Is putting your foot down like stepping on a mine?

[NewDay2006]

Might as well pat yourself on the back too. It takes two to live in harmony.

231920[/snapback]

You are sooo right. I was put in the postion to put my foot down in the past and I like Dennis, didn't like it. My wife now always agrees which will make me want to defer to her wishes i feel. But like you Mike, I don't have my wife here yet and you do have more experience with her next to you.

[paula]

This is a good subject that deserves to be answered honestly and put kidding aside for a while.  Of course, you are simply giving me a platform whereupon I can sing the praises of me wife. 

 

I doubt that Leiqin fits the norm, but here goes.  My wife dotes after me.  My role is her provider.  Her role is my comforter.  It does not mean that she does not provide and I do not comfort.  It just means that these are the unspoken roles that we have fallen into.  I provide her with a comfortable home and life and she takes care of it by cleaning, cooking, gardening, ironing, and  .

 

Because she does not read nor write English, does not speak it well, is computer illiterate, and does not have a car to drive, she is pretty much dependent on me for everything.  So, I am her provider and you can understand who makes the major decisions in our life.  I do.  And, I must.  And, she trusts my decisions completely, "You likea, I likea.  You my husband.  I follow you. I listen you."

 

In the past, I have always had relationships where the women were totally independent.  Now, I am in a marriage where my wife depends on me for everything.  My wife NEVER complains, nags nor argues.  My wife is always thinking of my welfare: "You hungrya.  I cooka givea you something to eat." or "You go play computer." My wife seldom turns down sex and is often the one who initiates it. "I all yours.  I givea all to you.  Anytime you want, I open for you." My wife NEVER asks for money for herself, yet I am sure to always give her money so that she has some cash in her wallet too.  My wife is ALWAYS thinking of my best interest.  Heck, my wife still insists on giving me nightly baths.  "You tireda.  I givea you shower now.  You go to bed, I givea you messagey." And she is always telling me: "I thanka you, my husband.  I lucky!  I very very lucky!"

 

Anyway, what was the question?  Uh, aren't all Chinese women like this?

231877[/snapback]

Hi, dennis. Sounds you got a perfect wife. I dont think most chinese women can do that. You are just very very luck man. now I am jealous of you and wish I were man in my next life and would marry a woman like yours

[Dennis143]

Yes, Mike reminds me well. There are always situations where one is faced with having to say; "No way! I won't tolerate that." It's an unavoidable situation.

 

Each day with my wife tends to push me further into LaLa land.

[paula]

Just curious one thing. why after chinese women got the US, some claimed their husbands or SO changed. Do you guys here think you changed after you loved one live with you finally? or both of you changed ?

[SheLikesME?]

Just curious one thing. why after chinese women got the US, some claimed their husbands or SO changed. Do you guys here think you changed after you loved one live with you finally? or both of you changed ?

231932[/snapback]

AHHHHhhhhh, Thank You Paula. Someone who can ask a good clear question. See I'm a bit, well, anyway.

 

 

CAN ANYONE HERE ANSWER HER GOOD QUESTIONS???

Edited July 19, 2006 by SheLikesME (see edit history)

[jim_julian]

I just gotta say this ....

 

My experience with Lao Po is very very much like Dennis. She has a deeply ingrained concept that I work and provide resources and she makes sure that the home is the best possible place. She is unbelievably supportive.

 

We have known each other for two years now. Early on she said, "In China we do things Chinese way, in America we do things American way." She has been very consistent in this.

 

In our case all this "mop slap" and "training" stuff is interesting, but not applicable.

 

Being married to Lao Po is beyond my comprehension of a perfect life. This is not a goal that the people on this forum should think unobtainable. I love my Lao Po ... as you should love yours.

[SheLikesME?]

OK with 2-3 making it clear to me, I understand. Thanks

 

This has helped. Yawl kinda answered what was in the back of me head bone.

 

I have been guilty of expressing some of my concerns about my job to my wifey. Later I find it adds some worry on her part. So I better vent some place else. I knew better.

 

I have 4 more states to cover and it is highly visible. I am in the spotlight at work even more than I was. It makes for a good oportunity but also a good target. Also I travel from home more. But I have to find a way. It is more money and I need to survive our mergers, or do I. So far so good, though.

[david_dawei]

Just curious one thing. why after chinese women got the US, some claimed their husbands or SO changed. Do you guys here think you changed after you loved one live with you finally? or both of you changed ?

231932[/snapback]

AHHHHhhhhh, Thank You Paula. Someone who can ask a good clear question. See I'm a bit, well, anyway.

 

 

CAN ANYONE HERE ANSWER HER GOOD QUESTIONS???

231935[/snapback]

reminds me of Michaelangelo's Quote:

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

 

I think likewise, there is something inside of us set free; always there but bound by our own shortcomings.

 

------

 

I guess to quote another, Saint Augustine said of God:

"My heart is restless till it finds rest in thee"...

 

I fell the same thing occurred... Not change, just restlessness lost...

[Dennis143]

Just curious one thing. why after chinese women got the US, some claimed their husbands or SO changed. Do you guys here think you changed after you loved one live with you finally? or both of you changed ?

231932[/snapback]

Yes, we both have changed. We are at peace, in our lives now.

[lou]

The answers to your question are going to be as different as all of the people on this site. the main thing is to talk as much as you can about what her life will be like when she arrives.

 

To tell the truth, I'm not sure what to do! I have the house fixed up as best as I could, she is set for ESL classes starting in Jan. I live right outside NYC so we have a very diverse community here so making friends will be no problem for her.

 

I'm just going to to what she did for me when I was in China, spend every minute with her for as long as I can, make sure she's comfortable before I go back to work and then just take it one day at a time

[Dennis143]

The answers to your question are going to be as different as all of the people on this site. the main thing is to talk as much as you can about what her life will be like when she arrives.

 

To tell the truth, I'm not sure what to do! I have the house fixed up as best as I could, she is set for ESL classes starting in Jan. I live right outside NYC so we have a very diverse community here so making friends will be no problem for her.

 

I'm just going to to what she did for me when I was in China, spend every minute with her for as long as I can, make sure she's comfortable before I go back to work and then just take it one day at a time

231959[/snapback]

You've got a Nanning girl, Lou. No worries, bro. But, you know that.

[lou]

The answers to your question are going to be as different as all of the people on this site. the main thing is to talk as much as you can about what her life will be like when she arrives.

 

To tell the truth, I'm not sure what to do! I have the house fixed up as best as I could, she is set for ESL classes starting in Jan. I live right outside NYC so we have a very diverse community here so making friends will be no problem for her.

 

I'm just going to to what she did for me when I was in China, spend every minute with her for as long as I can, make sure she's comfortable before I go back to work and then just take it one day at a time

231959[/snapback]

You've got a Nanning girl, Lou. No worries, bro. But, you know that.

231960[/snapback]

Why do I now feel very afraid Dennis?

[SheLikesME?]

Sorry you feel afraid. Sounds like you have prepared and things will be good.

 

I too have been afraid and I realize some mistakes on my part even more now than back many years ago. I can see how all my added responsibility along with the mergers within our company have made me uneasy and I passed this on instead of keeping a stiff upper lip. My wife is depending on me too and she can only go by what I tell her. So there is the COST issue again I discover.

 

I want to thank all of you here. Dennis and Jim maybe the most tempered with Mike.

 

If I were to go back on the inside of an aerospace company and do what I used to do I would make a comfortable living but at half what I make now. The problem now days is one must have a degree, by Govt contract, to hold those positions in most casses. I never finished college engineering.

 

I do very well at my job for some reason. But I always worry about loosing it or not doing it well enough. Now I have been given more territory and in very important markets. My boss is one of my best friends and he got hired because of me. That is a plus, but we have been merging our sales force and last time this happened to me at another company I got the ax.

 

But I have meetings set up tomorrow and like usual everything will probably start to snowball succesfully, I hope anyway. Then this 2nd house oportunity came up to make some extra bucks. My daughter came to town. Other things like the septic tank went nuts. I have so many pressures it is crazy. One by one I work them out. Now I am finally up here and engaging things.

 

Even if I am successfull, I don't want to happen what happened 14 years ago when I was so very successfull, I had no time for home. I didn't get married to be alone nor leave her alone to fend for herself in a new country.

 

Just all of this in my head lately. Jim and Dennis put a good spin on this for me. Like faith I feel it will work out and I need to quit worrying and most of all worrying her. I think setting the foot down will not really be that at all, but just mutual resolving things as they happen. Yep Dennis out of balance lately.

 

Ok now I can stop posting crazy like I have been. But it sure was fun for awhile. Thanks ALL!

[stacato]

Just curious one thing. why after chinese women got the US, some claimed their husbands or SO changed. Do you guys here think you changed after you loved one live with you finally? or both of you changed ?

231932[/snapback]

Funny you should mentioned that. My SO is not here yet, but she has friends that came here recently, and some of them said the same thing, that their husbands are not as nice.

[izus]

boy did i pick one this time.

shes got everything on the tip of her tongue.

she always knows the right thing to say to people

 

she takes care of me instead of me taking care of her....

i supply the money and she runs the house, its her house for sure.

she has stepped right in like she has been here for years already, when its only been barely a month and a half.

 

i get home from work with a nice frozen fruit drink waiting for me she fixes me my dinner, then later my bathing then she reads to me to practice her english.

i lay in her lap as i get my nightly facial.

 

im in heaven....

question is how long will it last

i seen the oxen bridal in the closet

and the whip with the thigh high 6 inch black vinyl boots

 

WOO-HOO!!

Edited July 19, 2006 by izus (see edit history)