Reverse Culture Shock

[Mick]

I guess this post may seem a little strange and certainly not be relevant to many on the board, but here it is anyway. As many of you know, I lived and worked in China for five years. I immersed myself in the culture while I was there and really found it to be a rewarding experience. Although there were things I didn't like about China and a few things that were hard to get used to, I really loved living and working there. The teaching that I did in the university (actually two universities) was the most rewarding and fulfilling work this old social service warrior has ever done.

 

These days, when I read posts of those visiting China or living there, oddly enough I find myself getting kind of homesick. It is strange I guess. Our life in the States is fine, don't get me wrong. And Li's pregnancy is another blessing that we have experienced since coming home. I guess my biggest problem has been finding decent work. Not many folks want to hire an over-educated 54 year old these days. I have latched on as a journalist for a small (and I do mean small) town newspaper. The work is interesting and I enjoy writing. I have done this for a living often in the past. But I miss the teaching in China and I miss the many friends that I made there. Sometimes I go through the photo albums of my time there and it brings a tear to my eye.

 

I guess I am having a bit of reverse culture shock after having been gone so long. Not sure why I posted this, other than the need to vent. But in a way, it is probably related to what some of our loved ones experience as well, once the excitement of being in a new country has worn off.

 

Any thoughts? Am I weird? (No wise cracks Eric....)

[tywy_99]

Hi Mick,

 

Nothing weird about your post. You're just being honest with your feelings.

Work is tough to get anymore in the states. Things should be like they were in the golden years of the '80's but unfortunately that is not to be. However, you are in a position that only a few have. With your experience living and working in China, you do have that "ace up the sleeve."

Only you know what is best and whatever you decide, I am sure it will be the right thing for you and your family.

 

-best wishes, Mick

[chinadave2001]

Hi Mick,

I haven't lived in China like you - I have only taught there for a few summers - a total of five months maybe...but I think I can relate at least in the following way - there is this overwhelming feeling of really making a difference when you are there, teaching..the students are so needy, so appreciative, and life in general seems to be much easier....it's hard to find that same feeling here in the states....

Have you considered public or private school teaching? I don't what your looking for in terms of salary, but someone with your credentials in our system with your experience would make 60-70k per year....there are many "alternative route to certification" programs for helping professsional people such as yourself switch careers....in Connecticut this can be done in one six week summer session....usually these programs are filled with lawyers who have a mid-life crisis as they discover that they want to do something meaningful with their lives...

Private schools might grab you also, and although the salaries are considerably lower they often include room and board. Li might even be able to get a position teaching chinese...

My best to you and Li,

"Chinadave"

[frank1538]

I could say that home is where the heart is, but this trite expression does not even begin to describe the complexities of life today.

 

Mick, I sense a couple of things. First, many of us have re-invented ourselves over the years. Sounds like you may have done this with your stay in China - a near radical change in lifestyle that you continue to find rewarding. Unfortunately, some of those rewards are 10,000 miles away.

 

Second, the rewards and recognition flowing from a university professorship in China will generally always exceed those found in the states. This is an unfortunate fact. Educators are not considered economic dynamos in this country; hence, their worth is not recognized nearly as much as they should be. In contrast, your status in China as a university professor earned you a respect that you may find lacking in the US.

 

Often, we have to resign ourselves to the fact that work has to be viewed as the means to an end, not the end itself. I try to resist this view, but, sometimes I find myself rationalizing that work only needs to provide me with the means to enjoy my family, maybe not at the economic level we all dream about, but at least at the level that will give me the time to be with those that really matter. Unfortunately, I think it is rare that we end up working in a job or profession that we truly love. Considering that we spend so much time in jobs that do not reward us the way we'd hoped, the quiet desperation syndrome raises its ugly head more than we'd like.

 

I would give my left huevo to be teaching, passing on knowledge and experience to those young sponges eager to absorb. Your sponges are in China, aren't they? Maybe, it's time to think about fishing again.

[tonado]

I have been to Nanning twice for a total of 4 weeks. I don't miss the toilets there. My father-in-law recently moved to a new home. The new houses there are very nice. Retiring in China is good if you have US dollars. Living in USA is too expensive for retired people. The only good thing about living here is good health care.

[TimD]

Mick, Tony has a good point, just think of the public toilets and the paper towels in the bathrooms.

 

I'm in the opposite boat as you Mick. I've been missing the states a lot, mostly my daughter and all the "Daddy/Daughter" days we spent together. I miss getting up at 6:00am to pack her lunch and take her to school. I miss picking her up at the end of my work day and making her dinners. I miss our Friday night movies nights and shopping Saturdays. It's tough. Just think, soon there will be a new life in your world. A new life to watch grow and a little hand to wrap around your finger as you walk.

 

I know once we get back to the states there will be a lot of adjustment for us to get use to, but home is where your family is, look behind with fond memories, but look ahead at what is about to be brought into your world and be happy.

 

-Tim

[Mick]

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. Each of them contained valuable truths I think. Certainly, when one lives and works in a place for so long, they develop an attachment for the place. Yes, I miss China a lot but I think what I miss most is the work I was doing there. It was really rewarding and meaningful to me. I developed strong bonds with quite a few of my students and they remain in touch with me, both by phone and email.

 

When I feel really homesick for China, I balance it out by thinking of the things I like about living here in America. And, of course, the pending birth of our child is a big factor no doubt. Although I want our child to experience and understand the Chinese part of his/her heritage, all in all, I think I would rather raise the child in the States. More freedom of expression here and more opportunity to expand one's individuality. And, cleaner toilets.!

[Mick]

Mick, Tony has a good point, just think of the public toilets and the paper towels in the bathrooms.

 

I'm in the opposite boat as you Mick. I've been missing the states a lot, mostly my daughter and all the "Daddy/Daughter" days we spent together. I miss getting up at 6:00am to pack her lunch and take her to school. I miss picking her up at the end of my work day and making her dinners. I miss our Friday night movies nights and shopping Saturdays. It's tough. Just think, soon there will be a new life in your world. A new life to watch grow and a little hand to wrap around your finger as you walk.

 

I know once we get back to the states there will be a lot of adjustment for us to get use to, but home is where your family is, look behind with fond memories, but look ahead at what is about to be brought into your world and be happy.

 

-Tim

These are exactly the same things I missed my first year in China Tim. I used to take my daughter to school everyday, pack her lunch, pick her up, etc. Also, we had many rituals that we developed over the years, especially during the holidays. Used to take her to "Santa's Enchanted Forest" in Miami the Friday after Thanksgiving, then the next night, Saturday, we always decorated the Christmas tree together. Started doing that when she was two years old and did it every year until I went to China. I understand what you are feeling. Nothing quite so special as that bond with your daughter.

[TimD]

It really is the hardest thing for me being here, is missing her. With Thanksgiving coming up it's even tougher. She already has all of our time scheduled for when I am back there over the holidays, I just can't wait.

 

Once we move into our new apartment we'll set up her room and decorate it for her. That will help in dealing with some of the pain. I can't tell you how much I miss tripping over her toys or scrubbing out grass stains out of her cloths. She will always be Daddy's girl.

 

She told me the other day that she wants to go to school in Shanghai next year. That would be so wonderful, but we'll see, her mother may have some issues with that and right now we have found some peace with each other.

 

-Tim

[Mick]

Setting up the room should be a helpful thing and of course the visit will be wonderful Tim. Make the most of every moment and take plenty of pictures. As for schools in Shanghai, I understand the Lutherans have opened an excellent school there. Don't know the name of it, but should not be too hard to find. Supposed to be first rate. I had a job offer to teach there several years ago, but was happy were I was in Shantou so I didn't take it. Have a great reunion with your little girl.

[Mick]

Just got a nice job offer from a university in Fujian, halfway between Xiamen and Fuzhou. Tempting, very tempting, but with the baby on the way, need to turn it down. I think I would rather have the little one born stateside and have its follow up medical care here. I saw too many mistakes in my years in China. Tempting though, very tempting. Can also easily teach in Zhejiang as well. God, I miss teaching over there.

 

Somebody slap me before I decide to take one of these jobs.

[Mick]

Just got a nice job offer from a university in Fujian, halfway between Xiamen and Fuzhou. Tempting, very tempting, but with the baby on the way, need to turn it down. I think I would rather have the little one born stateside and have its follow up medical care here. I saw too many mistakes in my years in China. Tempting though, very tempting. Can also easily teach in Zhejiang as well. God, I miss teaching over there.

 

Somebody slap me before I decide to take one of these jobs.  

WHACK!!!!!

Thanks Don. I needed that....

[owenkrout]

I know just what you are talking about, Mick. Although my stay was not nearly as long as yours, two years was enough for me to feel the same emotions about China. I, like you, really enjoyed my time there and, at times, feel the desire to return. The living conditions were no detrement to me. Of course a few weeks of Shenyang's winter weather might make me think twice!

 

I just got an offer from the Aeronautical Institute wanting me to teach again. Very tempting, especially since my temporary job here is about to end. My wife is set on remaining in the US however, so it looks like the alternative certification route for me for next school year. At least with that certification I can return to China to teach in the international school environment at much better wages.

 

Important for you, Mick, to stay just for the benefit of the new baby. My advice is, stay at least long enough for Li to get her citizenship. Then you can look to retiring in China, a more affordable alternative.

[Mick]

I know just what you are talking about, Mick.  Although my stay was not nearly as long as yours, two years was enough for me to feel the same emotions about China.  I, like you, really enjoyed my time there and, at times, feel the desire to return.  The living conditions were no detrement to me.  Of course a few weeks of Shenyang's winter weather might make me think twice!

 

I just got an offer from the Aeronautical Institute wanting me to teach again.  Very tempting, especially since my temporary job here is about to end.  My wife is set on remaining in the US however, so it looks like the alternative certification route for me for next school year.  At least with that certification I can return to China to teach in the international school environment at much better wages.

 

Important for you, Mick, to stay just for the benefit of the new baby.  My advice is, stay at least long enough for Li to get her citizenship.  Then you can look to retiring in China, a more affordable alternative.

Thanks Owen. Wise advice indeed. I still miss China and think of it often, but as I said earlier in the thread, I do think it is wise to stay put here for awhile. I want our child to be born here and, for all its shortcomings, I prefer the American system of education over the Chinese one. In terms of retiring, that is an issue I suspect. I will be 55 when our child is born. I don't think retirement is in the picture for me. Guess I better get busy finishing all my writing projects so I can make a fortune.