Idiots guide to Chinese women

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

If you've visited China, perhaps you have seen some homes, and apartments that have banners with Chinese characters in red. They are pasted above the door, and to the left and right of it. The following image is a pretty good example in English of the meaning. I don't know what "Gelivable" is supposed to be. A lot of Chinese culture believes that luck is a good part of favorable things in life. Good luck and back luck are a part of life. Seek out and believe good things will happen. Reality is a tough thing. Chinese people don't seem to like to deal with the inevitable; especially when it shows bad news coming. The more you remind them of the facts, the more you will lose their listening skills.

 

http://i43.tinypic.com/34y41mw.jpg

Edited March 4, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

"I'm a traditional Chinese woman!"

 

This one bothers me a little bit. It's not what it says on the surface, but it's about the motivation for saying it. Okay. I get it. They love their country and culture. Most of us met Chinese women over the Internet. Men, being men, like to get the woman on webcam. And, then, after getting her on webcam, want to see a little more of what's going on. You know what I mean. Chinese women don't seem to like overt flirting. Yes, a few will go for it, and flirt right back at you, but a good number of them get really turned off by sexually provocative men. I believe this is one of the reasons for it. Again, I think there may be many reasons for their motivation to state this, especially early on in a relationship. If you are a playboy, then, you will tell her what she wants to hear. But, even though you're a man, you may be a bit vulnerable and taken in by her. You are respectful of her. You like her, and even quickly imagining a future with her. Hold back. Pull on those reins. Be careful. If she's so traditional, then she might not do well in another culture. Chances are, she's not really as traditional as she wants you to believe.

Edited March 4, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

"Who's in charge?"

 

The Western stigma is that Asian women are subservient and will put up with a lot more than Western women. Is it true? First, start by asking the men here on this site about their personal experience. I think you will be hard pressed to find a man who will say his wife does anything and everything he wishes her to do. Chinese women like a man to be a man. They want him to be the bread winner and make important decisions. They don't enjoy family meetings and getting all the details. But yet, they do want the details. Go figure. Do you remember the commercial a few years back featuring Burt Reynolds? He said, "A woman's prerogative: to change her mind. A man's prerogative, to change it back." If your wife is the domestic type, then she wants to make the home. Decorate, cook, and care for her family; both you, and abroad. Respect her need to be with her family and friends back in China. Do NOT deny her that. If you do, you will lose. Grow a backbone, but make sure it's free of asshole influence. You have responsibility now, and a lot of it. Guide her, but don't boss her. Listen to her carefully. She means what she says.

Edited March 4, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

JiansuEpat, you are full of shit!

 

You might be right. After all, I did marry a Chinese woman, and it didn't work out.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

She says: "It's all about you!"

 

No translation needed. She told you what she thinks. The question is, "what are you going to do to change it?"

 

 

 

 

 

I hereby copyright the name, "Idiots guide to Chinese women" and "Idiot's guide to Chinese women" as of the date of this post. Any use of this title must have the full permission of me, the author of this title and content. The use of the content of my posts in this thread is expressly forbidden without my written consent.

Edited March 4, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

You wonder, "Why didn't she leave a message or tell me she would be late?" or, "I thought we had a plan, what am I missing?

 

a. She's with another man.

b. Why would she do this? I thought we had an understanding?

 

Sometimes, and I say that with emphasis, there just isn't a perceived need to let you know what they are doing from one moment to the next. If you're quick to jealousy, then your marriage probably won't work out anyway. If she's inconsiderate, you just need to figure out how much of this crap is acceptable.

[amberjack1234]

Jessie my wife's favorite is "later" for a trip. something that we need. Which translates to forget it for ever.

 

Larry

 

By the way the wife told the inlaws tonight that there would not a $100,000 in the mail for gege. Now we are both SOB's.

 

Don't they always say, it's the thought that counts? Here's a few animated gifs you can send brother-in-law gege:

 

http://i43.tinypic.com/dmuskk.gif

http://i39.tinypic.com/50pdl4.gif

http://i41.tinypic.com/6gj6vm.jpg

 

:-)

 

They are pretty good Jess. Where can I get one of them machines?

Larry

[Sam and Fen]

There is a new show on Broadway called Chinglish that deals with a lot of these issues in a funny way.

 

My wife did not like the show but I was splitting up and most of us that have a Chinese wife and have dealt with "Lost in translation" issues will find this show very entertaining.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

There is a new show on Broadway called Chinglish that deals with a lot of these issues in a funny way.

 

My wife did not like the show but I was splitting up and most of us that have a Chinese wife and have dealt with "Lost in translation" issues will find this show very entertaining.

 

I have heard of the show, but that's about it. Talking about cultural and language differences can sometimes be misinterpreted. American humor can be a little intimidating to Chinese people, because there is so much culture involved in it.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

You say, "Your English is very good!" They reply, "No, it's not very good, only so, so."

 

This is a common response in China, and can actually get a little annoying. We want to pay the Chinese person a compliment, but they seemingly don't want to accept it. In America, we learn to just say "thank you" and accept the compliment, and may even strike up a discussion about it. Many Chinese people are aware that this bothers Western people, but it's still hard for them to accept any compliment. Still, they like hearing them.

 

Several of my co-workers have developed very good English skills. They are young, and some were even educated in Western universities. Yet, even they reject compliments to their English speaking skills. I have tried hard to weave my way through their little smoke screen, and tell them that I have met many Chinese people, and personally believe their speaking skills are better than most. I have also told them that they should try a little harder to accept my compliment, because I know better than they do whether their speaking skill is good. Sometimes they smile, or laugh, and other times they are not sure how to take it. A smile goes a long way when you're speaking. Remember, it's not easy for them, and it's not easy for you.

 

Chinese culture pretty much says you are never good enough. Even if they are at the top of their class, their family remembers they got a 97 on their final exam. It should have been 100.

Edited March 5, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

"The China Workplace"

 

Have you ever wondered about the differences between a workplace in China, as compared to a workplace in America? The following graphic tells the story pretty well:

 

http://i42.tinypic.com/zn5vfp.jpg

 

 

The Chinese boss is powerful. Just like America, some bosses are better than others. If they are speaking to you, don't interrupt them.

Edited March 5, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

I'm not a girl, I am a woman!

We play word games quite a bit. I once asked her why chinese ladies treat their boyfriends/husbands as a child... and her quick-cat razor cutting glance spoke volumes... the silence penetrated deeper and deeper as she let the unspoken look sink in.... and then came the glib pronouncement: "Because they are". And the perfect storm was over as quick...

 

Later, at a very opportune time when I was doing something which I admit was below my current age by quite a bit... and the cat sprung on me with a thunderous "HOW OLD ARE YOU?"... Knowing exactly where this was going and the obviously lesson she wanted to teach me, I quickly said, "4 years old!!".

[david_dawei]

"It doesn't matter."

"Whatever."

"It's no problem."

 

 

If you truly want to improve your cultural understanding, start by not only learning about Chinese history, but also learning the cultural aspects of what these common words and phrases really mean. There are quite a few words in Mandarin that will translate directly, without hidden culture or secondary meanings. However, there are many that are deeply wrapped in culture and there is no way to translate them directly. I mentioned earlier that the USA is considered to be a "low context culture." That means, words, phrases, idioms, and metaphors change frequently. China is considered a "high context" culture. That means the meaning of the language is deeply rooted in words and phrases. So much so, that's it is very difficult for anyone who wasn't born in China to ever fully grasp many things. Try to keep an open mind, and avoid thinking that all one need do is use software to translate written Chinese language.

I would agree that understanding words and phrases is good but it is more challenging in some regards... but there is a link; being deeply rooted in words and phrases means it is deeply rooted in history. Chinese view history as 'truth'; it is the source or basis. If one only looks at the words and phrases they don't get the historical context. Chinese idioms and sayings are endless and without a historical context it is somewhat meaningless... but there is great opportunity for understanding.

[david_dawei]

A lot of Chinese culture believes that luck is a good part of favorable things in life. Good luck and back luck are a part of life. Seek out and believe good things will happen. Reality is a tough thing. Chinese people don't seem to like to deal with the inevitable; especially when it shows bad news coming. The more you remind them of the facts, the more you will lose their listening skills.

Their culture is born out of dualism of Yin and Yang... but it is really better to say it originates as an undifferentiated unity which sprung forth two sides making up the whole...

 

Luck/Auspicious and bad luck/Inauspicious is of such historical importance a book could be written on it alone. This is best seen in the daoist philosopher Lao Zi who wrote:

“Ill fortune is that beside which good fortune lies; Good fortune is that beneath which all fortune lurks”

 

As to inevitable issues and facts... this is born out of their philosophy as well... Daoism teaches that life is simply 'change'... so any pronouncement as absolute might not be accepted since... change happens. (although those who follow Confucius thought will fixated on social implications). Until it happens, it is an open case. Once it has happened, it is fully accepted as Yuan Fen (fate).

[tsap seui]

I'm not a girl, I am a woman!

We play word games quite a bit. I once asked her why chinese ladies treat their boyfriends/husbands as a child... and her quick-cat razor cutting glance spoke volumes... the silence penetrated deeper and deeper as she let the unspoken look sink in.... and then came the glib pronouncement: "Because they are". And the perfect storm was over as quick...

 

Later, at a very opportune time when I was doing something which I admit was below my current age by quite a bit... and the cat sprung on me with a thunderous "HOW OLD ARE YOU?"... Knowing exactly where this was going and the obviously lesson she wanted to teach me, I quickly said, "4 years old!!".

 

My wife often tells me with a twinkle in her eyes that she has two sons. My older son is named Fengqi, my young son is named Ronny.

 

I tell her, "The day when I start acting my age.....please shoot me."

 

tsap seui