american woman/chinese man

[mari]

This is the one thing I hate about China. I'm not good at bargaining, so

we've decided that whenever I want to buy something he will do the negotiating. Qisheng loves to go shopping with me, and he's a great bargainer, but I really get discouraged when I see the chinese way. I still remember the words: "you say, you say", it drives me NUTS!!! Last time I

visited Beijing I decided to buy a painting at the Forbidden City, in this instance he got mad at me for accepting the seller's offer because he considered it was too expensive. He said: "when you hear that when asked I say do what you want, that means don't buy it". !!!***???

That thing ruined my day, as I felt like a complete fool for falling for it,

and of course my SO didn't helped much.

[Martytb]

WeiPing is good at saving money. She bargains very well, but she makes me wait around the corner until she makes the deal. The seller usually has a few choice words when they see me. Not happy ones I'm sure. The wife just grins like a Cheshire cat.

I think she's gonna miss that part of China very much when she sees the prices here and can not "negotiate"

[warpedbored]

Actually Bing is rather happy that she doesn't need to haggle here. She doesn't really enjoy doing it. I'm the one more likely to haggle. I work in retail management so I have pretty good insight as to when or where I can ask for a discount. I figure hell they cant eat you all they can say is no.

[egolessvegan]

I thought everything in life is negotiable!

[beijingjenny]

Interesting stories! Jack is kind of the same - he always tells me to stay home or stay out of the way. But on the other hand I am by far the better bargainer and he admits it. I can usually get things half the price he thinks is reasonable. I quite get into it sometimes. It's a game and when you know the rules, the shopkeepers seem to enjoy it too.

[LouRose]

Another question for the women, though anyone else is welcome to chime in. Name changing: what, if anything, have you done/do you plan to do about it?

In China women have never changed their names (actually I heard there's no way to change your name for any reason even if you want to), so I don't think I want to take his name, especially since its Li which is so common! However, down the road when we have kids, I think it would be nice for the whole family to have the same last name. So I've been considering some kind of combination that we could both use, but I'm not sure if I like that idea or not. What are your thoughts on this?

 

Actually, what do immigrants do if they want to change their name? Just have one name in America and a different name in China? How does that work? I won't be dealing with it for a long time, just curious...

*~Louisa~*

[sylinchinastill]

I didn't do it- when we have kids I want them to have his name though. I'm not sure- I seem to have just created more confusion. I have to explain to everyone why I did not all the time.

[awch]

I am going to take his name: Zhu. When I tell Chinese people that they always snicker- I guess it's not the best name: in Chinese it's the same prononication as "pig" and in English it sounds like "Jew". But I don't like my last name very much... and I want our kids and family to all have the same name.

 

I think for Chinese women who marry US men, they usually make their Chinese name their middle name and take the man's last american name. Maybe you could do that, Louisa? Unless you have a really odd or long last name of course..

 

Another question I have for everyone: what did or is your SO wearing for the interview? I think Xiao Ming should wear a suit but he said he should just dress casually. We both hope he's right cuz then we wouldn't have to buy the suit first... but I think to show we're serious he should wear the suit.

[oregonknl]

Interesting question about the interview attire, Amber, it was the subject of my phone converstation with Fei today! Her interview is 12-10 ...

 

To be honest, I don't think Chinese men have as much trouble as Chinese women ---- since most of the marriage scams seem to involve young women..... And lets face it: Very few American women are inclined to "front" a Chinese man to fein a legitimate relationship...

 

But in Fei's case, she asked if she could wear jeans, which I thought would be a poor choice... "Prim & Proper" ALL THE WAY! (this has been an ongoing amusement for us)

 

And I think we all know by now from previous posts, that first impressions of the VO are probably more important than anything else... As I told Fei: "professional woman", not party-girl" ---- VO's don't want to admit more "party girls" into the US, if they can avoid it......

[Guest hakkamike]

My wife chose to dress in what she wore to teach shool: dont try to be something you are not.

Later, Michael Perez

[beijingjenny]

I know Jack will want to go very casual, but hopefully we can reach a compromise ... will wait til that gets closer though, would like an appointment first!

[lele]

Amber:

 

Interesting question about the bargaining!

 

We each tried to go individually when we bargained. Then we realized that we always get the same price when we work together. We will go in. They will try to get me to buy with a price that is far too high. My darling will then push it down a bit, to see where they stand. If they agree to her offer (which we have discussed is our maximum price that we are willing to pay for the item (we usually aim to allow them a 10-15% profit, but not more)), then that is it. If they try to bargain just one time, I then drop the price more!!!

 

This confuses them. They often loose their train of thought and wind up settling on a price lower than the one that we first offered to them.

 

And for the times that this trick does not work, we try the "currency conversion" trick. We will go in with US$, Euros, etc. and we will trade back and forth with many different goods bundled and unbundled, often offering to pay in different currencies. If they ever can not do the dealing quickly enough or make a mistake, we then purchase, smile, and walk away quickly.

 

However, we only do this when people do not agree to our initial fair price, or make anything other than a reasonable counteroffer. If their counter offer is reasonable, then we stay reasonable too.

 

Does this seem fair or are we being to harsh or too serious with the sellers? Has anyone else tried these tactics before as well?

[mari]

We've agreed that he"ll be wearing a nice shirt and tie, and jeans is a

"No- No". You have to let them know that this is an important event in your life.

[awch]

Time for me to bring this thread back up again.

 

I feel that the prescense of the US women here has grown kinda weak. Syl, Jenny and Lou don't seem to post much (Jenny's case is understandable!) And I don't know what happened to Mari, perhaps she's still in China?

 

Anyways, I've been nagged lately by the feeling that this site is really a "guy's club". Although Carl occasionally makes valient attempts to include his "sisters" I've sensed some hostility, especially directed at Taz. I've seen some posts that say something like TAZ, LOOK AT THIS as if someone is trying to make a direct attack or point against her and was just waiting for the right moment.

 

An example, in the recent "clean" thread Taz mentioned something about cleaning up sprinkles after tinkles. I agreed. Someone (sorry can't remember who) then started postings about why do women have to complain about putting the seat down. Actually, that was never the issue... but I feel like the US women were just set up for an all around around guy "yeah US women suck" thing.

 

Why do I come to this site? Honestly, the first reason would be cuz I often find myself with a lot of time on my hands. But really? Many reasons. The support here can be incredible as well as the wealth of information. I'm so much more aware of the visa process than I was before- I can just about predict our P4 now.

 

Perhaps the most important reason is everything is so distinctly Chinese. I love the cultural and language discussion- when guys talk about their wives, I see my mother-in-law and I can relate. When I talk about my fiance, I can find out from reactions if it's a Chinese thing or a guy thing.

 

I've often thought about how great it would be if there were a site like CFL but with mostly US women. Not likely to happen, though.

 

Sorry if I'm seeming paranoid but just about every time I log on I get these feelings. Of cousre, it's not everyone.. not even saying it's just a few people doing something intentionally. More like just a "guy's club" attitude.

This post is not meant to be a pointing fingers, who said what, arguement kind of post. More like just a reminder and an opinion.

 

Anyways, just wanted to remind everyone that we love our men too... and we're not your enemies. This site is for support, information and discussion for those going thru the marriage by visa process to a Chinese person.. and beyond. I hope we can keep it at that level.

 

Bedtime for me....

amber

[maiyademama]

AMEN, Sister!