Green card chaser?

[chinadave2001]

Any evidence of abuse, such as a police report is enough "evidence" to get a green card. There are internet sites in Chinese that explain how to do it. Go to an abused woman's shelter, get a free lawyer there, claim and file a police report, etc...you are on your way. There is nothing the husband/fiance can do about it. Period.

I believe there are millions of Chinese woman who would do anything to get out of China, despite their recent economic prowess. I was in China a total of four months, and during that time four different women suggested that I was the one true love of their life. You do the math.

At the same time, I believe that true love can be found there and that many have. The many successful couples on this board are testament to that. But let's not be naive and believe that everyone out there has honest and good intentions.

CD

[Robert S.]

Any evidence of abuse, such as a police report is enough "evidence" to get a green card. There are internet sites in Chinese that explain how to do it. Go to an abused woman's shelter, get a free lawyer there, claim and file a police report, etc...you are on your way. There is nothing the husband/fiance can do about it. Period.

I believe there are millions of Chinese woman who would do anything to get out of China, despite their recent economic prowess. I was in China a total of four months, and during that time four different women suggested that I was the one true love of their life. You do the math.

At the same time, I believe that true love can be found there and that many have. The many successful couples on this board are testament to that. But let's not be naive and believe that everyone out there has honest and good intentions.

CD

Hey Dave, good to see you dropping by. Hope everything is going okay for you.

[kevincs31]

Gerard, sorry to hear about your situation. It is a shame.

 

Someone asked why would a Chinese woman want to scam to come to the States. The points you raised are from a Westerners perspective. Putting yourself in the female's shoes, there are many reasons to want to escape China with dishonest intentions.

 

I think the most difficult thing for us when understanding someone from an Asian Communist country is that almost all that we know about life since birth is different in the East. Neither better or worse, just different.

 

When I was living over there, a friend of mine wanted to move there and explore as well. I told him to survive without wanting to pull your hair out everyday, you need to forget 90% of what you now have in your memory about life and learn it all over again. With that in mind, you can truly learn a new culture. But when we see the East through a Westerners eyes all the time, most of it will not make sense. This cognitive shift is difficult, and was for me at first (and I am a psychologist).

 

So, my method was to always ask myself "How do they see it being who they are and where they come from?" We are a sum of our experiences and culture binds those experiences into a framework to guide us through life.

 

Wow...sorry about the rambling.....I hope there was something there Gerard can use.

 

Take care

[yave20b]

Well I think Gerard's last statement says it all to me. He is trying to figure out if he was really scammed by his wife or not. And he's trying to figure out how to limit the damage to himself. In my opinion, yes I think he was scammed. I think his wife had planned this right from the beginning. And definately Gerard get yourself a good lawyer now. Don't let your wife use the other part of your feelings (thinking she really loved you and it just didn't work out) to play you like a fiddle and get major concessions out of you. The relationship is over now and you have to protect yourself legally.

 

I have been watching exactly the same scenario play out between my fiancee's ex-coworker and the man she married in the US. Before she left China, the girl said some things to me privately that left me with no doubt that she was only marrying the man to get to the US. I tried to tell my fiancee to warn the man, who I did not know, but she did not believe me and did not want to become involved. Sure enough, within a few months after coming to the US, she had used his computer to contact several other men in the US. She then met with them during the day while her husband was at work. This information came directly from her to my fiancee. The husband found out when he contracted a venerial disease, that his wife had apparently contracted from one of the men she met on the computer. With the entire thing out in the open, the girl left the husband and took up with one of the men she met, who promised to marry her in the future and help her legally with the divorce from the husband. But can you believe that after the girl left her husband for the other guy, she had the gaul to ask the husband not to tell the USCIS and asked him to help her to continue to get the green card? My fiancee and others who know her in China were so appalled by this girl's behavior they all contacted her in the US and told her never to make contact with them again. So Gerard, if all the information is correct and you did not abuse her, get yourself a good lawyer and worry only about yourself. You have too much to lose and nothing to gain by letting her, or you, play on your sympathies.

[oregonknl]

Good post Yave,

 

We have here on the candle an active member who has a story that is depressingly similar.

 

Fortunately, second time seems to be a charm... So perhaps Gerard can take some comfort in that. But you give him good advice for his immediate situation.

[Jason+Joanna]

The percentage of women that are cheaters / scammers is probably equal to the percentage of cheaters / scammers here. There are good apples, and bad apples in every society. Some times you pick a bad apple. More times then not, however, you are bound to pick a good apple.

 

Aside from legally protecting himself, I think he needs to give himself some time and reflect. Also, there are a couple things to be aware of:

 

age difference -- (more then 10 years is suspect)

in a rush to get married -- wait 6 months before getting engaged (at least).

going too fast -- how can be lovers if you are not friends first ?

 

These are just things to be aware of, and keep in mind. Of course the are examples that many people can come up with that worked out even with these instances. Just food for thought, nothing more.

[Guest enight]

age difference -- (more then 10 years is suspect)

in a rush to get married  -- wait 6 months before getting engaged (at least).

going too fast -- how can be lovers if you are not friends first ?

 

These are just things to be aware of, and keep in mind. Of course the are examples that many people can come up with that worked out even with these instances. Just food for thought, nothing more.

age difference -- (more then 10 years is suspect)

... Alan and I is apart for 24 years.

 

in a rush to get married -- wait 6 months before getting engaged (at least).

... we got married within 2 months I got here.

 

going too fast -- how can be lovers if you are not friends first ?

... we knew we are right person to engage within 2 weeks we met online, he flew to China to meet me after 2 months we met online.

 

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... we are the perfect example to be aware of scam

 

well... so far so good... he is the best guy I ever met, and the most suitable guy to me too... my families and friends all like him very much, yesterday my friend said 'he' is as good as a Chinese guy, I said, No, he is much better than a Chinese guy! xixi

 

Alan does delicious cooking, makes beautiful deserts; colorful and tasty drinks; open doors for women; treat people very patient and nicely; interested in history and social events; does't play computer games; likes travaling; likes to conversation with me all the time; knows about computer; helps me to do homework... floding coloths etc... very nice!

 

our life together is much better and much sweeter than I expected when I was in China.

 

American-Chinese couples we know here (about 6,7 of them) are happy to be each other mostly; and their age difference mostly are apart over 10 years. yes, some dated much longer before they engaged, some are not.

 

every indiviual is different, there is a saying... an egg won't broken unless it hits the stone...

[Jason+Joanna]

enight -

 

I am very happy to hear everything workout well. The items I mentioned are just general things to be aware of. They should not be set in stone, otherwise like you say many people will not meet a match. I expect that many others have had similar happy ending such as yours. Besides, if you look at my time line closely -- I am not really following my second suggestion. It is up to the individual, like you say. If you have found true love, then nothing can keep you apart -- not age, not distance, not geography, not what other people think, not many other things ....

[Gerard]

Sad to say, but there are specific instructions all over the net on how to scam a green card by claiming abuse. The only people that need to be satisfied with the claim is USCIS - not a court. In fact, no court action is necessary. It is her petition and you have no standing to present your side.

Don,

Are you able to point me to any general direction as to where these 'instructions may be found?

[Jason+Joanna]

Here is a better list of what to be aware of that came from Cherry Blossoms

 

COMMON SENSE WARNING: Not every man or woman who publishes their ad with us is looking for love and marriage. There will always be the 10% who are up to something else, so use your common sense.

 

1. Do not give out your personal contact information until you know someone for a while and this includes your email address, postal mailing address and phone numbers.

 

2. If you are a mature man writing to a young woman, there will be an emotional maturity gap be between you two. Our experience shows that a 5 to 15 year age difference is best for most people, maybe 15 to 20 if you are 50+, but not 20 to 30 years. Almost all (95%) of the scams that happen are when 50+ men are chasing after women under 25.

 

3. Do not send money. If anyone wants you to send them money because their mother, father, grandmother, etc., needs an operation, or is not going to be able to pay for their college this next semester or anything like that, "do not send money", and please let us know who they are.

 

4. Make sure you know what's really most important to you. Take the time that you need to get to know them and do not be in a hurry or survival about love.

 

5. Talk about real things such as health, happiness, love, family and Spiritual progress. In doing so, you will screen out 99% of the people who have other ideas besides love and marriage and then be able to find your love today.

 

 

Again, these are just things to be aware of, take them or leave them. There are probably examples of many people with successfull stories even with these "warning" signs.

[Gerard]

Here is a better list of what to be aware of that came from Cherry Blossoms

Hi Jason,

I tried to locate the link you posted on the blossoms site, but even after I register it only takes me back to the log-in screen. Possibly you could cut-and-paste it here for everyone to see?

[beijingjenny]

Just a side note on why people want to go so badly- The fact is for many by working hard in the US, or other countries (IF they don't mind working hard or living in poor conditions) they can make a LOT more than they would in CHina. It's not much to us, but a lot to them. This is esp true for the uneducated rural people. My husband has family sending money back from diff places - Israel, Singapore - and they can build nice houses and have a nice life... at least that's how they see it ...

 

I just say that to add some explanation as I see it - I agree the US is far from the promised land, esp these days.

[Jason+Joanna]

Gerard (and everyone else who wants to take a look)

 

Try this:

 

http://www.blossoms.com/cgi-bin/htmlos.cgi...830362615280243

 

Sorry the original link did not work, and if this one does not work for you:

 

1. go to the main page.

2. Click on "Find your love today". The information is in the right hand pane.

[mtbdude]

age difference -- (more then 10 years is suspect)

in a rush to get married  -- wait 6 months before getting engaged (at least).

going too fast -- how can be lovers if you are not friends first ?

 

age difference -- (more then 10 years is suspect)

... Alan and I is apart for 24 years.

 

you beat yan zi and i. we are 23 years apart.

[Guest enight]

you beat yan zi and i. we are 23 years apart.

yeah... not many couples we know could win us on this point... yeah! yeah!

 

well... at least... we don't need to worry about decrasing of living standard... when he is retired... I will be the bread maker, and he will be the perfect baby sitter; dog walker; etc etc... heheheeee.