Question Regarding Chinese Tradition

[Don&MuSi]

I'm hoping that some of you can enlighten me about Chinese traditions. Do Chinese men and women feel compelled to support their elderly parents? I am wondering if it is an obligation or if it is tradition or if it is simply children wanting to help their parents out?

 

Any input would be appreciated.

 

Don&MuSi

[tonado]

It is tradition. Chinese families are raised to respect the parents, grand parents, great grand parents and ancestors.

[Don&MuSi]

So, that brings me to the next question....When an American man marries a Chinese woman, in America, does the Chinese wife then expect the husband to support her parents, because of this Chinese tradition???

 

Thanks,

Don&MuSi

[kkimm]

Even symbolic, it will help the wife in her family and arounds.

 

Note, "face" in China is very important

[wgraffiks]

So, that brings me to the next question....When an American man marries a Chinese woman, in America, does the Chinese wife then expect the husband to support her parents, because of this Chinese tradition???

 

Thanks,

Don&MuSi

Don,

That sounds like a question you should ask "the Chinese wife" in question!

I hope we're not talking about YOUR Chinese wife, because it's kinda late to be finding out the answer now. I think the answer may differ from person-to-person. Each situation is different, some families are larger than others, and customs differ from province to province. (just look at the differences in their New Years celebrations) China is a very big country, and it would be difficult to generalize the answer to that question. As always, communication with your (intended) spouse is paramount.

[owenkrout]

Very true in that this is the kind of thing that everyone should have discussed with their fiancee and in that traditions do vary.

 

However, in general, normally the oldest son was the one that the elderly parents or even grandparents would have lived with. He in turn would have inherited the home and the bulk of any wealth. He was also somewhat responsible for the welfare of younger siblings, especially his sisters. A very close family structure is the basic theme.

 

This is all knocked into a cocked hat by the fact that many families now have only one child. Especially if that one child is a daughter. The ancient society structure no longer works. I have seen pieces on CCTV-9 and in print struggling with the question of who will take care of the elderly in the future. Technically, the children are legally responsible for their elderly parents, but I have never heard of this being a legal case. Rather it is strong pressure from society to not lose face by not caring for ones parents.

[Charlotte]

I'm hoping that some of you can enlighten me about Chinese traditions. Do Chinese men and women feel compelled to support their elderly parents? I am wondering if it is an obligation or if it is tradition or if it is simply children wanting to help their parents out?

 

Any input would be appreciated.

 

Don&MuSi

Yes, it is the tradition and one is expected to support their parents. Respecting the old and protecting the young is a virtue that is regarded highly in the society. Supporting one's parents is more of a moral issue than a legal issue. Due to the deficiency in the legal system, Chinese are more likely to judge a person's behavior on a moral standard than on a legal point to view. Most people don't want to be labeled as irresponsible children to their elders. They are to help their parents to the extend they can afford. Unlike in this country one only pays child support, in China, there is parent support court orders. This only happens when the child has income and does not want to support while the parents don't have any source of income, before the parents can depend on government welfare, they have to find out if the parent(s) have any children. If they do, then the burden is on the children to support the parent. If the son/daughter does not want to pay voluntarily, they can deduct it from the payroll directly before he/she even sees it. This happens to very few people, but it did happen - I know someone like this in person back then. But I don't know what the law is today -- regardless - supporting parent is undeniable responsibility in China -- which is why in China having children is important. Yes, more burdens are on boys and than girls in a family, if they have both. Like in my family, I have two brothers, although my parents have retirement pay, we still give cash to my parents on holiday occasions to let them have some extra money to spend. I don't have to do that and they will never ask for anything from me, but they can ask from my brothers. It is always nice to give. To this day, I still support my grandmother (91) whom I stayed with from 3 - 14 years old. I just love to see my eldors not worry about money when they see something they like to eat. As you all know food cost is very disproportionally high in China compared to their income. My brother in Canada and I also promise to help out my parents to buy new apartment this year. Seeing other people moving into better apartment, it looks really bad if we don't anything for my parents. In this country, the way I treat my parents could be labeled as a saint, but in China, I am just on the average!!!

[owenkrout]

Another point to be made is that the amount that it would take to provide that extra help to parents in China is very small in comparison to an American salary. Even fifty or a hundred dollars a month can make a huge difference to a parent in China. A hundred dollars a month is often as much as a teachers retirement pay.

[wgraffiks]

In this country, the way I treat my parents could be labeled as a saint, but in China, I am just on the average!!!      

Saint Charlotte! It has a nice ring to it!!!

[chinadave2001]

Hi all,

I don't think we can overstate the importance of this. two summers ago I was teaching at Ocean University in Qingdao. Four different classes. One day I asked them to list the characteristics of an ideal husband or wife. All four groups identified "Love and Respect for Parents" as one of the most important....these are college kids. this idea is important for today's young people too....

Dave