Do tell ...

[Kevinf]

Ok, so I'm just starting this whole process. But I've been talking to Xinhua for 4+ months now. However, outside of a couple of very close people, I've not really told anyone.

 

I was curious how others handle the social side of this for the USC. In my experience, even admitting to internet dating can draw sneers and derision. International internet dating ... I don't know.

 

The main reason I ask, is that before my trip to China in Feb, I of course told most of my co-workers I was going there. I did not say why, only that it was a vacation. Almost immediately, the first thing out of their mouths was .. "Don't come back with a wife!" (followed by much snickering and laughing. I, of course, responded .. "Don't worry, I won't.", because I knew I couldn't bring Xinhua back right away and I knew we wouldn't be getting married in China.

 

However, now I'm going to be making several trips back and trying to find a way to explain this is driving me crazy. People can be cruel, and even though I'm not bothered a great deal by it, I do have to work with people and have friends and such.

 

So ... after all of that rambling .. the question is, how do you deal with it? Just tell people and let them laugh (or whatever) or hide it from most people until your SO is here and they have to be polite... honestly, I'm at a loss.

 

Input welcome and thanks!

[david_dawei]

yes, stereotyping is alive and well.. even among friends and co-workers...

 

I never asked for anyone's opinion.. and avoided continuing a conversation lead in a stereotyping direction in terms of justification.. I would only mention how it's going, what china was like, etc. So I didn't attempt to announce it to lots of people, and those I told were more upbeat than I expected... so I guess I was selective and it went well.

 

just let them find out for themselves what they are like, and what your SO is like and how much you guys are meant to be together...

[LGR_WEI]

this brings back memories for me...

 

I remember the first day I told my boss I was going to China. He said, thats good, you need a vacation. Then he asked what tour group... I said no, I will be meeting a girl in China, and she will be my tour guide, and maybe my wife. Well, of course then I had to explain how I came to meet this girl.

 

Usually, I just say we met on the internet. I try to end it at that. Even back in 2000, it was not understood how you could meet on the internet, but today, with eharmony and matchmaker blowing all those ads on TV and radio, the understanding of meeting on the internet is easier. If you tell someone that you met on AFF ( asiafriendfinder ) it is more likely to be associated with the " buy a bride " idea.

 

I told my family in 2000 after my wife was here why I had went to china 4 times.

 

There is no clear way to tell someone unless you know the person you are telling really well, or they fall into the same situation as you. Coming to CFL and saying you met a girl on the internet.. well, so did 80% of everyone else.

 

When I was on that plane trip between the USA and China, I would usually at some point tell the person next to me in conversation I just when to china to see my SO, and then they just had to know more, or they told me of a story of someone they knew that used in the internet for dating/marriage.

 

>L

[Rakkasan]

For me I think it was easy, almost everyone who knows me knows that I have an intense dislike for American women. I did run into the usual Mail Order Bride comments and those who think I only wanted a submissive woman. Of course most of these came from women I work with, I was quick to point out that they are crude and vulgar and are exactly the type of women I am trying to avoid. It has been over a year now and I no longer hear anything negative at work, other than those who say they want to meet her when she arrives so they can Americanize her and make sure she knows that half of what I own is hers. Another reason I don't like American women, they are eaten up with money and how they can make it theirs without earning it.

[Dennis143]

Yes, there will be many people who like to tell us how crazy we are to trust that someone we hardly know will not just use us to get a green card. These people are jealous and are afraid to take chances in life. All I say to them is: Who cares what you think?

 

A male coworker manager announced loudly during a meeting one day, "So, why do you have to go all the way to China just for a piece of ass?"

 

Many men feel a since of jealousy towards us. And, who wouldn't? We travel to an exotic country to be with a beautiful woman. Hell, this is the Hemingway dream. Most men admit that, even if they were single, they don't know if they could do what I did, travel to a distant country where no one speaks my language and I can't speak theirs. Yes, not every man can do what we do, yet everyman sometimes dreams of doing what we are doing.

 

Many women will think that we just can't cut the mustard with American women and we must find some docile, submissive woman whom we can control.

 

Just know that once they see your wife, your marriage and the love you share, you'll never hear their crap again.

 

Just my two cents...

[lou]

I heard some of the same comments from co-workers when I told

them I was going to China for a vacation. On my 1st day back to work, I

told everyone I was married. Before all of the crazy "meeting someone

on the Internet and getting married" comments could get rolling, I

took out a stack of photos from my trip. I had photos of our wedding,

with her family and friends and all the places we went.

 

Just letting them see real photos of us together seemed to put the

Internet thing and how we met on the back burner. I still got asked

a ton of questions on how we met but they were just curious. Most

were happy, maybe a little envious about my trip.

 

I still heard my share of wisecracks, but those guys were just

downright jealous !

[DMikeS4321]

For me I think it was easy, almost everyone who knows me knows that I have an intense dislike for American women. I did run into the usual Mail Order Bride comments and those who think I only wanted a submissive woman. Of course most of these came from women I work with, I was quick to point out that they are crude and vulgar and are exactly the type of women I am trying to avoid. It has been over a year now and I no longer hear anything negative at work, other than those who say they want to meet her when she arrives so they can Americanize her and make sure she knows that half of what I own is hers. Another reason I don't like American women, they are eaten up with money and how they can make it theirs without earning it.

 

Geez, Rak, I'd say you sound bitter, but you sound just like ME!!!

 

Best Regards

[SheLikesME?]

For me I think it was easy, almost everyone who knows me knows that I have an intense dislike for American women. I did run into the usual Mail Order Bride comments and those who think I only wanted a submissive woman. Of course most of these came from women I work with, I was quick to point out that they are crude and vulgar and are exactly the type of women I am trying to avoid. It has been over a year now and I no longer hear anything negative at work, other than those who say they want to meet her when she arrives so they can Americanize her and make sure she knows that half of what I own is hers. Another reason I don't like American women, they are eaten up with money and how they can make it theirs without earning it.

 

Geez, Rak, I'd say you sound bitter, but you sound just like ME!!!

 

Best Regards

Many of us agree. Just be ware of ourself being spoiled Americans too

 

I was very selective about who I told. I did it one by one. My one cousin married to a lady who immigrated at age 11 from South America. They were my true confidants and I asked what they thought first. They were supportive.

 

My boss is a very good friend and knew my ex and thought I might get hurt and made a rude comment, but I would have to look up and old post to remember it now. The Pres of the company also was not happy. Heck he forgot now that I aksed if there was any work I could do while in China in 2005.

 

The relatives and friends that I figured would remark that she is a goldigger or just wanted a geen card or complained about it being a communist country did just that. I told them much later, like after marriage.

 

Upon my wife's arrival she wants me to just tell people we met in Beijing rather than on the internet. OK, I can do that, even though I told her it is no problem with a lot of folks now.

 

Oh, one thing that will come up once she is here, she is probably exotic looking in America. Dress and body language (confidence) give it away. I knew my wife was good looking on the one hand but hmmmmm kinda weird teeth on the other. This stands out when they are not surrounded by other Chinese. Women really admired her look in the stores. Some came up and talked to her. I think some realized how they need to dress up a bit better and get back in shape. I noticed how she needed a good teeth cleaning. Once she gets her SS# and I can add her to my insurance, off we go. Braces will then come soon. None of that is for me. It is so she will fit in and be accepted better. Heck I never noticed until I put my reading glasses on and looked her in the face. She is not even aware what I am thinking about her teeth. I just worry over everything so she is accepted by others.

[esun41]

My life was in a serious tailspin after my first wife left. My job was suffering and still had a minor son living with me.

 

The day I saw her email changed my life forever.

 

Friends questioned my sanity. Family raised eyebrows and said I've lost my mind as well. (My ex was my biggest ally... maybe it was guilt)

 

Almost 3 years since that first email and we've settled in quite nicely and people close to me are no longer asking what brought me out of that funk I was in...

 

It's called love and happiness!!