Culture Clash already...

[TaijiMonkey]

I am having the most difficult disagreement with my fiancee that I have ever had:

 

She saw me kiss my cat on the back of the neck the other night on video conference, and told me, "You kiss cat?! If you kiss your cat, you can NEVER kiss me!!"

 

I though she was joking, but we are now on day two of this.

 

She says that in China, no one kisses their pets.

 

She says in China everyone knows how dirty these animals are.

 

This is seemingly not a jealousy issue.

 

She claims it is a cultural one.

 

 

I just don't know what to do now. I wish to make her happy, but being affectionate with my pets is a deep part of who I am. I am an animal lover. I come from a family of animal lovers.

 

I even offered to always wash my face and mouth after kissing the cat and before kissing her, which is ridiculous, but I told her I was willing to do this if it would make her happy.

 

No go.

 

She still says, "You kiss cat, you never kiss me!"

 

Any ideas here people?

 

Is this a serious cultural taboo I don't know of?

 

Anyone have any experience with this situation?

[pkfops]

Just a hint.........

 

No shoes in house....

 

Start from there.

[stacato]

You can kiss the cat when she's not looking.

 

See that wasn't hard was it?

[dstarsboy]

This is something I worked out with my fiance when we were in the first stages of communication. She mentioned she hated cats, I told her I loved mine and that they're my babies. I made it clear that it's who I am and she needs to accept it if she wants to be with me. She accepted it.

 

I would liken an animal lover's trait to how you were raised, similar to religion or being a mama's boy, which I think should be accepted by the SO. Others may compare the trait to things like driving fast or smoking, which could be cured.

 

In the end, it doesn't sound like she has a problem with your love for your cat, just with your desire to put your mouth on it. I don't think it would be excruciatingly difficult for you to not kiss your cat around her.

[Randy W]

Hey - I won my big cultural battle - I still keep magazines next to the toilet - but, good luck with yours!

[pkfops]

Don't forget that cats are viewd as a food item in parts of Asia.

[ktmracer]

I'm with your fiancee on that one.

[yuan fen]

My wife kisses the dog all the time..

 

Sometimes I even find lipstick on the dogs forehead.

 

With the dog, Ladybug, being a dalmatian and dominantly white it's

hard not to see it.

 

One day I came home and the dog had eyeliner marks on her

forhead also....

 

Wife doens't care for cats much, says "no cleana."

 

Hope you can wiggle out of this one...

 

I told my wife the other day if she eats them fish heads, I wouldn't kiss her for a week.

 

She said, "when can we catch some more fish?"

 

Maybe she is testing you. Hope so.......

[notrevorich]

I am having the most difficult disagreement with my fiancee that I have ever had:

 

She saw me kiss my cat on the back of the neck the other night on video conference, and told me, "You kiss cat?! If you kiss your cat, you can NEVER kiss me!!"

 

I though she was joking, but we are now on day two of this.

 

She says that in China, no one kisses their pets.

 

She says in China everyone knows how dirty these animals are.

 

This is seemingly not a jealousy issue.

 

She claims it is a cultural one.

 

 

I just don't know what to do now. I wish to make her happy, but being affectionate with my pets is a deep part of who I am. I am an animal lover. I come from a family of animal lovers.

 

I even offered to always wash my face and mouth after kissing the cat and before kissing her, which is ridiculous, but I told her I was willing to do this if it would make her happy.

 

No go.

 

She still says, "You kiss cat, you never kiss me!"

 

Any ideas here people?

 

Is this a serious cultural taboo I don't know of?

 

Anyone have any experience with this situation?

hello

I can only tell you that there were 2 chinese ladies that i met and one had a dog and one had a cat - the animals were always in the house and slept near the bed .

I never saw the cat get kissed but the one lady and several of her friends did in a sense kiss the dog

i just asked my wife if that was some kind of Taboo and both she and the daughter say NO - now every one I know is from Southern China or Hong Kong so maybe there is a big cultural difference where your SO is from .

Anyway as long as you don't kiss your cat and she doesn't want to eat the cat I would let it slide

Edited June 20, 2007 by notrevorich (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

although I've not heard the 'kiss the cat' syndrome, I just think it's part of their 'cult of cleaniness'... test her on some other fronts:

 

Does she prefer you to shower.. ok... forget that.. let's not get too personal...

 

run your hand over handrails (maybe you can't touch her anymore) or put shoes on the bed (maybe you can't get in bed anymore)... ok... forget the tests... just don't kiss the cat when she's around.. and brush often...

[dstarsboy]

put shoes on the bed (maybe you can't get in bed anymore)...

 

Oh my gawd. This one was HUGE and absolutely unbearable to my SO. I seriously thought she was Carrie from the Stephen King movie when she caught me doing this.

[Dennis143]

I'm an animal lover. Been one most of my life, but I don't need to show affection by displays of kissing their fur, as if they receive some sort of emotional feeling like a human would. And, I really don't know why any human has a need and desire to kiss an animal like you might kiss a child.

 

When I'd see my ex kissing her dogs, I would tell her to keep her mouth away from mine.

 

How about telling her that it wasn't a kiss, but that you were trying to get gum out of her fur.

[DMikeS4321]

I am having the most difficult disagreement with my fiancee that I have ever had:

She saw me kiss my cat on the back of the neck the other night on video conference, and told me, "You kiss cat?! If you kiss your cat, you can NEVER kiss me!!"

I though she was joking, but we are now on day two of this.

She says that in China, no one kisses their pets.

She says in China everyone knows how dirty these animals are.

This is seemingly not a jealousy issue.

She claims it is a cultural one.

I just don't know what to do now. I wish to make her happy, but being affectionate with my pets is a deep part of who I am. I am an animal lover. I come from a family of animal lovers.

I even offered to always wash my face and mouth after kissing the cat and before kissing her, which is ridiculous, but I told her I was willing to do this if it would make her happy.

No go.

She still says, "You kiss cat, you never kiss me!"

Any ideas here people?

Is this a serious cultural taboo I don't know of?

Anyone have any experience with this situation?

 

You aren't going to like this.

 

Anyone who would seriously consider 'losing' their fiance over kissing their cat has a serious problem in my world. I don't get it.

 

I have a yellow lab that followed my 18 month old son out of the yard when my bai chi former wife didn't close the gate. That dog wouldn't let the POLICE get near him; he walked along side my son while the cops herded both of them home. I loved that dog for that, but... that said, he is a DOG, nothing more, nothing less.

 

I will incur the wrath of all the animal lovers here for saying this, and I don't think there is a wrath greater than that of an animal lover who is defending his/her love for their animals, but... it is strictly cultural, and damned recent in our culture to boot.

 

Human love of their animals comes from that same "touchy-feely" place that cartoon animals come from. We're talking a Pooh Bear that eats 'hunny' instead of people, cartoon lions that sing and talk and Bambi-type deer that have all the characteristics of sensitive, kindly and hyper-moral (if a little bewildered) humans, TIMES TEN.

 

I think that any culture that can shower this much attention and 'love' on animals has; a.) Too much disposable income, and/or b.) Too many lonely people, and/or c.) A very distorted view of our world, that being projecting too many human values/emotions onto animals who are, by definition, just animals.

 

Sorry, I've never had or even KNOWN of an animal that I would put above any human being, with the possible exception of Charles Manson, but I could make a strong case for him not being human.

 

animals don't = humans

 

sorry

[Guest knloregon]

I'm going with DMike on this.

 

I have a long history with dogs from my very formative years (shorter history with cats).

 

After I was on my own, and settled, I had a couple of hunting dogs---Labs. The last one in particular was just great, great hunter, great companion. But all that greatness was bred in. Labs are a product of human breeding.

 

Did I love that dog? Yes. But when I adopted my first daughter, (very late in my dog's life) It was easy to put it in perspectve----my 2 year old daughter was the creature that really counted....

 

I think that if I were in your situation I would do everything possible to understand your SO's point of view on this subject.

[jim_julian]

I polled the Chinese women I live with and 100% said "this is not a Chinese thing; this is personality." For what it's worth ...