SO learning to drive

[Robert Fei]

It has been a year since Fei got her learning permit. Started off in parking lots for about 4 months, then practiced in business park on sundays. Fei went back to China last spring and took 6 weeks of diving training there, but I did not see any improvement. It was difficult to get her to go over 25 in a 45mph road. She says "too fast!" And at night it's too dark! And if it rains, wait till it stops. Have been sending her out with a driving instructor the last 4 weeks once a week. But she does things that are not safe. Like slowing down from 40mph to 25mph when changing a lane. Not going when it is her turn at a stop sign, and cars honk or go around us. Bad left turns. She seems to lack judgement, and needs to pay attention to what she is doing. Can not remember the streets around our area after more than a year. She wants a license so she can practice on her own. I am afraid she will get lost too easily. has anyone else had this problem? In China she always took a bus, taxi or was driven by someone so she never had to pay attention on how she got to her destination.

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

It has been a year since Fei got her learning permit. Started off in parking lots for about 4 months, then practiced in business park on sundays. Fei went back to China last spring and took 6 weeks of diving training there, but I did not see any improvement. It was difficult to get her to go over 25 in a 45mph road. She says "too fast!" And at night it's too dark! And if it rains, wait till it stops. Have been sending her out with a driving instructor the last 4 weeks once a week. But she does things that are not safe. Like slowing down from 40mph to 25mph when changing a lane. Not going when it is her turn at a stop sign, and cars honk or go around us. Bad left turns. She seems to lack judgement, and needs to pay attention to what she is doing. Can not remember the streets around our area after more than a year. She wants a license so she can practice on her own. I am afraid she will get lost too easily. has anyone else had this problem? In China she always took a bus, taxi or was driven by someone so she never had to pay attention on how she got to her destination.

 

Man I hope I don't get put in the dog house for this!

 

My wife scares the hell out of me with her driving! "

[tonado]

After 16 hrs of lessons by instructors and 10 hrs of lessons from me, my wife can drive pretty well now. Learning how to drive is definitely a tough adjustment.

[jim_julian]

We are going to start this process shortly. I keep telling myself that it will be OK!

[LeeFisher3]

From the day my wife arrived I began talking to her about driving, pointing out different situations until she started pointing out drivers doing things that were unsafe. After being here 6 months we got her learners permit and began working in empty parking lots just to get her familiar with the controls and dynamics of the car.

 

We signed up for drivers ed and this included 4 - 90 minute driving sessions with an instructor. The instructor suggested I ride along and this allowed me to see what he was teaching and to receive instructions on things to practice. We took about 4 weeks between driving lessons and agreed she would be comfortable with everything the instructor wanted as well as me being comfortable with her driving at that stage. We were driving 1-2 hours each day and more on the weekends.

 

This was a joint effort on our part and some days she came home and cried, mainly because she disappointed herself. We went through the slowdown in lane change and a near miss made her a believer, now we usually only slow no more than 5mph in a lane change.

 

Probably the biggest thing we did was talk about her driving without making it personal or emotional. This was training just like getting ready for the Olympics.

 

What impresses me the most is that in my mind she is an exceptionally safe driver. Occasionally she will make an error in judgment, but I actually feel comfortable riding with her and don't feel like I need to watch the road every minute.

 

It takes time and patience from both of you, we decided she would take her driving test with her instructor and talked about the license only being permission for her to learn more that the basics. If she was impatient then we needed to practice more so she could do everything her instructor taught in the last lesson, it wasn't me holding her back but how fast she could learn to perform the skills needed.

 

At this point in her driving I'm not sure what groundwork you have laid as far as expectations and goals. But it sounds like the two of you need to discuss that this is important for the safety of your wife and you will not allow your wife to ride with someone that would endanger her life, namely her. This may result in the cold shoulder for a few days, but you need to have this talk and not allow it to turn into an argument.

 

Another thing, we use 2 main routes to our home and I began playing a game with her telling me how to get home. I would turn where she said turn and not give her any hints. Once we got to the point where she was lost we would go back to the beginning and talk about the route home as we drove. Now she knows how to find these 2 main roads and get home both day and night.

 

I hope this helps to give some ideas to help your situation.

Edited October 15, 2006 by LeeFisher3 (see edit history)

[Robert S.]

Lee, that is one of the best, most helpful posts ever on CFL and needs to be saved permanently for reference. Everyone should follow these steps.

[LeeFisher3]

Lee, that is one of the best, most helpful posts ever on CFL and needs to be saved permanently for reference. Everyone should follow these steps.

I forgot to mention the other game we played called "Where's the car?"

 

We would go to the mall and after we finished shopping and were ready to leave I would ask "Where's the car?" From that point on she was responsible for getting us out the door and finding the car in the parking lot.

 

Another variation to the game was for us to exit the mall from a different entrance and find the car.

 

Also, she was not allowed to use the panic alarm on the car to fit it.

 

This weekend we got to play this game with our son, I didn't know we owned a Lexus.

[johnxiaoying]

has anyone else had this problem?

 

And I thought I was the only one with problems teaching my wife to drive? NOT!

 

My wife has progressed from the empty parking lots to driving in and around our neighborhood. Her reaction times are still way too slow, stopping at a stop sign means stopping for 10 seconds when there are no other cars around. When other cars are around they will go first regardless of who has the right of way because she stays planted until they are gone. After turning a corner she doesn't exceed 15 mph for the first block or two. When she's the only one waiting to make a left turn at a red light she will get through just as the light is turning red again.

 

It will just take a lot of practice and PATIENCE!

 

A few years ago I had a Vietnamese woman (new driver in a BMW) come blowing through the only open lane of four lanes, the other lanes having cars stopped at the red light. She t-boned the hell out of me. Before receiving a copy of the accident report and knowing if it was a man or woman who'd hit me (I went to the hospital with fractured ribs), I called my insurance agent and told him what and where the accident happened. He said "That's a dangerous area to drive". I asked why he said that and he said "That's where all the Asians are and many of them are just learning to drive".

 

One guy here on CFL, a couple of years ago, told about his wife's driving. She was driving to their friends home and she came around a corner and turned left into the friends driveway just fine, except she was going too fast. She crashed through the garage door and damaged the car parked in the garage.

Edited October 15, 2006 by johnxiaoying (see edit history)

[tonado]

If you live near a big city like LA, NY, Chicago, Boston, learning how to drive can be difficult. If you live in the country (not much cars), then it will be easy.

[C4Racer]

Lee, Very good post.

This is very close to the recipe we used in getting my wife her drivers license. She is a good driver. I would let her drive anywhere without much worry. I had a little worry the first time she drove alone, but then I knew there was nothing to worry about.

 

Robert, she started out much like Fei. Now she can pick out the stupid things her friends do. Some of them have had a drivers license much longer. She also got to where she could easily pick out stupid drivers. Our game was, "frickin' idiot". The key is to follow these steps.

 

Couple things I'd like to add, Talk about things before and always.

When my wife came to me and asked me to teach her, I said, "No problem. There is one thing you must know before we start. I will raise my voice when we are in the car and you do something stupid. Do not take it personal. It has nothing to do with you and I will not be angry. It's just when this car is operated in a stupid manner, it can kill people. I do not want you to die, ever!! It is all about driving safely." She agreed this was best. Otherwise, she had a tendency to be slow to react when I told her to brake. I explained, when I say brake that means now!! Otherwise we could end up in a very serious problem.

 

Also, we would talk about why I am driving the way I drive. Every place we went when she was studying for her permit, we would talk about my driving. How I change lanes and why. Now, when she is on the freeway, she does not slow down at all to change lanes. We talked about how I brake at a stoplight and why. She first started, she would brake very hard at first, let up a little, brake some more so stops became sudden and jerky. Now, when she brakes it is a smooth motion and the car stops evenly.

 

Once she got her permit, she found an instructor who speaks Chinese. This was very important, because no matter how well I wanted to teach her, there were some minor points very important to safe driving she had trouble understanding. She spent a total of six hours with him and her driving improved greatly. It was shortly after her first session she was able to go above 25mph. Next, she drove everywhere we went. She has driven more places then many of her friends. She drove when we traveled to Port Orchard, WA. on I-5 doing 70 mph. Now, 55mph in Portland seemed easy. She drove to Bend, OR when my company took us on a weekend outing. She navigates through the maze of bridges in Portand with relitive ease.

 

She got her drivers license on Sept 20th. It was her second attempt. The testing agent told her she was surprised she didn't pass the firt time, that she was a very good driver. However, the first testing agent put her in a critical situation where she made the wrong choice. Here again, it is important to talk about things like this. We talked about most, but I forgot to go over a situation like that.

 

Take a deep breath. Be patient. It'll be okay.

Edited October 15, 2006 by C4Racer (see edit history)

[pkfops]

I plan to get her a Chinese instructor.

[tywy_99]

has anyone else had this problem?

 

And I thought I was the only one with problems teaching my wife to drive? NOT!

 

My wife has progressed from the empty parking lots to driving in and around our neighborhood. Her reaction times are still way too slow, stopping at a stop sign means stopping for 10 seconds when there are no other cars around. When other cars are around they will go first regardless of who has the right of way because she stays planted until they are gone. After turning a corner she doesn't exceed 15 mph for the first block or two. When she's the only one waiting to make a left turn at a red light she will get through just as the light is turning red again.

 

It will just take a lot of practice and PATIENCE!

 

A few years ago I had a Vietnamese woman (new driver in a BMW) come blowing through the only open lane of four lanes, the other lanes having cars stopped at the red light. She t-boned the hell out of me. Before receiving a copy of the accident report and knowing if it was a man or woman who'd hit me (I went to the hospital with fractured ribs), I called my insurance agent and told him what and where the accident happened. He said "That's a dangerous area to drive". I asked why he said that and he said "That's where all the Asians are and many of them are just learning to drive".

 

One guy here on CFL, a couple of years ago, told about his wife's driving. She was driving to their friends home and she came around a corner and turned left into the friends driveway just fine, except she was going too fast. She crashed through the garage door and damaged the car parked in the garage.

It's an experience we all have to go through! Very scarey at times too!

Things will work out in the end.

 

-good luck (x3)..........

[tonado]

Make sure you tell her to stop at stop sign (no matter what - you can't just slow down).

[ndjarrett]

Yaya would also let her foot off the gas when changing lanes. Got here to break that habit though. She got her permit last year...then after she got pregnant for a while she quit practicing. We been practicing every night for the last two months and she finally got her license last week (2nd try). I taught her everything (hope I did OK) as she did not wanna pay someone $400 for them to teach her. My biggest trouble was to get her to pay enough atttention to signs and painting on the road. She was soooo focused on driving and did not look around enough. And, of course, driving backwards and turning was a real effort to get straight...many hours spent in old shopping center driving backwards...lol.

 

Overall...she does fairly well. But now, she can drive to DeWitt by herself to attend her CNA classes .

[Urkidding]

I plan to get her a Chinese instructor.

 

 

My wife learned to drive from a Chinese driving instructor here in Houston. It is very important that you have an instructor teach your SO only because she will not be as nervous and intimidated as much.

 

The instructor would let them take turns and he would run his errands with a chauffeur (Student) driver. On one occasion she told me that they went to the live chicken market and he ordered a couple of chickens for his dinner. I don¡¯t think they ever taught her to drive on the freeway because she is very intimated by it.

 

I can tell most of you, the best training that I did with my wife after I got her a new car was to have her follow me and we would drive around. She did great and we even went onto the freeway with no problems. Actually, the more we did this the better she became with remembering the roads around our neighborhoods. She also wasn¡¯t as nervous because I wasn¡¯t sitting next to her.

 

Just to show you how much she drives, I bought her a new car in the year 2000 and now with 2007 around the corner she has only 20,000 miles on it and I know that I have put at least 2000 of those miles myself.

 

Andrew