Private Background Check on Fiancee

[SmilingAsia]

I had a few girl friends before and I did some investigation, one turned out to be engaged to an Australian and one married to an American in Southern CA, the third was seeing some one else in China. If the woman is asking for financial help, do check her out.

Wow, feng liu cai zi! ni hen you nu ren yuan wo!

Edited November 13, 2006 by SmilingAsia (see edit history)

[RLS]

I had a few girl friends before and I did some investigation

 

You say that "you" did some investigation. I don't see anything wrong with that. But I do see a big difference in hiring a private investigator. I once dated a woman who, I found out later, was already married, but I didn't need a PI to find that out.

 

Eunice, please translate.

Edited November 13, 2006 by RLS (see edit history)

[MRMC]

I still think the private investigator idea is not right. Spend more time with her, get to know her as a person. A PI investigation would not be as conclusive as you just getting to know her. Next you will be checking her teeth, like buying a horse. Between you getting to really and truly know her and the government background, what more do you want.

[SmilingAsia]

Eunice, please translate.

Wow, feng liu cai zi! ni hen you nu ren yuan wo!

Romantic Prince, you've been very women-friendly. You've been so eye-catching to women.

Edited November 13, 2006 by SmilingAsia (see edit history)

[RLS]

Eunice, please translate.

Wow, feng liu cai zi! ni hen you nu ren yuan wo!

Romantic Prince, you've been very women-friendly. You've been so eye-catching to women.

 

Thank you Eunice. Kind of like Americans would refer to as a "stud."

[ct_shore2000]

From my experience, if you have not known your fiancee for a long while, a background check is very prudent. Actually, if you haven't known this girl a long time then a background check is just the tip of the iceberg of your checking. For you naysayers, marriage in the US is a very different concept than marriage in China. Anyone who has lived in China, as I have, knows this quite intimately. If this is someone you met briefly online, then all the more reason. If this is someone you've known for a while and see everyday, then your own judgement should give you an indication of what you should or should not do. I know there are many happy endings here, but I know also of many horror stories that started out nicely, yet the early warning signs were ignored. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here, so if you want more info, please contact me privately. A little caution up front will pay off in the end. On the other hand, China's businesses are known for it's cheaters. Doing business in China is a world unto itself. Finding a reliable investigator will be the biggest headache out of this whole process. If you are new to dating or marrying Chinese, my advice would be to go slow. Then, most importantly, find other people (the more the better) who have a Chinese partner and share your experience with them and let them share their experience with you. You will learn the good and you will learn the bad. Most importantly you will discover how different the two cultures are and you will be able to decide if mixing them is something you can handle.

[Thomas Promise]

From my experience, if you have not known your fiancee for a long while, a background check is very prudent. Actually, if you haven't known this girl a long time then a background check is just the tip of the iceberg of your checking. For you naysayers, marriage in the US is a very different concept than marriage in China. Anyone who has lived in China, as I have, knows this quite intimately. If this is someone you met briefly online, then all the more reason. If this is someone you've known for a while and see everyday, then your own judgement should give you an indication of what you should or should not do. I know there are many happy endings here, but I know also of many horror stories that started out nicely, yet the early warning signs were ignored. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here, so if you want more info, please contact me privately. A little caution up front will pay off in the end. On the other hand, China's businesses are known for it's cheaters. Doing business in China is a world unto itself. Finding a reliable investigator will be the biggest headache out of this whole process. If you are new to dating or marrying Chinese, my advice would be to go slow. Then, most importantly, find other people (the more the better) who have a Chinese partner and share your experience with them and let them share their experience with you. You will learn the good and you will learn the bad. Most importantly you will discover how different the two cultures are and you will be able to decide if mixing them is something you can handle.

Amen

[Urkidding]

From my experience, if you have not known your fiancee for a long while, a background check is very prudent. Actually, if you haven't known this girl a long time then a background check is just the tip of the iceberg of your checking. For you naysayers, marriage in the US is a very different concept than marriage in China. Anyone who has lived in China, as I have, knows this quite intimately. If this is someone you met briefly online, then all the more reason. If this is someone you've known for a while and see everyday, then your own judgement should give you an indication of what you should or should not do. I know there are many happy endings here, but I know also of many horror stories that started out nicely, yet the early warning signs were ignored.

 

In China, it¡¯s not what you know, it¡¯s who you know.

 

On the other hand, China's businesses are known for it's cheaters. Doing business in China is a world unto itself.

 

Let¡¯s not forget the about those in the government positions - officials can get papers forged with the original government seal applied too! All it takes is money!

[NewDay2006]

I think this is the first time I commented on this post,.. while I can understand the feeling that if you love someone there should be trust, not investigations... I probably would side with this feeling more than actually having my fiancee/wife "checked out".

 

Personally, I think it is a personal choice. It is always easy to say I would not go into the fire if you have not been burned before. But if you have been burned before or known of others who have been burned before, you might be very paranoid and want to take every step to insure that you are not burned again... I was paraphasing of course.... I don't have my wife investigated and I have no intention or desire to do so, I love her and trust her. But I would definetly say that myself and others who have been burned might not feel the same about the "situations" that didn't work before and we were consequently "burned to a crisp". In other words, maybe an investigation would have prevented the last burn, maybe not. If I had to make a decision again about it, maybe I would have had her investigated, there were flags, but I guess maybe they were not glaring enough to say STOP!!

 

I know life and love are a "crap shoot", sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and the good comes with the bad,...etc, but does that mean we should judge someone who chooses to attempt to avoid a bad burn?

 

I'm sure if the woman found out about the investigation it would very damaging to the relationship, but that is a chance the person would be taking in initating such a situation.

 

Anyway, that in my opinion on the situation. If he feels that is what he wants to do, who am I or anyone else here to say he is right or wrong?

Edited November 16, 2006 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[SmilingAsia]

I can understand the feeling that if you love someone there should be trust, not investigations... I probably would side with this feeling more than actually having my fiancee/wife "checked out".

This is fine with women from Guangxi. You investigate her about what? How many times she washes her feet in the stream? or about the history of the mountains? In some mountainous areas of China, everybody knows everybody else about everything .

 

People from big cities are more complicated. Everybody has their own way.

For me, I cannot afford to hire a private investigator in a western country so I have to use my own logic and reason.

[NewDay2006]

I can understand the feeling that if you love someone there should be trust, not investigations... I probably would side with this feeling more than actually having my fiancee/wife "checked out".

For me, I cannot afford to hire a private investigator in a western country so I have to use my own logic and reason.

 

Eunice I agree, I think for the most part, your logic and reason are all you really have. A private investigator cannot tell you everything about a person, they might come close, but somethings might never come to the surface until it is too late.

[gman2531]

It didn't matter to me how many times my wife washed her feet. Just that they were clean was good enough for me.

 

However, I do agree that there are perils involved with marrying someone from outside the US. How do you really know the PI is doing an involved and accurate check? He could just take your yuan and head on to the next sucker. You could get a clean bill of health for your SO without any checkup being performed.

 

Be smart and look for anything that could be a warning signal. Someone who has posted here on CFL with a tragic story admits that false photos and an incorrect age were first given to him but he still went on to marry the woman. Hello......red flag!

 

On the flip side of this, Chinese women need to be just as careful. There are plenty of abusers, boozers and just plain losers trying to find a wife overseas.

 

Check your karma before proceeding.

[C4Racer]

I can understand the feeling that if you love someone there should be trust, not investigations... I probably would side with this feeling more than actually having my fiancee/wife "checked out".

For me, I cannot afford to hire a private investigator in a western country so I have to use my own logic and reason.

 

Eunice I agree, I think for the most part, your logic and reason are all you really have. A private investigator cannot tell you everything about a person, they might come close, but somethings might never come to the surface until it is too late.

 

An investigator can tell you if the person is safe to marry from the stand point of them having a current relationship or not, but this will never tell you what is in the person's heart. True intentions are what is the problem with many of the failed international relationships. Some of course have just failed because the people were never quite compatible, even though they both thought they were. It is up to you to determine if your fiancee/spouse has opened their heart to you or just acting. My wife opened her heart to me like no other lady has ever done. This is how I knew she was the one for me. I have been through a couple of rocky relationships where the person was just acting, never really opening their heart. Once you feel this, you know. It will also preclude the need for an investigation. Also, never under any circumstances ignore warning signs. I tried several other international relationships which I ended because of red flags. Glad I did, my wife is the best wife in the world. (Oh, yeah so is yours )

Edited November 16, 2006 by C4Racer (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

I wouldn't care either.. whether the chinese national in question cares, only she can say.

 

It's a personal matter and decision; one has to follow their intution.

 

When I felt red flags early in our relationship, I went to china for three months.. discovered it was all in my head... at least from that point till today, I've never questioned or doubted her.

[yuan fen]

I observed this also earlier.

New member too.

Hope things were not taken the wrong way.

Sometimes words get pretty strong in a topic like this.

Kind of like Prenuptial Agreements.