How to hug? specially someone who's not your husband?

[Joecy]

In China, when people first meet, we shake hands. We shake hands in business environment, like our westerner friends.

What did we do when meeting our best friends or our parents? I can't remember, definitely not shaking hands, or hug each other, nor kiss. We assume we know each other so well, we are so close, that we don't need any physical touch.

 

In the US, people seems to like to hug all the time?!!!

People hug their family member and extended family when they meet.

Women hug their female friends when they meet; or male friends too?

Students hug teacher, and teacher hug parents at graduation party;

Kids hug their counselor when leaving a summer camp;

When two women are too excited talking about something; they hug.

 

Is it ok for female to hug a male other than her boyfriend or husband?

What is a proper hug that won't make you or him feeling awkward?

 

[Thomas Promise]

Public displays of affection (PDA) is very popular in the US. Holding hands and hugs are the most common.

[credzba]

What is a proper hug that won't make you or him feeling awkward?

 

 

If I am in a situation where a hug is expected, but it isn't one of my family members i use a sideways 1 arm hug.

I position myself so that my hip is next to their hip instead of face to face, and kind of hug their shoulder.

 

It is not intimate, but meets the requirement of the situation.

The difference for me is how much of my body touches their body.

 

Outside people get a hip or shoulder touching, extended family, usually a cheek and I hug face to face, little kids I pick em up and hug them till they squeal, and the wife of course full frontal, and anything else I can get

[Catherineli]

I think any physical touch means the same in every culture: intimate with affection. So I usually don't hug outside men. but it all depends on the situation and mood at present. Once at Hongkong I saved a young man whose body weight and size is twice as mine. It was a new year's eve. The street was filled up with people. The policemen later put some street barriers to block people from being too much croweded. The young man was blocked with a high fence from his girl friend, so he tried to jump over the iron bar. But he only jumped over his upper body. His legs were all dangled uprightly in the air on the other side of the street barrier. Still because of the crowd, he couldn't stretch his four limbs well enough. I was just there. So it's me who exerted all my strength and lift him up from being upside down to the ground. After he was over to my side of the barrier, he immediately gave me a hug. I would do the same if I were him.

 

I may give a hug to a man who is very sick at a hospital, even my precious kiss on the cheek. lol I may do a buddy hug to a good male friend whom I've not seen for a long time but it all depends. I don't give a fish hug because it is never returned. lol. To a very big person, if you have to, you hug his arm to embarrass him less. Hand hugs are common and easy but don't do knee hugs.

Joecy, I am to send you a personal message a little while later. thank you for everything! I hug you now!!

[Catherineli]

A side hug from a man to a woman is common and safe but not for a woman to a man lol. The woman is too small for a side hug.

The hug giver knows herself how much or how close she is doing. She knows where is the "double yellow line". I guess her smile is a good hug!

[MRS. GRAVESTEY]

I asked my husband about this and we both agreed that hugging is normal here (US) and even in my country, Philippines. But it varies on different cultures though. Some countries, husbands or boyfriends get disrespected if their women hug other men. If you are here in the US, this is their way of greeting friends and family. But when you are in doubt, just do handshake.

 

 

Mrs. Gravestey

[Dennis143]

I have many long time Chinese female friends here in SoCal. Some still get stiff as a board with arms down at their sides when I try to hug them, usually women over ~45. Some relish hugs and must hug me at every chance... usually younger, under age 40 women.

 

I took every opportunity I got when visiting China to embarrass my wife's girl friends by making sure I gave them big bear hugs lifting them off the ground and twirling them around like a rag doll in the middle of the street when we said goodbye for the last time.

 

Now with guy friends it's a kind of chest bump hug while shaking hands. With fathers or brothers, it's an honest, full blown arms wrapped around each other greeting. Same with moms and sisters.

[Catherineli]

Social hugs are always alright as long as the hugs bring sunlight to the world. I love hugging and being hugged! but in the daily life, I've never seen every woman hugs every man.

We are sharing women's hug to men in this thread. So from women's point of view, especially for Chinese new arrivals, we'd better be careful offering our hugs to men!

[warpedbored]

Hugs are normal in America between friends and family. If your husband takes takes you to meet his friends for the first time and they want to hug you it's a way of saying "welcome, you are now a member of our group". At first my wife wasn't sure how to handle it but now she hugs right back. It's a comical sight when my five foot nothing wife hugs my six foot four inch best friend. She pretty much disappears.

[amberjack1234]

You gals input is just wonderful to me. I love every post. For me when I great a man I usually shake his hand. If he is a little better friend I will shake his hand with both of my hands. If he is a very good friend I will give him a firm right hand and maybe kind of bump his chest and put my left arm around his shoulder and pat him on the back but only briefly.

 

For women I usually shake their hand lightly. For a good lady friend I might bend over just a little and hug her lightly kind of cheek to cheek as to not press my body up against her body especially the top part. You see I am a gentleman unlike Dennis. He is a dirty old man.

 

For relatives we just greet each other verbally unless we haven't seen each other in years then we may have a good hardy both arm around each other hug. That is if it is a relative that I like or love a lot.

 

Larry

[dan1984]

Although this isn't the same as hugging, when I first came to China I was a little shocked by all the hand-holding between 2 females. In a somewhat similar manner, some males will not directly hold hands, but walk along grasping their buddy next to them either on the shoulder or some sort of embrace.

 

I didn't really know how to interpret this after I first arrived, probably similar to how some Chinese people might think we Americans are hugging all the time, haha.

[RubyA]

Although this isn't the same as hugging, when I first came to China I was a little shocked by all the hand-holding between 2 females. In a somewhat similar manner, some males will not directly hold hands, but walk along grasping their buddy next to them either on the shoulder or some sort of embrace.

 

I didn't really know how to interpret this after I first arrived, probably similar to how some Chinese people might think we Americans are hugging all the time, haha.

Dan, I know what you meant. haha... when I was in China, my best friend and I always hold hands walking together, but that was when we were in school... now that we have grown up, and got married, we don't really hold hands like before.. My husband always jokes about females holding hands too..

[Dennis143]

 

Although this isn't the same as hugging, when I first came to China I was a little shocked by all the hand-holding between 2 females. In a somewhat similar manner, some males will not directly hold hands, but walk along grasping their buddy next to them either on the shoulder or some sort of embrace.

 

I didn't really know how to interpret this after I first arrived, probably similar to how some Chinese people might think we Americans are hugging all the time, haha.

Dan, I know what you meant. haha... when I was in China, my best friend and I always hold hands walking together, but that was when we were in school... now that we have grown up, and got married, we don't really hold hands like before.. My husband always jokes about females holding hands too..

 

I've mentioned my theory about this before and I still believe there's some truth in it.

 

Young children need and crave hugs and affection. Because they don't receive those from their parents, they seek it out through their classmates.

 

It's not uncommon at all for my wife and her female friends to walk together arm in arm today. I find it quite endearing.

 

I think Carl mentioned once how it wasn't so uncommon for American boys to walk together with their arms around each other. It's since times have changed and stigmas being attached where those displays of affection are taboo for boys now, but not for girls.

[RubyA]

 

 

Although this isn't the same as hugging, when I first came to China I was a little shocked by all the hand-holding between 2 females. In a somewhat similar manner, some males will not directly hold hands, but walk along grasping their buddy next to them either on the shoulder or some sort of embrace.

 

I didn't really know how to interpret this after I first arrived, probably similar to how some Chinese people might think we Americans are hugging all the time, haha.

Dan, I know what you meant. haha... when I was in China, my best friend and I always hold hands walking together, but that was when we were in school... now that we have grown up, and got married, we don't really hold hands like before.. My husband always jokes about females holding hands too..

 

I've mentioned my theory about this before and I still believe there's some truth in it.

 

Young children need and crave hugs and affection. Because they don't receive those from their parents, they seek it out through their classmates.

 

It's not uncommon at all for my wife and her female friends to walk together arm in arm today. I find it quite endearing.

 

I think Carl mentioned once how it wasn't so uncommon for American boys to walk together with their arms around each other. It's since times have changed and stigmas being attached where those displays of affection are taboo for boys now, but not for girls.

 

I think you have a point, Dennis. When I grow up, my parents rarely tell me they love me or give me hugs. Even my parents themselves don't say "I love you" to each other that much. Now that I am married to my husband, he tells me " I love you" all the time, after four years of marriage, I am still not used to hearing it all the time. Sometimes I am wondering if I will be like my parents when I have my own baby.

One interesting fact is that I rescued a dog from animal shelter three years ago, and I tell her that I love her once in a while, and I treat her just like a princess...I guess I would be a good parent..

[Joecy]

All your answers made me laugh to tears!!

 

Credzba:

"sideways 1 arm hug " - yes, make sense! My husband never gave me one, so important stuff to learn.

" little kids I pick em up and hug them till they squeal" - Love this part about American guys, makes kids giggle so hard!

" the wife of course full frontal, and anything else I can get " - that I get.

 

Dennise,

I can picture the "stiff as a surf board" Chinese women, the age make sense too.

I bet your wives friend will be expecting that fun, EVERY TIME when they see you!

Watch if they get in a loooooong line to get the treat

 

Carl,

I like your ""welcome, you are now a member of our group"" interpretation!

 

Amerberjack,

Your being a gentleman kind of hug to a lady friend hit right into my question!

 

 

Mrs. Gravestey,

Thanks for discussing with your husband.

Sounds like Philippines are most like Chinese when talking about hugging.

 

 

Catherine,

I receive your hug, and I'm hugging you right now!

Your story about saving that HK boy is such a fun and exciting one! You are his savier!

 

Dan,

That is a very interesting observation!

 

My dad once treated my husband to a "big bath" in Shanghai. You know this big bath place, it's like a mansion, they have many ponds you can dip in, some has rose peddles, some has milk or Chinese herb in it. You can eat, rest, watch live shows, play Ping pong there, just wearing a bath robes. My husband later told me, he find it weird that my dad walked side by side with him, with one hand on his shoulder. I explained that's a sign to say he liked you, as a son-in-law(Chinese senior does that to younger men to show praise). My husband was relieved, he said, "yeah, he did looked quite proud when we marching through other Chinese guys, without much on. He was chatting to me with his broken English while the other guys all stared at us, and me. "