Chinese spouse changing her name....

[m-coon]

This is probably a bit pre-mature because my wife is still months away from coming here. But I wanted to better understand the name change concept. I understand that in Chinese culture - the woman keeps her name when she marries - and this in iteself does not bother me. But when she moves to the United States I would prefer that she take my last name. I would like to hear what other CFL members have experienced on this subject? Do the Chinese women prefer to keep their names, just as they would if they had married a Chinese man and stayed in China? Or do they like (or at least not object to) the American practice of taking their husbands last name? My wife says she wants to take my last name but I wonder if she is doing this for me or if she truly wants to take the name, as an American woman would do? Any opinions on this subject? Any Chinese ladies out there who would share their opinion? I would certainly hate for her to do this if she is only doing it because she thinks this is what I want her to do... As I have seen her do for me in other matters - she will do whatever she thinks pleases me!

 

And lastly - HOW does the legality of this work? How does she legally take my last name when she comes to America? If we married in America - she would basically automatically take the last name - but since she will come here with her own name - how do we get it changed to reflect her having the same last name as me when she comes?

 

And will changing her name cause any problems for us when we file additional paperwork such as the "adjustment of status"?

 

Thanks for any opinions and/or input here.

 

m-coon

Edited October 19, 2005 by m-coon (see edit history)

[Trigg]

My wife took my last name but kept her first name (surrname) to honor her father. We changed it when we got married and had no problems with aOS or anything else related to it.

[Carl]

My wife took my last name but kept her first name (surrname) to honor her father. We changed it when we got married and had no problems with aOS or anything else related to it.

161559[/snapback]

Ying and I both talked about this too. She decided on her own that she would take my family's name for herself. Since she does not have a middle name I convinced her to keep her family name as her middle name so she can keep that link with her with her family and home country.

[warpedbored]

Since you are married you will need to file AOS in the name she has now. To change the name on her green card you would need to legally change it. As for Social security, drivers license etc I think all you need to do is take a certified copy of the marriage license with you when you go down to the SSA and fill out the application in her married name. Once you have the SSN next stop is the DMV where it is a simple matter to get a state ID card.

 

There is no one size fits all answer as to their preferences. Most seem to want to assimilate into our culture and since the custom here is for the woman to take the husbands name, most of the women I know do.

Edited October 19, 2005 by warpedbored (see edit history)

[jim_julian]

My Lao Po intends to take my family name. It was her idea. I will discuss the idea of keeping her Chinese family name as a middle name ... she might like that.

 

Since we are K1 I'm not anticipating a significant problem with the name change as it will follow the US cultural norm.

[lele]

Yikes! I can not believe the ratio of people talking so far....

 

 

My wife is **CHINESE**

 

And as such, I would not dare to even ASK her to change her name!

 

The fact is, that it makes life easier for us as well.

 

If she changes her name, when her passport expires, since it will have been changed legally, it will be hard for them to reissue a new copy, which makes retaining her Chinese Citizenship in the future quite difficult. You are opening up many cans of worms here...

 

Plus, culturally, Chinese women do not Change their Names!

 

So, I must beg to ask the question:

 

Would you consider changing your last name when/if you move to China to be with your wife? If the answer is yes, then by all means, treat her the same way. But if the answer is no, then stop to think for a minute...

 

You will certainly distance her from her family, and likely from herself and you, in the process.

 

We honor her last name and are proud that any future children will carry it as a part of their names too!

[jim_julian]

lele ... if I read the posts above correctly:

 

2 - the name change was the lao po's desire

1 - the lao gong would like his lao po to change

1 - unclear

 

My lao po wants to change her name. It was her idea. My suggestion, based on the idea above, will be to ask her if, additionally, she wants to retain her Chinese family name as a middle name.

 

I would never ask her to change her name.

[warpedbored]

Lele my wife changed her last name to mine when we married. It is the custom in the US. If it were the custom in China for me to change mine if we moved there then I would do it. Most of the Chinese wives I know here in the Portland area changed their last names as well. It's not a big deal. Her Chinese friends still call her by her Chinese name. She has lost no face, I have lost no face and everyone here is happy. I fail to see what you are so upset about.

[chef4u]

My Lao Po intends to take my family name.  It was her idea.  I will discuss the idea of keeping her Chinese family name as a middle name ... she might like that.

 

Since we are K1 I'm not anticipating a significant problem with the name change as it will follow the US cultural norm.

161654[/snapback]

Same here. My SO wants to change to my last name. I think using her family name is a good idea and certainly I will suggest this to her as well Interesting though, she wants to take on a Western first name as well. Has any members wives done that?

[m-coon]

My Lao Po intends to take my family name.  It was her idea.  I will discuss the idea of keeping her Chinese family name as a middle name ... she might like that.

 

Since we are K1 I'm not anticipating a significant problem with the name change as it will follow the US cultural norm.

161654[/snapback]

Same here. My SO wants to change to my last name. I think using her family name is a good idea and certainly I will suggest this to her as well Interesting though, she wants to take on a Western first name as well. Has any members wives done that?

161698[/snapback]

My wife told me she wanted to take a "western" name as the first name as well...........

[shyaushu]

My wife loves to call herself "Zhenshu Schwartz", with a gorgeous pronouciation of "Schwartz" I could never duplicate. Something like saying "She-werz" with several marbles in your mouth. This notwithstanding, we have never discussed her actually changing her name when she gets here, and I plan on just leaving things that way. If she brings it up, fine.

 

She is aware of the fact that American women usually take their husband's last name.

 

This entire 'controversy' seems like a tempest in a teapot.

Edited October 20, 2005 by shyaushu (see edit history)

[lele]

I promise, I am not upset. I just see this as being interesting:

 

My wife is Chinese and lives in the USA with me, since that is where we currently reside. Our point in getting married was the get married.

 

So many people here talk about people cheating the system to get a GC only, and I think that the entire flag of a Chinese Woman talking about wanting to change their name is a potential red flag that this is going on. It is not something that does exist in their culture, except for back during the latter periods of the qing dynasty, a time when women were quite repressed during Chinese History...

 

However, it is also possible that they are just wanting to do this due to being scared of being in a new culture, or because they want you to be happy. Either way, is this really what they want?

 

Do they realize it may make it more difficult for them to go back to China in the future?

 

All I am saying is that people should think really seriously about this legal name-change stuff...

 

And it is a strong myth...among people of my age bracket (25-35 years old), it is close to 40% (last I saw) who are NOT changing their name when marrying...so the trend if anything is towards people in the US not changing their names.

 

In the end, whatever makes people happy is the most important...

 

Just remember, I have seen and personally know 4 Chinese people in the US who legally changed their names, and got US Citizenship and now, 20+ years in each case, want to go back to China (they are all in their 40's or 50's) to be with family, to reclaim culture, or for business purposes, and in each case, they are either emotionally regretting their changing of names or loosing of their Chinese Citizenship, or they are finding legal hurdles in their path. So, my perspective on this is a bit different...I am taking a longer-time frame view.

 

Good Luck to all with their personal decisions.

 

Again, I like the idea of what is good for another is good for me...if I were willing to Change my name, then I would be willing to consider the other. For me, and my laopo, we are happy as we currently are!

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

ahhh....a provocateur eh.....

Edited October 20, 2005 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[jim_julian]

So many people here talk about people cheating the system to get a GC only, and I think that the entire flag of a Chinese Woman talking about wanting to change their name is a potential red flag that this is going on.

161740[/snapback]

Ahhh HA! So you're saying it's a red flag that my laopo is a Green Card Hunter because she wants to take my family name.

 

That makes two people thinking she is a Green Card Hunter, you and my ex-wife.

 

I'm starting to think it might be true given this ground swell of opinion. Time for me to start looking for that thread on withdrawing the 129 petition!

 

 

SORRY LELE ... I COULDN'T RESIST

[warpedbored]

My wife's passport still has her Chinese name. Her green card and everything else is in her married name. She had no problem returning to China last June or re-entering the country.

 

I find the green card hunter theory ludicrous but you are entitled to your oppinion. That being said everyone stay nice and refrain from personal attacks.