AGE DIFFERENCE

[warpedbored]

Thank you all for your insightful comments and suggestions.'Knl' I will definitely discuss your ideas about the interview with Jia. As to why we are doing a K-1 instead of a CR-1, well, I originally decided on K-1 because I remember reading here that it was somewhat quicker. So now I have another question for you all. Would it be worthwhile switching gears now and applying for a CR-1? (We just received the NOA-2) How much time would it add to the process? Would I have to resend everything? Plus we haven't planned the wedding yet! SHE WANTS A BIG ONE IN CHINA! Thank you all again for sharing your experiences and for your encouragement.

 

You would have to start over from scratch. If you already have your NOA-2 I don't think it would be worth it. You can still have your big wedding ceremony in China, just wait to make it legal when she gets here.

 

I guess I'm an odd ball since my wife and I are only 3 years apart. I wanted a wife closer to my own age. As Don pointed out if you have a 20 year age difference it is a lot different if you are 60 and she is 40 than if you're 40 and she's 20. Personally I think any man in his 40s hooking up with a woman in her 20s should question her motives.

[Amaro]

Thank you all for your insightful comments and suggestions.'Knl' I will definitely discuss your ideas about the interview with Jia. As to why we are doing a K-1 instead of a CR-1, well, I originally decided on K-1 because I remember reading here that it was somewhat quicker. So now I have another question for you all. Would it be worthwhile switching gears now and applying for a CR-1? (We just received the NOA-2) How much time would it add to the process? Would I have to resend everything? Plus we haven't planned the wedding yet! SHE WANTS A BIG ONE IN CHINA! Thank you all again for sharing your experiences and for your encouragement.

 

You would have to start over from scratch. If you already have your NOA-2 I don't think it would be worth it. You can still have your big wedding ceremony in China, just wait to make it legal when she gets here.

 

I guess I'm an odd ball since my wife and I are only 3 years apart. I wanted a wife closer to my own age. As Don pointed out if you have a 20 year age difference it is a lot different if you are 60 and she is 40 than if you're 40 and she's 20. Personally I think any man in his 40s hooking up with a woman in her 20s should question her motives.

 

 

 

 

Quoted for truth!

Edited May 6, 2011 by Amaro (see edit history)

[Ovahimba]

Age difference means a helluva a lot more to the woman's family and friends than she may let on to the man. If she is young and of child-bearing years (under 35), and / or never had a child, and the man is an old fart, 20 years her senior....well.....

 

...she will probably get a lot of grief from her family and friends about it. Don't underestimate it, don't minimize it, and don't try to apply a Western value to it by pushing the woman to ignore the words of her family and friends. Happens all the time in the West, but it will make for a very fragile marriage. Every case is different for a couple in China. If you are intuitive, and able to talk to her family, then ask them directly whether they are willing to accept you. If they are not, then take that as a clue to move on.

 

 

 

As with many situations in life, it helps if you have a lot of money. If you're rich, Chinese parents will overlook a lot. If your finances are marginal, plan on rough road ahead.

[SheLikesME?]

I suppose I could have married about 31 years younger, if I had taken more time, and since I am still friends with that lady, maybe I should have. Over the years I am finding she is purely honest and just a good friend.

 

As it is there is only a 15 year difference with my wife. We married and never had trouble in CR1. I had income better than most, which may have some bearing, and I front loaded the application with pictures that had captions. I showed as much family and famous places as possible in the pics. Not hard since she was in Beijing. We kept records of all chats and phone conversations, which I frontloaded. She took those kinds of records to the interview as well as pics. In her interview the pics is what were looked at. All her pic books. I think they made up their minds it was OK then just flipped through all the pics at interview to make sure. Maybe having gone over on business a few years before meeting her helped too.

 

Wish you the best. Make your luck happen.

[Mick]

Like most things, age difference can be an obstacle if the couple does not do a lot of thinking and talking early on. There is, for example, differing levels of maturity, life-experience, and with a Chinese spouse, cultural differences. Can it work? Of course, but you have to know what your facing going in. Let me give you a personal example, two couples who met and fell in love around the same time. Couple No. 1 was a 29 year old American man and a 24 year old Chinese woman. First marriage for both. They sailed through the visa process (before the Black Hole) and after living together in China for a year, moved to the States. They divorced two years later, mostly due to major problems with communication.

 

Couple No. 2 involved a 49 year old American man and a 25 year old Chinese woman. Second marriage for both. The couple lived together in China five-plus years as the wife did not want to come to the States. Eventually, they did come to America, but only after a major hassle obtaining her visa. This couple had a very rocky first year but managed to get through it and grew closer as a result. After returning to the States I should also mention they had a child together, when he was 55 and she was 31. This couple remain very much in love, more so than ever, and are in their 14th year together.

 

Moral of the story: tough to generalize based on age but one thing seems true across the board: commitment, communication, and facing reality rather than running from it increases your chances of success.

 

By now, there shouldn't be much mystery as to the identity of Couple No. 2 ....... B)

Edited May 6, 2011 by Mick (see edit history)

[dnoblett]

Thank you all for your insightful comments and suggestions.'Knl' I will definitely discuss your ideas about the interview with Jia. As to why we are doing a K-1 instead of a CR-1, well, I originally decided on K-1 because I remember reading here that it was somewhat quicker. So now I have another question for you all. Would it be worthwhile switching gears now and applying for a CR-1? (We just received the NOA-2) How much time would it add to the process? Would I have to resend everything? Plus we haven't planned the wedding yet! SHE WANTS A BIG ONE IN CHINA! Thank you all again for sharing your experiences and for your encouragement.

 

At this point it is your move, you would lose the fee paid for the I-129F.

 

However I beleive Ryan H did get married and withdrew their K-1 petition switching to CR-1

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?/user/66770-ryan-h/

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?/topic/42204-contemplaing-a-change-in-course/

[knloregon]

Yeah, Mick's is a success story if there ever was one here. And what with the price of Gold now.... a very lucky man! (but hey, she and a certain daughter are lucky too!).

[Ryan H]

Would it be worthwhile switching gears now and applying for a CR-1? (We just received the NOA-2) How much time would it add to the process? Would I have to resend everything?

 

 

If you were to switch gears now, you go back to the start. The waiting you have done and the fees you have paid will have been for naught. IMO, since you have your NOA2, let the case run its course.

 

However I beleive Ryan H did get married and withdrew their K-1 petition switching to CR-1

 

 

I never filed a I-129F for K1. The course switch was made before any paperwork was filed.

[Ed&Mandy]

Thank you all for your insightful comments and suggestions.'Knl' I will definitely discuss your ideas about the interview with Jia. As to why we are doing a K-1 instead of a CR-1, well, I originally decided on K-1 because I remember reading here that it was somewhat quicker. So now I have another question for you all. Would it be worthwhile switching gears now and applying for a CR-1? (We just received the NOA-2) How much time would it add to the process? Would I have to resend everything? Plus we haven't planned the wedding yet! SHE WANTS A BIG ONE IN CHINA! Thank you all again for sharing your experiences and for your encouragement.

 

 

You will be fine do not switch gears just have lots of evidence at interview time. Age does not matter I do not believe. I personally know a 60yr old just brought his 20 yr. old fiance back from the Philippines. 4 decades of difference!

[warpedbored]

Like most things, age difference can be an obstacle if the couple does not do a lot of thinking and talking early on. There is, for example, differing levels of maturity, life-experience, and with a Chinese spouse, cultural differences. Can it work? Of course, but you have to know what your facing going in. Let me give you a personal example, two couples who met and fell in love around the same time. Couple No. 1 was a 29 year old American man and a 24 year old Chinese woman. First marriage for both. They sailed through the visa process (before the Black Hole) and after living together in China for a year, moved to the States. They divorced two years later, mostly due to major problems with communication.

 

Couple No. 2 involved a 49 year old American man and a 25 year old Chinese woman. Second marriage for both. The couple lived together in China five-plus years as the wife did not want to come to the States. Eventually, they did come to America, but only after a major hassle obtaining her visa. This couple had a very rocky first year but managed to get through it and grew closer as a result. After returning to the States I should also mention they had a child together, when he was 55 and she was 31. This couple remain very much in love, more so than ever, and are in their 14th year together.

 

Moral of the story: tough to generalize based on age but one thing seems true across the board: commitment, communication, and facing reality rather than running from it increases your chances of success.

 

By now, there shouldn't be much mystery as to the identity of Couple No. 2 ....... B)

 

 

 

Mick you know I love you. Your's and Li's is one of the greatest love stories of all time. No one who has read many of your posts could doubt your relationship is genuine. I would like to point out that you met Li while living and working in China. You both fell in love naturally and had lots of time to get to know each other before a serious commitment was made. What I was referring to in my earlier post is where a 40 something man meets a 20 something woman on the internet and very quickly profess undying love. I still believe such a man would be wise to question her motives. Now as that age increases, say 49/29 there is a big difference in maturity levels vs 22/42.

[Mick]

Like most things, age difference can be an obstacle if the couple does not do a lot of thinking and talking early on. There is, for example, differing levels of maturity, life-experience, and with a Chinese spouse, cultural differences. Can it work? Of course, but you have to know what your facing going in. Let me give you a personal example, two couples who met and fell in love around the same time. Couple No. 1 was a 29 year old American man and a 24 year old Chinese woman. First marriage for both. They sailed through the visa process (before the Black Hole) and after living together in China for a year, moved to the States. They divorced two years later, mostly due to major problems with communication.

 

Couple No. 2 involved a 49 year old American man and a 25 year old Chinese woman. Second marriage for both. The couple lived together in China five-plus years as the wife did not want to come to the States. Eventually, they did come to America, but only after a major hassle obtaining her visa. This couple had a very rocky first year but managed to get through it and grew closer as a result. After returning to the States I should also mention they had a child together, when he was 55 and she was 31. This couple remain very much in love, more so than ever, and are in their 14th year together.

 

Moral of the story: tough to generalize based on age but one thing seems true across the board: commitment, communication, and facing reality rather than running from it increases your chances of success.

 

By now, there shouldn't be much mystery as to the identity of Couple No. 2 ....... B)

 

 

 

Mick you know I love you. Your's and Li's is one of the greatest love stories of all time. No one who has read many of your posts could doubt your relationship is genuine. I would like to point out that you met Li while living and working in China. You both fell in love naturally and had lots of time to get to know each other before a serious commitment was made. What I was referring to in my earlier post is where a 40 something man meets a 20 something woman on the internet and very quickly profess undying love. I still believe such a man would be wise to question her motives. Now as that age increases, say 49/29 there is a big difference in maturity levels vs 22/42.

 

Carl, I never thought for a minute you were referring to Li and I in your post. I agree, in fact, with your point about it being wise to question motives in an age difference of 20-plus years. And yes, you are right in pointing out that Li and I met in very natural circumstances, dated for a long time, lived together in China, and on and on, etc. I think the success in our relationship has come, at least in part, as a result of how we met and came together. And as for her motives, as you well know, she flat out refused to come back to the States with me while her Dad was so sick. We didn't even start the paperwork until we had been together for well over three years.

 

I am a man blessed in ten thousand ways in terms of our marriage. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I could be this well-matched with a person. But as you said, we fell in love naturally and took our time. We had a lot working against us that first year, so I think that added to the bond we forged early on. I often marvel at how folks, most of the guys on this board I guess, can meet someone on line and fall in love. Don't get me wrong, please, I am not questioning the sincerity or commitment. It is just something I never had the experience of. My hat is off to those who meet this way and make it work. Anyway Carl, like I said, I never even thought for a moment your comments about age difference had anything to do with Li and I. You have often expressed how you feel about our story and your feelings and kindness mean the world to me.

[david_dawei]

Like most things, age difference can be an obstacle if the couple does not do a lot of thinking and talking early on. There is, for example, differing levels of maturity, life-experience, and with a Chinese spouse, cultural differences. Can it work? Of course, but you have to know what your facing going in.

I think this is the main issue and a great point. I learned from my first relationship that the age difference itself was not the issue but the difference in culture, maturity and life-experience was; but these factors were caused by the age difference.

 

What may be unfortunate is if GUZ is trying to discern this on some level and making judgement calls based on whether they think the age difference has ulterior motives.

 

But the relationship, if it is 'true', does not need a visa; so what GUZ does should be immaterial in the end. Otherwise the relationship is really based on receiving a visa and I am personally believe this drives some of the VOs thought process. Too many here seem to think because they have 1000 pictures and multiple visits that their relationship is 'true'. I think this is the most misunderstood issue on this site; what is a 'true relationship'. Most think in terms of just fraud or scams but it includes a much more subtle angle which reveals the USC as part of the problem. I have seen too many USCs bailing after finding out they cannot get the visa. One guy I know is re-filing now as a CR1 (white slip for K1) but has told me if they truly cannot get the visa, then they will have to divorce. I would offer that if both sides don't really care about the outcome of the visa, that may be more telling of the relationship.

[tsap seui]

Like most things, age difference can be an obstacle if the couple does not do a lot of thinking and talking early on. There is, for example, differing levels of maturity, life-experience, and with a Chinese spouse, cultural differences. Can it work? Of course, but you have to know what your facing going in.

I think this is the main issue and a great point. I learned from my first relationship that the age difference itself was not the issue but the difference in culture, maturity and life-experience was; but these factors were caused by the age difference.

 

What may be unfortunate is if GUZ is trying to discern this on some level and making judgement calls based on whether they think the age difference has ulterior motives.

 

But the relationship, if it is 'true', does not need a visa; so what GUZ does should be immaterial in the end. Otherwise the relationship is really based on receiving a visa and I am personally believe this drives some of the VOs thought process. Too many here seem to think because they have 1000 pictures and multiple visits that their relationship is 'true'. I think this is the most misunderstood issue on this site; what is a 'true relationship'. Most think in terms of just fraud or scams but it includes a much more subtle angle which reveals the USC as part of the problem. I have seen too many USCs bailing after finding out they cannot get the visa. One guy I know is re-filing now as a CR1 (white slip for K1) but has told me if they truly cannot get the visa, then they will have to divorce. I would offer that if both sides don't really care about the outcome of the visa, that may be more telling of the relationship.

 

 

Yep, if America is the only, or largest motivating issue then there just ain't much relationship.

 

For us, the home is paid for in Chinertucky and very livable. America has taken a distant second seat behind the real life of just "being together" everyday. In July, one way or another there won't be anymore DOS intervention with our bona fide relationship. Lord, bless this here rice and fish heads, and would ya pass me the pinto beans, please?

 

tsap seui

 

Life is fer laughin'...at.

[reblooming]

Yep, if America is the only, or largest motivating issue then there just ain't much relationship.

 

tsap seui

 

 

 

good point.