and tell me in HER words what the heck!! And if her MOTHER is the reason for the issues at hand... then I really need to stop everything. This means she has a greedy mother as well. I can't overcome that.

What is the typical cost of English school? She lives in Henan Province in a city near Zhengzhou. Can someone give me a clue? Thanks!

She tried to tell me her mother gives her $375 to $400 each month and would stop giving her this when married. I ask again. Those that know Chinese culture. What do you think? Full of it? She already told me that the 45 yr old woman she knows married to a 55 yr old american gets $700. I see this figure half of that. I think it's a bluff. Though, age 24, she has a $25,000 Hyundai Coupe and seemed to think nothing of money. But they live in what I call a dive. Here in the U.S., her living conditions are the equivalent of "slumming" here. If I lived that way, like driving a Beamer and living in a mobile home, money sent to her of this much would be no problem. No real investments and obviously no real planning for the future. So.... is $200 lowballing? Those that support their wives ... how much is the norm?

I just read the "giver... not taker" response. I was warned of one thing.... she would give.... like an investment.... expecting to take in the end. Buy her way in. I think this may be the scenario I ran into. Now she expects to cash in. As mentioned before, she knows someone that gets $700 a month. But she fails to recognize the differences. Her husband LIVES with her, is an expatriat, pays not taxes....and $700 a month for food and roof over his head and a women at his side every night is chump change for him. Little does she realize that the job he has is probably paying him in the 6 figure range and he is probably packing it away full steam ahead cutting all overhead expenses. Probably hasn't told her anything of this and just keeping her happy because he can. He has no expenses and works for the oil companies making buko bucks. When I am 55, I am sure that I can arrange a similar situation. 20 years from now, should be no problem. I work for an oil services company as a project engineer. Hello.... I think I'm on my way. Projects I deal with are primarily targeted for Asia-Pacific, and I have been working specifically with the Asia-Pacific Director recently moved back from Singapore after 7 years to design equipment for over there. Before that, I worked under the Global Director of Asia-Pacific for Ingersoll-Rand Bobcat setting up an assembly plant in Wuxi near Shanghai in 2005. I have been carving my way, slowly but surely. Unfortunately a sick mother who has had 8 surgeries in 4 years after collapsing from a ruptured colon and had gone septic in Critical Care. All happened one day when I went home and she collapsed in my arms. She has been unable to work. I give her what I can also each month for now. Last surgery was 6 months ago. I have come a long way and looked forward to a year without my wife coming here originaly planning on taking care of the financial burdens that I knew were ahead. i.e. I stay home, go nowhere (not even Christmas to see family), do nothing. Just go to work. Pay bills with ANYTHING I can scrape together including selling my stuff on Ebay. I had all this planned out and expected by her arrival to be in a far better position. But.... she has made me feel anything I do is not good enough. She doesn't understand what I am trying to do... and hence... my ordeal with her. Tomorrow night, I hope my friend from Shanghai is successful. If not, then like I said.... give her some time, anf if still nothing.... end it at her discretion.

When I first met my wife, she came to Shanghai to meet me from Henan Province. She made all arrangements for plane tickets, hotel accomodations... everything. She actually came there a few weeks prior with a friend to make all the arrangements over a 1 week period of time!! She insisted on paying for everything upon my arrival and told me this before I came. What ended up happening was me paying for half the hotel.... which was okay. The wedding photographs that she insisted she would take care of.... I had an $850 bill handed to me which caught me off guard. Sure, she paid the initial $400, but was altering what she had told me she would do. Fine, I paid with my American Express card. During that photograph day... everything was wonderful. It was after when picking the photos and finding out how many we would actually get is when I realized she didn't tell me or prepare me in anyway. Later she told me it was the most expensive place in Shanghai (Paris Photographs) and what she wanted. I became upset when they would not give us additional photographs, but I was playing the hardball trying to get more like I had learned when living in China. She did not take this well and thought I was stingy because I would not simply accept what I received for the money?!? She wasn't bargaining?? She later went into a clothing retail store and paid $45 for a sweatshirt and pants that SHOULD have cost only $10!!! I asked her to find the market, but she would not take me?? When it came time to leave Shanghai for Zhengzhou in Henan province where she comes from, she became distraught in the car. It took me 5 months to find out why. I had made a comment she was stupid to spend such money on clothing like she did when we were in China and NEVER would pay that much money for items like that. Again... this took me 5 months to find this out!!!! All I can say is she became distraught and somewhat distant in our ride to HongChao airport. Perhaps I was an ass to say this. I thought perhaps it was because I tried to play hardball at the photograph place.... surprise...that didn't come up again. Anyway, there are some things that upset her because I made it clear I don't just drop money carelessly on purchases. Also, I was constantly after her to find a hotel that was reasonably priced. I lived in China, I know the going rates. She was finding places that cost $90 a night! I knew we could find just as nice for $30 a night! She had no comprehension of money it seemed. Which her mother told me with the translator herself later that she needed to be taught..... that was not a good sign either. But I was up for the challenge.... so I thought. My ex on the other hand.. was the most money conscious individual I had ever met. I assumed all chinese women were like this because of her. Before she was upset because I was "not taking care of her" as she would put it because I was not sending money. I told her a bazillion times I was paying all the bills associated with a new home and having financial problems because of the expenditures that I was not prepared for.... right down to moving to a new city, expenses I was not prepared for, etc, etc. I corrected these issues per my strategy plan by end of December, paid the huge $4500 property tax bill and setup an account for her in November with a bank card sent to her in January. She sat on the card 2 weeks before trying.... and now.... says I am "small" because I only planned on $200 each month per my families recommendations, personal knowledge of expenditures in China, and discussions with another man from this forum who sends money to his wife. She has yet to try to pull the money from what I can see. She didn't even try for so many weeks it made me wonder what is the problem? I have been trying to confirm if she accessed the account or not.... apparently not based on the account balance currently. Anyway, I have fullfilled the part about "taking care of her" and have provided a financial means to "HELP" her with $200 each month. I am NOT supporting a separate household in China.. i.e. We do not have a house we are buying nor is she in the position requiring her to pay for all her own bills with own apartment or anything. I am also NOT a chinese national living and working in the U.S. sending back all my earnings to a wife and family back in China, living below my means to do this..... not at all the case scenario. She told me herself a few weeks ago when we started talking again after she received the card and documents that she was living at home with her mother, uncle, and stepsister. Anyway, I guess I started out my response to say I was careful in making her meet me halfway, she paid half the costs including getting me to her home to see family, and even paid 30% (NOT 100% ) of the wedding photographs. I surprised her with and gave her a custom ring that I involved my own family i.e. sister's help and have done everything to try to make her understand everything by involving other individuals. I requested the help of a local chinese woman here in Houston who called her and spoke with her on several occasions. A few weeks ago, I thought everything was on track again.... now it comes time to buy tickets to meet me, she had already stalled on trying the bank card, is upset that I am not giving her more than $200 a month when she asked me how much money is in the account. I told her I need know the tickets cost to put in the account... but difficult to do anything if she can't draw on it. I also have another friend from Shanghai who works for a bank. He speaks very good english and I have provided him all my info about what is going on. He is going to call her Monday night, if he can get thru, have a conversation with her hopefully. My father suggested I write a letter with each of the things I have done for her and what I have yet to do to bring her here, mention nothing of money and leave the door open to her what she wants. I will tell her that if everything seems to be insufficient for her and if she thinks she is going to find something else, then I leave that to her to decide if she wants a divorce. If so, she will be a divorced woman previously married to an American, and that will be found out if she tries to remarry per Chinese requirements to provide documentation of previous marriages. Perhaps that will give the next guy a clue. If she decides to come back to reality.... then I will accept that gladly and work things out with her. Tell me people. Is $200 sufficient??? Am I lowballing here???? I have had no one make a comment on this.

This was going on BEFORE I was making income. Girls break up with me but then want me back. I had one girl end up in the mental clinic with a nervous breakdown because I walked out on her after catching her with another man. 2 years later she finds me and begs me to let her back. Again, before my career. Several times over the years this has happened to myself and also to my own sister with guys. It's very very strange. Each of us have given our ALL to the relationship, been used, and cheated on. Relationship falls apart and then ..... they want back because they never had someone treat them so well or felt so comfortable with someone?!? As far as money goes, I told my wife how much because I had too. We are married and I needed her to understand I am not poor. She thinks I am poor though because she cannot understand finance and financial responsibility. If she owned her own house, she would understand. Anyway, I have not woed women with money. Never do the "buy a girlfriend" routine by dazzling them with money... even if I had it when I was younger... never did this. I have always been on the low side of the money spectrum, but run into women who push me for it... then tell me later they made big mistake. Sickening...... Like others have said: Cut it off NOW!! As for the other girls and girl friends, It sounds like to me there only see $$$$$ 70K a year!!!! Maybe try NOT TELLING these woman how much money you make or have!

I try to call call call. Her cell phone will not ring?? It is just dead silence? I call her mother's house. Her mother answered once... then hung up the phone when I asked my wife's name. Said nothing. I think this has come to a head for me. 1 month ago she played this game also when I had a ticket to come Christmas. She would not help me make plane arrangements then either. Now I make plane tickets for March... and still this..... I guess this is the end of the line for me as of today. I know what everyone is telling me. I am currently out $8,000 between the ring, plane tickets, wedding photos, hotels, transportation, etc. I could be out a lot more. I married in China, so I guess just let her sit and stew for the 2 year mandate and allow her to go in for her own divorce if she insists. I don't care anymore. I have had it. My mind, energy, efforts.... for what??? A girl that just expects a paycheck and won't involve herself in a relationship? If she does not come to her senses and arrange to meet with me in March, then this will all be the end result. I will walk away and put this behind me. The question I have for anyone is, since I am married legally, filed my I-130 and have invested what I have to date.... do I file married on my income taxes if I am going to end up divorced anyway? I do not fully comprehend the situation I am in because I NEVER anticipated this! I will give this thru March like I stated... then cut it all off. Communication, efforts, emotions, etc. What's messed up is every girl has done this to me... then wants back!!! I have a girlfriend from 7 years ago trying to get back with me for the past 4 years. I won't allow her but she keeps trying. My ex from China also treated me so badly then wanted to fix things. She showed up pregnant with another man's child trying to pass off as mine. That was a nightmare. Then expected me to forget everything she did wrong and allow her back. Several others in my past .... same situation. They always think the grass is greener on the other side.... then realize they lost a guy that actually cared about them.

I have been having problems with my wife since we married Sept 7, 2007. Within a few weeks of my return, she suddenly loses her phone and communications grind to a halt when she wants me to send her $400 for a new phone?!? I was in the process of moving half-way across the country here in the U.S. EXACTLY with her timing, just came back, was stretched on my budget finances... I bought her a NEW Motorola for $100 ready to send to her. She didn't seem enthused to receive and we had problems. Several months of limited communications with her telling me I could not take care of her?!? I am having alot of difficulties with this and have tried to explain the finance situation. 2 houses, moved, trip/marriage costs... so many things to look at. I'm an engineer making about $70,000. Just started my job, expect to get a bonus this spring after my 1st year review (I just started basically), waiting to sell my 1st house and jumped the gun buying a 2nd.... still paying back my education loans (how do you get a job without paying for your education??)... the list goes on and on. My finances are tight at ths time but steadily stabilizing. Once I sell my 1st house, I expect to clear about $60,000 on that alone. Buying my 2nd house required me of course to make a large downpayment and I did this BEFORE I was married. Married in September 2007. Purchased house August 1, 2007. I had enough to buy a nice ring for $3500, fly over there, spend money to be married cost me around $8,000 if I recall. She unfortunately seems to be comparing me to a person she knows that is 45 married to a man 55 who works in Saudi Arabia in the oil fields and travls back to china to live with his wife. He gives her $700 each month! Pays no taxes because he is an ex-patriat and is supporting a roof over his head and food on the table on 30 day rotations for his work. COMPLETELY ABSOLUTELY NO COMPARISON to myself.... except my new job deals with an oil services company coincidentally..... but I am 35.... not 55... gaining experience and working my way up the ladder. Paying bills and making ends meet as rapidly as possible. My financial situation is rather good to be honest. I have budgeted $200 per month to place in a bank account for her to draw on. For her province this is very good money. For her status, 24 and no job living with her mother... this is FREE money and should be sufficient. A man I spoke with told me he was sending his wife $325 to support her going to English school, her daughter in college, pay for her food and her own apartment!! $200 for my wife and freeing up my resources to pay for her visa, plane tickets, pay off loans while I am establishing myself in a new community..... all preparation for her arrival. I have tried to explain this, sent my bank documents to her with the ATM card (which unfortunately from what I understand she cannot get to work at the moment, I gave her the passcode again and told her to try a few ATM machines)...... the issue keeps coming around.... she thinks I do not make enough to take care of her?!?!!!?? I KNOW my income is sufficient. I am extremely responsible with my finances. I do not go out to the bars like I was when I was young. I have been paying back everything to the banks as quickly as possible and waiting for my 1st house to sell. I do NOT want to provide her funds to be going out the bars or other things either. I think $200 is sufficient. I lived and worked in China in 2005. I don't know what to think. She has given me such trouble. Not answering the phone so many times, no responding to my text messages..... told me this morning that I was "small" and hung up the phone on me when I told her I was placing $200 each month into the account that I provided her for the bank card. I was going to put more money into the account also today in anticipation of her using the funds to purchase tickets to meet me in Shanghai in March. I just bought that ticket a few weeks ago and have been trying to make preparations for my arrival with her. She has been doing nothing but stalling..... I hate to say.... but my experience with Chinese women at this point is absolutely horrific. The first one wanted to use me for access to our country...... kicked her to the curb. Now the one that I thought was for real.... only seems to want money and not a relationship. I have tried to explain, explain, explain.... she thinks I don't make enough to be married with $70,000 income??? I have a degree, moving up in my career field, and know that within the next 5 or 7 years I should be in the $100,000 range!!! What should I do about this? I have received my I-130 receipt and now sent off the I-129F. I thought I had things back on track ... but then her behavior is disheartening. If I want to buy a woman.... I will go to the local strip club. NOT be treated like an ass with OUR finances ignored and expected to simply pay up or no talk...... What should I do about a chinese woman playing this game with me???????????

To answer the questions of my time with my fiance: 1) Met in Jan 2005 thru coworkers while there for project. Left in February. 2) Flew over in April 2005 to visit for 2 weeks after continuous emails, yahoo messenger, and phone calls. Finalized decision to proceed with getting married. Already had been preparing for this decision by filling out I-129F and other associated paperwork, waiting to make my decision during this trip. 3) Filed I-129F in May 2005. I was still in China because the company I worked for agreed to keep me there. No one else would stay for extended times... but I did ONLY because of her. It was my coworkers actually who helped me even get documents back and forth between China and the U.S. promptly and securely. They were in full support. 4) I lived with her from April thru September 2005. We had some issues I admit, mostly because she had never lived with any man or had any relationship before. I pushed for us to live together because I was going to marry her and.... I thought this process was going to be swift to coincide with my departure in Sept. Believe me, it was difficult. I have never been with a woman myself where I was her first. So... I always reflected back on my very first relationship whom I was NOT her first many years ago and decided that after the hurt I was put thru, which I have felt to this day, that I would not abandon my relationship with her and stick with it until the end. As far as I am concerned, I am married to her... just not legally yet. 5) I left in Sept 2005 and returned December 2005. In December 2005, I was there for 2 full weeks. We shared a hotel together for that period. We even had full engagement photos taken that took a full day. Those photos remind me everyday of whom I have made my commitment too. I'm one of those guys that has never liked to have his photo taken, so this was a huge thing for me. Right down to some of the goofy costumes that she laughed about me wearing for the "traditional" shots. 6) In January 2006 she had her interview. Everything was set. All documents ready. Nothing could go wrong.... then they did. Her job requirements for her CPC membership. She had NO idea that this was a problem. Unfortunately, she also did not know the English words when I asked her this question. She only knew the Chinese words which I still cannot repeat because it ties my tongue. 6) I returned again in April 2005 for another 2 weeks. I had already been fighting for us and thought the issue was resolved and I was going to take her home on that trip. We had a wonderful time together. Everything was great. She had to work everyday and hated being away from me even during the daytime knowing I was waiting for her back at the hotel. I must admit also that "spring heat" was in full force for her.... oops.. info overload. We kept waiting for the word on her visa approval. Then the letter of "death" came and I had to pursue further action. Qualifying her for the I-601 waiver. 7) I returned last week of May until early June again. This trip was different. I was gathering the evidence required for the I-601 waiver. We also registered with the consulate to be married in China if necessary and prepared to do so if the paperwork requested for the waiver did not come. She hated that trip and the disappointment already of not having been able to return with me in April. As pointed out by someone else, it was anti-romantic and she said I reminded her of a policeman. Well...... my father is former government personnel...... I can be a policeman, investigator, lawyer, you name it... it's in my blood. I've been asked if I ever considered law when helping out friends/ family in other legal related situations. It was unfortunately a very stressful trip and .... that is also the last I saw her to date.. June 6. The paperwork came... and the other disappointment that we could and should not get married because it would hose up everything. 8) We waited for the processes to complete. She began to lose hope with continual blue-slips and direction that we must wait. It drug on and on. They had her come back to Guangzhou, full fingerprints, name check, etc. She cried on the phone and kept telling me that she was going to crazy and needed to see a doctor if she was not with me soon. She also was upset that we did not marry when I was there. She was excited and wanted to Marry in June. That was our original plans if she had received her visa in January. Maybe I should have just said h*ll with it??!! I was just too cognitive of the situation though having read thru the regulations on how things are done and knew this would put a monkey wrench into everything turning the clock back to "0". 9) We waited and waited and waited.... she became more and more distressed with each passing day, week, month. 9) She decided to enter a business proposition with someone to purchase a store in her despair of not expecting to come here in November without telling me. Ironically, this was the week before she found out that they were going to proceed with her visa. She now has 60,000 rmb tied up in a business, money that she had saved for 2 years, and is another reason she says I should go there. That and the fact that she wants to spend time with me more before marrying because she does not want divorce. She says she needs to be in the right mind. She decided to tell me this today in detail rather than giving me attitude about everything with the visa process putting her life on hold. I know she was excited to have a business of her own here in the U.S. with me helping her and to make her own money. It has been so important to her to not be a financial burden on me. I can relate this directly to my own grandparents. Multi-millionaires. My grandma handled the business side, grandpa handled the "what needs to get done" side. I hope this gives some understanding why I admire this. I respect my grandmother. 10) Today she called me to talk about our situation. She wants me to wait for her and keep the relationship by extending the visa process longer. She was told by the consulate that she can wait until she wants to redo the medical exam and finish the visa process so that she can finish what she needs for work (she has had shows almost everyday and going crazy trying to keep up with them), deal with family, give her new-found business a chance to develop, and give her time to "grow up" to be closer to what she considers the marrying age. She asked for 1 to 2 years longer as I have said before. But... said if I do not want to wait... then she will accept this. But then also says she feels she would never marry anyone if not me. I have heard this from her many times. She is not like other women I have met over the years. Very different. Just like I'm not like most other guys. Who else would hang in there like I have including my next story as example. I waited 5 years for my last relationship. Thru h*ll and back it seemed. She played head games with me so many times that I think I could have been on some variant of "Survivor". Several differences though. My ex-girlfriend was 11 years OLDER than me, had 3 children, divorced twice, and.... finally when I thought things were going right.... she started to have "female problems" which resulted in the doctors ordering a full hysterectomy on her due to cancer!! I hung in there with her thru it.... she felt extreme guilt because she wanted me to have children and ran off with a coworker whom had 3 children of his own and had lost his wife to cancer! Yeah... Days of Our Lives episode. She has regretted that decision and tried to rekindle our relationship more than once contacting me. I have closed that door and even made sure she knew about my fiance, including photos, to deter further contact. Getting back to my fiance. She is headstrong. Full of personality and I know she is trustworthy. I will restate again what she has said about other men to hopefully clear this up. She has said that she gets lots of attention because of her job. She however is not interested in them. She knows I am a good man. I have never been married, no children, and I am older than her as she has wanted. The Chinese men are usually married, divorced, and/or have children at my age. She does NOT want any man her age or younger and wants to keep our relationship going. She has said these things more than once and held it as her basis for having our relationship from the beginning. She wants me to wait for her to become older so that she can be a good wife. She repeated this again to me on the phone this morning. If I can't wait, she has told me in crying words that she would accept it and would wear the ring until I am married. Getting back to item 9) above. I told her money cannot have a bearing on her staying even though she has made an investment. She wants me to allow her to have some kind of success in her life with her hard earned money. I can understand the principle. She spent several years saving. It's crazy that this is happening. It's the same as a person though buying into something that takes their mind off the bad and trying to appease themselves. I can relate... quite easily. Been there... done it. I bought a motorcyle last month myself. However, she has engulfed herself into a responsibility that she cannot simply walk away from for fear she will lose what she has invested. I need to give her time. My mother and sister plan on getting their passports/visas. Maybe my grandmother would be interested in going... but she is 85 years old and been waiting for my fiance to come here before she loses sight in the only eye she has left. I could write a novel. It's my nature. I've dispelled too much info I feel, but this relationship more than just a "fling". It's the equivalent of a marriage has been strung out because of separation and is only missing a legal binding document. Without question, it has tested us. We have hung in there, I just wish she was prepared and not scared like she has stated over and over about coming here. I just need to let her live some of her dream for now. At least a few months and plan on the trip to see her with my family. She thinks she can take as long as she needs with the visa being issued. I told her this is not true. She simply does not understand the intricacies. I have contacted a member on this forum who may be able to better explain after personal dealings with the process to her over the phone. I want to make it very clear to her the can of worms that she is going to open if we don't proceed with what we have fought so hard for in a timely manner. As far as moving to China. I just can't risk the financial future for either of us here without potentially extreme consequences if I am unable to find a job that pays the bills. I had a hard life when I grew up. I have my student loans I am still repaying, a second mortgage for all of the home remodel projects and furnishings in my home I purchased preparing for her, etc. I'm not even selling my house when I take the new job or moving my things. I have a friend that can rent from me as a housesitter and have another friend in Houston to help me out until I establish a new residence. In six to 9 months though, maybe I'll be in a position financially to take a plunge to go there. I simply cannot not do so right now. I need her to come here or allow some time to pass to see what happens naturally, but realistically allow a maximum of 1 year and explain that everything expires that would allow her to be with me. I think a visit with my family will make a difference. The trip after silence will tell. Well.. I hope this is ALOT more info.