Jealous Colleagues

[whatsthehaps]

It's more than just childish people here, they are selfish, mean, and jealous. My SO does not want to think about it anymore, it makes her naucious. It is the children who are good. They are nice and trustworthy.

[shyaushu]

It's hard to see things from your SO's perspective when we're all so far away. But several comments here are worth keeping in mind, I believe.

 

In the first place, this may be a mole hill becoming a mountain. It is unlikely such mean-spirited behavior by a bunch of self-centered and jealous people can actually have a serious impact on your visa.

 

Secondly, and related to the first, "don't give them any more information than they ask for" is always very good advice. It is likely the US Consulate isn't even aware of the things you SO's former colleagues are saying.

 

Thirdly, even though my wife was not a teacher, and was simply living and working in Shenzhen when we met, there was no shortage of people who were jealous of her perceived "success" in meeting a sincere partner and who did all kinds of things to derail our relationship.

 

The jealousy and unkindness they feel is their problem: reacting innappropriately to it makes it your problem.

 

It's probably best to just take it in stride and move on.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

In the first place, this may be a mole hill becoming a mountain

Yup. So very true here....

It is unlikely such mean-spirited behavior by a bunch of self-centered and jealous people can actually have a serious impact on your visa.

Third-party interference can and does happen, and it's incumbant upon the person working at the consulate, or US department that receives information about visa applicants to investigate. That investigation will happen, and will delay things. What one needs to sort out is whether or not someone is ballsy, twisted, and pissed enough to say derogatory things with the intent to cause harm. As mentioned earlier, the rule of thumb is to keep your hand close to your vest, but not so close that paranoia takes over.

Secondly, and related to the first, "don't give them any more information than they ask for" is always very good advice. It is likely the US Consulate isn't even aware of the things you SO's former colleagues are saying.

Yup....

The jealousy and unkindness they feel is their problem: reacting innappropriately to it makes it your problem.

 

It's probably best to just take it in stride and move on.

Yup...

[Q&Q]

It's more than just childish people here, they are selfish, mean, and jealous.  My SO does not want to think about it anymore, it makes her naucious.  It is the children who are good.  They are nice and trustworthy.

200680[/snapback]

Just curious where your SO lives?

Why are there so many bad people?

[SmilingAsia]

I am sorry for not clarifying more.

 

My SO is concerned mostly about letters her previous collegues may send or have sent telling GUZ that she is a bad person.  She quit her job in July 2005.  She now tutors students where she lives and is doing well there, she likes what she does, although has complained about stress on occasion.  I help relax her, tell her not to give her self any stress, do not worry about anything, if she needs money or wants to quit I can give her money.  She does not want to quit and her students and their parents don't want her to quit.

 

She also loves her home very much, it is a very nice 1 bedroom apartment in a lovely garden.  Right now I believe if there is any damage it is already done, I hope. 

 

What I fear is that she may be harmed physically.  People automatically think americans are rich.  Plus people have seen what a nice place she has.  Most of the female teachers do not have what she has and they are jealous.  In stead of a good for you attitude, the people in question hate her for it.

 

Someone has also followed her before.  Someone that was not a teacher but worked at her school.  He wanted to see her apartment and would not leave her.  Her former male colleagues, who she has a good relationship with, just feel that he is looking for sexual relations. (Oh, is that all?  What a relief!!! )

 

My fear is not to the point where I feel she is trully in danger.  She lives in a safe and guarded area.  She is surrounded by students and their parents and her parents are nearby.  By the same token, I don't want to let my guard down so I like her to be careful.  There would be decent problems with the visa application if she moved now also.

199845[/snapback]

It's good she lives in a safe and guarded area.

As a single woman, some shameless guys(single or married) may try to take advantage of her - we call it "eat beancurd" (take advantage of women). She has to be firm and tough.

I usually try to remeber the phone number of a guy whom I want to stay away, just in case he gets my number and calls. If he calls my home number, put him to the fax machine . If he calls my mobile "Sorry, I'm not in Guangzhou. I'm on a biz trip in east China Fujian."

[whatsthehaps]

It's good she lives in a safe and guarded area.

As a single woman, some shameless guys(single or married) may try to take advantage of her - we call it "eat beancurd" (take advantage of women). She has to be firm and tough.

I usually try to remeber the phone number of a guy whom I want to stay away, just in case he gets my number and calls. If he calls my home number, put him to the fax machine . If he calls my mobile "Sorry, I'm not in Guangzhou. I'm on a biz trip in east China Fujian."

201256[/snapback]

This is all around good advice for anyone with a fiancee who lives alone in China.

 

Knowing what I do now, I would definitely do things differently.

 

Thanks for all your posts everyone, I don't know how much they will help me at this stage but hopefully they will help many others out.

[SheLikesME?]

Love your new avatar Haps. Loved the old one too.

 

Regarding the principle at her old school. Just a thought........When my wife needed letters of recomendation to take an EMBA in Beijing, none of her former or present bosses wanted to make a letter. One asked to just write one up and sign his name because he used words about like you said. He didnt have time and not interested etc etc. So we did write it up and she took it to him for HIM to sign. You might keep this in mind, to do the same. Of course your SO would have to go there or meet the principle somewhere else. Maybe email it and see if he/she approves. just another .02

[whatsthehaps]

Love your new avatar Haps.  Loved the old one too.

 

Regarding the principle at her old school.  Just a thought........When my wife needed letters of recomendation to take an EMBA in Beijing, none of her former or present bosses wanted to make a letter.  One asked to just write one up and sign his name because he used words about like you said.  He didnt have time and not interested etc etc.  So we did write it up and she took it to him for HIM to sign.  You might keep this in mind, to do the same.  Of course your SO would have to go there or meet the principle somewhere else.  Maybe email it and see if he/she approves.  just another .02

201414[/snapback]

good suggestions, thanks.

 

I have a couple other avatars. Maybe I will change one with each new blue thingie!

 

I didn't get a picture with her parents while I was there. I want to do that quick when I get there before the interview. I also am going to get my brothers, sister, and parents to send her a letter in the mail as evidence that my family knows her. I also have pictures with her students and she took a picture of her and her students with our picture on the wall proving she had students after we met.

[Jonathan]

Love your new avatar Haps.  Loved the old one too.

 

Regarding the principle at her old school.  Just a thought........When my wife needed letters of recomendation to take an EMBA in Beijing, none of her former or present bosses wanted to make a letter.  One asked to just write one up and sign his name because he used words about like you said.  He didnt have time and not interested etc etc.  So we did write it up and she took it to him for HIM to sign.  You might keep this in mind, to do the same.  Of course your SO would have to go there or meet the principle somewhere else.  Maybe email it and see if he/she approves.  just another .02

201414[/snapback]

good suggestions, thanks.

 

I have a couple other avatars. Maybe I will change one with each new blue thingie!

 

I didn't get a picture with her parents while I was there. I want to do that quick when I get there before the interview. I also am going to get my brothers, sister, and parents to send her a letter in the mail as evidence that my family knows her. I also have pictures with her students and she took a picture of her and her students with our picture on the wall proving she had students after we met.

201463[/snapback]

Great idea, which gives me a more outragous idea!

 

Why not show up with your mom on the interview day. Then if a blue slip ever happens, you and your mom storm in there, and present your evidence. I think the fact that you have your mothers support in this will send a clear message that you are serious about this relationship.

 

I like to see them derail that!

[SmilingAsia]

I agree with king.

[SmilingAsia]

Still don't understand why there are so many bad people. I used to be a high school teacher for 8 years and I cannot recall any bad people.

In a big city like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou or Shenzhen, it's easy to stay grounded and avoid the attention of any enemy if there is any enemy at all.

[Jonathan]

Still don't understand why there are so many bad people. I used to be a high school teacher for 8 years and I cannot recall any bad people.

In a big city like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou or Shenzhen, it's easy to stay grounded and avoid the attention of any enemy if there is any enemy at all.

201561[/snapback]

Speaking of bad people in big cities. How about the pick pocketers you see on the street, or even worse, the people who sneak up from behind and hit you over the head with a hammer. Then after you're knocked unconcious, they rob you?

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Still don't understand why there are so many bad people. I used to be a high school teacher for 8 years and I cannot recall any bad people.

In a big city like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou or Shenzhen, it's easy to stay grounded and avoid the attention of any enemy if there is any enemy at all.

201561[/snapback]

Very good point. There is no need for anyone to be paranoid here. Be aware, be wary, but no need to go overboard....

[Joanne]

Still don't understand why there are so many bad people. I used to be a high school teacher for 8 years and I cannot recall any bad people.

In a big city like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou or Shenzhen, it's easy to stay grounded and avoid the attention of any enemy if there is any enemy at all.

201561[/snapback]

Speaking of bad people in big cities. How about the pick pocketers you see on the street, or even worse, the people who sneak up from behind and hit you over the head with a hammer. Then after you're knocked unconcious, they rob you?

201577[/snapback]

That's a different story.

 

I agree with SmilingAsia. Misunderstandings can be resolved most of times.

[SheLikesME?]

Love your new avatar Haps.  Loved the old one too.

 

Regarding the principle at her old school.  Just a thought........When my wife needed letters of recomendation to take an EMBA in Beijing, none of her former or present bosses wanted to make a letter.  One asked to just write one up and sign his name because he used words about like you said.  He didnt have time and not interested etc etc.  So we did write it up and she took it to him for HIM to sign.  You might keep this in mind, to do the same.  Of course your SO would have to go there or meet the principle somewhere else.  Maybe email it and see if he/she approves.  just another .02

201414[/snapback]

good suggestions, thanks.

 

I have a couple other avatars. Maybe I will change one with each new blue thingie!

 

I didn't get a picture with her parents while I was there. I want to do that quick when I get there before the interview. I also am going to get my brothers, sister, and parents to send her a letter in the mail as evidence that my family knows her. I also have pictures with her students and she took a picture of her and her students with our picture on the wall proving she had students after we met.

201463[/snapback]

Great idea, which gives me a more outragous idea!

 

Why not show up with your mom on the interview day. Then if a blue slip ever happens, you and your mom storm in there, and present your evidence. I think the fact that you have your mothers support in this will send a clear message that you are serious about this relationship.

 

I like to see them derail that!

201465[/snapback]

I thought the SO goes into the interview alone. I thought she could not even take her child (who will need a visa as well), much less a parent. Am I wrong?