Idiots guide to Chinese women

[tsap seui]

I don't get either one of those but it is certainly implied that is for sure. I am retired and was so when she came here 13 years ago. So I live on 65% of my basic pay now. I had to open up a jet-ski business to satisfy that GREED for money. My wife does not want ANYTHING only money. Now just this last weekend the brother in law is asking for $100,000 us dollars to buy an new home. The only thing is that he don't want to work for it. Of course you know that I will be sending it to him post haste right.

 

Larry

What is it with thinking all Americans are filthy rich??

 

My wife has been on this thing about paying mum $10,000 to $20,000 to help pay for an apartment.

 

We are barely making enough to pay the bills on just my income, and it seems to be a struggle getting her a job that she feels pays her enough.

 

This is one thing that makes me nuts.

 

Me to Dan. The wife dropped the bomb last Saturday night when she called her parents and told them that there would not be a check in the mail for $100,000. Here parents were going to give him 600,000 RMB but now that we won't contribute that is off because it won't be enough. He don't want part of it he wants it ALL.

 

Now we are both SOB's

 

Larry

 

Wow Larry, I thought you were kidding at first.

 

Oh well, you and Dan just need to go out into yore backyards and pull a bunch of Franklin's off one of yore money trees and send it over. The secret is out, American's have money trees growin' in their backyards.

 

Wenyan's oldest brother is having a new home built for him....can you believe it, he hasn't even asked us for a few hundred grand to pay for the place?

 

In her 7 months in the US Wenyan has sent over $200 to her mom and dad. I tried to get her to send more to them. as their TV set died out and I wanted them to have a big new one. They are elderly and don't get out much and the TV is their single most form of entertainment...alas, skin flint, only let me Western Union them $200.

 

Readin' you guys posts, I have something more to be thankful Wenyan is the one who rode the train down to Beijing to meet me. I's gonna go give her a hug n' ah squeeze right now, I tells ya.

 

tsap seui

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I don't understand the greedy part of some Chinese people, especially when they expect others to give them large sums of money. It's very common to borrow money from family, at little to no interest, or for family to buy gifts and things to make their life more comfortable. In Larry's case, the request is not even close to a reasonable one.

 

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[amberjack1234]

I feel very sorry for the position that my wife's family has put her in. It really don't make any difference to me one way or the other except for her feelings. I would like for all of us to get along well but if they want to treat her this way because of what I will not sent them then so be it. Her brother has been nothing but a disgrace to the family. He has borrowed money twice from his parents,$25,000 US each time for some hair brained business scheam only to lose or piss it all away and never has repaid them a dime so how could he ever repay this much money? I have a sneaking feeling that it is his wife that is raising hell for a new appartment and I am sure if she don't get it she will be out of the door and then he will pull a big drunk and call his mother and father raising hell every night blaming them for his troubles. The last time that this came up he took his son that his parents were raising since borth and took him to his home in Langzhou. Every night he would call his parents, drunk of course, and beat his son and make them lissen to him crying on the phone. I wish I knew some of Davids black hand friends in China to pay his A** a visit. I would myself but the sucker is 6' 7" tall and I am only 5' 7" toll so he would in all likehood cream me.

 

Larry

[david_dawei]

"Knockoffs"

 

You'll find them everywhere in China. If it's something that sells, then there is a copy of it somewhere. But, should you buy a knockoff for your lady? Depends. There are many women wearing knockoffs and carrying knockoff purses. For some women, it seems to be okay. For other women, they would not consider it at all. Don't assume on this one, because she might be insulted if you buy a knockoff, when she never owned one in her life.

That is a modern idea....

 

Go to your local Nanjing History Museum and you will see that China was 'knocking off' copies as early as 5,000 years ago... they have the longest patent on historical record... It is a modern fetish to talk about it as 'wrong' or 'illegal'.

 

Last time I went to the NJ museum, I d

idn't see any LV purses in the display cases.

Then you missed the metaphorical and historical wink to the future... it is very easy to see...

Edited March 10, 2012 by david_dawei (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

I don't understand the greedy part of some Chinese people, especially when they expect others to give them large sums of money. It's very common to borrow money from family, at little to no interest, or for family to buy gifts and things to make their life more comfortable. In Larry's case, the request is not even close to a reasonable one.

I think you are smarter than this....

 

It is very natural... life=money... money=more money... more money=avarice... avarice=one of the seven deadly sins...

 

Why care if family or not family if you can pull them into the idea... Think Chinese...

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I don't understand the greedy part of some Chinese people, especially when they expect others to give them large sums of money. It's very common to borrow money from family, at little to no interest, or for family to buy gifts and things to make their life more comfortable. In Larry's case, the request is not even close to a reasonable one.

I think you are smarter than this....

 

It is very natural... life=money... money=more money... more money=avarice... avarice=one of the seven deadly sins...

 

Why care if family or not family if you can pull them into the idea... Think Chinese...

 

It seems you misunderstood my post. I used the phrase, "I do not understand" as a colloquial expression. Let me clarify. One of the things that attracts me most to China is the strong sense of family and the support they offer one another. Yet, even in China, there are members of family who are treated as outsiders. Perhaps because they borrow money and spend it wildly and without considering the hard work and kindness of those who provided it. Maybe the family members are selfish, and only think of themselves.

 

I took a moment to look up the word, "avarice." Nice word. I wouldn't use it personally, but it describes greed, and a strong desire to obtain and keep money. Anyway, I was responding to Larry's post about his wife's brother continually borrowing money and putting pressure on his wife to get Larry to give him money; a lot of it. Family support is a wonderful thing, but there are some people who will take advantage of you if you let them. People will like you a lot if you give them money, but, is it just because of the money, or is it because they care about you and just need your help right now. Only your gut can tell you the answer to that.

 

I have been asked for money several times in China. People who want me to buy them gifts, or give them money to start a business. I think a couple of them even knew my name, but that's about all.

[amberjack1234]

I agree with David. China is a wonderful place for families helping each other, for the most part. My problem with the brother in law is that he has always been a bum and a moocher and any money given to him would be a GIFT. His parent have bent over backwards to help him, of course, and are still willing to do so. The problem is that he is not willing to help himself. When he was younger his mother knew this senior general in the military that told her to get him in the army and he would take him under his wing and see that the rose to the top very quickly. Well he joined up and stayed until his reinlistment was up and quit that. He would not go to college either although he was intelligent enough and had the grades. His parents got him on the Chinese national basketball team, whoever they are, and he was pretty good but did not like all the physical activity that he had to do in order to keep in shape to play. Quit that. They set him up in a pet shop and veternarian business. Quit that. They set him up in a jewlery store. Quit that. He worked for a Coal mine as a senior executive. Quit that. On it goes. I'm sorry I can't and won't make him a gift of $100,000. I have my wife to think of even if her parents don't. You know the Chinese mentality. Eldest son gets everything at all cost.

 

Larry

Edited March 10, 2012 by amberjack1234 (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

"To flirt, or not to flirt, that is the question"

 

Even though you may be past the flirting stage, you may or may not have experienced that Chinese women do not understand the Western concept of flirting. I'm not talking about saying things like, "As long as I have a face, you'll never be lacking for a place...." and "I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock." These are just plain lame, and probably wouldn't work on anyone. In my view, Western flirting is commonly used by both men and women as an affirmation. We simply want to get feedback that they like us. Everyone has a little different experience. Flirting by an American man may be perceived as too much, too soon, or just being too pushy. At this point, I think it's important to set up boundaries. I personally don't want to feel like I have to walk on eggshells with her, and I know she doesn't want me to behave as a drunken sailor. Well, maybe she does, but just not too openly. Is she willing to bend a little with you, or does she expect you to be a mind reader, with a doctorate in Chinese history and how to treat a selfish Chinese woman?

 

The 'getting to know you phase' is very important. What kind of signals are you getting from her? Are you hearing things like, "I only talk about things like that with my husband?" Is she moving at light speed on marriage, but dragging feet about getting to know you? Take the time to get to know her. She may be good at parallel parking:

 

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Edited March 11, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Mick]

I'll share a story about a very embarrassing moment I had when we were living in China. After my first year in China, I moved down to Shantou, in northeast Guangdong Province. Li joined me shortly thereafter and she also began teaching at the university where I taught. In early September (either the 8th or the 10th - I forget which) the Chinese celebrate "Teachers Day." The university took all the foreign teachers and their wives or husbands to a very nice restaurant at one of the big hotels downtown. This place had a huge buffet and was very popular and on Teachers Day, it was packed to the gills. Li and I were working our way into the section of the buffet that had some really nice chicken dishes and we were elbow to elbow with a crowd of folks. We finally worked our way into the grub and while getting my food, I leaned over, kissed Li on the head and whispered in her ear, "You are by far the most beautiful women in this place."

 

There was only one problem:

 

It wasn't Li !!!!

 

Li had drifted over a few spaces to get some ribs. Meanwhile, I am turning fifty shades of red. I thought, "Maybe she doesn't know English."

 

No such luck.

 

She is at least as red in the face as I am. Speaking in a voice that was quivering she said: "Thank you."

 

Good Lord did I screw up. Of course Li saw the whole thing and was laughing hysterically. Too funny.

[david_dawei]

"Don't drink cold things."

 

And for goodness sake, don't use beer to take that pill. Water only. Room temperature. Be sure to serve hot water to your guests.

This gets lost in translation and understanding...

 

Drinking something cold is bad for the stomach... which historically is the 'second brain'... where a persons truest intuition arises and where the martial and alchemy spiritual practices discovered that this area is best kept warm.... On it's own, it is naturally warm from digestive processes. I have meet some chinese who get sick if they drink something cold. Cold shocks the system but in the west we train it to accept this shock... but ultimately it is actually not good for the body in most cases.

 

Taking alcohol with medicine is actually historically good... Anciently, chinese brewed 'medicine jiu' (medically beneficial alcohol)... it is home brewed all over china (and dare I say in some US homes)... Alcohol gets the medicine into the blood stream faster and more efficiently... later generations have lost this understanding.

[david_dawei]

"Oh my god! Block the sun for me!"

 

For generations, hundreds, if not thousands of years, a Chinese woman's skin was to be protected and cared for. When the sun shines, out comes the umbrellas. Trains, buses, and even many taxis are fitted with window shades and curtains. There is a cultural component that may be rooted in class separation. Chinese farmers work hard in the fields all day, almost every day. Farmer women's skin becomes darkened from the sun. Many Chinese women do not want to be identified with this. They want their skin to appear as white and free of wrinkles as possible. Respect her need for expensive lotions, daily facial masks, and hiding from the sun. She also expects her man to rush to her aid to keep the sun off her face and body.

It can be much more dire than this... for some, their skin is incredibly sensitive. A small amount of sun exposure can damage their skin... It is not enough to just be mindful of their cultural propensity to avoid the sun. One should truly understand their lady's skin sensitivity and not write it off because westerners like to bask in the sun.

[david_dawei]

I don't get either one of those but it is certainly implied that is for sure. I am retired and was so when she came here 13 years ago. So I live on 65% of my basic pay now. I had to open up a jet-ski business to satisfy that GREED for money. My wife does not want ANYTHING only money. Now just this last weekend the brother in law is asking for $100,000 us dollars to buy an new home. The only thing is that he don't want to work for it. Of course you know that I will be sending it to him post haste right.

 

Larry

What is it with thinking all Americans are filthy rich??

 

My wife has been on this thing about paying mum $10,000 to $20,000 to help pay for an apartment.

 

We are barely making enough to pay the bills on just my income, and it seems to be a struggle getting her a job that she feels pays her enough.

 

This is one thing that makes me nuts.

It is quite easy to understand once we understand the flow of information... but one must understand the SOURCE of that information as well.

 

1. Married to a USC

2. not married but in US

 

The former come mostly on the 'stories' of the latter... The latter come in illegally and legally and room together, work in high 'net' income jobs like massage... and write back to china how this is a 'land of plenty [of money]'... I saw all this black market crap.

 

For the more observant.... my wife does not work in the US and has no desire from the outset to 'get money'... but as we shop around, and she is an accountant by trade as many are, she compares 'relative' prices.... and she has found that the US person can pay much much less for food than she could in china... So there is a 'savings' in almost just coming here... There are too many examples of why chinese find the US is a land of plenty.

[david_dawei]

"Knockoffs"

 

You'll find them everywhere in China. If it's something that sells, then there is a copy of it somewhere. But, should you buy a knockoff for your lady? Depends. There are many women wearing knockoffs and carrying knockoff purses. For some women, it seems to be okay. For other women, they would not consider it at all. Don't assume on this one, because she might be insulted if you buy a knockoff, when she never owned one in her life.

That is a modern idea....

 

Go to your local Nanjing History Museum and you will see that China was 'knocking off' copies as early as 5,000 years ago... they have the longest patent on historical record... It is a modern fetish to talk about it as 'wrong' or 'illegal'.

 

Last time I went to the NJ museum, I didn't see any LV purses in the display cases.

You missed what they have always known... there is in nature no such thing as intellectual property rights... I tend to agree... nature is simple... man is stupid, arrogant, envious, greedy, hateful, etc...

[david_dawei]

I don't get either one of those but it is certainly implied that is for sure. I am retired and was so when she came here 13 years ago. So I live on 65% of my basic pay now. I had to open up a jet-ski business to satisfy that GREED for money. My wife does not want ANYTHING only money. Now just this last weekend the brother in law is asking for $100,000 us dollars to buy an new home. The only thing is that he don't want to work for it. Of course you know that I will be sending it to him post haste right.

 

Larry

What is it with thinking all Americans are filthy rich??

 

My wife has been on this thing about paying mum $10,000 to $20,000 to help pay for an apartment.

 

We are barely making enough to pay the bills on just my income, and it seems to be a struggle getting her a job that she feels pays her enough.

 

This is one thing that makes me nuts.

 

I guess for the longest time, we are the ones who visit their country with fat wallets and spending money. Fact is, there are more billionaires in China than anywhere else in the world. There is also a huge separation of classes between the Chinese people. Many rich, and many very poor. Most foreigners know better than trying to negotiate price when buying things in China. Even if you can speak enough Chinese to do it, chances are you'd be better off to get a Chinese person to do it for you. For the Chinese woman who moves to America, there is a very strong compulsion to show their family that they are successful. Best way to show it is with money. I don't get it either. Chinese people will scrimp and pinch, and go without, just to give a little something to family. Something akin to having one's cake and eating it too comes to mind. You can't squeeze blood from a turnip does not compute in China. This is a cultural bridge that can bite anyone in the ass bigtime!

The Brits gave them the Opium War... but the fact is, their Ports for commerce was an extension of the silk roads commerce... and now we call it 'international trade imbalance'... The basic fact is... china controls the flow and demand and supply throughout history. Go to Walmart to Macy store.... it is mostly "made in china". Mission Accomplished... throughout the years...

 

As for chinese who want to show off their wealth... this is common... sleazy kind.... dump them...

[david_dawei]

It seems you misunderstood my post. I used the phrase, "I do not understand" as a colloquial expression. Let me clarify. One of the things that attracts me most to China is the strong sense of family and the support they offer one another. Yet, even in China, there are members of family who are treated as outsiders. Perhaps because they borrow money and spend it wildly and without considering the hard work and kindness of those who provided it. Maybe the family members are selfish, and only think of themselves.

You are a westerner.... always an outsider... consider their history of outside rule... some families may be outlier exceptions... find them if you can.

 

 

 

I took a moment to look up the word, "avarice." Nice word. I wouldn't use it personally, but it describes greed, and a strong desire to obtain and keep money. Anyway, I was responding to Larry's post about his wife's brother continually borrowing money and putting pressure on his wife to get Larry to give him money; a lot of it. Family support is a wonderful thing, but there are some people who will take advantage of you if you let them. People will like you a lot if you give them money, but, is it just because of the money, or is it because they care about you and just need your help right now. Only your gut can tell you the answer to that. I have been asked for money several times in China. People who want me to buy them gifts, or give them money to start a business. I think a couple of them even knew my name, but that's about all.

Good enough... but your gut could be manipulated by their avarice....