What can I expect to change?

[A Mafan]

One needs to understand that what you perceive the man is she fell in love with might be something different than you imagined.

Ooh. Nicely said.

[A Mafan]

The gloves will come off when you fight.

From an American perspective, it may seem brutal.

From a Chinese perspective, it is just frank honesty from someone close enough that polite falsehoods are no longer necessary.

 

Also, it isn't just "saving" that you have to be ready for.

 

It is the idea that if you have any debt, it is a crisis that must be dealt with as soon as possible. Even a mortgage is a very bad thing that will make her feel uncomfortable until it is paid back.

 

Expect to seek out all sorts of things on clearance and buy/eat the cheapest things until ALL debt is paid. And expect complaints about the money situation when she is in a bad mood for other things.

 

Depending on her, she may want to have total control over finances.

 

It might just be my wife's thing, but: nothing that that touches her body should be formerly used by someone else. You wouldn't give her a used toothbrush, so make sure she has a brand new towel, a brand new pillow, and brand new sheets/pillowcase set. And brand-new slippers/house-shoes, but she can bring those from China. Actually, if you discuss with her and give her the measurements, she might be able to get a better-quality sheet set for cheaper and bring that over with her, too.

 

Shower right before bed, because she/you want a clean body on the sheets.

[chilton747]

A few other things I have thought about..........

 

You only get two times to say "huh" if you don't understand what she is talking about. Otherwise be prepared to feel very stupid.

 

 

ALWAYS anticipate her needs beforehand.

 

Be sure you understand that you will have to do your share of cleaning and cooking on a regular basis. The excuse "I work all the time" will get you mop slapped in a hurry!!

 

The old saying that Chinese women are subservient is not true. Actually it is quite the opposite. YOU will be the servant.

 

Doing all that you can possibly do is not enough!!!

 

When she gets angry with you, you are better off keeping your mouth shut. The more fuel you add to the fire, the bigger the fire gets. I have found that acting like a dog works to keep the fire to a minimum. When she scolds you, then say you are sorry and back off. When she retains her composure then you need to come with your tail wagging and a big smile on your face.

 

These are only a few things that I can think of. Not sure if all Jiangxi women are the same but just in case..............

[Highlander]

"Change the way you dress or look",,,,why? don"t dress like a China Man.

 

"She is the Accounting & Finance Dept",,, Would mean Bankruptcy (with my SO).

 

"Accept everything without question",,,,Are you crazy? This is not the Army

 

"Yes Dear",,,,,Marriage should be 50/50,,,not this "yes dear" crap, that would be spelled, SHEEP, LAMB, WOOSE.

 

"You will be the servant"....If you want to serve, join the peace corp, or some volunteer org., or help out down at the food bank.

 

Any way, you have a good day. Bob

[Kyle]

The thing is that you both have a positive attitude, working together, life will be great. You similarities will bring you together, and your difference can make your relationship stronger. It is difficult for one to carry the main load of what life dishes out. A secure place in life is a lot easier with 2 pulling together, well I guess it would be, I have had to carry the whole load my whole life. You both seem to have a good grasp of priorities, like investments, money, and happiness. Your willingness to change, adapt, and compromise, says that you have a positive attitude. If your Fiancee has this same posivtive, there will be no stopping the 2 of you.

 

I found this advice to be quite solid. Robert everyone is giving you their experiences, but not every women is the same, nor do they expect the same thing. Why don't you just talk with her - find out her expectations and desires - then you'll be better equipped to fulfill them - instead of guessing and taking a shot in the dark. I wouldn't make drastic changes to your behavior (or appearance as mentioned above - yes I know it was a joke) without seeing if it's necessary. She may like you just the way you are (uh oh, that song is getting stuck in my head) It's nice to get advice from the folks here, but we can only carry you so far. To a point, our advice will become useless because my wife isn't a carbon copy of your wife. My wife's needs will be different than your wife's.

 

Marriage is all about compromise and choosing your "battles" (terrible word to use - as few things are actually worth battling over) wisely.

 

I'm chalking a lot of the posts on here as somewhat comedic. Obviously Jin was joking. Your marriage shouldn't resemble a dictatorship. You're a smart guy and you know that. You or her should not rule the other with an iron fist.

 

My wife would tell me to grow a pair if I was always kawtowing to her every demand. Jingjing doesn't expect that from me, nor do most women from their husbands. Nor should you expect this from your wife either. If they/you do, then they're/you're just being self-centered. My wife makes it a point to provide for my needs/desires and I do my best to provide for hers. This method has worked out well for us.

 

A lot of the suggestions are just plain common sense - in fact, many of these things are expected from women in general, not just Chinese brides. To be honest, Chinese women are not too different than women of other nationalities. Women are women. Sure there are cultural things that you're going to encounter - but that is one of the reasons you're making so many trips to China - so you can learn about those differences and understand what makes her her. Your intentions to visit her in China should be more than appeasing the VO and to play Mr. Huginkiss.

 

My hope is that your future wife will give the same considerations to you as you are for her. As Highlander said, if that's the case, then your golden.

 

Oh and Robert, if you're not showering every day - then shame on you!

Edited October 26, 2009 by KJJ (see edit history)

[A Mafan]

RobertH,

Actually, I look forward to you telling us what has changed.

 

The fact that you are thinking so hard about it shows that you have a good mindset to be prepared for anything.

 

There will be things that surprise you. There may be things that shock you. There will be things that delight you.

 

Just be you, and love her.

[Guest Pommey]

Well.... All I can say is wait until they are here and the life begins here. talkking about how it will be before you are here together is like planning to live on Mars= all hypothetical at best.

Robert if I was you you I would take the advice of those with their boots on the ground in the USA.

What will change ? alot

[Bert]

Expect a lot of stress as she turns your life upside down. As my wife says, if she doesn't put me under stress, I can't improve myself.

[Appaullo]

A few other things I have thought about..........

 

You only get two times to say "huh" if you don't understand what she is talking about. Otherwise be prepared to feel very stupid.

 

 

 

 

LOL ... this one is so true with my wife. I have a ringing in my ears that I have yet to get examined by a Doctor (too busy ATM) and let me tell you ... the 2 times rule is spot on.

[Colorado]

A few other things I have thought about..........

 

You only get two times to say "huh" if you don't understand what she is talking about. Otherwise be prepared to feel very stupid.

 

 

ALWAYS anticipate her needs beforehand.

 

Be sure you understand that you will have to do your share of cleaning and cooking on a regular basis. The excuse "I work all the time" will get you mop slapped in a hurry!!

 

The old saying that Chinese women are subservient is not true. Actually it is quite the opposite. YOU will be the servant.

 

Doing all that you can possibly do is not enough!!!

 

When she gets angry with you, you are better off keeping your mouth shut. The more fuel you add to the fire, the bigger the fire gets. I have found that acting like a dog works to keep the fire to a minimum. When she scolds you, then say you are sorry and back off. When she retains her composure then you need to come with your tail wagging and a big smile on your face.

 

These are only a few things that I can think of. Not sure if all Jiangxi women are the same but just in case..............

 

Brother is that the truth or what!?! Are yours and my wife twins? I have learned that the arguments are just arguments and I shouldn't take them so seriously as a measure of how our relationship is going. She says, "Argue is argue. Emotion is emotion. "Huan nan yu gong." (Through thick and thin.)"

[RobertH]

I really dont think she will be bad. I jokingly told her I have been warned to expect some changes... And I am open to her making her mark on our family. It would be arrogant and thoughtless of me to expect her to come here and accept everything without having a big say in how things are done. I had her come here to be my partner and bestfriend not my servent and house guest.

 

I hope I start finding out all of this in March and I dont have to wait until May.....

 

Robert

[david_dawei]

I really dont think she will be bad. I jokingly told her I have been warned to expect some changes... And I am open to her making her mark on our family. It would be arrogant and thoughtless of me to expect her to come here and accept everything without having a big say in how things are done. I had her come here to be my partner and bestfriend not my servent and house guest.

 

I hope I start finding out all of this in March and I dont have to wait until May.....

 

Robert

I count 11 "I" or "me" or "my"

I count 6 "her" or "she"

I count 1 "we"

 

Sometime tells me your sentence structures are going to change next year

[RobertH]

I really dont think she will be bad. I jokingly told her I have been warned to expect some changes... And I am open to her making her mark on our family. It would be arrogant and thoughtless of me to expect her to come here and accept everything without having a big say in how things are done. I had her come here to be my partner and bestfriend not my servent and house guest.

 

I hope I start finding out all of this in March and I dont have to wait until May.....

 

Robert

I count 11 "I" or "me" or "my"

I count 6 "her" or "she"

I count 1 "we"

 

Sometime tells me your sentence structures are going to change next year

 

Lol no doubt.... I expect allot of Yes Dear....

[Sam and Fen]

Lol no doubt.... I expect allot of Yes Dear....

 

 

A Lot? When you are with her those are the only english words you know.

[Sam and Fen]

Don't pay any attention to these yahoos. Forget the lists and hollier than thou advice. Here's what ya do.....

 

When you bring her home the first time, show her where her NEW mop is. The training will then begin and you will be a fine husband unless you resist.