Growing up Black in China

[Mike62356]

Okay, my wife is from Fujian and as you all know there are some prejudices concerning women coming from here, but she has a few things to say about the darker skined people of the world, or at least she did until I pointed out about her being from Fujian and how she felt when other people said something to her about it.

Her only problem now seems to be more with people from ( sorry to those from there or of this decent ) India and I still don't know why she has this, she just says "because it from India" when I ask her.

I showed her this clip of this girl, at first she made a face but kept watching, when she started singing Samantha closed her eyes, smiled and said she has a good voice and is very pretty.

[Sam and Fen]

Okay, my wife is from Fujian and as you all know there are some prejudices concerning women coming from here, but she has a few things to say about the darker skined people of the world, or at least she did until I pointed out about her being from Fujian and how she felt when other people said something to her about it.

Her only problem now seems to be more with people from ( sorry to those from there or of this decent ) India and I still don't know why she has this, she just says "because it from India" when I ask her.

I showed her this clip of this girl, at first she made a face but kept watching, when she started singing Samantha closed her eyes, smiled and said she has a good voice and is very pretty.

 

 

I am originally from India and I can shed some light on this.

 

The Indians and the Chinese just dont like or trust each other.

Some of it is historical, some of it is Chinas policies in the region , some of it is the Indians being jealous of Chinas rise and some of it is because China wants to be the sole Asian power (keep India in check)

 

There is a lot of media coverage in China about the US courting India to keep China in check. Our governments policy seems to be engage with China and if that does not work have a close relationship with India as a Plan B to keep China in check.

When I was in China I was asked about this by her family and friends as to why the two countries are ganging up on China.

[Robert S.]

When I was with my wife in Dalian in 2001 we were sitting near a photo developing place waiting for our pictures when these two young guys she later told me were Japanese began making some loud comments in our direction and Ping understood what they were saying was some kind of racist comments about us being together. She stood up and apparently cursed them and their ancestors such that they shut up and they eventually went away.

 

I have had black people here in Alabama make fun of me for having a Chinese wife. These young people, really kids, kind of got me to stop and talk to them just as something to do while they were waiting for their ride after the movie was over at the mall and I was humorinig them and their jokes but when one of the girls asked me about my wife who was not with me at the time and when she realized I was talking about a Chinese lady she turned to her friends and made some kind of under the breath comment they laughed at.

 

I guess if other peoples want to be racist toward white people they are being guilty of the same thing that white people have done and still do. That was amazing that Prince Phillip got reported on by the press for pulling on the sides of his head and making himself have slant eyes when he and the Queen visited China several years ago.

 

Something that was disturbing to me and I still can't get over it, but I don't understand really where is the source of my anger was this. When Ping and I lived in Arkansas a few years ago we had an apartment and the next door neighbor was a Chinese guy who was going to the college there in Fayetteville. At least that was what he looked like, but when he opened his mouth he had a pure Arkansas hillbilly accent and the guy did not speak any Chinese! I hated that guy for some reason. He had a shitty personality anyway, but I could not stand it the way he did not know any Chinese or anything about China. (His mother and father were immigrants a long time ago and they did not speak Mandarin and so they did not teach any Chinese to their children because they were in a total immersion situation themselves anyway). It made me mad for this guy not to fit any of the patterns I would have preferred to fit him into. And it was a personal failure of his not to realize this and be able to help people overcome their prejudices and accept him the way he was, and I admit a failure of my own not to be able to deal with it better or maybe even give the guy some insight.

[Cerberus]

I'm still waiting to see how this prejudice has affected our own lives with posts from CFL members. Do you truly think that you are immune from this in your own lives?

 

Yes! This is a challenge!

OK, Dave. I'm one of those that don't give a damn about someone's religion, color, race - whatever. I do care about a person's character. Some may think I'm anti-Mexican because of my illegal alien views, but my views on that have to do with the injustice I and others suffered at the hands of our fine government vs someone walking across a stream and getting handouts and citizen's rights. Oh well.

I'm the same with you with you Don! This absolutely pisses my wife off to no end! She stood in line with paperwork in hand, and her in her GUZ line, followed every rule that was set up by USCIS, was questioned (as many others are already! Hence... the CFL forum!) of was she was "qualified" due to a verifiable relationship, to come to the US vs a Hispanic that slips across the borders, and she is relegated to being associated with them because of her origins as an immigrant, and has violated no laws.

 

My wife is probably the most prejudiced person I've ever known. She don't like anyone, period. If you are black, you are a bad person. If you are brown you are a lazy person. It don't matter, even a Chinese born person isn't worthy unless they are from Shanghai, and then only if they are family.....well, some family fair better than others.

 

Hence, how many Chinese wives will talk to each other on the Internet or even on a telephone? Chinese women want to see each other eye-to-eye. Try to have your Tai Tai call my wife and see what both of their responses are. How about any other members taking this challenge? You will be filled with many inane excuses. However, at the end of the day, and when questioned most Chinese women IMHO, are keyboard Ninja's that prefer to work as anonymous entities, safe in their own comfortable niche , with their own belief system of right or wrong.

 

As a side note to readers; Try to have your wife call another member that has a Chinese wife and I just mean one! Be prepared to see no end of excuses from being tired, making dinner, dishes, and continuing into headaches. In the end after carefully questioning; you will see that what I stated previously is true. She doesn't want to talk to another Chinese woman until she sees her face-to-face! BTW, I won't cast stones in a glass house....my own wife is the same. We as men put our hearts, souls, and idiocies on-line with CFL. Sometimes we are ridiculed, sometimes we are advised, some members adopt us under our wings, and other times not!

 

See how far your own wife significant other is willing to bare her soul on a Chinese forum, like 001. Yes! I carry translation software, that I can read what is posted. In short; I have a better chance of throwing the city of San Diego as a whole over Coronado Island. Doesn't matter what economic level you are either.

 

When she first got here, we were out shopping and ran into a black guy from the office I am friends with. So I hollered at him, and we walked over to introduce tai tai to him. She smiled and shook hands, but later said she couldn't believe I would be friendly with a black person. I told her to get over it and start getting used to it. She keeps saying a person doesn't look 'American' and I work on getting her to understand there is no such thing as a generic 'American'. They can be dark, white, green brown, red, short, fat, tall, thin, blue eyed, brown eyed, etc.

 

Had the same experience. A former Green Beret, that is now a Command Sergeant Major, and highly decorated. I knew him serving combat positions before he became Special Forces later on . My wife met him once over dinner as he was passing through. My wife later questioned me and failed to understand why we were so close and she has met him to boot and shook his hand before dinner, and had no extent of questions for him. Hell! He was my squad leader way back when, and we had two wars under both of our belts. Neither of us care what race, culture, religious belief that any under us had. All we truly card about is surviving! Hell! Both of us would have hired a pig if it knew how to shoot in the right direction.

 

So now, after six years of being here and being forced to listen to my views on race, she has loosened up a tad. She has worked with a lot of Mexicans, but really doesn't like them at all. Most of that is financial; she hears them tell her about a daughter who just had another baby to get more welfare. Tai tai understands her tax money goes to pay for it. Of course, that means those that she doesn't know well - like our neighbor.

 

Still on on-going process isn't Don? Same thing here. It is a continual process. Will we ever totally cure it? IMHO: no! Prejudice no matter what race, creed, religion, sex orientation, or whatever is omnipresent. It is hard to stamp out our own parents imprinted images, and leaned behaviors that all of us have adopted as our own. To exacerbate the situation, now many of us are married to Chinese women/men that are the opposite extreme of ourselves and have their own belief system.

 

I guess the result is that she is just as big a bigot as she ever was, unless she gets to know someone. Then she is able to set things aside and accept them as just people.

 

 

I just came off from a ship after being called at 0300hrs this morning with two hours of sleep under my belt. Basically a 16-hour day.

 

Let the forum at large, use other people problems as a teaching point so that we don't fall into the same problems, as those before us.

 

I mean after all; isn't this the original purpose that PJ established the CFL forum for in the first place, and Donahso picked it up and kept it surviving? Twisted Candle is nice, but there are more educational issues that are to be leaned from. Not unless you want your marriage to be shaped around Twisted Candle.

 

I hope there are a heck of a lot more responses, since I have already checked and many threads don't even come close to what is being listed in this thread! I truly hope that the thread remains civil and on-topic. Perhaps, each one of us can learn from each other and pass it on to our better-halves.

 

 

 

 

 

Dave

[Mike62356]

Thanks Sam, I didn't know this, well not all of it anyway.

Edited December 24, 2009 by Mike62356 (see edit history)

[ShaQuaNew]

I agree - it seems that we are talking about a few ignorant comments here. Out of this girl's entire life, I doubt that she would give much weight to these, or that they reflect the way she is treated.

 

This is the most sensible response I've seen in this thread.

[Smitty]

Cerberus, now you tell me that you can't base a relationship around toilet humor?

 

Why the heck didn't anyone tell me this before?

[Sam and Fen]

My SO also has a problem with "Dark skin" and hey she is marrying me a brownie Go figure.

 

When I first met her she spoke no english so I had my good friend Davids GF who is Chinese talk to her.

In one of those conversations she asked if I was really dark

 

My friends GF has a soft corner for me (makes him very jealous) and she stood up for me and said I was a very nice person and skin color should not matter.

 

Later on in our relationship I asked about this conversation and she denied she had ever asked that and said my friends GF had offered that information.

 

She has made a few other remarks about skin color and I finally asked why she is marrying a brownie?

 

Since then she has shut up.

 

That being said I have met with a lot of her family,co workers and friends on my 3 trips to China and have never had a problem.

 

From reading some of the posts in this thread looks like we are going to have trouble finding Chinese friends for her

[Guest jin979]

I'm still waiting to see how this prejudice has affected our own lives with posts from CFL members. Do you truly think that you are immune from this in your own lives?

 

Yes! This is a challenge!

OK, Dave. I'm one of those that don't give a damn about someone's religion, color, race - whatever. I do care about a person's character. Some may think I'm anti-Mexican because of my illegal alien views, but my views on that have to do with the injustice I and others suffered at the hands of our fine government vs someone walking across a stream and getting handouts and citizen's rights. Oh well.

 

My wife is probably the most prejudiced person I've ever known. She don't like anyone, period. If you are black, you are a bad person. If you are brown you are a lazy person. It don't matter, even a Chinese born person isn't worthy unless they are from Shanghai, and then only if they are family.....well, some family fair better than others.

 

When she first got here, we were out shopping and ran into a black guy from the office I am friends with. So I hollered at him, and we walked over to introduce tai tai to him. She smiled and shook hands, but later said she couldn't believe I would be friendly with a black person. I told her to get over it and start getting used to it. She keeps saying a person doesn't look 'American' and I work on getting her to understand there is no such thing as a generic 'American'. They can be dark, white, green brown, red, short, fat, tall, thin, blue eyed, brown eyed, etc.

 

So now, after six years of being here and being forced to listen to my views on race, she has loosened up a tad. She has worked with a lot of Mexicans, but really doesn't like them at all. Most of that is financial; she hears them tell her about a daughter who just had another baby to get more welfare. Tai tai understands her tax money goes to pay for it. Of course, that means those that she doesn't know well - like our neighbor.

 

I guess the result is that she is just as big a bigot as she ever was, unless she gets to know someone. Then she is able to set things aside and accept them as just people.

 

I HAVE MORE LATINO FRIENDS THAN ANGLO,ANGLOS SEEM LIKE THE MOST PREJUDICED

[Robert S.]

In the Chinese restaurants all the Mexican workers are called "amigo." It's like hey amigo, you and other amigo ready to go?

[weiaijiayou]

My SO also has a problem with "Dark skin" and hey she is marrying me a brownie Go figure.

 

When I first met her she spoke no english so I had my good friend Davids GF who is Chinese talk to her.

In one of those conversations she asked if I was really dark

 

My friends GF has a soft corner for me (makes him very jealous) and she stood up for me and said I was a very nice person and skin color should not matter.

 

Later on in our relationship I asked about this conversation and she denied she had ever asked that and said my friends GF had offered that information.

 

She has made a few other remarks about skin color and I finally asked why she is marrying a brownie?

 

Since then she has shut up.

 

That being said I have met with a lot of her family,co workers and friends on my 3 trips to China and have never had a problem.

 

From reading some of the posts in this thread looks like we are going to have trouble finding Chinese friends for her

But it's often surprising how little a racist attitude matters when it comes to meeting people "in the flesh." When people don't conform to stereotypes they're seen as exceptions and can be let into the bubble.

 

As for the original story about Lou Jing, I think the animosity (which as Randy pointed out seems to be coming mainly from anonymous strangers on the internet) is first based in the fact that she was conceived when her mom cheated on her husband and Lou Jing's father turned out to be a deadbeat. None of this is Lou Jing's fault, but it's all disdained in Chinese culture (e.g., just look at insults such as »ìµ°). The racial issues magnify the animosity and play into fears that Western influences that have accompanied China's opening up are corrupting China.

[Meiji Huaren]

I used to read that website "ChinaSmack" but stopped due to most of the ignorant comments and China bashing, etc.

[RobertH]

I saw the story and I felt bad for the girl. I dont think they would have let her win even if she was the best singer.