How do you maintain your long-distance relationship?

[monkeyking]

My girlfriend and I talk on Skype every night, we send the occasional package or letter to each other, we even play chess and checkers on a website called itsyourturn.com. But it doesn't always feel like enough. What do you do to keep your relationship going?

[dnoblett]

Was web cam and skype twice a day for us. Emails and IM.

[HelloWorld08]

Was web cam and skype twice a day for us. Emails and IM.

 

 

same here, but we talk on the phone everyday for hours and webcam... we did this for 3 years..

[tsap seui]

1. Visits to China to be with her

2. 4,500-5,700 minutes talking twice a day on the phone each month

 

Not much anymore in the way of e-mail as it's all been said on the phone and e-mail has become stale and impersonal 2 years ago

 

tsap seui

[warpedbored]

You've hit on probably the biggest difficulty in an international relationship. It isn't easy to keep that spark alive on phone call, IMs, and emails. Web cams help a lot but can also be frustrating when you can't touch what's right in front of your face. This is the biggest reason why I think a K-1 visa is the best way to go. If the relationship fails because of the long wait no messy divorce is needed.

[smokiessky]

We talked twice a day either on the phone or MSN with webcam. It was a long wait but the best thing i ever done. She is here now and i know have the relationship beyond my wildest dreams.

[HongKong2LA]

Skype, phone, emails and the occasional cards, letters and packages. Besides a couple of trips a year, thats about all you can do. Wish there was some other magical way but....doing the time is mighty lonely sometimes.

[Jon & Cindy]

Yup. Mostly webcam with mic. Used Yahoo and MSN at the time. Also a lot of texting when I was at work or whatnot. I would also recommend a laptop so you can watch your big screen TV while she babbles on Don't tell her I said that tho!

[TLB]

My girlfriend and I talk on Skype every night, we send the occasional package or letter to each other, we even play chess and checkers on a website called itsyourturn.com. But it doesn't always feel like enough. What do you do to keep your relationship going?

 

Where is it that you want the relationship to "go"? language is wonderful in many ways -- it often contains depths of wisdom I too easily overlook. Relationships, I think, are always "going" somewhere: closer, further apart, stale, dying...

 

If this is "just" a girlfriend (meaning you haven't decided to marry) then you're probably doing all you can do except add trips to China: there is nothing that can substitute for the intimacies possible in sharing the same physical space, and I'm not sure the relationship can go much further without that.

 

My fiancee and I skype several times a week for about an hour, often text each other good morning and good night (that frequent light touch means a lot to me), sometimes email, and I send flowers or other gifts every couple of months. Other than that, what keeps us "going" is the quality of our conversations: besides the obvious smalltalk (what are you doing, how's the weather, how's Mom and Dad), we relive our moments together from the last meeting, plan for the next meeting, and of course exchange how much we miss each other, maybe we play some with each other. For example: it seems that every time Skype video doesn't work on her end -- about half the time -- she then tells me she's not wearing much (note to self: add "taking cold showers" to my list of daily activities").

 

I think, as others have said, you're doing about all you can; all that's left is to go see her, and of course take care of the quality of your exchanges.

[drakos]

1. Visits to China to be with her

2. 4,500-5,700 minutes talking twice a day on the phone each month

 

Not much anymore in the way of e-mail as it's all been said on the phone and e-mail has become stale and impersonal 2 years ago

 

tsap seui

I too talk to my lady 4,000 plus minutes a month, skype , emails, snail mail, and still find time to work 65 hours a week.

[3timescharm]

yea, what they all said.

 

Nobody said this was easy

[david_dawei]

perception and expectation needs to be kept in check; GUZ doesn't care about volumes of phone calls and emails; but the time spent prior to filing (did you rush the meeting and filing) and time together (did you visit often enough).

 

If this is just about the emotional aspect... then it's a natural function of doing something which is not very natural. Doing more and more and more time chatting is not going to satisfy it; Rather, work on feeling satisfied and happy (acceptance) with what you have (thankful).

 

Sometimes more requires less. Got to figure what what the balance is.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

1st you must have commitment from both parties. It is tough to have a long distance relationship. Heck it is tough having a local relationship with all the hectic lifestyles we have.

Web Cam chats, e-mails and phone calls help but it is not like having the person right here with you. Therefore the commitment must be there.

You should make sure the commitment is to you personally not some other agenda.