Why do they go for so long?

[Kaige]

My wife is going to school learning Chinese massage and facial, she already has her Florida licensce for manicure and pedicure, also gives me time to remodel the house and make a mess, but leaving the house 4:45 a.m. getting home about 7:00 pm does not give to much time till Sunday and then I do my side jobs, so have to work everything in.

[Dan R]

Great to hear from you Triggster. With wifey gone so long, how's that rubber goat holdin' up? 

 

Seriously, Li made three trips back to China between last November and this May, all related to her work. First trip, three weeks; second trip, two weeks; third trip, four days. That last one was a killer for her. Most of her time gone was spent on a plane.

226250[/snapback]

It ain't so bad havin' her gone. She calls everyday to nag about something--takes away the 'I miss her" pains a bit!I just wish I knew where she puts the clean undies??

226252[/snapback]

Hey Trigg, I thought she wasn't going to be gone long enough for a change of undies. Are you planning to put on fresh undies and take a shower before heading to Las Vegas? Now this is information even your wife might pay for.

[Trigg]

.....

I agree with Mercator. Any visits of more than a month seem excessive.

To me the point being missed here, is once you enter into a marriage there needs to be a commitment to one another that is more powerful than any other factor in your life. IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THIS , PERHAPS YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON.

 

No matter what the circumstances, my wife and children are NUMBER ONE priority all the time. So the rest of my family, friends, activities, etc take a backseat to them.

 

 

Maybe I am old school. Call me what you want, but I am proud to say that nothing is more important to me than my wife and children.

 

THIS POST IS BASED ENTIRELY ON OPINION!

 

Ken

226269[/snapback]

My wife and children are the most important thing in my life also and that is exactly why I occasionally take separate vacations and allow them to do the same!!!!! I learned way way back in my first year of grad school that a person is no good to anyone if he does not first take care of himself, both physically and mentally, in order to be 'there' in all ways for those he is charged with caring for. Self sacrifice and altruism are indeed good things but unavailable for use if one does not have his 'facilities' sharp and at the ready. One of the two reasons I retired from my profession as a child/adolescent psychologist is that I did not put myself first and burned out after nine years. Should I had taken breaks from those who needed me, I may still be there for them!!!

 

'nuff of these opinions--has anyone seen where wifey put my clean undies???? I could really use a change!!!!

[Trigg]

Great to hear from you Triggster. With wifey gone so long, how's that rubber goat holdin' up? 

 

Seriously, Li made three trips back to China between last November and this May, all related to her work. First trip, three weeks; second trip, two weeks; third trip, four days. That last one was a killer for her. Most of her time gone was spent on a plane.

226250[/snapback]

It ain't so bad havin' her gone. She calls everyday to nag about something--takes away the 'I miss her" pains a bit!I just wish I knew where she puts the clean undies??

226252[/snapback]

Hey Trigg, I thought she wasn't going to be gone long enough for a change of undies. Are you planning to put on fresh undies and take a shower before heading to Las Vegas? Now this is information even your wife might pay for.

226277[/snapback]

Already been to Vegas Danny Boy!! Hey man, got a quarter I can borrow for a bowl of soup??

[stacato]

.....

I agree with Mercator. Any visits of more than a month seem excessive.

To me the point being missed here, is once you enter into a marriage there needs to be a commitment to one another that is more powerful than any other factor in your life. IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THIS , PERHAPS YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON.

 

No matter what the circumstances, my wife and children are NUMBER ONE priority all the time. So the rest of my family, friends, activities, etc take a backseat to them.

 

 

Maybe I am old school. Call me what you want, but I am proud to say that nothing is more important to me than my wife and children.

 

THIS POST IS BASED ENTIRELY ON OPINION!

 

Ken

226269[/snapback]

To all the husbands out there would you voluntarily leave your wives for 2 or 3 months for any reason????

 

I doubt it!!!!!!!!

226271[/snapback]

And do you think those wives would "Agree" to it???

 

I doubt it...

[Dan R]

Great to hear from you Triggster. With wifey gone so long, how's that rubber goat holdin' up??

 

Seriously, Li made three trips back to China between last November and this May, all related to her work. First trip, three weeks; second trip, two weeks; third trip, four days. That last one was a killer for her. Most of her time gone was spent on a plane.

226250[/snapback]

It ain't so bad havin' her gone. She calls everyday to nag about something--takes away the 'I miss her" pains a bit!I just wish I knew where she puts the clean undies??

226252[/snapback]

Hey Trigg, I thought she wasn't going to be gone long enough for a change of undies. Are you planning to put on fresh undies and take a shower before heading to Las Vegas? Now this is information even your wife might pay for.

226277[/snapback]

Already been to Vegas Danny Boy!! Hey man, got a quarter I can borrow for a bowl of soup??

226285[/snapback]

Do you have a paypal account?

[Trigg]

Great to hear from you Triggster. With wifey gone so long, how's that rubber goat holdin' up??

 

Seriously, Li made three trips back to China between last November and this May, all related to her work. First trip, three weeks; second trip, two weeks; third trip, four days. That last one was a killer for her. Most of her time gone was spent on a plane.

226250[/snapback]

It ain't so bad havin' her gone. She calls everyday to nag about something--takes away the 'I miss her" pains a bit!I just wish I knew where she puts the clean undies??

226252[/snapback]

Hey Trigg, I thought she wasn't going to be gone long enough for a change of undies. Are you planning to put on fresh undies and take a shower before heading to Las Vegas? Now this is information even your wife might pay for.

226277[/snapback]

Already been to Vegas Danny Boy!! Hey man, got a quarter I can borrow for a bowl of soup??

226285[/snapback]

Do you have a paypal account?

226291[/snapback]

I did have but they cut off my electricity so now it won't work!

 

 

 

 

this message is being brought to you via smoke signals care of a native ameerican friend!

[Feathers268]

.....

I agree with Mercator. Any visits of more than a month seem excessive.

To me the point being missed here, is once you enter into a marriage there needs to be a commitment to one another that is more powerful than any other factor in your life. IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THIS , PERHAPS YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON.

 

No matter what the circumstances, my wife and children are NUMBER ONE priority all the time. So the rest of my family, friends, activities, etc take a backseat to them.

 

 

Maybe I am old school. Call me what you want, but I am proud to say that nothing is more important to me than my wife and children.

 

THIS POST IS BASED ENTIRELY ON OPINION!

 

Ken

226269[/snapback]

To all the husbands out there would you voluntarily leave your wives for 2 or 3 months for any reason????

 

I doubt it!!!!!!!!

226271[/snapback]

And do you think those wives would "Agree" to it???

 

I doubt it...

226287[/snapback]

I beg to differ. True some wives may not agree, but there are many cases where the husband and wife have work in different cities in China so they wind up spending more time apart than together. Also remember that there have been people here who brought their wife to the US but left a child with the grand parents so the kid could finish school before following to America.

Besides, you don't have to look further than the military to find reasons why families are separated for long times. There are also many professions, usually international, that may require extended travel where bringing the wife may not be practical.

This also is only my opinion, but be careful. You might be faced with this yourself at some point and a feeling of isolation from family could be a fatal blow to any relationship. It is unimaginable to think of what they are leaving behind to come here. Denying the chance to properly return for a visit might be more than they can take.

[tonado]

I think I have the worst experience when my wife went back for 5 months and 3 weeks last year. When she was back in China, she did nothing but sweat a lot. I bet she will want to go back again next year. Hopefully, it will be two months or less.

Edited June 25, 2006 by tonado (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

.....

I agree with Mercator. Any visits of more than a month seem excessive.

To me the point being missed here, is once you enter into a marriage there needs to be a commitment to one another that is more powerful than any other factor in your life. IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THIS , PERHAPS YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON.

 

No matter what the circumstances, my wife and children are NUMBER ONE priority all the time. So the rest of my family, friends, activities, etc take a backseat to them.

 

 

Maybe I am old school. Call me what you want, but I am proud to say that nothing is more important to me than my wife and children.

 

THIS POST IS BASED ENTIRELY ON OPINION!

 

Ken

226269[/snapback]

To all the husbands out there would you voluntarily leave your wives for 2 or 3 months for any reason????

 

I doubt it!!!!!!!!

226271[/snapback]

And do you think those wives would "Agree" to it???

 

I doubt it...

226287[/snapback]

I beg to differ. True some wives may not agree, but there are many cases where the husband and wife have work in different cities in China so they wind up spending more time apart than together. Also remember that there have been people here who brought their wife to the US but left a child with the grand parents so the kid could finish school before following to America.

Besides, you don't have to look further than the military to find reasons why families are separated for long times. There are also many professions, usually international, that may require extended travel where bringing the wife may not be practical.

This also is only my opinion, but be careful. You might be faced with this yourself at some point and a feeling of isolation from family could be a fatal blow to any relationship. It is unimaginable to think of what they are leaving behind to come here. Denying the chance to properly return for a visit might be more than they can take.

226329[/snapback]

nicely put Jim...

 

I meet my wife when she was 31; so we've been apart for 31 years already. I know what it's like to be away from her for an extended time.

 

I'm not overly concerned about the man made concept of time (days, hours apart)... if one is connected, then it is in more ways than defining it as purely physically together. To me, that is a true relationship.

[Thomas Promise]

My SO is hoping to go back to China for 3 weeks in April of 2007. She also has a large family and friends to visit. Anything less would probably not be feasible.

[Jali]

To me this issue totally depends on the couple, just because one person says its okay and another says its wrong doesn't mean much in a general sense. For me, in my own individual case which has no bearing on anyone elses my idea of marriage involves a close companion that is always there for me, and I am always there for them. If I go on a trip, she goes, and vise versa. My wife has the same attitude, that marriage is a compete joining of two lives, which we discussed before we were married. So, for us, because we want the same thing there is no conflict.

[Dennis143]

.....

I agree with Mercator. Any visits of more than a month seem excessive.

To me the point being missed here, is once you enter into a marriage there needs to be a commitment to one another that is more powerful than any other factor in your life. IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THIS , PERHAPS YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON.

 

No matter what the circumstances, my wife and children are NUMBER ONE priority all the time. So the rest of my family, friends, activities, etc take a backseat to them.

 

 

Maybe I am old school. Call me what you want, but I am proud to say that nothing is more important to me than my wife and children.

 

THIS POST IS BASED ENTIRELY ON OPINION!

 

Ken

226269[/snapback]

To all the husbands out there would you voluntarily leave your wives for 2 or 3 months for any reason????

 

I doubt it!!!!!!!!

226271[/snapback]

Dern Ken, your rhetorical question doesn't ask us if the roles were reversed and if we gave up everything in America to go and live with our wife in China would it then be unfair for us to return for a month or two to visit our mother, father, brothers and sisters and friends....

 

 

 

 

 

(Trigg, I am worried. ML leaving you alone for so long, what can your home look like now? Are all those flunged buggers now hangin' all over the lampshades and drapes? Hadn't you better hire some nice young girl to come in and tidy up NOW, before her return?)

[A Mafan]

China is built on interpersonal relationships, particularly family.

 

Ask what happens at Spring Festival. They need something like 10 days off, and spend half the time going to parties at different family/friends house.

Why? Obligation and respect.

 

So when someone goes home, the same sort of thing kicks in. If they don't go see Great Aunt Sadie, it would be a scandal.

 

Not to mention, your SO probabaly lived in the same city for their entire lifetime, close to family. They miss their family and friends and want to spend time with them. 2 weeks is probably not enough.

 

Plus, s/he probably misses the food, the language, the TV shows. They have to get caught up on everything. Most people I know can't last a week in China without going to McDs, KFC, or some other western food. American Chinese restaurants do not satisfy the Chinese palate, they are for Americans.

Then you have the "long enough to be worth the cost" factor.

 

This calculus may not be the American way of thinking. But why go to all the trouble of marrying a Chinese if you expect them to act like an American. Embrace the differences as a spice of life.

[Feathers268]

To me this issue totally depends on the couple, just because one person says its okay and another says its wrong doesn't mean much in a general sense.  For me, in my own individual case which has no bearing on anyone elses my idea of marriage involves a close companion that is always there for me, and I am always there for them.  If I go on a trip, she goes, and vise versa.  My wife has the same attitude, that marriage is a compete joining of two lives, which we discussed before we were married.  So, for us, because we want the same thing there is no conflict.

226416[/snapback]

If you can make this work, great. Where it falls apart for me and in a lot of cases, is that altough I would love to be with Jen for the 3 months there, I can not afford to be away from work for more than the 3 weeks I am planning on being there. I could not nor would I restrict Jennifer to my vacation time.

On the side, I actually talked Jen into staying an extra month. Reason being, the longer I waited before going, the more time I would have built up.

 

Tony,

I remember when you posted here that your wife was going to China for so long. At the time I thought that was nuts and I could never see Jen going for so long. What a difference a year makes.