Meet the Parent's

[BobandNicole]

Don't know if this has been done yet, but wondering what everyone's experience was with their first time meeting their SO's parent's/family.

 

We'd known each other for 2 years, had been living together for 3 months or so and were getting married, so figured it was time. She was scared out of her wits and afraid they wouldn't except her marrying a foriegner at all. I figured worse come to worse they'd shriek "GWEILO!!!" and run off into the night, images of Lily Wong cartoons danced in my head.

 

Worse yet, she was afraid that they'd figure out I was the same age they were...

 

As it was, we met in neutral ground, local restaurant near their house. The first thing they did was check out my car and driver... suitably impressed with the Buick, we went into the restaurant. Private room of course.

 

The usual grilling, main questions were about what I did, my family, etc. They were speaking in local dialect so I for sure didn't understand a word so my wife answered all the questions, who knows what she told them. In the meantime, was I was in the middle of undergoing chemotherapy at the time and had had a treatment earlier that week and had to make several trips to the john to do what one does when faced with the side effects of chemo.

 

Later had to meet the "rich uncle" get his blessing. One of those guys where when you visit strains of the "Theme from Godfather" run through you head. I think the bulletproof glass throughout the lower floors kind of does it. And the black suit, and the bodyguards, and the Merc 500 S class. He was only mildly impressed by the Buick.

 

All in all, they were satisfied their daughter had found a suitable husband, maybe wished one a little younger, and they wonder what the surgery scars are about, but were very helpful in getting the documentation together for her visa application and seem happy that she's goign to get to go to US. Probaby happy to get rid of her???

 

Odd thing though, when we go to her village, no one gives us a second look even. Like it's perfectly normal to see a middle aged foreigner tearing around on a mountain bike..

 

Bob

[ptcrusier333rph]

Meeting Thoa's hostile mother in June. rather face a pack of rabid dogs

 

robert

[warpedbored]

Bing's father died some years ago so I spared that part of the ordeal but meeting her mother was interesting. We had already known each other for over a year so her mother was already used to the idea. The second day I was in Nanning Bing tells me we are going to go see mama. No problem I was looking forward to it. First we walked about 15 blocks to get to her apt building then start up the stairs. Hmmm must live close to the bottom me thinks. Otherwise we would take the elevator of course. 3rd flight hmmmm maybe we should have taken the elevator. 5th flight it dawns on me that there must not be an elevator. After about 10 flights I must be getting altitude sickness since I feel so bad. Incredulously I learn her 74 year old mother climbs these stairs everyday. Finally out of breath and sweating profusely in the southern china humidity I arrive at her mothers door. Once inside all the pleasantries are exchanged then finally with praise be to the powers that be I get to sit down. Once the room stopped spinning Bing's brother shows up to translate for me. All in all her mother likes me even if I am fat and out of shape.

[tonyontherock]

Well, how about age difference?

I was walking around with some 24 year old who look like 19 or 20. I look like usual 40 year olds. I did not notice anything but the girl commented that she saw a lot of people look at her with that kind of look. I thought it must be the fact that everyone was in their winter wear and I was in my summer wear and carrying my roller blades and she was wearing combat fatigue outfit. Well, it made her uncomfortable and she said if in her home town with lots of people she knows, she would feel a lot of pressure. Any one got the same experience? It made me feel instantly old when I heard that comment.

[Dan R]

Carl congratulations! you actually thought there might be an elevator? When visiting friends I say a prayer as I approach the building that they don't live above the fourth floor. TEN FLIGHTS!!!!! Not sure I could make without stopping for a nap on the fifth floor. In Shanghai I barely kept up with an 83 year old going to the third floor. I think China should be nick named "Nation of Stairs".

 

Now just think if there was an elevator someone would have to pay for electric (when working) and maintenance. Was it one of the fancy older buildings with lights on the stairway? New buildings do have elevators and an American innovation called Association Fees.

[frank1538]

How else to first meet the parents but over food. I did the same at Jingwen's apartment where her mom and dad lived. Dad had suffered a stroke a number of years ago and did not speak much at all. Mom was all smiles but with few words. She had prepared a wonderful lunch, and we ate and ate and ate. Maybe they were checking out my kuai zi skills or testing my ability to eat unknown food, but it went without a hitch. All in all no stress. What I found most revealing was that Jingwen and her family were just that - family. No pretense, no airs, just good people. It only reaffirmed by desire to marry her.

[Robert S.]

I met my wife's mother but never have met her father who suffered some bad head injury years ago which did not kill him but he has to stay in bed nearly all the time. After Ping and I met, overseas, and then decided to go home to China and get married Ping arranged for us to stay with her aunt at her apartment. Ping's mother and the aunt are sisters. I think I was there 10 days. The aunt gave us her bedroom and she slept on the hard wooden sofa. Ping's mother slept on a little straw mat on the floor of the sitting room, I worried about this but Ping told me she liked it, that this was the China way. I loved her mother, a lady in her 60s but with still a beautiful figure, turns out she was a serious athlete when younger. All we did was eat and talk the whole time, and laugh. It was too hot to really do much outside although Ping and I did have some nice romantic walks.

[beijingjenny]

Good stories. Sorry to hear about the chemo, Bob. How are things now?

 

Jack MIL isn't in the pic, so I also was spared that ordeal. Meeting his dad and dad's family in Fuzhou was a bit nervewracking though. At first it was "she's too old, too short..." and a number of other superficial things. But Jack told them he didn't care what they thought, they got used to me and things are fine now.

[ptcrusier333rph]

too short? you can be too short in china?

 

 

Robert

[BobandNicole]

Folks tend to be a bit taller in the northern areas like Beijing it seems. Guangdong women short and sqatty, Beijing women taller and thinner.

 

As far as the chemo stuff, doing fine now, almost 2 years CF. "touch wood" as they say.

 

Bob

[olemanoman1950]

Bing's father died some years ago so I spared that part of the ordeal but meeting her mother was interesting.  We had already known each other for over a year so her mother was already used to the idea. The second day I was in Nanning Bing tells me we are going to go see mama.  No problem I was looking forward to it.  First we walked about 15 blocks to get to her apt building then start up the stairs. Hmmm must live close to the bottom me thinks.  Otherwise we would take the elevator of course. 3rd flight hmmmm maybe we should have taken the elevator. 5th flight it dawns on me that there must not be an elevator. After about 10 flights I must be getting altitude sickness since I feel so bad. Incredulously I learn her 74 year old mother climbs these stairs everyday.  Finally out of breath and sweating profusely in the southern china humidity I arrive at her mothers door.  Once inside all the pleasantries are exchanged then finally with praise be to the powers that be I get to sit down.  Once the room stopped spinning Bing's brother shows up to translate for me. All in all her mother likes me even if I am fat and out of shape.

S**t I almost died climbing 6 flights.

[beijingjenny]

Jack's granddad gave him tall genes, and I am short even by Chinese standards.

 

Glad to hear it Bob!

[bandj]

Feel fortunate that Nie dongs family was so welcoming from the first day. Sweetest people. Parents are very accepting even though quite traditional farmers. The little nieces and nephews want me to carry them everywhere. Once I got into some poker games with her two brothers and lost all my yuan they liked me even better!lol

Only regret my soon to be mother-in-law has expressed is not being able to have long talks with her son-in-law. My Chinese including local dialect has to improve a whole lot for that to happen.

The strong focus on the family unit in Chinese families is great - it fits perfectly with my Italian and Jewish family whose cultures both emphasize that strength as well.

[Dan R]

Bruce sounds like a wonderful trip. We went up the Chiangjiang to Chongqing, beautiful area. I also look forward to meeting the nephews. I agree that traditional cultures share much of the same values. Yes the Mama's seem disappointed at not being able to converse without a translator. I need to learn quick. Do you think not wanting to have their son or daughter translate means they are trying to warn us about something?

[nygatl15]

Not yet!! we Will meet when I visit in May... I look forward to meeting them... although no one speaks english and I talk very little chinese, I still want to meet her family and let them know that I will be loyal and take care of here no matter what. I'm hoping to gain a Chinese family