Fiancee still on 2 websites?

[michaelt]

I met my SO back in Sept 06, daily e-mail/weekly phone calls for 4 months, traveled to China Jan 07 (got engaged) applied for K-1 in Feb 07 and write daily, webcam, many times a week. Here's my question. Should my SO still be on 2 date sites (cherryblossoms.com and chnlove.com)? Should I be hearing incoming webcam chat notification notices while we are chatting at midnight or 2 am China time? I'm a nice guy, open-minded, don't want to crowd her BUT, I discontinued my subscription to bloosoms.com as soon as I got engaged. Should I say something and how do I not offend? I truly do love this girl and want to marry her but Jeez, I went to China to find loyal and someone that just wants me. I could dated many girls here in South Florida that each have 5 boyfriends!!!! I am hoping I am just loking into this too deeply?
Thank you.

[tonado]

Once she is engaged to you, she should stop the dating services. You should ask you. Maybe she forgot to cancel the services.

[michaelt]

Once she is engaged to you, she should stop the dating services. You should ask you. Maybe she forgot to cancel the services.

Actually I made it a point to tell her the moment I canceled mine. I thought that would make a statement re-enforce my commitment to her. I guess I thought she would reciprocate but I just recently checked when I heard webcam/chat noise in background during our session yesterday. That's what I get for "thinking"?

[dnoblett]

This happened to us also, my Yu had forgot the password to one (Blossoms), and did not know how to cancel the other (CHN_Love)

 

I asked her about it, and from what I could tell she did not visit the sites after we got serious, the sites do indicate "last-Update or visit"

 

Was no major concern to me. I did change my profiles on them to disabled, and changed the profile message to engaged and found my love and indicated this to Yu.

[tywy_99]

You need to be up front with her and ask her about it. you won't get any peace until you do. I'm sure it's something simple but you won't know until you ask.

[michaelt]

This happened to us also, my Yu had forgot the password to one (Blossoms), and did not know how to cancel the other (CHN_Love)

 

I asked her about it, and from what I could tell she did not visit the sites after we got serious, the sites do indicate "last-Update or visit"

 

Was no major concern to me. I did change my profiles on them to disabled, and changed the profile message to engaged and found my love and indicated this to Yu.

my SO last visited blossoms on 04-19-07

[RLS]

This happened to us also, my Yu had forgot the password to one (Blossoms), and did not know how to cancel the other (CHN_Love)

 

I asked her about it, and from what I could tell she did not visit the sites after we got serious, the sites do indicate "last-Update or visit"

 

Was no major concern to me. I did change my profiles on them to disabled, and changed the profile message to engaged and found my love and indicated this to Yu.

my SO last visited blossoms on 04-19-07

 

 

On that visit, it is possible that she was just checking to see if she is still listed. Maybe she does not know how to cancel it? Possible.

[warpedbored]

It's possible she may have made friends with a few people from that site and still enjoys chatting with them. It is also possible that although she has chosen you she is hedging her bets in case it doesn't work out. Chinese are much more pragmatic about marriage than we are. Don't jump to conclusions but on the other hand keep your eyes open for red flags. Also don't expect her to have the same romantic notions as yourself.

[michaelt]

It's possible she may have made friends with a few people from that site and still enjoys chatting with them. It is also possible that although she has chosen you she is hedging her bets in case it doesn't work out. Chinese are much more pragmatic about marriage than we are. Don't jump to conclusions but on the other hand keep your eyes open for red flags. Also don't expect her to have the same romantic notions as yourself.

Very good advice. Thank you. Should I say anything to her?

[Dennis143]

It's possible she may have made friends with a few people from that site and still enjoys chatting with them. It is also possible that although she has chosen you she is hedging her bets in case it doesn't work out. Chinese are much more pragmatic about marriage than we are. Don't jump to conclusions but on the other hand keep your eyes open for red flags. Also don't expect her to have the same romantic notions as yourself.

Very good advice. Thank you. Should I say anything to her?

Yes, you should. Be up front, but non-confrontational. You need solid answers that will give you peace and assurances that it is only you whom she has interests in. You have committed yourself exclusively to her, it is not unfair nor unexpected for you to expect the same from her now.

[chilton747]

I have heard of this happening in several circumstances. I have heard that the womens' reasonings are that they worry about the man changing his mind.

[dnoblett]

This happened to us also, my Yu had forgot the password to one (Blossoms), and did not know how to cancel the other (CHN_Love)

 

I asked her about it, and from what I could tell she did not visit the sites after we got serious, the sites do indicate "last-Update or visit"

 

Was no major concern to me. I did change my profiles on them to disabled, and changed the profile message to engaged and found my love and indicated this to Yu.

my SO last visited blossoms on 04-19-07

Another thing about CHN_Love is any time one of their staff members checks profiles that may trigger and update date change, CHN_Love is more of a marriage broker site that has a staff of people maintaining the profiles, the women on the China side don't actually access a website, they visit a marriage agency office and they take care of the profiles, and take care of messages between the Chinese lady and foreign members. So because of this Yu had no idea how to go about asking them to close her profile, and did not want to visit them again. A few months after visiting Yu I tested my thery and sent a message to Yu through CHN_Love, and could tell that a staff member was responding to my message, Yu did not get the message, and the response was much different than what I knew of Yu.

 

Blossoms is more of a two way dating site, where the profile holders maintain their own profiles, and communicate, no third party translating service and professional marriage agency involved.

 

WarppedBoard may be right, Blossoms can also be a place where people like to chat, and your SO may have made a few friends that she likes to chat with from time to time.

[michaelt]

It's possible she may have made friends with a few people from that site and still enjoys chatting with them. It is also possible that although she has chosen you she is hedging her bets in case it doesn't work out. Chinese are much more pragmatic about marriage than we are. Don't jump to conclusions but on the other hand keep your eyes open for red flags. Also don't expect her to have the same romantic notions as yourself.

Very good advice. Thank you. Should I say anything to her?

Yes, you should. Be up front, but non-confrontational. You need solid answers that will give you peace and assurances that it is only you whom she has interests in. You have committed yourself exclusively to her, it is not unfair nor unexpected for you to expect the same from her now.

Thank you. I won't bore you with all the details of things I am doing to make this a success. I also am very, very aware of how scary this must be for her. And I know it will not be easy for a very long time for the two of us. But I did go to another part of the world for loyalty and won't really settle for less. I'm in South Florida...land of the fake relationship!

[michaelt]

I have heard of this happening in several circumstances. I have heard that the womens' reasonings are that they worry about the man changing his mind.

And that makes perfect sense to me and I know it is not for the same ugly reason why a local girl here in South Florida would do it. It's funny, she's possibly covering herself in case I change my mind, and I would change my mind if I was not certain her loyalty or motives. How ironic?

[david_dawei]

if you can't let it go, then you need to bring it up with her. The fact is, whatever you ask her about reasons for keeping it up and running may not be the complete truth anyways... and services are often involved in the accounts...

 

Can I ask where Fang is from?