phantom1949 Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 with those on this site, marrying foreign nationals, I was wondering what stories our members have on their familes. When did not tell your family of your SO and your plans? Did, your family and children support your decision? Did your family and children accept your SO as apart of their family? What thoughts and recommendations can you give on your experiences? Inquiring minds....... Link to comment
Yuanyang Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 I'll tell you what I did: I told people that I was going to visit a friend in China. Nothing else. I didn't want to hear what anyone had to say For or Against it. Yes, there were a couple of slacked jaws with the news and I gave some select words to one or two members of the family regarding acceptance. No problems with anyone since then. Since their arrival everyone has been on board with hugs, kisses and best wishes. Link to comment
bosco Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 My older son was pretty brutally blunt about his disapproval and really pissed me off. But then a few weeks later I learned that he and his wife had just filed for divorce when he attacked me. Now the divorce is over, he's connected with an old highschool sweetheart and his tune has changed 180¡ã The rest of the family has been just fine about it. Link to comment
tonado Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=12662&hl= Link to comment
dnoblett Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 I waited until I truly wanted to meet my SO before letting anyone know, I let parents know about wanting to visit my girlfriend, and they were very supportive, and after I returned from my trip, I let others know, they have all been very positive, and want to meet her when she gets her visa and arrives in the USA. Also Phantom1949, this topic is more of a "Our Stories > Meetings & Life Together" rather than a "Twisted Candle" type of a topic. Link to comment
Dennis143 Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 with those on this site, marrying foreign nationals, I was wondering what stories our members have on their familes. When did not tell your family of your SO and your plans? Did, your family and children support your decision? Did your family and children accept your SO as apart of their family? What thoughts and recommendations can you give on your experiences? Inquiring minds.......Generally, (and this may sound self gratifying, yet I believe it is true) most of us who do what we are doing, marrying outside our culture, often to someone who can barely or cannot speak English and neither can we speak theirs...we beat to a different drummer. Personally, I grew tired of American women, for whatever reason. I had always been facinated by and attracted to Asian women. Now, at an older age and feeling that I didn't want to waste more time trying and possibly failing the same as I have done, I would change course and take a new direction and a new shot at love. Yeah, there will be those who think we are loosers because we couldn't find an American woman who would put up with us. At my age (57 now), I could give a rip what others think nor if they understand what I am doing. Yes, I shared my plans to go to China and meet a woman with my family. The shock value alone was priceless. They were told immediately. Did I ask for their blessing? Hell no! Sometimes, from the beginning of this process until the day you die, you may encounter people who just can't understand how two people, from two different cultures, who can barely communicate can have a loving, lasting relationship. I take my wife to family reunions and see the puzzled look on some faces. They are especially puzzled realizing that they cannot talk to my wife and then continue to wonder how we can have a loving, lasting marriage together without the means to freely communicate. I get this same reaction sometimes from Chinese too. So, it is not something that is isolated to just Americans. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes love. It takes forgiveness too. But, two people who have a committment to each other, two people who have chosen to love each other, two people who know and understand that they have brought two hearts and two souls together as one and that anything or anyone outside simply does not matter and cannot divide them - that is what (not just these) relationships and marriage are about. Link to comment
phantom1949 Posted January 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 Dennis: That was heavy (I can say Heavy as I am also 57 and that was from Our Generation ). I will say that I do not think we are losers at all. In fact I have thought about it for years and fell the exact opposite. I know for me, I am tired of the games that American Women play ( I do not mean all women but many who I have met). Yes we are marching to a different drummer, but for me I just do not want to settle any longer. I met this Chinese Lady here in the USA about 1.5 years ago. She was older and was only concerned that I was loyal to her and not dating other women. Long story short, I was loyal but found she was married and still sleeping in the sam ebed as her husband. She was a wonderful but (in my estimation) confused lady. Again, I want a happy life and want to be with somone who wants to be with me. For many of us I think that American women just do not cut it.. I do care what my children think as I want them to be supportive. But in the end, the decision is still mine. But I enjoy reading what others have experienced and feel as it helps me think through the process. Just one mans opinion. Link to comment
SheLikesME? Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 They didn't give me a nikel. Link to comment
lostinblue Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 About 8 years ago I dated a woman from China. There was some worries about getting scammed as a few members of my family knew some spouses from china who divorced soon after the 10 year green card. . Going to China was a little upsetting to my parents. It was a communist country. My father wanted me to call every night so they knew I was ok. More of a throw back to the cold war and Tiananmen square. No one in my family voiced an opinion against dateing a Chinese woman. That relationship did not work out which was fine. When I mentioned I was corresponding with another Chinese woman (Yan) "cannot you find an american woman." was brought up a few times. Also "maybe you can find a Chinese woman in america" For the most part they have been supportive.When I mentioned going to China to see Yan it did not raise any eyebrows from my family. Some of my friends are a little closed minded. TOO bad.I feel I found one of the nicest persons you could ever meet. I now feel that dateing a woman from the united states would be a bit boreing. I am a bit shy so meeting someone over the internet was alot easier for me. Things just developed and we took the ball and ran from there. I feel I not only made a good choice , for me it was the best choice. I feel my family will be very supportive. Link to comment
chilton747 Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 Believe it or not, my family is all for me having a Chinese wife. My son is the first to open my eyes to this. Such a GOOD son Link to comment
Steve and Aiwen Posted January 1, 2007 Report Share Posted January 1, 2007 with those on this site, marrying foreign nationals, I was wondering what stories our members have on their familes. When did not tell your family of your SO and your plans? Did, your family and children support your decision? Did your family and children accept your SO as apart of their family? What thoughts and recommendations can you give on your experiences? Inquiring minds....... Interesting idea.... I told my family I was going to China to visit friends and have a vacation, it was our first meeting and I wanted to see how things worked out...they worked out very well, as you see from my timeline..... Family did not object to my visiting China, but were a bit concerned because it is on the other side of the planet and IS a Communist country....still a lot of Cold War thinking and lack of knowledge about modern China...no children, so that doesn't apply to me. Too soon to tell about the acceptance....although my younger brother is married to a Japanese/American....and they welcomed her without a qualm...of course, she's a jewel and they see how much they are in love with each other... Recommendations: Make up you own mind, live your own life...you are the one taking this plunge into a cross-cultural relationship, yes, they will learn some new things as well, but it is you who have to make the effort if you are to have a chance at a real marriage. We all have a lot to learn about our SO's and her/his culture and belief/philosophical systems. Love will "grease the skids" but you still have to put something in to get anything out....know what I mean? It's not all take, you have to give as well. I find myself being much more thoughful and considerate of my SO, just because she is that way with me....I never got this from Western women....at least not on the level I am experiencing with my Chinese SO. I like it....and I like the effect it is having on my life. Steve Link to comment
RLS Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 (edited) I got comments like "you must be out of your f%$#$%# mind," I got smiles and raised eyebrows, I got shaking heads, I got "man, why don't you look for someone local," AND, unlike Curt's older son, the only positive comment I got was from my older son--who said, "that's great, Dad, go for it." That's the one I listed to; I ignored the others. Is that called "selective hearing?" Edited January 2, 2007 by RLS (see edit history) Link to comment
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