Need Help

[Bert]

We finally got married just before our visa was about to expire. My wife's motto is never do today what you can put off to the last minute. That gave us a late start on filing the AOS, getting a driver's license, starting school, etc. Jie Lin goes from being very happy to being depressed. She is stuck at home while I am at work. Things will change as soon as the ball gets rolling.

 

I think it would help if she could talk to other wives in a similar situation or have gotten beyond that. Does anyone have a wife that might be enjoy talking to Chinese? The more local the better. She is from Haokou Town, Qianjiang City, Hubei Province.

 

Thanks in advance for any help.

[dnoblett]

Sent you a PM

[Scott@Hong]

Finding someone local in similiar situation would help I would think. A few of us in New England area with wives or fiances in Chongqing have been talking and the 3 wives are meeting in Chongqing on the 31st.

 

Themace dubbed them the Chongqing wives social club, point being when we finally have our wives here in the states they will already know someone here from their home town who they can talk to plus added benefit we are all less then hour drive away from each other here in the states.

 

I would recommend you post on the various forums the area of USA you are in, and her hometown like you did here and try to connect with another couple or 2 in your area.

 

My greatest fear in this process is my SO's adjustment to the USA, because for that first 6 months to a year she will be stuck at home much like your wife while I am at work.

[heyjimi]

My wife also gets a little depressed,she is at home all day,while i work.She chats on QQ to other woman here in the states.We have met a few of them,and this is good ,they actually gone to the mall,just the girls(without us husbands dragging along with them).she enjoyed that.also has a friend,about 70 miles away and we are planning to see them.Its important that our wifes have other friends to talk with,hang out with,its a real culture shock,and easy to become depressed.

 

jimi

[Eric]

Being able to interact with other Chinese, especially during the initial stages of their adjustment to the US, is very important for our SOs. But I think equally important is to introduce them to American women who they can interact with as well. When my wife first arrived I introduced her to several of my friends' wives as well as some of my female friends and coworkers and it has really helped out a lot. My wife very much enjoys socializing with them and since some of my friends' wives do not work either they go shopping and do other things together during the day while I am at work which really has made my wife's transition to the US much much easier.

[Kyle]

Being able to interact with other Chinese, especially during the initial stages of their adjustment to the US, is very important for our SOs. But I think equally important is to introduce them to American women who they can interact with as well. When my wife first arrived I introduced her to several of my friends' wives as well as some of my female friends and coworkers and it has really helped out a lot. My wife very much enjoys socializing with them and since some of my friends' wives do not work either they go shopping and do other things together during the day while I am at work which really has made my wife's transition to the US much much easier.

 

I completely agree with this line of thinking.

[Guest jin979]

This is why we ask you to join you wives to CFL, their are many of us that talk off the site phone, email , but until they contact us how do we know them ?

[chilton747]

In our case, talking on the phone and chatting with other Chinese ladies only went so far. First there was depression then later it turned into anger. Only one solution, she needs to get out of the house. If she can get a job then she can feel useful to herself and her family.

 

Good luck!!

[Eric739]

PM'ed you.

[Guest Pommey]

I kinda agree with all that has been said, however I will add that if your spouses english is poor then interaction with american woman will be of little value/use and getting a job pretty tough.

Also talking to other chinese women who have done or are in trasition is invaluable, as we all know they are going to take their advice and counsel over ours anyday

[Eric]

I kinda agree with all that has been said, however I will add that if your spouses english is poor then interaction with american woman will be of little value/use and getting a job pretty tough.

 

I don't agree with this at all. Interaction with American women, even if a large language barrier does exist, can be very beneficial. Even if they are not able to communicate well with one another to begin with their interaction will not only allow them to get out of the house and do things more but will also smooth their transition by 'running with the natives' so to speak. Not to mention allowing them to practice their English skills with someone other than their husband/fiance.

 

Limiting one's self to only interacting with other Chinese will probably just add to the isolation. Speaking as someone who has lived in a foreign country myself where I did not initially know the native language I can honestly say that getting out and interacting with the locals was the best thing that I could have done and made my transition to the culture and language much much easier for me. The worst thing that I could have done would have been to seek out the local expat community and only interact with them.

Edited October 23, 2009 by Eric (see edit history)

[Kyle]

http://www.amazon.com/Language-Acquisition...s/dp/0916636003

 

This is a great book, one that helped me out while in China. If her English level is low, perhaps you could read it with her.

[warpedbored]

Get her into ESL classes. She will meet women from all corners of the globe and not only make some friends but broaden her horizons.

[Guest Pommey]

I kinda agree with all that has been said, however I will add that if your spouses english is poor then interaction with american woman will be of little value/use and getting a job pretty tough.

 

I don't agree with this at all. Interaction with American women, even if a large language barrier does exist, can be very beneficial. Even if they are not able to communicate well with one another to begin with their interaction will not only allow them to get out of the house and do things more but will also smooth their transition by 'running with the natives' so to speak. Not to mention allowing them to practice their English skills with someone other than their husband/fiance.

 

Limiting one's self to only interacting with other Chinese will probably just add to the isolation. Speaking as someone who has lived in a foreign country myself where I did not initially know the native language I can honestly say that getting out and interacting with the locals was the best thing that I could have done and made my transition to the culture and language much much easier for me. The worst thing that I could have done would have been to seek out the local expat community and only interact with them.

 

 

little different being a guy abroad than a woman, dont you think ?

[Kyle]

little different being a guy abroad than a woman, dont you think ?

 

Not really. Both people are going to experience the same things mentally when leaving their culture. I know USC men and women in China. Sometimes the women have handled leaving the States better than the men. Not sure what gender has to do with it.

 

The same is true with Chinese men and women, whom we know, in the States.

 

Get her into ESL classes. She will meet women from all corners of the globe and not only make some friends but broaden her horizons.

 

Good idea.

 

I don't agree with this at all. Interaction with American women, even if a large language barrier does exist, can be very beneficial. Even if they are not able to communicate well with one another to begin with their interaction will not only allow them to get out of the house and do things more but will also smooth their transition by 'running with the natives' so to speak. Not to mention allowing them to practice their English skills with someone other than their husband/fiance.

 

Limiting one's self to only interacting with other Chinese will probably just add to the isolation. Speaking as someone who has lived in a foreign country myself where I did not initially know the native language I can honestly say that getting out and interacting with the locals was the best thing that I could have done and made my transition to the culture and language much much easier for me. The worst thing that I could have done would have been to seek out the local expat community and only interact with them.

 

I absolutely agree with this as I have gone through similar experiences - while living in China.

 

Sure gaining advice from Chinese women in the States is fine, however, I know it's very very tempting to become a hermit, and close yourself off to outside experiences. It's easy to slide backwards and become mainly social through the Internet.

 

My wife, was a bit hesitant when coming to the States the first time. Thankfully our church really helped out with that. From my experience, people in America really liked having the opportunity to hang out with a Chinese national. At least in our area, that isn't something that is overly common.

 

Your wife's unique background and heritage is something I'd think, would be kind of cool to offer up in social situations.

Edited October 24, 2009 by KJJ (see edit history)