Do You Come Home & Talk about Work?

[Dennis143]

Details of my job are too complicated for me to explain to Leiqin. So, it comes down to whether I was ¡°busy¡± today or not and we leave it at that. And, that is OK.

 

OK, here¡¯s the truth¡­., when it comes to her work, that¡¯s where I can get her to open up. Whether it was her sewing job, selling clothes at the Chinese department store or her current job as a cook at a Chinese restaurant, she will open up and can be a chatterbox. It¡¯s getting HER to talk that, over time, improves her English too. Mom always said that with two ears and one mouth, I should listen twice as much as I talk.

 

Just listen for now, Doug.

[david_dawei]

Does your spouse/fianc?put up with you talking about work?

 

Wow! Insightful phrasing.

 

I might have said, "Do you share your experiences at work with your spouse?" rather than "put up".

My wife is back in China waiting on Mantis check.

 

My wife has made comments that I talk about work too much when I call her lately, so I try not to mention it whether good or bad.

 

If my wife is going shopping or to take care of anything outside of work she will tell me, sometimes in detail. When nothing was mentioned and I ask what she will do today, or she tells me she must got off the phone "to do some things" I find out later she was at her old job dealing with some unpleasant people. The whole time I have known her she seems very disinterested in talking about work on either side and did not want to go with me to a business party on my first Beijing trip.

 

I just wondered how the rest of you would respond. I wonder if my wife has had someone put the idea in her head that a married couple should not discuss work. Those ideas could have been something in her own family or friends or it could have been part of her effort in life to become more international. She seems to have worked hard to change herself in many ways in her life. I just find this work thing puzzling. Some of you may know she came here trying to be too American or un-Chinese or something so she can get along well or not make a social mistake. Once she loosened up her visit was more enjoyable.

 

This may be as simple as work being an unpleasant experience for her and she does not want to be in a bad mood. Thanks for feedback.

In the first place, I think that USCs will usually look at the small distinct issues with greater care than most chinese.

 

Your focusing on 'work' and it's not a 'work' issue IMO... if she is on the phone, and you ask who is it, does she reply, "a friend", or "someone". Or if you ask, what are you eating, and she says "food".

 

These are not gaps in language (ie: doesn't know how to say a particularly food), these examples are varying degrees to which they have been conditioned to not deal with details; explanation and details are [for some] just unnecessary.. and can border on being a waste of words.

 

Why discuss something that is past; if you discuss it, what will you "do" about it? really nothing, since you just want to talk and not "do" anything about it.. Historically, talking is always to be secondary to action; once the action is done, then there is now no need to talk about it. If one pursues the other way around, they are not of 'good character', as the old philosophy would say.

 

Besides historically philosophy, it can just their approach that most people take care of their own issues/problems. What's done is done; if it's not done, then do it.

 

I'm not trying to generalize this to anyone.. just that this mindset exists and some may or may not see it in varying degrees. Will it change? Again, it's a varying degree issue; some will change more and faster than others. I think the more relevant question is: Do they need to change it the way we think it should be?

[Randy W]

Jiaying just wants to know if I'm working at home or at the office on a particular day.

[tonado]

Not usually.

[Yuanyang]

Only to tell her that the unhappy look on my face is from work and has nothing to do with family.

[sawadee]

Yes sometimes we do talk about work. Both of us work in the same field. We talk about clients, co-workers, and some bad experience need to be vented, good stuffs to be shared.

[Joanne]

Before we had our daughter, I often talked about my work with my husband. Now, we talk mostly about our daughter. He doesn't talk about things around him very much, unless he needs me to help out with an issue. A very practical guy. I learned most his childhood stories and things about his family and relatives from his mom, dad, grandma and other relatives.

 

Last week, policemen shot a carjacker dead under our window. He saw it immediately after he heard the gun shot. He didn't tell me that day but on the next day, showed me a newspaper describing the incident.

 

A couple of months ago, I learned for his classmates that one of his classmate fired 15 shots onto his neighbor's door and was arrested. I asked why he didn't tell me that. He answer, I only knew he fired the shots, no story to tell.

 

I guess I am a perfect wife for him because I am a good puzzle solver.

Edited April 28, 2007 by Joanne (see edit history)

[esun41]

Let's put it this way...

 

I know more about her job(s) than she does about mine.

 

My wife would tell you if asked... "My husband can't believe he actually gets paid for the type of job he has" (If asked in Cantonese, of course)

[pkfops]

I grab a beer and sit on the porch for

30 minutes to transition from work mode.

[RLS]

If I talked about work when I got home, I would be talking to myself.