Kyle and Jingjing update

[Kyle]

Ello' CFL fam,

 

Besides just wanting to say hello, I thought I'd let you guys know how we're doing and give you some updates. Jingjing and I have been living in a converted apartment in my parents' home since arriving in the United States. We've both been doing OK. Since arriving, Jingjing began and finished her four year BSN degree, and as of two days ago, she passed her Missouri boards, so now she's able to give injections, meds, etc at the hospital where she's accepted employment. For those of you in the Kansas City area, she's working at St. Luke's on the plaza.

 

http://i58.tinypic.com/2jbqy55.jpg

 

Recently we went from one car, to purchasing her one for herself. She's now breaking all of the speed laws in her Honda Civic. My wife grew up in Wuhan, so she's accustomed to all sorts of creative driving methods.

 

http://i57.tinypic.com/1z1tgfq.jpg

 

We also got a dog, named Yadi (for you STL fans, this needs no further explanation). That being said, he's kind of stupid, albeit cute; he just doesn't live up to his namesake. We just got his "boys" separated, and I'm not sure he notices any difference

 

http://i61.tinypic.com/juvgrc.jpg

 

We're very thankful to mom and dad to let us stay at their place. It's given us an opportunity to save money; now, we've been preapproved for a home loan, so the fun is about to really begin. We're in the process of house hunting. Although, we've never felt any issues with Dad about us living there, sometimes having two hens in one house can well, uhh, yeah, you guys know what I mean. . . .

 

Although Jingjing more than meets the criteria to begin the citizenship process, we still haven't pulled the trigger yet. Some hospitals that Jingjing is thinking about transitioning to though do require it, such as the VA hospitals, so it might be something we begin in the not so near future.

 

As for myself, I'm working in the finance department of a non-profit organization that helps a lot of vets, homeless, and mentally disabled in the KC, MO area. I love it. I'm not making as much bank as I could working elsewhere, but hanging out with veterans, as well as those who are homeless and/or mentally disabled, I find very meaningful and rewarding.

 

http://bfmakc.org/index.html

 

Although life has been good, it hasn't been without it's struggles. After returning back to the US, I was having some serious issues re-entering my "home" culture. After seeking help though, I've come a long way. That's one of the reasons why I kind of just fell off this board for a while; I just missed China too much. I missed my friends and family. A lot of what I knew (about America) pre-China, didn't make sense to me post-China. People to me seemed so high-maintenance and quick tempered. Part of that though, was how I was interpreting my newly immersed American culture.

 

Jingjing though, has seemed to really thrive. She's becoming much more confident, especially after graduating nursing school. I just hope she keeps the good traits about her home culture, and doesn't become too "American"

 

Now that we're moving out soon, I feel like we're starting to have our own individuality which is important to us both. We're looking for a house though that has a finished basement that we can convert into an apartment Per-Se, so when Jingjing's folks visit, they will have some room for themselves.

 

Kids? Not yet, but we're thinking about it. Too many life transitions at once might not be a good thing for us at this time.

 

If any of you are in the Kansas City area, let me know; we'd like to hang out sometime.

 

Later,

 

Kyle

[Kyle]

http://i62.tinypic.com/65sf8x.jpg

 

Kyle after half marathon

 

http://i61.tinypic.com/2woxjj9.jpg

 

Jingjing and Kyle

Edited June 13, 2014 by Kyle (see edit history)

[dnoblett]

Great to hear from ya!, Please visit more often!

[HongKong2LA]

Great update! Good luck with the house hunting.

[Mick]

So good to hear from you, Kyle. And I understand what you meant about your readjustment to American culture after living so long in China. I went through a very similar process and I think I could have become quite depressed, except Li became pregnant and Salina entered our lives and changed everything. Her arrival really pulled me out of the much and mire I was wading in. So glad to hear you got some help with it. And Yadi looks like a fine dog and I guess he has a couple of brothers as well. How good is he at digging a 58 foot curve ball out of the dirt? If he can do that, don't worry about his intelligence or lack thereof. You must be very proud of JingJing. Obtaining at BSN is no small task. Give her my congrats and best wishes. Also, I worked with homeless vets in Miami and I know how rewarding that kind of work can be. Most of my career as a writer was spent obtaining grants for various social service projects and faith-based initiatives. Hard work, but I loved it. Stop by more often old friend.

[dan1984]

Awesome update! Although we never really talked before, loved hearing how marriage and adjusting to life back in the US has been going for you guys. Best of luck!!

[tsap seui]

Man, what a nice write up, Kyle. Really happy to hear things going so well for you guys...a lot of nice accomplishments to be very proud of.

 

Hope you post more. Good luck with finding a nice home. Best wishes for the future.

 

tsap seui

[Ryan H]

Great update! Continued best wishes!

[Randy W]

Yes - good to see you back. We're just now back from a little trip ourselves.

[Kyle]

Thanks everyone. - @ Mick - I think you and I may have had very similar experiences/backgrounds. I too help with various things like that at BFMA. Grant proposals aren't overly fun; it can be a tedious process.

 

I'm gonna be transparent for everyone here; I really had issues with depression for about a year and a half after returning to the US. I wanted to be active here, moderate, admin, what ev, I just really struggled with the reverse culture shock. In other words, visiting the site, made it quite painful for me; I guess I just missed home (Wuhan). Let me explain this further.

 

I love America, and I'm proud to be an American. That being said, China was an adventure for me; fresh out of college, I packed my things and said "Vaya con Dios" to the US, and went to a wonderfully new experience. It was also my first real taste of true independence. The university I went to was a private Christian one; which means that a lot of the "normal" college experiences that everyone else has were forbidden. In China, I had no boundaries, it was my choice, it was also my choice to either grow in my faith or not. I grew more as an individual in China than I ever did in my biblical studies courses at Harding. That's not to say that Harding's mission is not something that I don't respect or agree with, I just took/needed a different path to make my faith, my individuality, my own.

 

I was separated from my parents, and was forced to make decisions on my own. My father, albeit a great man, didn't used to be. He used to be an ass, and we weren't close for a long time. As his personality changed (while I was in college), we began to make up lost time when being separated by an ocean between us; I am thankful for that. Now, I respect him as my father, but we do have a bantering like grown men should have, what I always seen in other son/father relationships of my friends.

 

After moving back to the US, and back into my parents home (I'm 33 yr old btw), I struggled with the "social norm" of being self-sufficient and independent, which our (US) culture values so highly. I struggled with feelings of loosing my "freedom" by having a 15 ft buffer zone from my parents. I know I shouldn't of been ashamed, but pride is a b*tch, and I struggle with it. Also moving back to the States, I felt so disconnected from everything. Heck, I felt plum stupid as teenagers seemed to go on a develop their own jargon that I didn't recognize. What was "in" the last time I was in the States, was "out" when I returned. I'm fairly proficient in Chinese, and I struggled speaking English (primarily to larger groups) because it was a long time that I carried conversations in English with actual native speakers other than family. Typically while in China, I spoke 80 percent of the time in Chinese.

 

Also after returning to the US, I seemed to become more introverted. I started having panic attacks in public which didn't help my already active depression issues. Basically, the only way I could phrase it is this. Have you ever brought home a gold fish from the store, and transferred it into a tank? The fish will be mind-screwed if you just drop him in the tank. You're suggested to let the bag which you brought it home in soak in the tank of water so that the temperature can gradually acclimate the fish. Basically I was a fish, and I was dropped back into America tank w/o a buffer zone.

 

I post all of this openly because those of you abroad, need to be aware that culture shock is very very real. Some are likely better than I in dealing with it. It's also something that you can get through. Find a doctor, find a friend/church, whatever, to help you reconnect. For me, it took some counseling, and I'm doing a lot better, better enough that I started to miss you guys.

 

Initially when going to China, you were my "buffer zone" and helped me touch base with America when I was having the same issues on the reverse end. That is why I always wanted to contribute; to be a giver as well as a taker; never be one-sided. I'm far from perfect, and and in fact, what I don't know, is far greater than what I do; but if my experience can help some other long-standing expat not face the same demons that affected me, then I'm happy to share this.

 

Kyle

 

PS. Go Team USA - screw group D

Edited June 16, 2014 by Kyle (see edit history)

[Kyle]

Yes - good to see you back. We're just now back from a little trip ourselves.

 

Are you still in "the motherland" ? My sister-in-law is Texan.

Edited June 16, 2014 by Kyle (see edit history)

[Doug]

Well dang, my son was in KC for quite awhile studying for his med school exam, which he passed. They have a private school run out of the Drury Inn, to prepare folks for the test. He lived there in the Drury and I visited. He was at the last exit off the interstate on the KS side near a bunch of hospitals, as I recall. He will be going back there to study for round 2 next year. His rotations will be in Miami instead of NYC thank goodness. Then this 2nd test will be to finish his last year, he is in next to last year now. Maybe even his final med exam to be a doc will take place there in KC. Also KS, & MO are part of my territory with my job. I'll try to look yall up, maybe after Fen is here and traveling with me.

 

Don't want to hijack, but I think this relates:

Kyle, I think I can relate to your adjustment, based on my longest visit to China. I just got back June 9. But my longest visit was just before this trip, getting back in February. After that trip I had one hell of a time adjusting. Thank goodness my cousin and his son had moved into my house temporarily. I got depressed and was out of my frigen mind so bad I nearly ruined my marriage. I thought I might also go crazy. My wife and I were closer than ever before too, on that trip. Anyway, I found myself having to think before I spoke English words. I speak about zero Chinese, but I had become accustom to hearing Chinese spoken constantly. Frankly I was surprised that even the language had that big of an affect on me. Also, I LOVE the clamor and closeness of the workmates and friends of my wife. Eating with others is almost demanded in their culture. We seldom ate just our little family. This last rip we had one dinner at home. Of course with all those other coaches in town, it was unthinkable to not have dinner with them. Then there was another dinner a beautiful young woman bought for us, because we got her talking to an engineer friend of mine here in the USA. She learned I was in China and immediately came to take me to dinner. Wife said this is Chinese way, just let her pay. Anyway, the people there are so so social.

 

In 2000 and 2002 I went to China on business. And both times I went through a 6 week depression after returning to the USA. Of course back then Chinese did not have so many cars like now. It was a sea of people instead of speeding cars like the USA. You never felt lonely in China with people everywhere, but I felt so lonely in America. And the feeling between people, words can not express. I never felt that feeling here or at least not since I was a little boy in Irving. Heck me and one engineer in China could communicate just fine and neither of us spoke the others language. I love that man, as men can, and not gay. We just had a magic mind meld.

 

I know what I am up against now. Having just returned again I am doing well and staying busy. Only today did I get a sore throat from some cookies given out at church, father's day you know, and felt bad, which in turn made me kind of depressed. So I slept it off in bed most of the day. I have no time to be sick, so I tried to take it easy today. I think knowing what your up against is important. China has a very positive affect on me. I thought about my return the whole time I was there this last visit, to keep myself in check.

 

PS: thinking about this, I wonder what my problem is. hahaha I must have my guard up so I don't enjoy life in the USA or something. I really let my hair down in China, maybe. Something to think about and do something about. I better start enjoying what I have. Well sorry to say so much about this. Enjoyed your pics and please tell us more. Sorry about your dog, but oh well.

Edited June 16, 2014 by Doug (see edit history)

[Randy W]

 

Yes - good to see you back. We're just now back from a little trip ourselves.

 

Are you still in "the motherland" ? My sister-in-law is Texan.

 

 

We are in Yulin, Guangxi (玉林，桂)

[Kyle]

So we put an offer in on a house today. Now, it's the darned waiting game. Fun fun fun.

[Dennis143]

Nice update, Kyle. I was honored by new CFL member, Catherineli, to read and edit, if needed, her stories. One of her most touching story was how she found and pursued a Christian life in China and beyond. Maybe CFL admins might consider a forum on "Faith"... As Mick recently said, if someone's not interested they don't have to open and read.