The Power Shift - What do (Chinese) Women Want?

[tsap seui]

I just reread that thar article. In my extimanation the article is about ALL Chinese wimmins....maybe 50% middle class, 25% eliticus, and 25% rural wimmins.

 

Now not being a high falutin well edjimacated studier or scholar of wimmins I jes wanna say one thang I have observed and been taught by my lil' tiny hiney Chinertuckian woman.

 

You is a dadgum fool if'n you is thinkin' yore woman, in the early stages of yore hot and sweaty courtin' n' ah sparkin', is marryin' you for this thing yore lil' pitter patter heart tells your lil' water spout, who then proceeds, oncet the afterglo is wearin' off, tells yore lil' pea pickin' brain is LOVE.

 

Now, that ain't to say yoyu is a STUPID dadgum fool, mind you, because there are the rare woman who marries for this thang called love....jes that you is a dadgum fool if you think she is puttin' on your Pabst Blue Ribbon pop top ring on her finger for LOVE.

 

If'n you find yoreself in that mindset, please....open yore love blind eyes....there jes might be a WHOLE DAMN LOT you is missin' here. Know wudda mean?

 

Chinese wimmin ain't DUMB wimmin, I scream into this Hong Kong ding dong bong.

 

Wake up brothers... "First comes love, then comes marriage" is part of a silly love song. Paul McCartney could have written that gibberish in a pipe dream he had back in ole Bangladesh....or in any hotel room he partied in, in any city he wuz in. Hell, Gomer Pyle could have written that.

 

tsap seui

 

Married me for love....Kiss my dadgummed grits. She better have married you for more than that stupid thought. Love comes much later.

[chef4u]

Yeah, I have to agree with Jesse. Don't get me wrong, there are definite hot looking Chinese women on those dating sites. However, when I am walking the streets of Shanghai, Beijing, Guangzhou or Shenzen,OMG, multiply the hotties on the dating sites by more than 50% or haigher , you need to grab hold of a lampost before ya go into a cardiac arrest. Dudes, these women are soooooooo much more beautiful than the dating site chicks. As Jesse pointed out, these women DO NOT need to be puttin there fatches on any old dating site....Just don't need too. They have two or three high-end automobiles, big ass houses, important executive jobs, more money in the bank than they even know they have, wardrobes that come from all the big top world designers, (probably they know them on a first name basis), highly educated and the list goes on. The point is, Chinese women, back twenty years ago, did NOT have this freedom to even think about such success. They were raised to become a house wife and have a child, while the husband would go to work and chase other women after work. A Chinese women, even today, who is 40ish and not married, will probably never be married, because CHINESE men don't want a wife that old. And here is the other point to this story...are ya ready?....Chinese CULTURE still believes the man is the bread winner of their famiy. They run away from this class of women. I have asked my uni. female students, who will be about 23 to 24, whenthey graduate, what will they do after their graduation...THEIR ANSWER..find a good husband and raise a family. Just thought I try to steer this conversation back to OP...me...haha...Please remeber the article is not talking about :

What do AMERICAN women want or Dating site comparisons

 

It is talking about:

The Power Shift - What do CHINESE Women Want

Edited May 21, 2012 by chef4u (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Yeah, I have to agree with Jesse. Don't get me wrong, there are definite hot looking Chinese women on those dating sites. However, when I am walking the streets of Shanghai, Beijing, Guangzhou or Shenzen,OMG, multiply the hotties on the dating sites by more than 50% or haigher , you need to grab hold of a lampost before ya go into a cardiac arrest. Dudes, these women are soooooooo much more beautiful than the dating site chicks. As Jesse pointed out, these women DO NOT need to be puttin there fatches on any old dating site....Just don't need too. They have two or three high-end automobiles, big ass houses, important executive jobs, more money in the bank than they even know they have, wardrobes that come from all the big top world designers, (probably they know them on a first name basis), highly educated and the list goes on. The point is, Chinese women, back twenty years ago, did NOT have this freedom to even think about such success. They were raised to become a house wife and have a child, while the husband would go to work and chase other women after work. A Chinese women, even today, who is 40ish and not married, will probably never be married, because CHINESE men don't want a wife that old. And here is the other point to this story...are ya ready?....Chinese CULTURE still believes the man is the bread winner of their famiy. They run away from this class of women. I have asked my uni. female students, who will be about 23 to 24, whenthey graduate, what will they do after their graduation...THEIR ANSWER..find a good husband and raise a family. Just thought I try to steer this conversation back to OP...me...haha...Please remeber the article is not talking about :

What do AMERICAN women want or Dating site comparisons

 

It is talking about:

The Power Shift - What do CHINESE Women Want

 

That's right Chef. You just can't roll ALL Chinese women into one set of predictable behaviors. There are just too many levels that separate the classes of women in China, and the writer of that article was wise enough not to attempt it. The writer very carefully presented her story using side-headings: It's all about the money, China's educated women, Beyond money, and finally, A new paradigm."

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

The article is about middle class Chinese women...not the elite.

 

It is following the same trend in the US: the more education a woman has, the more difficult it is for her to find a potential mate acceptable to her.

 

Well, yes partly, and no. The author of the article did not use the word "elite," I am the one who chose that word. In choosing it, I may have confused you in how I interpret the content. China is the most populated country on earth, but the vast majority of Chinese people are poor. A college education is not an option for their child, and these families struggle just to get by. There is however an "elite" class of people whose families have found success. The mother and father typically grew up after the one-child policy was imposed in China. They have executive level jobs, are financially independent, and do everything possible to ensure their child gets the best of everything the world has to offer. That includes private classes to improve English skills, and private classes to ensure they get top scores on Western college entrance exams.

 

Most of the educated young people I know in China, came from poor families who scrimped, pinched, and saved everywhere possible. But, even after doing that they could not manage to save enough money for a Western education. Chinese people know very well that for their child to get the best possible start they will need a Western education, preferably American. The Chinese woman who is fortunate enough to graduate from an American university will be heavily pursued in the job market, not only for their education, but because they can often speak multiple languages; including English, Cantonese, Mandarin, Japanese, French, German, Russian, or Spanish. They are culturally diverse and don't need a man to get a green card for them, as the employer will take care of all immigration related issues.

 

The elite class of Chinese women, who were born and raised in China, and later sent to a Western university is statistically significant and numbers in the thousands. Every year a new group of women pack their bags to leave China and go to school; it may be Canada, Australia, UK, Europe, or America. Their parents are proud and look forward to their return to China, but they also know their precious daughter may leave China and accept a job in another country.

 

I don't see them following the same trend as the women of America because the majority of American women never intended to accept a job in another country, so probably speak English only. The world has changed. America still has the best universities in the world, but many of the best jobs have moved to other countries.These, are the elite women of China to whom I am referring, as it's very important to draw a distinction between women who are educated in China, and those who are educated in the West. This woman in particular will have a very hard time finding her equal.

Edited May 21, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[knloregon]

Chinese people know very well that for their child to get the best possible start they will need a Western education, preferably American. The Chinese woman who is fortunate enough to graduate from an American university will be heavily pursued in the job market, not only for their education, but because they can often speak multiple languages; including English, Cantonese, Mandarin, Japanese, French, German, Russian, or Spanish. They are culturally diverse and don't need a man to get a green card for them, as the employer will take care of all immigration related issues.

 

" The elite class of Chinese women, who were born and raised in China, and later sent to a Western university is statistically significant and numbers in the thousands. Every year a new group of women pack their bags to leave China and go to school; it may be Canada, Australia, UK, Europe, or America. Their parents are proud and look forward to their return to China, but they also know their precious daughter may leave China and accept a job in another country.

 

I don't see them following the same trend as the women of America because the majority of American women never intended to accept a job in another country, so probably speak English only. The world has changed. America still has the best universities in the world, but many of the best jobs have moved to other countries.These, are the elite women of China to whom I am referring, as it's very important to draw a distinction between women who are educated in China, and those who are educated in the West. This woman in particular will have a very hard time finding her equal. ..."

 

 

Great Post, JE, among several on this topic. I have posted in the past about my brilliant niece --- daughter of my wife's sister, (the hard core party members) Friggen' drop dead GORGEOUS, degree in International Communications in Guangzhou, and the last two years in New Castle Univ. (on a full scholarship) for a degree in instant translation--- those people who translate between world leaders---Chinese and American---at high state functions. Already fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, English, French, and Japanese. ----the point being, young women in China are beginning to realize all that hard work over so many years-----(and this girl, who confided in her uncle) admitted she had no social life for many years at university) ---- so with the light at the end of her educational tunnel-- she, ( and they) begin to realize--a lot of the most eligible and attractive men in the WORLD are looking their way....

[A Mafan]

I guess I don't understand the point either of you are trying to make, or its usefulness to any current or future CFL participants.

[A Mafan]

Let me be clear: I'm not disagreeing.

 

Assume I'm completely wrong, and my point is off-base. Assume your point is 100% correct.

 

Then what? I'm just not following you.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Great Post, JE, among several on this topic. I have posted in the past about my brilliant niece --- daughter of my wife's sister, (the hard core party members) Friggen' drop dead GORGEOUS, degree in International Communications in Guangzhou, and the last two years in New Castle Univ. (on a full scholarship) for a degree in instant translation--- those people who translate between world leaders---Chinese and American---at high state functions. Already fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, English, French, and Japanese. ----the point being, young women in China are beginning to realize all that hard work over so many years-----(and this girl, who confided in her uncle) admitted she had no social life for many years at university) ---- so with the light at the end of her educational tunnel-- she, ( and they) begin to realize--a lot of the most eligible and attractive men in the WORLD are looking their way....

 

Thanks Kim. Yes, I agree. Men are noticing a different kind of Chinese woman emerging.

[knloregon]

Well, JE, here's an update: Beautiful Niece, who I email to as: BN ~ has chosen a MAN ~ ! While some fairly high placed British diplomats have been courting (circling) her, she has chosen a classmate --- a Brit. in her program, classmate, but also (fairly) fluent in Mandarin, ex soccer player, young and good looking----which is to say, she will marry for love, not status...... Wedding is in July..... Parents in Guangzhou are less than pleased.....

[ChrisA]

Well, JE, here's an update: Beautiful Niece, who I email to as: BN ~ has chosen a MAN ~ ! While some fairly high placed British diplomats have been courting (circling) her, she has chosen a classmate --- a Brit. in her program, classmate, but also (fairly) fluent in Mandarin, ex soccer player, young and good looking----which is to say, she will marry for love, not status...... Wedding is in July..... Parents in Guangzhou are less than pleased.....

 

The question becomes, will she cast-out as the black sheep of the family, or will it take time for her family to accept her choice for a husband. I understand the traditional culture values, but times are changing, if parents don't understand it's the daughters choice (parents being selfish), not their choice who she decides to spends the rest of there life with, the point that is missing is her happiness. We can't predict what their future will be, no more that the parents can, her choice could become the next (Mark Z from Facebook) for all we know. My point here is they have set the foundation of a strong relationship, have a life plan together and are going to see it through not matter what anyone says.

 

Example, if a Turkish women is already promised at an early age, to be married to someone who the father knows (typically to a family relative or someone close to the family), but she's not in love with the chosen person, then the father is forcing his will on his daughter, is this right? In some cases this ends up with negative results, the daughter being killed because she has disgrace her family because of Culture. The middle-east is a good example of what can happen, it does happen in Europe and sometime here i the US.

 

Another example, my ex at 43 still had to ask her parents for permission before she married me, and I went through an 1 1/2 Q&A session with her brothers and sisters, dam you would think at this age she would able to make her own decission in reference to her future.

Edited May 23, 2012 by ChrisA (see edit history)

[A Mafan]

-which is to say, she will marry for love, not status......

 

It is beginning to seem like "Foreign Husband" is the new "LV/Hermes purse".

[A Mafan]

Which is a problem in itself, as all her mainland China friends are wondering why she isn't driving a Lexus and living in a New York Penthouse, like all Americans do. (which is probably their underhanded way of getting even with her for daring to trump them in the face game)

[tsap seui]

Well, JE, here's an update: Beautiful Niece, who I email to as: BN ~ has chosen a MAN ~ ! While some fairly high placed British diplomats have been courting (circling) her, she has chosen a classmate --- a Brit. in her program, classmate, but also (fairly) fluent in Mandarin, ex soccer player, young and good looking----which is to say, she will marry for love, not status...... Wedding is in July..... Parents in Guangzhou are less than pleased.....

 

The question becomes, will she cast-out as the black sheep of the family, or will it take time for her family to accept her choice for a husband. I understand the traditional culture values, but times are changing, if parents don't understand it's the daughters choice (parents being selfish), not their choice who she decides to spends the rest of there life with, the point that is missing is her happiness. We can't predict what their future will be, no more that the parents can, her choice could become the next (Mark Z from Facebook) for all we know. My point here is they have set the foundation of a strong relationship, have a life plan together and are going to see it through not matter what anyone says.

 

Example, if a Turkish women is already promised at an early age, to be married to someone who the father knows (typically to a family relative or someone close to the family), but she's not in love with the chosen person, then the father is forcing his will on his daughter, is this right? In some cases this ends up with negative results, the daughter being killed because she has disgrace her family because of Culture. The middle-east is a good example of what can happen, it does happen in Europe and sometime here i the US.

 

Another example, my ex at 43 still had to ask her parents for permission before she married me, and I went through an 1 1/2 Q&A session with her brothers and sisters, dam you would think at this age she would able to make her own decission in reference to her future.

 

That's really funny Chris. I can imagine my inlaws and Wenyan's two brothers grilling me for an hour and a half about us gettin' married. Heck, we'd laugh through most anything they could ask. Wenyan was 43 also when I met her and her family, 45 when we got married there in China. I get along great with the family, we are usually laughing our butts off at some silly thing I do, or something funny they say. The whole family has a great sense of humor...I can't even imagine things gettin' serious enough that they would think to ask me questions.....maybe that's because on my first trip when I kept seeing them say "Gambe" and emptyin' their glasses at our first meal in ma and ba's home I thought it was some kind of toast....so, next time one of them said gambe I said Chairman Mao as I raised my glass...that got a big laugh but the next time they said gambe I said Mao Zedong....they went crazy with laughter and pointing at me. Any ice that may have been got melted at that first dinner together.

 

Then 2 years later when it looked like we were never going to get a visa I bought Wenyan a new home, and we hadn't even married yet. That deed I reckon showed them the funny white boy wuz serious about their lil' girl. Heck, I bought the house because it looked like that was where Uncle Sammy was going to mandate that I was to live, if I wanted to be with Wenyan.

 

Not tryin' to make fun of a serious matter like a family askin' the intended what his plans were, it's just that our family relationship would get side tracked with laughter if they had started askin' me questions.. Shucks, I think the last time I was ever serious was back in 1962, and I can't even remember what that was all about.

 

Hope things go well in September for you.

 

tsap seui

[ChrisA]

Well, JE, here's an update: Beautiful Niece, who I email to as: BN ~ has chosen a MAN ~ ! While some fairly high placed British diplomats have been courting (circling) her, she has chosen a classmate --- a Brit. in her program, classmate, but also (fairly) fluent in Mandarin, ex soccer player, young and good looking----which is to say, she will marry for love, not status...... Wedding is in July..... Parents in Guangzhou are less than pleased.....

 

The question becomes, will she cast-out as the black sheep of the family, or will it take time for her family to accept her choice for a husband. I understand the traditional culture values, but times are changing, if parents don't understand it's the daughters choice (parents being selfish), not their choice who she decides to spends the rest of there life with, the point that is missing is her happiness. We can't predict what their future will be, no more that the parents can, her choice could become the next (Mark Z from Facebook) for all we know. My point here is they have set the foundation of a strong relationship, have a life plan together and are going to see it through not matter what anyone says.

 

Example, if a Turkish women is already promised at an early age, to be married to someone who the father knows (typically to a family relative or someone close to the family), but she's not in love with the chosen person, then the father is forcing his will on his daughter, is this right? In some cases this ends up with negative results, the daughter being killed because she has disgrace her family because of Culture. The middle-east is a good example of what can happen, it does happen in Europe and sometime here i the US.

 

Another example, my ex at 43 still had to ask her parents for permission before she married me, and I went through an 1 1/2 Q&A session with her brothers and sisters, dam you would think at this age she would able to make her own decission in reference to her future.

 

That's really funny Chris. I can imagine my inlaws and Wenyan's two brothers grilling me for an hour and a half about us gettin' married. Heck, we'd laugh through most anything they could ask. Wenyan was 43 also when I met her and her family, 45 when we got married there in China. I get along great with the family, we are usually laughing our butts off at some silly thing I do, or something funny they say. The whole family has a great sense of humor...I can't even imagine things gettin' serious enough that they would think to ask me questions.....maybe that's because on my first trip when I kept seeing them say "Gambe" and emptyin' their glasses at our first meal in ma and ba's home I thought it was some kind of toast....so, next time one of them said gambe I said Chairman Mao as I raised my glass...that got a big laugh but the next time they said gambe I said Mao Zedong....they went crazy with laughter and pointing at me. Any ice that may have been got melted at that first dinner together.

 

Then 2 years later when it looked like we were never going to get a visa I bought Wenyan a new home, and we hadn't even married yet. That deed I reckon showed them the funny white boy wuz serious about their lil' girl. Heck, I bought the house because it looked like that was where Uncle Sammy was going to mandate that I was to live, if I wanted to be with Wenyan.

 

Not tryin' to make fun of a serious matter like a family askin' the intended what his plans were, it's just that our family relationship would get side tracked with laughter if they had started askin' me questions.. Shucks, I think the last time I was ever serious was back in 1962, and I can't even remember what that was all about.

 

Hope things go well in September for you.

 

tsap seui

 

Tsap,

 

Actually, you may not know it, but the relatives and the partying fell into their plan, you may not have know it at the time. On every visit, when the family was out to have dinner, one of the brother's would bring BYOB to the table just for the men, it's their way to see if they can get you drunk, to see you show your "True Face". But in my case it didn't work, having lived in Europe for more than 25 years, I have drank just about everything you could image, so trying to get me drunk wouldn't work, I'm by no means a drinker, but if need be I can drank anyone of the four under the table. Example, take an average American, sent him to Germany, let him drink four German beers, he doesn't realize he just drank a half a case of beer, 1 German beer (9% at 1/2 liter)) equals 3 American beer (3.2% at 36 ozs) by alcohol content by volume. Man, I have seen guys crawling on hand and knees across the parade field, trying to get back to the Barracks because they couldn't walk.

 

As for the ex, she'd been married twice before, I guess it was more of being accepted into the family, than anything else.

 

September has ben tabled for the moment, due to the delay of the divorce and settlement, I'll PM with the details later.

Edited May 23, 2012 by ChrisA (see edit history)

[haihai]

I just reread that thar article. In my extimanation the article is about ALL Chinese wimmins....maybe 50% middle class, 25% eliticus, and 25% rural wimmins.

 

Now not being a high falutin well edjimacated studier or scholar of wimmins I jes wanna say one thang I have observed and been taught by my lil' tiny hiney Chinertuckian woman.

 

You is a dadgum fool if'n you is thinkin' yore woman, in the early stages of yore hot and sweaty courtin' n' ah sparkin', is marryin' you for this thing yore lil' pitter patter heart tells your lil' water spout, who then proceeds, oncet the afterglo is wearin' off, tells yore lil' pea pickin' brain is LOVE.

 

Now, that ain't to say yoyu is a STUPID dadgum fool, mind you, because there are the rare woman who marries for this thang called love....jes that you is a dadgum fool if you think she is puttin' on your Pabst Blue Ribbon pop top ring on her finger for LOVE.

 

If'n you find yoreself in that mindset, please....open yore love blind eyes....there jes might be a WHOLE DAMN LOT you is missin' here. Know wudda mean?

 

Chinese wimmin ain't DUMB wimmin, I scream into this Hong Kong ding dong bong.

 

Wake up brothers... "First comes love, then comes marriage" is part of a silly love song. Paul McCartney could have written that gibberish in a pipe dream he had back in ole Bangladesh....or in any hotel room he partied in, in any city he wuz in. Hell, Gomer Pyle could have written that.

 

tsap seui

 

Married me for love....Kiss my dadgummed grits. She better have married you for more than that stupid thought. Love comes much later.

Just looked at this one (LOL), My thoughts many times but I just think em not write em..