david_dawei Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 As a spinoff of the corporeal punishment poll ( http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...=0entry144259 )... I have noticed that the chinese tend to yell alot at their kids (in terms of disciplining)... but don't recall seeing or hearing anyone who lays a hand to the child in punishment. Seemed to me to be more laying down of guilt by association... Can you share any thoughts... Link to comment
Cerberus Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 I have noticed that the chinese tend to yell alot at their kids (in terms of disciplining)... but don't recall seeing or hearing anyone who lays a hand to the child in punishment. Seemed to me to be more laying down of guilt by association... Can you share any thoughts...144262[/snapback] David, From my experiences in the Orient, most oriential countries follow these same premises that you have outlined with children. This is excepting cases in which there are mitigating circumstances (child abuse, dsyfunctional family, etc.) . The father's and mother's role in rearing of children is clearly outlined under Confucian precepts containing in "The Four Books." The most applicable was written by Confucius in "The Great Learniing." Even though under Daoism, the precepts which were outlined by Confuicius were altered slightly. Confucian precepts answered the problems of society as a whole and what the individual must do to maintain an orderly society. Daoist precepts concern the individual more. However, once the child has reached "adulthood" the rules change drastically. Life can then become very cheap and expendable for the sake of well-being and orderliness of the society and individual culture itself, wherever it might be. Youths are considered fully malleable and need direction. This is the responsibility of the family and most especially the father. The father is responsible for all children and the wife. I relaize this doesn't mesh well with today's polictically correct society. However, the countries that I have been to these precepts run under the society. Somewhat anaglous to a deep lying subterranian river that run throughs the individual's mind. Once the youth reaches adulthood they are responsible for their actions. A surmise that I reached once was that the society will correct the adult in more outascizing of the uncooperative individual and will range to "coporal" means. Link to comment
awch Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 I've seen a lot of different styles of parenting.... There is one student who is infamous in the school because his mom will slap him and hit him in the middle of the hallway. Other students will get beat at home if they don't get an "A" on their homework or exams (this is from our private language school.. I'm sure it applies for their "real" school too"). Some parents are the opposite though and will get very angry with the Chinese teachers if their kids don't do well and will abuse the teachers in front of everyone... we all feel really bad then cuz sometimes the Chinese teachers will be in tears. Then there are the parents who let their kids do whatever they want and don't care when we tell them that their kid is failing or disrupitive in class. So... guess what I'm trying to say is that hitting yr kids is something that does go on a lot here, there is enormous pressure for students to do well in school and get high scores on exams. But it's not every family. Link to comment
tonado Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Hitting the kid is fine in China. Just make sure your SO knows that hitting the kid in America is a no-no (child abuse). Link to comment
Guest ShaQuaNew Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 I have noticed that the chinese tend to yell alot at their kids (in terms of disciplining)... but don't recall seeing or hearing anyone who lays a hand to the child in punishment. Seemed to me to be more laying down of guilt by association... Can you share any thoughts...144262[/snapback]Yup David.... clearly differences in our cultures...but, at the same time a parent could freely raise their voices and whack their kids in public America when I was a child in the....(well, years ago). Now, it's clealy not acceptable and Child Services will pay a visit if someone chooses to report. Tlee makes a good point making sure our SOs know about the cultural differences to avoid embarrassment when they are here.... Link to comment
Trigg Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 I once saw a child acting poorly in a park. a stranger smacked the kid. My so says that this was normal??? I guess it takes a hugew village blah blah blah. by the way, where do ya'll live where it is abuse to lite up you childs hiney??? Bruieses and bumps are abuse but a slap on the hiney is acceptable in msot places I have worked. The schools in KY still use the paddle. Link to comment
Guest ShaQuaNew Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 I once saw a child acting poorly in a park. a stranger smacked the kid. My so says that this was normal??? I guess it takes a hugew village blah blah blah. by the way, where do ya'll live where it is abuse to lite up you childs hiney??? Bruieses and bumps are abuse but a slap on the hiney is acceptable in msot places I have worked. The schools in KY still use the paddle.145177[/snapback]Indeed it's different everywhere in the US now Trigg, with some cities and counties more liberal than others. I have lived in Northern Florida, also known as south Georgia, and now live in Central Florida. Both places have a very sensitive child abuse network, otherwise known as HRS, Health and Rehabilitative Services. Ex-spouses, angry neighbors, and sometimes legit folk are known to use the service and telephone reports. It doesn't matter whether the report is valid or not, HRS must respond to all complaints by paying a personal visit to the complaintant's home. These services are both understaffed, and often staffed by those of questional education and training. Fortunately I never had to discipline my daughter in public, and if I did ever pop her on her butt, if anyone witnessed it they responded as I would.....looking for that excess to which Frank speaks.... Link to comment
BuffaloPaul Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Could be a problem if you have children from two marriages and the new spouse punishes her step children. A vindictive ex can raise all kinds of problems with Child Protective Services Link to comment
Dan R Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Usually see a slap on the face or a hard pinch of the cheek. ear or upper arm in China. Link to comment
vibes1313 Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Usually see a slap on the face or a hard pinch of the cheek. ear or upper arm in China.145205[/snapback]Yeah, I've seen some misbehavors get yanked around, but I've never seen one get their hide tanned. Pre-schoolers that is. But in most cases I see them getting away with murder. One time I saw a kid running around a nice restaurant with an empty water bottle whacking customers in the head. His father thought it was so cute... Link to comment
beijingjenny Posted August 12, 2005 Report Share Posted August 12, 2005 Jack apparently plans to "beat" his kids - I like to assume he means gentle smacks but we will discuss this more ... He says everyone is beaten in China, by teachers and all and this makes them better people. I told him I plan to beat him if he does. Link to comment
izus Posted August 12, 2005 Report Share Posted August 12, 2005 i think thats such a touchy a subject and none of us really know unless we have our own children how we will react, we all want perfect kids but that ofcourse is not going to happen...specially with my jeans my dad is waitting for my first one to come along so he can laugh at me...i think kids will push as far as you let them go.they will test to see how far they can pass that line... the punishment is something that you had your spouse determines and no one elses business.when i was a kid my dad used to say meet me in the bathroom in 5 minutes....i could never understand why he took so long to get there....he tells me he needed time to cool down... Link to comment
HanLi Posted August 12, 2005 Report Share Posted August 12, 2005 I once saw a child acting poorly in a park. a stranger smacked the kid. My so says that this was normal??? I guess it takes a hugew village blah blah blah. by the way, where do ya'll live where it is abuse to lite up you childs hiney??? Bruieses and bumps are abuse but a slap on the hiney is acceptable in msot places I have worked. The schools in KY still use the paddle.145177[/snapback]this insight from a place where the mop reigns supreme? Link to comment
oregonknl Posted August 13, 2005 Report Share Posted August 13, 2005 When Jet was still an "only child", and at age 4 very used to getting her own way, we took her back to China for the first time in 1999.. Naturally, she's Chinese as all get out, so people generally couldn't understand why she seemed so casual, and "unruly" (American) ... We came upon a girl her age in the old GZ Domestic airport getting the holy s-t beat out of her by her grandparents (clearly country people) while her GZ parents looked on ---- naturally a big crowd watching too.... .... I felt very sorry for that girl, who was clearly too tired to comply with her grandparent's instructions ----- Jet was shocked ..... but I told her: don't expect that spankings are out of the question for you.. Two years later when her sister Eve arrived, there was war between them in the household, and both got plenty of spankings.... Link to comment
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