A marriage for someone who does not believe in love

[Joanne]

I like the way Don put it.

 

Add a point:

 

If it is only the sex and companion is what you wanted from her for this marriage. I don't think it will work out in a long run. Unless you build love after you marry, like Dennis is doing.

[lostinblue]

VD that is nothing .... AIDS that is the kicker. Number one reason why a woman is a hooker is money. In 3rd world countries it is this or let the kids starve . We don't know how deep pockets you have I have read there are many woman in southern china sitting waiting for their husband to come to see them for a weekend .What they don't know is he has another wife or two in another asian country. What did smileing asia call them Rice worms . Most women desire love in their lives . That is what makes the sex so good . Love. You cannot beat it for a good sex life. I know someone who had a marriage of convince and this is what you are looking for. She would have a glass of wine before going to bed at night and make her grocery list out during the act. I have another friend who got divorced and when asked why .One reason was his wife just spread her legs at night . He could not take it like that, Maybe you can make it work. Myself I desire someone who is in love with me and is eager and willing to please me at night. and allowing me to do the same for her. .

[Rakkasan]

I think it's safe to say that the men on this site love their SO' / wives very much. Even with the amount of love we have for them, there have been some serious problems in these relationships and even some crash and burns. If you take away what would be an emotional commitment to your SO as the result of your love for her, how long do you really think a relationship based on sex for a roof over your head is going to last?

 

If this woman had only 2 or 3 brain cells firing she would bail out ASAP and find someone who truly cares about her, she can used by numerous guys on the street. It may not be as safe, but she would be in control of her life and not indebted to you.

 

For the cost of meeting, travel, USCIS filings, the impending divorce, etc, etc, etc, you would be better off picking up a local prostitute to satisfy your needs, as needed, and forget the whole idea of marriage.

[frank1538]

To each his own.

[woainilin]

I don't believe in love. To me, a marriage is something that can be viewed as an arrangement. Even if I am not in love with a woman, there is no reason that we can't be each other's companion.

 

What comes from my end:

 

1. A ticket into the US

2. Financial support

3. Investment in improving the educational and English level of this girl until she can move out of simple jobs (like working in a restaurant or at Walmart).

4. Affection and efforts to make her happy-- not exactly smoldering love, but consistent/ comfortable.

 

What I expect on her end:

 

1. Regular sex;

2. Companionship

 

Is this too much to ask for? I know that Chinese people are very resilient. This should not be too tall an order.

 

Also, I was thinking about taking a girl out of hooking that had only been there for one month. (It is very possible and easy to find girls that have been working for only two days.)

 

I don't know if finding a girl who has been hooking is a bad idea or if it can be done if properly managed. At one point, I met a girl who was working as a hooker after having been in a relationship for 4 years with a Chinese man. She was interested in living with me as a companion, but for some reason I did not take it up. Does anyone have experiences with rehabilitating a "working girl"? (It happens all the time in Thailand and the Philippines.)

 

The current plan is for me to live in China for the next year and live with the girl while I am filling out the immigration paperwork to get her back into the States.

Woman normally connect sex with love and if they do not love the man, then they do not want to have sex on a regular basis (or any basis) because it is nauseating to do it with someone you despise. The best you are likely to get in this situation is a woman who tolerates your needs until they become stable enough in the US to leave you and find a man who will love and care for them in a way a girl needs.

Edited October 7, 2006 by woainilin (see edit history)

[lpm100]

Well, people in India have been doing arranged marriages for a long time and they are still in business-- even though I'm not talking about an arranged marriage PER SE, but would like something where we wre both clear of the goals.

 

Someone asked why I don't believe in love, and I'll say: No one hurt me in the past. Let's detail this a bit.

 

If you want to study a reaction in a beaker, it is impossible to find a single molecule and then watch it all the way through the reaction. This is because no one can see a single molecule.

 

By analogy, it would be too much trouble to follow a series of couples all the way through marriage over 30 or 40 (or even 10) years. So, I just look at couples in different stages to get an idea of what is going to happen.

 

What I've figured out is: When people go into marriages and think that they are passionately in love they tend to cool off over time. (In fact, there is an article about this where some scientists found a chemical in the brain that cools off over the course of about 18 months in a marriage. It is called Nerve Growth Factor [NGF], and the chemical is lower over a year later in couples that are "in love.")

 

It seems to me that if I convinced myself that I was in love with someone, I'd be setting myself up for failure.

 

The other possibility is that I could be like my moronic parents and be attached to some person in a sick symbiosis like theirs. Looking at them over the years, I have made a resolution that I will be fine in a marriage if I do exactly what they DID NOT in theirs. (They are a perfect example of me of what NOT to do.) I've also resolved that if the marriage turns into something bad, then it would be better for both parties to just move on. (I don't plan on having any children and so this would be done at minimal cost.)

 

I'm a scientist at heart and I can't escape logic. Sorry, it's just me.

[lpm100]

"Woman normally connect sex with love and if they do not love the man, then they do not want to have sex on a regular basis (or any basis) because it is nauseating to do it with someone you despise"

 

Chill out. Not every woman has been infected with the disease of white Feminazis in the States and Western Europe. There are still some women that are willing to work with a guy.

[Dennis143]

What I've figured out is: When people go into marriages and think that they are passionately in love they tend to cool off over time. (In fact, there is an article about this where some scientists found a chemical in the brain that cools off over the course of about 18 months in a marriage. It is called Nerve Growth Factor [NGF], and the chemical is lower over a year later in couples that are "in love.")

Interestingly stated. Maybe, this is why I was a serial monogamist for most of my life. My pattern was to stay in a relationship for that high and move on after it was gone. I must say that I don't regret much and, as I stated before, all of my ex's (married ones or not) are some of my best friends today. I never had children, out of choice. Some say I was selfish, because I only sought my own fullfillment and satisfaction. And, when the really hard work in a relationship started, I would bail. I suppose there's some truth in there somewhere. I never minded being alone. I truly enjoy MY time and never enjoyed having to give it up to entertain someone elses needs. Fortunately, my wife today isn't needy in that way.

 

Personally, I admire those who can truly weather a marriage's ups and downs and stay together and be content. No, I didn't say happy, but content. My parents are good examples; they have been married 66 years.

 

So, what am I saying here? Basically, I have learned that the feeling of love (lust) is ephemeral. The true choice and test is caring for someone over the long term in hopes that she will care for me just the same. It is called COMMITMENT.

[warpedbored]

Trigg could chime in and explain some of the neuro responses and chemicals released when we first fall in love. It is a high. In a commited marriage though where the husband and wife truely love each other and are devoted to on anothers well being that feeling or euthoria is replaced by one of security and contentment. A much deeper level of love in my oppinion.

[Dennis143]

Trigg could chime in and explain some of the neuro responses and chemicals released when we first fall in love. It is a high. In a commited marriage though where the husband and wife truely love each other and are devoted to on anothers well being that feeling or euthoria is replaced by one of security and contentment. A much deeper level of love in my oppinion.

Amen, Carl. The question IS, can our poster do this with a working girl. Or, is he willing to COMMIT to her, forever. Yep, forever. That's the meaning of marriage. If you're not willing to commit to your "working girl" forever, why even bother marrying her. If you want a companion, get a dog. If you want sex, get a hooker. If you want commitment, commit.

Edited October 8, 2006 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[Yuanyang]

Trigg could chime in and explain some of the neuro responses and chemicals released when we first fall in love. It is a high. In a commited marriage though where the husband and wife truely love each other and are devoted to on anothers well being that feeling or euthoria is replaced by one of security and contentment. A much deeper level of love in my oppinion.

While Trigg is terrorizing Disneyworld in Florida perhaps I can help: 3 Stages of Love.

[david_dawei]

Well, people in India have been doing arranged marriages for a long time and they are still in business-- even though I'm not talking about an arranged marriage PER SE, but would like something where we wre both clear of the goals.

 

Someone asked why I don't believe in love, and I'll say: No one hurt me in the past. Let's detail this a bit.

 

If you want to study a reaction in a beaker, it is impossible to find a single molecule and then watch it all the way through the reaction. This is because no one can see a single molecule.

 

By analogy, it would be too much trouble to follow a series of couples all the way through marriage over 30 or 40 (or even 10) years. So, I just look at couples in different stages to get an idea of what is going to happen.

 

What I've figured out is: When people go into marriages and think that they are passionately in love they tend to cool off over time. (In fact, there is an article about this where some scientists found a chemical in the brain that cools off over the course of about 18 months in a marriage. It is called Nerve Growth Factor [NGF], and the chemical is lower over a year later in couples that are "in love.")

 

It seems to me that if I convinced myself that I was in love with someone, I'd be setting myself up for failure.

 

The other possibility is that I could be like my moronic parents and be attached to some person in a sick symbiosis like theirs. Looking at them over the years, I have made a resolution that I will be fine in a marriage if I do exactly what they DID NOT in theirs. (They are a perfect example of me of what NOT to do.) I've also resolved that if the marriage turns into something bad, then it would be better for both parties to just move on. (I don't plan on having any children and so this would be done at minimal cost.)

 

I'm a scientist at heart and I can't escape logic. Sorry, it's just me.

 

You seem to have preconceived ideas of a few issues and simply don't want to conform to them.. there's nothing wrong with that... you can pursue whatever relationship you want however you want. If you find someone of similar mind, ,it's bound to be successful than not.

 

But few people are completely void of love; love is more varied than there are people... Who said that two people always start off in passionate love? Don't get hung up on society or the media often portrays a couples start... it's the lasting parts that matter.

 

If your committed to taking care of a person and being together, I don't see how this is not love or doesn't evolve to some level of love. Of course if a person wants to go, they should feel the freedom to go... It wouldn't be love if there was no freedom to choice as their want.

 

I think your overthinking it all... visit the person in question.. see if it works out.. take the time to know them.. in fact, this is probably more than most of us do anyway...

[dnoblett]

This kind of reminds me of the movie "Pretty Woman", I think LPM100 thinks he is Richard Gere, and his prospective mate is Julia Roberts.

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100405/ (English)

http://www.mov6.com/title/tt0100405/ (Review in Chinese)

 

http://www.impawards.com/1990/posters/pretty_woman.jpg

[SmilingAsia]

Hygiene caution: Vacuum yourself with condom from head to feet!

[Dennis143]

Hygiene caution: Vacuum yourself with condom from head to feet!

http://i12.tinypic.com/4hdfgch.gif