What is the best time to have kids?

[lori&dave]

I'm 27 now and currently studying in college again. I love kids but I can't find a decent time to plan for having a baby. I still have 4 more years of study ahead. After that I need to find myself a job and establish my career in US. I figure I would need to wait for another 8 years to have a good standing in the job market here, at that time I'll be 35. Maybe too old and too busy at work for kids then.

 

what's more, My husband doens't like kids. This is first marriage for both of us and hopefully it's the only one. I just become very envious and somewhat sad when I know others girls are pregnant. how do u guys plan for having babies? When do u know that u are ready?

[Martytb]

If you wait till you can afford one........you'll be too old to have one.

 

Most husbands don't want kids till they have one. The hard part is convincing them, Usually "Honey I think we're going to have a baby" works.

 

Once you have a child everything else seems to fit in quite well around him/her. Just do it.

[Bryan_Qunying]

If you wait till you can afford one........you'll be too old to have one.

 

Most husbands don't want kids till they have one. The hard part is convincing them, Usually "Honey I think we're going to have a baby" works.

 

Once you have a child everything else seems to fit in quite well around him/her.  Just do it.

If it's a Girl, he'll be hooked forever!!!!!!

[se_lang]

If you wait till you can afford one........you'll be too old to have one.

 

Most husbands don't want kids till they have one. The hard part is convincing them, Usually "Honey I think we're going to have a baby" works.

 

Once you have a child everything else seems to fit in quite well around him/her.  Just do it.

What is your priority, child or career? You can do both, many do it everyday but neither will get the full attention it should. If your husband does not want one and is very clear on that then having one could cause a problem with him. I was 23 for #1, 27 for #2, and now I hope to have #3 before I am 43, I am currently 38. God help me. There is no magical age, place or time, the only requirement is loving parent(s).

[Kaige]

It's never to late to have children, it is better in life to have them when you are both young , so this way you can enjoy them. when you get old you have only so many years to watch them grow up and get married and have children also and enjoy your grandchildren, I just wish I would have met my wife earlier in life, now we are sort of trying to have children. You love your children forever no matter what the cost, financially or otherwise as there beautiful and loving

[skibum]

This is the kind of thing that you should decide before getting married.

[Trigg]

Do remember, the longer you wait the more you increase the chances of an unhealthy baby. For example, 16:1 chance of a trisonomy 21 child (Down's syndrome) after the mother is age 35. Fortunately there are simple tests for this and other defects now that can be done in the early ages of pregnancy. The unfortunate part is that if the tests are positive you will have a HUGE decision to make. I have six children, ages 37 to 10. I was eighteen when I had the first and 45 when I had the last. I think I did my best parenting when I had my youngest son in my late twenties. 18 was way to young and 45--well it is hard to keep up the energy levels. Just my thoughts.

Trigg

[keelec]

I would recommend waiting a year or so as both of you adjust to life together in the USA. Then, decide what you want. It may be best to start before age 30....

 

Make your decision wisely.... What do you want for the rest of your lives?

 

Don't forget that a child will go through several phases.

 

Diapers --> Terrible Twos --> Gradeschool --> Teenagers --> DATING --> College --> Money ran out, back home --> Marriage --> Grandchildren --> & etc.

 

Having a child is a big, life long committment. And your child will be part of your lives forever, and the diapers don't last forever. Of course, the child will also change your lives significantly.

 

Of course, you can always adopt, even perhaps adopting toddlers.

 

Oh, as far as school.... Many women get pregnant while attending college (some planned, some not). I had a friend in medschool who chose to get pregnant during her first year (baby born end of first year). She then had the bundle of joy throughout the next few years of medschool. Of course, she also had a very supportive husband.

 

Both my brother and I were born while my father was in graduate school, and I think my mother was taking a few classes (she was 23 and 26). She chose to be a "stay at home" mother until both of us were in grade-school. She then went back for a couple of specialty courses in college and began her career.

 

Of course, I am still waiting for Irina to come here and then we'll have to figure out how things will work out between us.

 

----- Clifford ------

[lori&dave]

Thanks for ur suggestions. My other concern is that there's certain age difference btw me and my hubby. We dont really care about it, I even joked that when he was retired he can take care of kids at home while I'm making money. But I'm worried that generation gap will be too big for them if we wait 8 more years.

 

To me it seems like "now or never". My sociology professor said that marriage quality actually deteriorates after kids. There is no kid in my hubby's family at all. Maybe we'll just end up like all his sisters' families. DINK family.(Double income, no kids). I can already see myself as a 35 year old woman who gave up of the idea of having kids.

[lori&dave]

Lori, tuff decision. It's hard for me to be serious sometimes, but here goes......

 

Kids can be the greatest thing that ever came into your life.

 

Kids can be the greatest sorrow you will ever experience.

 

Kids can be the greatest glue that binds a couple together.

 

Kids can be the greatest wedge between a couple.

 

The most important thing to ask is what you and Dave see as your future. If it is a shared vision, all will be well.

Don,

 

When we were still dating, he kept undecided about this topic while I was very sure I wanna two kids. Now whenever I imply that maybe we just be DINK(I just want to figure out his attitude), he still wanna leave the question open. However, when I mention my plan about kids, both of us know clearly that both our financial condition (one of us still in school, still renting a house, the other enjoys expensive hobbies) and my career developing plan won;t allow me to have a baby. I'm studying graphic art, which is a very demanding and time consuming major.

 

We have a dog and we love him as if he was our son, however he's old now and will die one day. I'm very sad about this.

[Mick]

Li and I had no real plans to have a child at this time, but sometimes things happen. Once we found out she was pregnant, we were actually very thrilled and excited. Going through these last eight and half months has been a joy, watching her get bigger and bigger, seeing the sonograms of our little one inside her. Now, we are waiting on pins and needles for her arrival any day now.

 

We had planned to wait awhile. I suspect there is never a "good time" when everything is in order. Just make sure you two are in agreement over your decision. But keep in mind, sometimes things happen in spite of our decisions to the contrary.

 

Good luck and best wishes.

[Dave G.]

Just do it. It's not as intense as you think. At first, the kid is just kind of a door stop. Doesn't do a whole lot. Then, you see that twinkle in his/her eye one day and you realize he/she finally "woke up." It's great. Now, we're all into our routine...the baby included. He knows what to expect from us and vice versa. Whereas I was solo for several years, after the visa I had an insta-family. That included a 10 year old boy. It's more work now but life is so much more full and meaningful.

 

TRY IT, YOU'LL LIKE IT.