maiyademama Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 She is only 5'3" and couldn't possibly weigh more than 110 Lbs. I am worried about her but when i try to say anything she just tells me that A) She is still single and needs to keep herself looking nice...and B) American idea of thin and Chinese idea of thin are different. She doesn't take any vitamins and she only eats rice with cooked lettuce and a few dumplings for lunch (nearly everyday!) AS far as needing to save money, she couldn't possibly lead more of a barebones existence (and her salary is twice what i make). She never drives her car (completely paid off), never eats out, never does anything for entertainment, and now she has stopped eating dinner. Do you think this is *usual* behavior for a young Chinese girl? I asked her what she is planning to do with the money that she is saving and she said she might have to pay a man to help her get a greencard I hope she is kidding about that, but she is certainly not kidding about skipping dinner. She won't even come into the kitchen while i am cooking because she fears the temptation! Link to comment
beijingjenny Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 The not eating doesn't sound *that* unusual (I had girl students who did that to be more beautiful...). But it sounds like more going on than looks obsession. Unless she feels so ugly for some reason she doesn't even want to go out. NOT very Chinese to not want to show off a car! Any way you can ask if there's anything more serious troubling her? Link to comment
oregonknl Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 Taz... If she is a young Chinese woman driven by a goal..... maybe you arn't going to be able to help --- at least not head on... What concerns me is the diet. Don't see any sourse of calcium, critical at her age if she wants to avoid frail bones later in life --- guess I would talk nutrition to her --- vitamins and milk --- there really is no good source of calcium from vegitarian sources if she is going to limit her food intake to this extreme. So Taz, have you thought about your family dynamic when Kai arrives? Will this roomate's role change in the household? How do you think he will feel in this situation? (of course, I'm clueless about your living situation, or the dynamic ---just curious...) Link to comment
maiyademama Posted November 10, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 So Taz, have you thought about your family dynamic when Kai arrives? Will this roomate's role change in the household? How do you think he will feel in this situation? I talked this over with my roommate a couple days ago, and she is going to move. I think we are both satisfied with this decision. She can save movey B) and I don't have to worry about her untidiness anymore. Besides she was nervous that having another Chinese person in the house would diminish her chance to speak English and I was nervous that she and Kai would clash personality-wise (she is a bit demanding). Link to comment
maiyademama Posted November 10, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 The not eating doesn't sound *that* unusual (I had girl students who did that to be more beautiful...). But it sounds like more going on than looks obsession. Unless she feels so ugly for some reason she doesn't even want to go out. NOT very Chinese to not want to show off a car! Any way you can ask if there's anything more serious troubling her?I can't imagine that she would be insecure about her looks. She is quite beautiful and she seems to know it. Maybe you misunderstood what I said about not driving her car. She doesn't drive it because she wants to save money. Instead she rides a bike. The point is that she is quite conscientious about saving money in every other realm of her life. I don't see how not eating dinner is going to make that much of a financial difference. Last night she told me that the reason she needs to diet is because she and her mom just got web cams and her mom just saw her for the 1st time in 3 years. Apparently her mom's first words were, "ni de lian pangle!" (your face is fuller) I wish moms wouldn't say that kind of stuff to their kids. When i was pregnant, my mom went on and on about how fat I was and how SHE never got that fat when she was pregnant---really ticked me off , but I certainly didn't obsess over it. Nothing I can do to change her mind, but at least I convinced her to have an evening snack! Link to comment
Davter Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 She is only 5'3" and couldn't possibly weigh more than 110 Lbs. I am worried about her but when i try to say anything she just tells me that A) She is still single and needs to keep herself looking nice...and B) American idea of thin and Chinese idea of thin are different. She doesn't take any vitamins and she only eats rice with cooked lettuce and a few dumplings for lunch (nearly everyday!) AS far as needing to save money, she couldn't possibly lead more of a barebones existence (and her salary is twice what i make). She never drives her car (completely paid off), never eats out, never does anything for entertainment, and now she has stopped eating dinner. Do you think this is *usual* behavior for a young Chinese girl? I asked her what she is planning to do with the money that she is saving and she said she might have to pay a man to help her get a greencard I hope she is kidding about that, but she is certainly not kidding about skipping dinner. She won't even come into the kitchen while i am cooking because she fears the temptation! She's paying life, for losing weight, she doesn't have to be on diet like that, that's not healthy for marriage, she does't have to care about a man who cares about her face and body. Well I have nothing to say if she does all this for saving money, as long as she enjoys. But for me, it sounds terrible I like to save money for the future and also like to spend the rest to enjoy the life, helping what I can help, travelling, studying, nice meals, tasty food, and whatever B) Link to comment
sylinchinastill Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 I think in general the Chinese standard of hard work and saving money is a lot different than the American standard. I can only speak for my husband- but he thinks buying coffee is absurd- I don't care- going out to eat is wasteful- I agree with that to a point but there is something so nice about going out to eat- and etc.- I don't buy lots of clothes but I buy books and I buy coffee- he never complains about the books because my mom told him early on that I would do that and he could take that or fight me about it forever. I think your roommate might want to save money- but I have also used that as an excuse for when I felt fat in college- If I were you I would check her out some books from the library- what she is eating is almost entirely carbs and that won't help her loose weight- even if she doesn't eat dinner- white rice is sugar- if she ate fruits and vegetables and some meat and whole grains and drank a glass of milk a day she would lose weight and stay healthy- and it's better for your body even if she wants to do it her way to eat half of that for lunch and half for dinner. I don't really get how she will save money when she moves out- unless she is moving in with someone else. Also- Chinese people think fat is good- but I think for the younger generation it is like in the US- an insult. My husband always tells his step-sister when she is getting fat or thin and when he says fat he means healthy and when he says thin he means unhealthy- but she doesn't see it that way- one time he told her she looked fatter and we saw her a month later and she was emaciated (she is very beautiful and was never fat in the first place <her personality is what I would work on if I were her but...>). I'm not sure how old your roommate is but she will probably continue to want to diet- but oregonkl is right about the milk- especially for Chinese women. If you are concerned I would buy her a multivitamin and some kind of calcium pills as a gift, so she isn't spending money- and maybe she will take those- I also had a friend in college (dance major of course) who wouldn't take vitamins even because she thought she was fat- ate like half of an apple a day- crazy! Link to comment
maiyademama Posted November 10, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 She does take non-fat milk with eggs in the morning for breakfast. The only meal she skips is dinner, but now she is eating an apple for dinner. Link to comment
tonado Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 If she has a car in China, that means she is not poor. It seems strange that she hasn't seem her mom in 3 years. Maybe she has conflict with her family and want to prove to them that she is successful. So she is doing this to save money. Link to comment
awch Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 Last night she told me that the reason she needs to diet is because she and her mom just got web cams and her mom just saw her for the 1st time in 3 years. Apparently her mom's first words were, "ni de lian pangle!" (your face is fuller)Maybe I'm wrong but I thought that Chinese idea of "fat" and American is very different. Chinese people don't necessarily mean it as a bad thing. Like Xiao Ming's mom always says that about my friends and always tells Xiao Ming and I that we needs to be fatter. Was her mom saying it as a bad thing? Link to comment
turtle Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 Maybe I'm wrong but I thought that Chinese idea of "fat" and American is very different. Chinese people don't necessarily mean it as a bad thing. Like Xiao Ming's mom always says that about my friends and always tells Xiao Ming and I that we needs to be fatter. Was her mom saying it as a bad thing?Hmm, as a guy, I've always been thin. I even once had a doctor tell me I needed to eat more ice cream to put on some poundage! So it was quite a shock when I first went to China and had people saying I was a bit fat Link to comment
Bryan_Qunying Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 Taz, I have been reading these posts and I can't help but think how my wife and I just had a talk about weight Loose and weight gain. I have been loosing weight for the past 4 months and I am pleased that I have lost 56 lbs. My wife is very happy about this. My wife, on the other hand, until about a year ago was about 95 lbs wet. She has gained to about 107 lbs. She told me that she is sorry that she will not be bringing some of her beautiful Chinese dresses because she is fatter now and they do not fit as well. This was and is a big issue for my wife. I Finally convinced her that for her size (5'4" tall) 107 lbs is still a beautiful weight for her. I also told her that I would gladly get her many new dresses to replace the ones she no longer can wear. On a more serious note -- I hope your friend finds a solution soon. My ex-wife was "Bulimic" to the point where she could no longer hold food down little more than an hour after eating. To top that off, she was an alcoholic and she blamed me for her eating disorder. Whether your friend wants to admit it or not, she has a very potentially dangerous illness just waiting to take hold of her. These are only my thoughts and experiences. I do hope the best for your room mate and you. Link to comment
Rick-Guohua Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 Just The Right People to ask this question to. The first time I meet Guohua, I was reallt worried about my weight. Yes, Guohua had seen pictures of me, and I had seen pictures of her.You know, She is 5ft 6in. 115 pounds, Me, 6ft, 240 pounds. I kept tell her I'm fat. It seem's to me, She didn't really care, In fact she was happy I was so healthy.... Ok,,, So, If I have this right? Here, I'm fat and there I'm healthy? I like being healthy. I think we use to call it Big Boned ....There is a differance in the culture then. I'm I correct in this line of thinking?Yes, I diet and I go from 220 to 240 and all that. But I have been stuck behind this deck job now for 4 years. Ok.. No excuse's I got a little lazy ... But I'm a happy lazy Rick Link to comment
Bryan_Qunying Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 Just The Right People to ask this question to. The first time I meet Guohua, I was reallt worried about my weight. Yes, Guohua had seen pictures of me, and I had seen pictures of her.You know, She is 5ft 6in. 115 pounds, Me, 6ft, 240 pounds. I kept tell her I'm fat. It seem's to me, She didn't really care, In fact she was happy I was so healthy.... Ok,,, So, If I have this right? Here, I'm fat and there I'm healthy? I like being healthy. I think we use to call it Big Boned ....There is a differance in the culture then. I'm I correct in this line of thinking?Yes, I diet and I go from 220 to 240 and all that. But I have been stuck behind this deck job now for 4 years. Ok.. No excuse's I got a little lazy ... But I'm a happy lazy RickRick, I see you found your "Happy Place"! http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/14/14_6_16.gif Link to comment
sylinchinastill Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 I think for guys in American culture it is not as big of a deal as it is for girls- and I think it is more so for Chinese women. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now